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Please, My Wife, She’s Very Online | The New Yorker
The figure of the wife has also become an important trope within a specific, baroque type of Internet-based humor, and this isn’t accidental. Like Borat, the online world is profane and disorderly and constantly agitated; the wife, on the other hand, is imagined as sacred, eternal, controlled.


so great
#xxi#culture  #xxi#gender  #dating  #marriage  %words 
9 days ago by lemeb
on dating horrible men, by gaby del valle
ooof
Straight women who go on and on about dating men is just the worst are basically trying to have their cake and eat it too, except their cake is a guy named Jason who uses 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash and never calls his mom, and he’s fine just the way he is, thanks!

Incels, some of the worst people on the internet and also in real life, often say that feminism has ruined women by convincing them they’re entitled to more than they deserve. They think women’s standards for men have become impossibly high, which is al the proof you need that they’re fucking delusional. Grown women are out here talking themselves into why it’s actually totally fine to hook up with a guy who doesn’t wash his sheets!

The truth is it doesn’t have to be this way. It’s very possible to date men who know how to take care of themselves. Sure, it’s a little harder to find one of those than to trick yourself into loving an adult baby, but it’s also worth the effort. (Lest anyone accuses me of “defending men” (lol) or “victim-blaming,” I am doing neither of those things! Setting low expectations for men basically equates to giving them a pass for bad behavior, and I’m not talking about abusive relationships — I’m talking about people who con themselves into dating losers.)

This all amounts to regression disguised as the most banal form of empowerment. If your baseline for whether a man is good or bad is “has hand soap” and “has a bed frame,” the problem isn’t the patriarchy — it’s your standards.
#sex  #xxi#sex  #dating  #is#fem 
5 weeks ago by lemeb
Lydia DePillis on Twitter: "Fascinating and weird wrinkle to the wage gap conversation: Single women, married women, and single men all make about the same amount of money. It's MARRIED men who vastly out-earn everybody else. https://t.co/aLidIhEJAj https
Fascinating and weird wrinkle to the wage gap conversation: Single women, married women, and single men all make about the same amount of money. It's MARRIED men who vastly out-earn everybody else.


but there is a catch
#is#fem  #xxi#parenting  #$#ineq  #gender  %econ  #dating 
december 2018 by lemeb
A Gentleman’s Guide on How Not to @ Her - MEL Magazine
Social media interaction can take sharp downturns because it’s easy to misinterpret tone or take something the wrong way via text. At the same time, it also magnifies men’s shitty IRL social behavior, like not listening or demanding that their take, however unwanted, be heard. Just because you have the option of commenting on social media doesn’t mean that you should. Would you go to a woman’s house and ring her doorbell just to tell her your opinion? (If so, please go to jail now.) Her posts are her personal space. Like any other social environment, there are rules and expectations to adhere to on social media. I mean, we’re trying to do a whole-ass society over here!
Now go forth, ye Good Boys of Online, and politely click like on precisely one post.
#dating  #is#fem  #t#social 
december 2018 by lemeb
on Twitter: settle for empathy
very earnest tweet: for the first time in my life, I’m dating someone who has not just the capacity for, but the deep belief in empathy. and wow, has it completely changed the way I view relationships and what I deserve
#dating  !me  %selfcare  %selfhelp 
december 2018 by lemeb
on tw - my ex
one fun thing about being engaged has been referring to my fiancé as my “ex-boyfriend”

actually pretty funny

response
later you can start referring to him as your "first husband"
#dating 
december 2018 by lemeb
Twitter - Ethical non-monogamy my ass
So ethical non-monogamy is a real and frequently misunderstood relational dynamic. Also a thing is that all guys I match with who reveal that that's their deal have LOST THEIR SHIT when I say I'm game but want to confirm boundaries with their primary partner first for my comfort.
#dating  #xxi#sex  *comedy 
december 2018 by lemeb
Computational Courtship: Understanding the Evolution of Online Dating through Large-scale Data Analysis
Have we become more tolerant of dating people of different social backgrounds compared to ten years go? Has the rise of online dating exacerbated or alleviated gender inequalities in modern courtship? Are the most attractive people on these platforms necessarily the most successful? In this work, we examine the mate preferences and communication patterns of male and female users of the online dating site eHarmony over the past decade to identify how attitudes and behaviors have changed over the past decade. While other studies have investigated disparities in user behavior between male and female users, this study is unique in its longitudinal approach. Specifically, we analyze eHarmony's user data to determine how men and women differ in their preferences for certain traits in potential partners and how those preferences have changed over time. The second line of inquiry investigates to what extent physical attractiveness determines the rate of messages a user receives, and how that relationship varies between men and women. Finally, we explore whether online dating practices between males and females have become more equal over time or if biases and inequalities have remained constant (or increased). This work could have broader implications for shifting gender norms and social attitudes, reflected in online courtship rituals. Apart from the data-based research, we connect the results to existing theories that concern existing theories that concern the role of ICTs in societal change. As searching for love online becomes increasingly common across generations and geographies, these findings may shed light on how people can build meaningful relationships through the Internet
#dating  %stats  #xxi#sex 
december 2018 by lemeb
What people prefer and what they think they prefer in short- and long-term partners. The effects of the phase of the menstrual cycle, hormonal contraception, pregnancy, and the marital and the parenthood status on partner preferences
The issue with most studies concerned with mate selection preferences in humans is that they rely on de-
clarations and rational actions of experimental subjects, which are affected by their pre-conceived opinions and prejudices. Moreover, current research suggests that subcortical structures and processes, rather than the neo- cortex, play the principal role in actual partner choice behaviour. Consequently, we have only limited in- formation on how relevant our current knowledge is in relation to real-life human ethology. To address these issues, we surveyed 2718 women and 4073 men between the ages of 16–50 and compared their declared and observed preferences for various properties in short-term and long-term partners. We found differences between what the subjects declared to prefer and what they preferred in reality: for example, men declared that wealth was the second least desirable property out of eleven in short-term partners, but we observed that in reality, they considered wealth the third most important factor after charisma and sense of humour. Similarly, while women declared that dominance and masculinity were desirable properties in short-term partners, in the observational part of the study, they showed little preference for these traits. Furthermore, we investigated the effects of the phase of the menstrual cycle, hormonal contraception, pregnancy, and partnership and parenthood status on these preferences. We found some support for the good parents hypothesis and no support for the good genes and the immunocompetence handicap hypotheses when observed, rather than declared preferences were considered. We also detected that hormonal contraception, and parenthood and partnership status influenced declared preferences in considerable ways, but had only a small, if any, impact on observed preferences. We suggest interpreting the results of studies reliant on declarations and rational actions of experimental subjects with great caution.
#dating  %science  %stats 
december 2018 by lemeb
Proposal: Men Listen to Women for Five Seconds Before Opting to Skip Ahead | The New Yorker
Objective: We’d like to increase the duration for which men listen to women. Jumping off the success of YouTube’s ad model, we will require men to listen to women speak for at least five seconds before they skip ahead to content featuring other men, themselves, or animals. After five seconds, if the woman has failed to make an impression, the man is perfectly within his rights to interrupt her. We are even offering a Skip Woman button to make this process smoother.

#dating  %😃  %comedy 
december 2018 by lemeb
Orbiting, Another Thing for Online Daters to Worry About - The New York Times
Regardless, it’s a fact that dating is confusing, and orbiting can make that worse. Small online behaviors are infinitely interpretable, making it impossible to understand where you and another person stand. The lurking of a potential connection makes you wonder whether they’ll ever materialize in person. And the orbiting ex only serves to keep you mired in a shadow version of the relationship, wondering, each time he or she views one of your Stories, what happened or what could have been.
#dating  #xxi#sex 
december 2018 by lemeb
Grindr President Says Marriage Is "Holy Matrimony Between a Man and a Woman" In Deleted Social Media Post
ready?
On November 26, [grindr president and former cto scott] Chen shared an INTO article on his page about Cher Wang, the president and CEO of HTC, whose non-profits backed anti-LGBTQ U.S.-based groups organizing to influence Taiwan’s referendum on same-sex marriage. (...) Chen subsequently wrote that marriage is a “personal issue” and said that he wished people wouldn’t donate to anti-LGBTQ causes and instead “donate your money to places that are in dire hunger, poverty, or suffering from war? Why spend all that money to stop people who love each other from getting married? Aren’t there more important stuff in life?”


and then
Chen wrote:

“There are people who believe that marriage is a holy matrimony between a man and a woman. I agree but that’s none of our business”


so... you are saying grindr president disapproves of gay marriage? and then the kicker:
Chen moved into the role of CTO in 2017 after Chinese gaming corporation Kunlun acquired the dating app. (Full disclosure: INTO is owned by Grindr.)
#dating  !write!readthenews  #lgbt 
november 2018 by lemeb
The Depressing Phenomenon of Men Who Ask Their Dates No Questions - MEL Magazine
As far as I’m aware, there’s no statistically significant data on this topic, and it’s a phenomenon that receives little media attention or academic inquiry. But my Twitter DMs and Gmail inbox are swollen with hundreds of anecdotes, all of which make one thing clear: There’s no shortage of men more willing to wax lyrical about snowboarding, Mad Men, Socrates, their own penises, Amnesty International, mushrooms, foot fetishes, monogamy and war — and to sings songs, strike yoga poses, share the contents of their entire camera rolls and perform magic tricks — than to ask the flesh-and-blood women and men they’re presently on a date with a single question about themselves.
The kicker? Most of them walk away thinking they nailed it.
!me  #xxi#masculinite  #gender  #dating 
november 2018 by lemeb

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