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(1) Jessica Jane's answer to What’s a red flag that you ignored in a significant other, only to realize it was a big deal later? - Quora
Red flags aren’t always huge bombs. Often, they are character issues that manifest initially (and should be taken seriously but aren’t) and escalate with time.

My best advice is to listen to your gut. My gut knew something was off in the beginning, but I was sucked into the excitement and intoxication of his charisma. I left the relationship mentally exhausted and a shell of my former fun loving, confident self.
dating  relationships  abuse 
yesterday by cmananian
Help! I'm Annoying - ¡Hola Papi!
Having said that, I’ve historically struggled in this department. It used to be the case that when I knew someone was annoyed with me, it was the end of the world. My best guess is that because I suffered abuse as a kid, it rearranged the ecosystem of my emotions: if I displease someone, they might hurt me. If someone doesn’t like me, they might be violent with me.

As a person with a big(ish?) platform, I’ve seen a lot of negative things said about me, and over the years I’ve noticed which part of my brain lights up when I do. It’s the “fight or flight” office. My body stiffens, my heart rate increases, and I either want to run away or overreact with aggression. It’s a horrible feeling, AE. It’s the kind of feeling that should be reserved for, I don’t know, a bear attack or something. It makes me want to vomit.
advice  abuse  via:tressiemcmillancottom  psychology  mentalhealth 
2 days ago by dirtystylus
Are you the identified patient in your family?
In the field of family therapy, the term Identified Patient is used to describe what we might call the “symptom bearer” of the family system.

What’s a symptom bearer?

Someone who, because of a variety of variables, expresses the unresolved and unmanaged psychodramas and strong (often dysfunctional) emotions of the group.

... An identified patient is often identified as the problem and frequently brought to therapy for “their problems.”

... Yes, that one person may be outwardly expressing symptoms and signals that look more obvious, more in need of tending to, but that person is expressing the pain and dysfunction of the whole system.

Their problems didn’t emerge in a vacuum and they won’t get fixed in a vacuum.

The identified patient’s “problems” are reflective of unresolved systems problems and they are serving the role of the proverbial canary in the coal mine trying to warn off larger, problematic issues in the group entirely.

... [To the child] “Dad’s just being Dad. That’s just how he is. He’s just joking when he says things like that. You shouldn’t be so sensitive. You’re such a snowflake.”

... In each of these scenarios, one person is maligned for their experience, seen as being “wrong” somehow for acting, thinking, and feeling the way that they do.

... This – being targeted and made wrong even if in so-called service of trying to help them – is a hallmark of the Identified Patient’s experience.
family  relationships  abuse 
2 days ago by hopeful_monster
The people who say enemies to lovers ships are romanticising abusive relationships or domestic violence are wild
The people who say enemies to lovers ships are romanticising abusive relationships or domestic violence are wild because in no world does your abuser present themselves as your sworn enemy from the first. It is precisely the opposite of enemies to lovers in every material way.

Enemies being violent towards one another and then that violence subsiding when they recognize shared trauma or some connection is absolutely not comparable to someone grooming a victim to trust, love, and rely on them and then making their life hell.

The core element of enemies to lovers is finding a resolution to an otherwise unbridgeable antagonism through compassion. It is a recognition of the other and a laying down of arms through an understanding of a shared humanity, a shared longing, a shared pain.

If you can't see how this appeals to people, and why people find these stories of compassion and love so important to them, then the very least you could do is not comment on it.

Also it's hot af leave us alone.
tropes  fiction  abuse 
11 days ago by campylobacter

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