recentpopularlog in


« earlier   
Overcoming a Lifelong Battle Against Addiction | Crucial Skills
"Our emotions often lie to us. When we experience an emotion (let’s say I’m feeling angry at my daughter) it comes with two embedded lies—it feels true, and it feels permanent. It feels true in the sense that I have a profound conviction that I am totally right and she is totally wrong. My emotion is my evidence that I am right. All of us have had the experience of feeling that way, then getting a little more information and perspective, and having the emotion pivot 180 degrees. We feel remorse, or empathy, or love—whereas seconds earlier we couldn’t have imagined feeling different. Similarly, the emotions feel permanent. We believe the way we feel about something is how we will always feel."
emotions  change  anger 
15 days ago by katherinestevens
Change Anything | Crucial Skills
Here is an response to the question: How do I stop myself from getting angry?

"... So the question for me is not: “How can I recognize earlier when I have been triggered?” but, “How can I not get triggered at all?”

"Viktor Frankl wrote, 'Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.' This is the idea I am fascinated by—that we need not wait until our response has begun and then somehow catch ourselves because we are responding in a way that is overly forceful, or angry, or violent. If we learn to see that space, to expand it, to live in it, then we can respond in ways of our choosing, rather than simply reacting. The question is then, what can we do to enlarge and inhabit that space more often? ..."

Here are two ideas to help:

"1. Morally engage—all the time. In his new book, 'Moral Disengagement: How People Do Harm and Live with Themselves,' psychologist Albert Bandura makes the point that we are not bad people but that we behave badly ... And when we act in ways or treat people in ways that are counter to our moral compass, we use a variety of strategies to disengage from that morality and thereby reduce our inner conflict. Said another way, our poor actions are not a result of moral defect but of moral slumber. If we want to behave better, we need to wake ourselves up.

Here is one example of how you might do that: Write a note to yourself that awakens you to your values and then review it regularly. Write down what it means to you to be a good person or why you care about other people. Put it on a card that your carry in your wallet or a Post-It note on your computer monitor. Put it in your phone. Set an alarm to read it regularly. Wake yourself up again and again to who you are and who you want to be.

"The note in my office that is directly beneath my monitor screen and that I read several times a day is, 'Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved.' This is meaningful to me because I am a problem-solver. A fast problem-solver. Far too often, when I am in problem-solving mode, people become barriers between me and the solution. But while it is true that in moments of moral disengagement, I can become so focused on a problem and solution that I forget people, it is also true that I have a deep, abiding respect for humans and humanity. I love people and I want to be the person who connects with other people. It is not about changing who I am, but simply reminding myself of who I am.

"2. Eat for energy. Bet you weren’t expecting that one! I just finished reading Jim Loehr’s, The Power of Full Engagement. Among the many takeaways for me was that the energy we bring to an interaction impacts the outcome. Dr. Loehr’s goal is to help people learn to manage their energy in a way that improves interactions, impact, and outcomes.

"I recently received some very valuable 360 feedback. As I analyzed and mapped this feedback, I realized that some of my interactions don’t always go so well. Turns out, the interactions where I am abrupt, short-tempered, or irritated occur between 3:00 and 5:00 p.m. Really. It’s uncanny, but not surprising. I eat breakfast and lunch early and by 4:00 p.m. I’m usually running on low blood sugar. Compounding my low energy is the fact that I have usually been sitting for hours on end by this point. So when someone comes in for a crucial conversation, it is not surprising that I don’t always handle it well.

The solution is, in part, to eat in ways that provide sustained, useful energy for me throughout the day. Basically, eat often and eat light. I started having an apple or a piece of cheese or a handful of nuts about 3:00 p.m.—before I start feeling tired or irritable. And then I get up and walk around and take some deep breaths. I have noticed that when I do this consistently, my interactions are far more effective and far more kind.
Author: Emily Hoffman, Crucial Skills, Oct. 18, 2016
anger  change  diet  communication 
15 days ago by katherinestevens
Anger isn’t a mental illness, but we should still treat it.
We don’t want to suggest ... that, by offering friendship to a viciously angry person, any single person can fix them. This is an error often made by abused women. These individuals need help that is structured, intensive, and comprehensive.
psychology  crime  anger 
18 days ago by geekgirl397
The Strange Responsibility that comes with Social Media. | elephant journal
I notice all of the time how polarized the political domain has become, how difficult conversations have become between the left and the right (or even between people of similar political
cambridgeanalytica  politics  socialmedia  facebook  mindfulconversations  anger  democrat  republican  politicaldivide  compassion  kindness 
21 days ago by BiteSize77
Kitchen sink realism - Wikipedia
aka all those films that made me buy a Film Forum membership.
genre  realism  1950s  1960s  art  literature  film  theater  british  u.k.  writing  definition  anger  disillusionment  wiki  wikipedia 
24 days ago by cluebucket
I AM Managing Bag for helping Anger/Rage/Frustration issues on
Etsy  Medicine  Anger  from twitter_favs
29 days ago by randyhilarski
What the world would look like if we taught girls to rage
I want to bottle-feed rage to every baby girl so that it fortifies her bones and muscles
patriarchy  feminism  gender  anger  rage  culture  sexism  harrassment 
6 weeks ago by spaceninja

Copy this bookmark:

to read