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How you attach to people may explain a lot about your inner life | Science | The Guardian
Research on attachment theory suggests that early interactions with caregivers can dramatically affect your beliefs about yourself, your expectations of others, and the way you process information, cope with stress and regulate your emotions as an adult. For example, children of sensitive mothers – the cooing, soothing type – develop secure attachment, learn to accept and express negative feelings, lean on others for help, and trust their own ability to deal with stress.

By contrast, children of unresponsive or insensitive caregivers form insecure attachment. They become anxious and easily distressed by the smallest sign of separation from their attachment figure. Harsh or dismissive mothers produce avoidant infants, who suppress their emotions and deal with stress alone. Finally, children with abusive caregivers become disorganised: they switch between avoidant and anxious coping, engage in odd behaviours and, like Cora, often self-harm.

Anxious, avoidant and disorganised attachment styles develop as responses to inadequate caregiving: a case of “making the best of a bad situation”. But the repeated interactions with deficient early attachment figures can become neurally encoded and then subconsciously activated later in life, especially in stressful and intimate situations. That’s how your childhood attachment patterns can solidify into a corrosive part of your personality, distorting how you see and experience the world, and how you interact with other people.

The psychologist Mario Mikulincer of the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya in Israel is one of the pioneers of modern attachment theory, studying precisely such cascading effects. In a number of experiments spanning two decades, he has found that, as adults, anxious people have low self-esteem and are easily overwhelmed by negative emotions. They also tend to exaggerate threats and doubt their ability to deal with them. Driven by a desperate need for safety, such people seek to “merge” with their partners and they can become suspicious, jealous or angry towards them, often without objective cause.

If the anxious among us crave connection, avoidant people strive for distance and control. They detach from strong emotions (both positive and negative), withdraw from conflicts and avoid intimacy. Their self-reliance means that they see themselves as strong and independent, but this positive image comes at the expense of maintaining a negative view of others. As a result, their close relationships remain superficial, cool and unsatisfying. And while being emotionally numb can help avoidant people weather ordinary challenges, research shows that, in the midst of a crisis, their defences can crumble and leave them extremely vulnerable.

It isn’t hard to see how such attachment patterns can undermine mental health. Both anxious and avoidant coping have been linked to a heightened risk of anxiety, depression, loneliness, eating and conduct disorders, alcohol dependence, substance abuse and hostility. The way to treat these problems, say attachment theorists, is in and through a new relationship. On this view, the good therapist becomes a temporary attachment figure, assuming the functions of a nurturing mother, repairing lost trust, restoring security, and instilling two of the key skills engendered by a normal childhood: the regulation of emotions and a healthy intimacy.
psychology  attachment  theory  caregivers  mothers  self  loathing  confidence  relationships  inner  critic 
12 days ago by KMP
Stanford Web Credibility Project
In this era of diminished trust and fake news, what is it that helps the public determine the credibility of a website? The Stanford Web Credibility Project takes a research-based approach to help designers better understand how to win the confidence of their users.
web  credibility  Stanford  trust  online  confidence  ux 
13 days ago by uxbri
EMAIL - Friday Forward - Alter Ego
Like many of us, the contestants of The Masked Singer were their own harshest critic. They came onto the show as a way to convince themselves they could perform at the highest level.

Similarly, many of Herman’s clients were too focused on the circumstances surrounding them rather than on looking within themselves.  The Alter Ego Effect helps performers understand what’s most important to them and how to share that with the world without fear of judgment.  In cases where that is difficult, high achievers often develop an alter ego to help them do it.

If you are afraid to show your true self and lean into what you were meant to do, it might be helpful to craft an alter ego or a mask of your own. This could help build your confidence until you’re ready to take the mask off permanently.
confidence  success  mindset-success  life-advice 
18 days ago by lwhlihu
Lizzo Reveals How She Learned To Love Her Flaws
It's not about ignoring anything, it's about seeing it all and loving it. It is about focusing on what is beautiful, unique, and praise-worthy but also being more inclusive of what falls into those categories. But just like it took years for her music to take off on the mainstream charts, Lizzo’s love of her so-called flaws took a while as well.

"It's not something that you really change; it's something that you address and work on," Lizzo told CBS Sunday Morning. "I had to address every layer of insecurity, ‘cause I can't just be like, 'Alright, my arm's not jiggly and lumpy anymore.' That's delusional. You have to be like, 'That's not ugly to me anymore. and it's not wrong to me, it's beautiful to me.’”

In Lizzo’s opinion, her career started to take off once she started thinking of herself with a loving and encouraging mindset. She regularly tells herself this mantra: "I love you...You are beautiful...And you can do anything.
selfesteem  psychology  success  confidence  singing  music 
10 weeks ago by emmacarlson
Tressie McMillan Cottom on Twitter: "When people are talking out their neck to me I put up my hand and ask, “what do you want from this interaction?” It generally breaks them because they can only deflect or admit to some nefarious goal/assumptions. W
When people are talking out their neck to me I put up my hand and ask, “what do you want from this interaction?” It generally breaks them because they can only deflect or admit to some nefarious goal/assumptions.

Becaus i decided this is the year when I don’t take any more shit. No concern trolling, no passive aggression, not even the slightest act of aggression. I will make you use your words and I will name your behavior and I will walk away.
tweet  confidence  talking  conferences 
11 weeks ago by emmacarlson
The Rebirth of Enterprise Sales
"Customers are leaning on sellers to help them learn about new solutions and make sense of all the information out there. Sellers are as important to them, or even more, as trials, detailed product content, and even independent sources. This is particularly true for the best situations–the high quality deals where customers are succeeding and vendors are in a good position to retain and grow accounts. The customers that deliver high quality deals rely on sales more than those that don’t."
future  of  sales  go-to-market  b2bsales  confidence  sensemaking 
12 weeks ago by jonerp

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