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Teeth [Megamind]
When the infant in the golden pod crash lands on the underdeveloped planet known as Earth, it already has all its teeth.
misc:small-fandom  canon  au  angst  humor  gen  1000-9999  gorgeous/favorite 
1 hour ago by popkin16
Army Man: America’s Only Magazine |
George Meyer and Army Man

When Prince Charles came to our house, his staff told us that he had decided to have a typical home-cooked American meal. My mom hadn’t counted on this, so each of us had to whip up one all-American dish, quick-like. I chose an easy one — pork ‘n’ beans. But as I tossed the can in the trash, I started to feel a little guilty. After all, baked beans were pretty dull, even for us. I figured I should class them up a bit, so I removed the usual blob of pork fat and replaced it with a nice lean chunk of pork tenderloin, grilled to perfection.
We all huddled in the kitchen as the Prince dined alone. When he had finished the meal, and two cups of Yuban, his reaction was relayed to us by his personal secretary. He found the food “delightful.” His only complaint was that the pork in the pork ‘n’ beans was a bit greasy.
I was furious. Ignoring everyone’s pleas, I stormed into the dining room and confronted our “royal” visitor. I really let him have it.
“You’ve got a helluva nerve, buddy! You come into our house and start giving orders like you’re the Queen of England or something. Who died and made you king? Awwwwwwwww, so the pork wasn’t up to your “royal standards” — Boo-hoo! That’s the saddest story ever told!
“I’ve got news for you, pal. Most people never even see any pork in their pork ‘n’ beans! The most they can hope for is a hunk of pork fat! So if “Your Majesty” didn’t find it “acceptable” that’s just too damn bad. Because that’s the best we have to offer, and we aren’t about to apologize for it!”
The Prince was stunned. Clearly, no one had ever dared speak to him in this manner. For a moment, his jaw worked soundlessly in his crimson face. Then he sprang out of his chair and got me in a headlock. I tried to bend his fingers back, but he was much stronger than I’d imagined. He tightened the grip on my windpipe until my head swam and I passed out.
When I came to, I was still in the headlock, only now the Prince was kneeing me in the face. Desperately, I grabbed at his hair, only to feel a stab of pain as his teeth sank into my thumb. I could feel myself starting to black out again. Why wasn’t my family helping me? As I began to lose consciousness, the awful truth finally hit me.
He had bought them off with his enormous wealth!
humor  simpsons 
yesterday by kelley
Thinking on the fly
"Cancelled" stickers on ad posters
psychology  business  humor 
yesterday by nathansmith
Dearly Beloved - mistyzeo - WIP
"CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE. This is to certify that on this TWENTY FIRST day of APRIL, 1896, DR JOHN H. WATSON, physician, 44, and MR SHERLOCK S. HOLMES, private detective, 42, of 221B BAKER STREET, LONDON were united in holy matrimony."
wip  Fandom:Sherlock_Holmes_ACD  Pairing:Sherlock/John  Character:Sherlock_Holmes  Character:John_Watson  Rating:Mature  first_time  Marriage(accidental)  Marriage  memory_loss  humor 
yesterday by juniper-and-lamplight
Cartoon -
My Desire to be well informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.
humor  politics 
yesterday by yevgenyd
Scents and Sensibility: The Working Assassin's Guide to Supersoldier Seduction - Chapter 1 - galwednesday, silentwalrus, skellerbvvt - Captain America (Movies) [Archive of Our Own]
Captain America wakes up from the ice in 2013. The Winter Soldier wakes up in 2009, or rather defects from HYDRA, for a value of defect that’s closer to decimate. He ends up working for SHIELD. In April 2014, he’s assigned to Captain America’s mission as a sniper.

Steve’s just trying to get some kind of life together. Bucky is too, or at least he was until tall, blond and Captain shows up and starts just - being there, all the time. It’s terrible. It’s the worst. He has to do something about it.

My notes: the one with clownfish gender spectrums. This fic is the Most 2018 (Steve was a colors professional!), with hints of all of the big fandom favorites, and I grinned the whole way through.
fandom:marvel  fandom:fandom  steve/bucky  creator:galwednesday  creator:silentwalrus  creator:skellerbvvt  length:50-70k  location:ao3  firsttime  curtain!fic  au  humor  WIP 
2 days ago by concinnity
CheshireCity - What I Do For Rent Money
Matt just wants to get through college and be done with it. He's young and he's near as broke and paying the rent is hard enough. He WOULD kick his roommate out but he simply can't afford it. Of course, his roommate would be a lot easier to live with if he would just stop bringing dead bodies into their dorm.
fandom:Death_Note  year:2018  Rating:Mature  pairing:Mello/Matt  gen  AU  AU-college  Humor  podfic_maybelist  words:8.500-9.000 
2 days ago by hear-the-rain
The Mill - ORBIT - Lunch Money
The Mill, director Craig Gillespie out of MJZ and Energy BBDO team up to bring this humorous spot for Orbit to life. 
Craig Gillespie
Production Company:
Energy BBDO
commercials  high_school  uniform  humor 
2 days ago by rgl7194
The Golden Rule - R_Gunns - Hockey RPF [Archive of Our Own]
“I just, ah – think, fuck-”

“You think fuck?” TJ asks.

(In which there is a threesome. In which there is a valiant attempt at a threesome.)
Fic  Read  wilson/holtby/oshie  mature  r_gunns  threesome  humor 
3 days ago by unapologetic_thirst

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