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Quercki : abuse   47

Gaming's #MeToo Moment and the Tyranny of Male Fragility | WIRED
I just want to know: What if we decided to care as much about the well-being of women who have been abused as we do about the well-being of abusers? What would it be like to live in a world, or to work in an industry, where the social consequences of hurting a woman weighed heavier than the social consequences of being one?
#MeToo  gamergate  misogyny  culture  abuse  sexism 
6 weeks ago by Quercki
13 Counts Of Sex Abuse Filed Against Caregiver For Disabled: DA | Rohnert Park, CA Patch
13 Counts Of Sex Abuse Filed Against Caregiver For Disabled: DA
The charges against Rohnert Park psychologist and in-home care facility operator Keith Marcum allege there were at least three victims.
By California News Wire Services, News Partner
May 6, 2019 3:38 pm ET | Updated May 6, 2019 8:35 pm ET
Keith_Marcum  sex  abuse  Nick 
july 2019 by Quercki
Fighting the patriarchy one grandpa at a time
To the other adults in the room this is fine.

A grown man looms behind my three-year-old daughter. Occasionally he will poke or tickle her and she responds by shrinking. Smaller and smaller with each unwanted advance. I imagine her trying to become slight enough to slip out of her booster seat and slide under the table.

When my mother views this scene, she sees playful taunting. A grandfather engaging with his granddaughter.

“Mae.” My tone cuts through the din of a familiar family gathering together. She does not look at me.

“Mae.” I start again. “You can tell him no Mae. If this isn’t okay you could say something like, Papa, please back up—I would like some space for my body.”
consent  child  abuse  allies  mother  solutions 
november 2018 by Quercki
About Yeshe Rabbit Matthews
About Yeshe Rabbit Matthews

Causes for concern
Yeshe  Rabbit  Jessica  Matthews  testimony  abuse 
september 2018 by Quercki
9 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’ve Been Abused By A Narcissist | Thought Catalog
1. Constantly doubting your self-worth.
2. Questioning your ability to make the right decisions or perceive reality correctly.
3. Chasing after toxic people.
4. Self-sabotaging. Why? Because the narcissist has convinced you that all your strengths are actually weaknesses.
5. Being people-pleasing and perfectionistic.
6. Withdrawing from others and isolating yourself.
7. Falling into abuse amnesia. it’s important to have a list of abusive incidents or at the very least, behaviors you experienced with this person.a
8. Protecting your abuser. Being abused means that we become trauma-bonded to the abuser.
9. Having a warped sense of boundaries.
narcissism  abuse  victim 
april 2018 by Quercki
20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You | Thought Catalog
Toxic people such as malignant narcissists, psychopaths and those with antisocial traits engage in maladaptive behaviors in relationships that ultimately exploit, demean and hurt their intimate partners, family members and friends. They use a plethora of diversionary tactics that distort the reality of their victims and deflect responsibility. Although those who are not narcissistic can employ these tactics as well, abusive narcissists use these to an excessive extent in an effort to escape accountability for their actions.

Here are the 20 diversionary tactics toxic people use to silence and degrade you.
narcissists  gaslighting  abuse  control 
march 2018 by Quercki
Amid #MeToo, Journalists Shouldn't Commodify Women's Pain - Pacific Standard
One day in late February, Seattle-based author Litsa Dremousis logged into Twitter and turned a whisper network into a shout. She tweeted that she had been aware of allegations of sexual abuse against the author Sherman Alexie for months, and that she had "confronted him directly in October, blasted him, & severed the friendship." She added that she had spoken to numerous women who had been sexually harmed by the famous author and that now some of the victims were getting ready to come forward. On March 5th, NPR published a story featuring on-the-record interviews with three of the victims.

In the gap between Dremousis' tweet and the NPR story, two things happened: First, Alexie published a nasty statement that many journalists characterized as an "apology." Second, reporters started to hound Dremousis for details. Taken together, the actions of the press here reveal ongoing problems with how stories about sexual misconduct are being told, even as the "me too" movement continues.
journalism  #MeToo  abuse 
march 2018 by Quercki
Abusers and Enablers in Faculty Culture - The Chronicle of Higher Education
But from a purely pragmatic standpoint, it also means that departments and institutions are missing out on getting the full benefit of the talent they pay for.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Here are just four ways that abuse negatively affects academe. By recognizing the following behaviors as abuse, we can more quickly change them at the institutional level without constantly expecting women to adapt at the individual level.

Abuse is normalized. "That’s just how things are done, and if you can’t take it, you shouldn’t get a Ph.D." The idea here is that pain and suffering give the profession its soul. Kindness is for saps.

I hear from academic clients all the time who have either internalized this message or convinced themselves that the treatment they are subjected to is not abuse. After all, they haven’t been hit, or raped, or even asked to give naked massages in exchange for tenure. But they have been attacked by colleagues online and in department meetings. They’ve been denied promised jobs and promotions because of an ever-moving goalpost.
sexism  abuse  college 
march 2018 by Quercki
Shocking allegations leveled against East Bay police chief
KENSINGTON — In an explosive federal lawsuit two Kensington residents have alleged years of abuse by police in this affluent, unincorporated town, including a charge that the current police chief once asked for a child abuse complaint to be dropped “as a personal favor” and then placed a gun on a table and told the father, “this can end one of two ways.”

The father who had claimed child abuse, Fadi Saba, interpreted Chief Ricky Hull’s action as a threat on his life, the suit claims. Saba and his wife, Chih Lin, filed the suit last month, naming the town of Kensington and several officers as defendants.

The suit — only the latest round of allegations that have been leveled at Kensington officers in recent years — claims that over the next several years Saba was subjected to various forms of retaliation that ranged from feeding him marijuana-laced brownies to forcing a trespasser to sign a false statement saying Saba robbed him, leading to his arrest on false pretenses.
police  abuse  Kensington 
march 2018 by Quercki
Pods and Pod Mapping Worksheet | Bay Area Transformative Justice Collective

Your pod is made up of the people that you would call on if violence, harm or abuse happened to you; or the people that you would call on if you wanted support in taking accountability for violence, harm or abuse that you’ve done; or if you witnessed violence or if someone you care about was being violent or being abused.

People can have multiple pods. The people you call to support you when you are being harmed may not be the same people you call on to support you when you have done harm, and vice versa. In general, pod people are often those you have relationship and trust with, though everyone has different criteria for their pods.
justice  accountability  abuse  solution 
february 2018 by Quercki
Rob Porter’s history of domestic abuse wasn’t a secret.
As it turns out, the first #MeToo story to actually trip up the White House needed to be as graphic and violent as the accusations against Rob Porter. It needed to involve a Rhodes Scholar golden boy who had been married—married—to old-fashioned girls to even count. This, and indeed the entire situation, provides the perfect mirror to reflect all the ways in which systems, all systems, fail women.
Another thing that is clear from the blog post is that the police knew: Willoughby filed for a protective order in Arlington, Virginia, in 2010, and she called them on at least one other occasion. Both women reported the abuse to elders in their church and to counselors. Holderness told her brother and his girlfriend. And then, as their mutual ex-husband was being cleared for his job in the White House last spring, both women told the FBI. They actually thought, at that point, somebody might care.

Please stop saying that women don’t tell. These women told. They told the stories of likely the most intimate and traumatic moments of their lives to family and church elders and friends and counselors and FBI officers, and they saw the following happen: Porter was not given full clearance. He was, however, given an interim security clearance. Senior staff in the White House knew why his clearance was snagged by the fall. According to Politico, John Kelly, Donald Trump’s chief of staff and Porter’s boss, also knew of the 2010 protective order against Porter. Don McGahn, the White House counsel, also knew, according to Politico, because in recent weeks a third woman, an ex-girlfriend of Porter’s who also works in the Trump administration, told him that Porter had abused her and his two ex-wives.

But right up until 9:31 p.m. Eastern on Wednesday night, John Kelly was standing by Rob Porter. Even when others had distanced themselves, John Kelly reiterated his opinion that Porter had true integrity and honor.
domestic_violence  abuse  #MeToo 
february 2018 by Quercki
church background checks - preventing sexual misconduct
Background Checks

Preventing Sexual Misconduct in the Church

For over 20 years, Oxford Document Management Company (ODM) has been the vendor of choice for religious organizations seeking comprehensive background checks of their clergy, church workers and volunteers.

We offer a full array of background investigation services—from formal written reference checking programs to criminal history, credit, motor vehicle, and education credential background checks.

Hundreds of clients within numerous faith traditions have turned to us for the independent and confidential administration of background investigation programs on their behalf, including many within:
church  child  abuse  solution 
december 2017 by Quercki
Oxford Document Management Company-Policies & Procedures For the Prevention of Child Abuse
It is the purpose of the members and staff of ___________________________ Church to provide a safe and secure environment for preschoolers, children, youth and mentally handicapped persons entrusted to our care. We do this to encourage those preschoolers, children, and youth and their families to grow in their relationship with God and one another.
A safe and secure environment includes a formal, written policy to help prevent the occurrence of child abuse. The following policy and procedures are for the protection of our preschoolers, children, youth, employees, volunteers and our entire church family at _________________________Church.
church  child  abuse  prevention  sexual_assault  solution 
december 2017 by Quercki
Blackwater founder held secret Seychelles meeting to establish Trump-Putin back channel - The Washington Post
Prince and his family were major GOP donors in 2016. The Center for Responsive Politics reported that the family gave more than $10 million to GOP candidates and super PACs, including about $2.7 million from his sister, DeVos, and her husband.

Prince’s father, Edgar Prince, built his fortune through an auto-parts company. Betsy married Richard DeVos Jr., heir to the Amway fortune.

Erik Prince has had lucrative contracts with the UAE government, which at one point paid his firm a reported $529 million to help bring in foreign fighters to help assemble an internal paramilitary force capable of carrying out secret operations and protecting Emirati installations from terrorist attacks.

Focus on Iran
The Trump administration and the UAE appear to share a similar preoccupation with Iran. Current and former officials said that Trump advisers were focused throughout the transition period on exploring ways to get Moscow to break ranks with Tehran.

“Separating Russia from Iran was a common theme,” said a former intelligence official in the Obama administration who met with Trump transition officials. “It didn’t seem very well thought out. It seemed a little premature. They clearly had a very specific policy position, which I found odd given that they hadn’t even taken the reins and explored with experts in the U.S. government the pros and cons of that approach.”
Erik_Prince  Blackwater  Iran  Russia  Trump  Iraq  abuse 
december 2017 by Quercki
women who believe women
And then they did what I've seen so many 60-something women do: they figured out a new vector for their energy, their curiosity, their simmering rage. 

That's what I wrote about in my short piece in The Keepers: how post-menopausal women, rendered invisible by popular culture, dismissed as un-useful or un-beautiful simply because they're neither nubile teens nor childbearing mothers, get shit done. They wield that dismissal, that under-estimation, like a weapon. They've been quietly negotiating the patriarchy for sixty years, managing the eternal flow of busywork that almost always falls to women — there's no way a government office's attempt to turn them away is going to actually do so. Keep waiting for a FOIA request? NO PROB, WE HAVE OUR ENTIRE RETIREMENT TO DO SO, WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT HERE WITH OUR DOGS AND SOLVING MURDERS. 

Men and women have different fates once they pass the age of, oh, 50.
women  menopausal  crones  murder  investigation  Catholic  sex  abuse 
june 2017 by Quercki
The Women Of "The Keepers" Aren't Afraid Of The Truth
As postmenopausal women, they’re not sex objects; they don’t have viable wombs. Within our still profoundly conservative calculus of a woman’s value, they have very little. But that dismissal, that near-invisibility when it comes to the media, is liberating: If no one’s watching you, you can do whatever you want.

Including: holding structures of power accountable. They do so, however, by wielding skill sets and tools often delegitimized or degraded as feminine. They strategize on a Facebook group. They file ceaseless requests. They spend a ton of time sorting through microfiche and old VHS video. They organize; they chat people up; they keep detailed spreadsheets — in part by using the very skills they learned at Keough. They investigate from the soft perches of their desktop computers, firmly ensconced in, but never enclosed by, the domestic sphere. Most importantly, they collaborate with other women — and believe one another. They are women who believe women.
women  menopause  crones  murder  investigation  truth  Catholic  sex  abuse 
june 2017 by Quercki
Harvard Rescinds Acceptances for At Least Ten Students for Obscene Memes | News | The Harvard Crimson
Harvard College rescinded admissions offers to at least ten prospective members of the Class of 2021 after the students traded sexually explicit memes and messages that sometimes targeted minority groups in a private Facebook group chat.
A handful of admitted students formed the messaging group—titled, at one point, “Harvard memes for horny bourgeois teens”—on Facebook in late December, according to two incoming freshmen.

In the group, students sent each other memes and other images mocking sexual assault, the Holocaust, and the deaths of children, according to screenshots of the chat obtained by The Crimson. Some of the messages joked that abusing children was sexually arousing, while others had punchlines directed at specific ethnic or racial groups. One called the hypothetical hanging of a Mexican child “piñata time.”
Harvard  college  misogyny  racism  child  abuse 
june 2017 by Quercki
Download the National Statistics Domestic Violence Fact Sheet

View all our domestic violence fact sheets 

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.1
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.1
1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1
1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.1
On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.9
The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.10
Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.2
Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner.2
19% of domestic violence involves a weapon.2
Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior.2
Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries.2
1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States has been raped in their lifetime.1
Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner.11
domestic_violence  rape  murder  statistics  men  abuse  family 
april 2017 by Quercki
Donald Trump self-sabotage gambit: He’s used “gaslighting” in place of apologies for his actions -
It’s important to remember the larger context that never quite registered in the mainstream media: Trump did not simply question Obama’s birth certificate, he questioned virtually everything about him. He said that Obama “came out of nowhere,” and that “the people that went to school with him, they never saw him, they don’t know who he is. It’s crazy.” These wild, unfocused claims were thoroughly debunked, without damaging Trump’s popularity or credibility. Even after Obama released his long-form birth certificate — which Trump at first declined to take at face value — the real estate tycoon continued to demand the president’s college applications, transcripts and passport records. For reasons never made explicit, a private citizen repeatedly insisted that the duly elected president of the United States present all his identifying paperwork to him.

As many African-Americans and others have observed, that situation was both insulting and profoundly racist: A white man with no official position demanding a black man’s papers, as if he had an inherent right to do so. This perception was surely informed by black people’s subjective experience, both individually and collectively, as well as their understanding of history. But the perception that Trump’s conduct was unacceptable was not “just an opinion.” It reflected a centuries-long, multi-continent practice by which white men, regardless of their social station, could demand that black men justify their presence and existence, on the basis of documents issued by white rulers.

So the “black perspective” on the historically racist meaning and significance of Trump’s birtherism was more than just some people’s opinion. It was a historical insight, available to any and all who have a desire to know the truth. Trump’s racism is as objectively indisputable as his misogyny is. The fact that the insight into objective truth comes most clearly from people who care about the damage it does is not a disqualification. To the contrary, it is a warning that disregarding knowledge that comes from caring impoverishes our grasp of the real world. This is even more true when the subjects of caring are those who have traditionally been marginalized, ignored or dehumanized.

The conventions of “he said, she said” media discourse are meant to ensure fairness, but can crowd out real-world truth.
gaslighting  Trump  abuse  sexual_assault  Obama 
october 2016 by Quercki
Investigation links Oakland police officers to alleged sexual misconduct with underage girl |
On Wednesday, Oakland police issued another statement to KRON.

The Oakland Police Department’s Internal Affairs Division initiated an internal investigation regarding allegations of sexual misconduct involving Oakland police officers.

As the result of the ongoing investigation, three Oakland police officers have been placed on paid administrative leave.

As a public safety agency charged with protecting our community along with upholding and enforcing the law, the Oakland Police Department takes all allegations of misconduct involving our employees seriously. Ensuring internal investigations are swift, fair, and objective is our priority.

The Oakland Police Department will not tolerate misconduct of any kind from its employees. The Oakland Police Department holds all employees accountable for their actions on and off duty.


OAKLAND (KRON) — KRON4 News has uncovered alleged sexual misconduct involving an underage girl and Oakland police officers.

Two Oakland police officers have been placed on administrative leave, and as many four additional officers may also be involved, in what multiple sources tell KRON is an investigation into alleged sexual misconduct involving a minor.

Sources say the alleged sexual misconduct involves the daughter of a civilian employee who works with the police department. The investigation reportedly dates back to October 2015.

KRON went to the Oakland Police Department headquarters to speak to OPD Chief Sean Whent about this case but instead got this written response:

“As a matter of policy, the Oakland Police Department does not comment on active internal affairs investigations. The Oakland Police Department takes all allegations of misconduct of our employees very seriously, ensuring internal investigations are swift, fair, and objective is our policy.”
No one at OPD headquarters would talk on camera.

“If there is any truth to the allegation, it is completely disturbing and alarming,” Oakland City Councilmember Noel Gallo said.

Gallo said he is troubled with the police department’s lack of transparency.
Oakland  police  sex  child  abuse 
may 2016 by Quercki
Why Twitter’s Dying (And What You Can Learn From It) — Bad Words — Medium
Twitter’s troubles are due to something deeper yet simpler, so commonplace it has become invisible. It is, in a very real sense, a victim of its own blindness.
Here’s my tiny theory, in a word. Abuse. And further, I’m going to suggest in this short essay that abuse — not making money — is the great problem tech and media have. The problem of abuse is the greatest challenge the web faces today. It is greater than censorship, regulation, or (ugh) monetization. It is a problem of staggering magnitude and epic scale, and worse still, it is expensive: it is a problem that can’t be fixed with the cheap, simple fixes beloved by tech: patching up code, pushing out updates.
To explain, let me be clear what I mean by abuse. I don’t just mean the obvious: violent threats. I also mean the endless bickering, the predictable snark, the general atmosphere of little violences that permeate the social web…and the fact that the average person can’t do anything about it.
We once glorified Twitter as a great global town square, a shining agora where everyone could come together to converse. But I’ve never been to a town square where people can shove, push, taunt, bully, shout, harass, threaten, stalk, creep, and mob you…for eavesdropping on a conversation that they weren’t a part of…to alleviate their own existential rage…at their shattered dreams…and you can’t even call a cop.
abuse  online  twitter 
october 2015 by Quercki
Crash Override Network // Combating Online Hate
Our network works preventatively and reactively, warning targets and working with them during episodes of harassment to keep them safe and provide them with the means to reduce harm and rebuild, as well as disempower their harassers. We understand that every case of online harassment is unique in terms of its targets, aggressors, and circumstances, and that no one plan of survival is suitable for everyone. We instead work with clients to tailor a unique plans of action, informed by our own experience and prior success in the field.
online  harassment  abuse  privacy  internet  misogyny  ****  twitter 
june 2015 by Quercki
Twitter’s Abuse Problem: Now With Actual Solutions And Science | WAM!
View WAM!’s Report and Recommendations

The vicious targeting of women, women of color, queer women, trans women, disabled women, and other oppressed groups who speak up on online has reached crisis levels. Hate speech and violent threats are being used to silence the voices of women and gender non-conforming people in the public discourse everyday. Examples of the impact these attacks are having on women’s lives are everywhere.

A recent Pew research study found that fully 25 percent of young women online have been sexually harassed online and 26 percent have experienced stalking. Moreover, Pew found that women overall are disproportionately targeted by the most severe forms of online abuse including doxxing and violent threats.

This is why WAM! launched a pilot project to support Twitter users experiencing gendered harassment and abuse on the platform, including abuse that intersects with racial, LGBT, and other kinds of oppression.

WAM!’s Twitter Reporting Project grew out of WAM!’s participation in the Speech and Safety Coalition, a group of women’s advocacy organizations working with social media companies to ensure that women have equal access to both free speech and safety online. The data we gathered during the pilot project informed our report, Reporting, Reviewing, And Responding to Harassment on Twitter. Our research-based recommendations and solutions are designed to forward systemic change on Twitter and other platforms.
sexual_harassment  abuse  violence  twitter 
may 2015 by Quercki
Shakesville: I Write Letters
Listening to women is really important, for a whole lot of reasons, in every context.

But today I just want to talk to you about listening to women in one specific context: When a woman is telling you, or when multiple women are telling you, that they find another man to be dangerous.

We may use a different word than "dangerous." We might use a word like "creepy." Creepy is a useful word, a word women use a lot, to shorthand a spectrum of behaviors that can range from hostility to boundaries to unwanted touching to sexual assault. "Creepy" is often a word that women use when we fear that to actually try to articulate the red flags, which might seem relatively minor to someone who has not lived a lifetime navigating a misogynist culture, will elicit responses that call us hysterical or reactionary or oversensitive. "Creepy" is a way that we convey that we can't trust a man, in a very specific way.

We might use a word like "scary," or "abusive," or "weird." Depending on how safe we feel communicating our lack of safety, we might use a word even more innocuous, like "intense."

Listen to the context in which these words are used. Think about what it means when a woman is trying to tell you something is "off" about a guy, and what it means when she doesn't, or can't, simply come right out and say, "He is demonstrating a pattern of harmful behaviors that I have learned, by necessity and through a lifetime of experience, to recognize as signaling that I am not safe around him."

And, for Maude's sake, whatever you do, don't ever respond to a woman telling you that a man is harmful, in whatever way she can find to tell you, by insisting that he seems like a good guy to you.

Don't tell her that you've never noticed any of those things. Don't tell her he seems fine. Don't tell her, or imply, that she's imagining things. Don't tell her that he's never treated you that way.

Of course he hasn't. He is a dude, and so are you.

One of the basics of feminist theory is understanding that misogynist men don't treat other men the way they treat women.

You aren't capable, by virtue of being a dude, of assessing how a harmful man treats women. Not even being an onlooker, observing how that man interacts with women, is informative in the same way being his target is.

One of the things you need to know about men who abuse women is that most of them are very adept at appearing to be "good guys" when there are other guys watching.
abuse  listen  predator  misogyny  maleprivilege  *** 
march 2015 by Quercki
Hitting kids: A hard habit to break  - NY Daily News
They’d never felt the consequences of misbehavior? “That’s why they actin’ up.”

There are historical and cultural reasons for that belief. During slavery and in the Jim Crow South, if your child didn’t listen to your instructions, that child might be killed. Behaving correctly was a matter of life and death.
child  abuse  African-American 
september 2014 by Quercki
Response to Elizabeth Waters
We have better things to do with out time then worry about Goldin's lies

Any lies on the site are Marion's and Lisa's. I present Marion's and Lisa's testimonies, given under oath, verbatim. I also give my interpretations. People are free to devise their own interpretations. Note: For those who don't know, Lisa Waters earns a significant part of her income from administering Marion's estate. If too many people learn the truth about Marion, Lisa's meal ticket may suffer. Unlike Lisa, I have no incentive to lie.

We suspect that by putting her name on a site and filling it with the most disgusting contents he can come up with, he's hoping that we'll offer him a lot of money for the rights to the domain name, so we feel out best course is to ignore him.

I agree that what Marion and Lisa say about themselves, in their own words given under oath, is pretty disgusting. As for the domain name, Mary and I wanted to make sure that Marion's readers could find the site and learn the truth. Frankly, I don't believe the estate has enough money to tempt us to sell the domain name.

Marion Zimmer Bradley married Walter Breen on 6/3/1964. They had two children, but sometime in the late 60s Walter was ill and became impotent (at least as far as Marion knew). They separated in 1979.

I can certainly believe Walter, a man who preferred sex with young children, was impotent with Marion. That doesn't mean he was harmless. Marion's and Walter's separation was not a legal one, and Marion continued to house and support him until he was imprisoned after he was convicted of molesting yet another child after Ken.

In or about March of 1989, Walter allegedly molested a 12-year-old boy

Not "allegedly." Walter admitted and was convicted for molestation in a court of law. Actually, Ken was 8 years old when Walter began molesting him, and Ken was 11 when Walter was finally arrested for it. This was not a one-time thing.
child  abuse  MZB 
june 2014 by Quercki
Marion Zimmer Bradley: It’s Worse Than I Knew
It is a lot worse than that.

The first time she molested me, I was three. The last time, I was twelve, and able to walk away.

I put Walter in jail for molesting one boy. I had tried to intervene when I was 13 by telling Mother and Lisa, and they just moved him into his own apartment.

I had been living partially on couches since I was ten years old because of the out of control drugs, orgies, and constant flow of people in and out of our family “home.”

None of this should be news. Walter was a serial rapist with many, many, many victims (I named 22 to the cops) but Marion was far, far worse. She was cruel and violent, as well as completely out of her mind sexually. I am not her only victim, nor were her only victims girls.

I wish I had better news.

Moira Greyland.

Followed up with:

It should also be noted that Walter was convicted on 13 counts of PC 288 A, B, C, and D.

Oral sex was the least of anyone’s worries.
child  abuse  sexual_assault  crime  sciencefiction  MZB 
june 2014 by Quercki
Writing in the Margins, or, Patriarch’s Day, Part 4 «
So What Do you Want Me To Do About All This?

Good question! Glad you asked.

What I want is for you to push past your embarrassment or discomfort, your understandable (but harmful) need to distance yourself from painful truths. I’m asking for you to stop counting the bouncing balls and see the gorilla hiding in plain sight.

This is the most important thing you can do to fight back against sexism in our field. If you do nothing else, do this. Stop making apologies for big name writers or editors who harass or abuse women, youths, and children.

Yes, they’re your friends and colleagues and bosses. They’re people you care about. They’re mine, too. So were my Clarion rape-skit buddies. So was my dad. So was my abuser.

It’s very painful to realize that someone you care about, or someone who has standing in your community or some measure of power over your life, could do something so awful. But it happens all the time.

Until we stop closing our eyes to the abuses, they’ll continue to happen. And that makes each of us complicit. I don’t want that, and I know you don’t either.
solutions  sexism  abuse  sexual_assault  sexual_harassment  sciencefiction 
june 2014 by Quercki
July 2005
Report from INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence
Ad-Hoc Community Accountability Working Group Meeting
February 7 – 8, 2004
Seattle, WA
Sponsored by INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence
Co-sponsored by Communities Against Rape and Abuse (CARA)
INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence
gender  oppression  abuse  violence  sexual_harassment  solutions 
may 2014 by Quercki
10 Undeniable Facts About the Woody Allen Sexual-Abuse Allegation | Vanity Fair
1.   Mia never went to the police about the allegation of sexual abuse. Her lawyer told her on August 5, 1992, to take the seven-year-old Dylan to a pediatrician, who was bound by law to report Dylan’s story of sexual violation to law enforcement and did so on August 6.

2.   Allen had been in therapy for alleged inappropriate behavior toward Dylan with a child psychologist before the abuse allegation was presented to the authorities or made public. Mia Farrow had instructed her babysitters that Allen was never to be left alone with Dylan.

3.   Allen refused to take a polygraph administered by the Connecticut state police. Instead, he took one from someone hired by his legal team. The Connecticut state police refused to accept the test as evidence. The state attorney, Frank Maco, says that Mia was never asked to take a lie-detector test during the investigation.

4.   Allen subsequently lost four exhaustive court battles—a lawsuit, a disciplinary charge against the prosecutor, and two appeals—and was made to pay more than $1 million in Mia’s legal fees. Judge Elliott Wilk, the presiding judge in Allen’s custody suit against Farrow, concluded that there is “no credible evidence to support Mr. Allen’s contention that Ms. Farrow coached Dylan or that Ms. Farrow acted upon a desire for revenge against him for seducing Soon-Yi.”
Woody_Allen  Dylan_Farrow  facts  abuse 
february 2014 by Quercki
On Labeling Women 'Crazy' | Harris O’Malley
The Five Deadly Words

There are certain words that are applied to women specifically in order to manipulate them into compliance: "slut," "bitch," "ugly/fat" and, of course, "crazy." These words encapsulate what society defines as the worst possible things a woman can be. Slut-shaming is used to coerce women into restricting their own sexuality into a pre-approved vision of feminine modesty and restraint. "Bitch" is used against women who might be seen as being too aggressive or assertive... acting, in other words, like a man might. "Ugly" or "fat" are used -- frequently interchangeably -- to remind them that their core worth is based on a specific definition of beauty, and to deviate from it is to devalue not only oneself but to render her accomplishments or concerns as invalid.

"Crazy" may well be the most insidious one of the four because it encompasses so much. At its base, calling women "crazy" is a way of waving away any behavior that men might find undesirable while simultaneously absolving those same men from responsibility.

Casually, even reflexively calling women crazy and the stigmatization of "crazy" (i.e., inconvenient or uncomfortable) behavior has become a way of trying to keep women behaving in a very specific and limited manner. It perpetuates the madonna/whore dichotomy -- that women are either submissive, demure and sexually restrained or irrational bitches on wheels, the emotional equivalent of riding Space Mountain after five shots of Mescal.

We may not intend to manipulate women this way -- most of the time we're not even aware that we're doing it. Most of us are conditioned into it; it's a part of the subtle background radiation that still teaches us that women's desires and opinions are secondary to men's. But the fact that we don't mean to cause harm doesn't change the fact that we do without even thinking about it.
abuse  relationships  sexism  women 
november 2013 by Quercki
Traynor's Eye: Meeting A Troll...
The whole thing escalated in June, July and August this year. I received more and more abuse on the timeline and via DMs. A crossword clue account I'd started (@Leo'sClue) was inundated with abuse too.
Then one day something happened that truly frightened me. I don't scare easily but this was vile.

I received a parcel at my home address. Nothing unusual there - I get a lots of post. I ripped it open and there was a tupperware lunchbox inside full of ashes. There was a note included 'Say hello to your relatives from Auschwitz' I was physically sick.

I was petrified.
They had my address.
I reported it to the authorities and hoped for the best.
Two days later I opened my front door and there was a bunch of dead flowers with my wife's old Twitter username on it. Then that night I recieved a DM. 'You'll get home some day & ur b**ches throat will be cut & ur son will be gone.'
I got on to the authorities again but, polite and sympathetic as they were, there didn't seem much that could be done.
Every night for weeks I lost sleep over it. Listening for noises. Opening the door everday with trepidation. Trying to maintain a semblance of normality and not let my wife or son see that I was dying on the inside. Mortified that they might be in danger because of my big mouth or ancestry.

Then the last straw. I received another tweet, on the public timeline this time 'I hope you die screaming but not until you see me p*ss on ur wife'
trolls  abuse  internet  children 
september 2013 by Quercki
The Myth of the Teenage Temptress: Or Why A Young Girl Can Not Consent to Sex With An Adult Man | xoJane
And that's why statutory rape laws exist -- to protect children who need protecting, not just from those who will prey upon them, but from themselves.

The defense argued that Rambold had suffered enough by losing his career, his marriage and his home and suffering a "scarlet letter of the Internet" as a result of publicity about the case.

For my part, I spent the next decade of my life wrestling with demons borne partly of sexual trauma. I became addicted to drugs, risky sex, and alcohol. I still struggle to learn that there are better ways to get attention than with my body, that my sexuality isn't the only thing that makes me worthy of love and attention.

Still, I made it out of my teen years alive; Cherice Morales wasn't so lucky.

What I needed, and what she needed, were strong male role models in my life who knew how the fuck to say "No thanks" to a little girl's come-ons. Because it doesn't matter if a young girl is saying yes, it's an adult man's job to say no.
rape  children  abuse  consent  suicide 
september 2013 by Quercki
Moraga School District: Child sex abuse victim was 'careless and negligent' - San Jose Mercury News
By Matthias Gafni Contra Costa Times
Posted:   11/01/2012 12:42:48 PM PDT
Updated:   11/02/2012 06:50:50 AM PDT

Click photo to enlarge

Kristen Lewis Cunnane
MORAGA -- Kristen Cunnane was "careless and negligent" and contributed to her ongoing sexual abuse at the hands of a middle school teacher, the Moraga School District claimed in its first legal response to the UC Berkeley swim coach's lawsuit against the school district and three former administrators.
The district and three other defendants claim Cunnane "was herself responsible for the acts and damages of which she claims," in the Oct. 24 legal filing.
"Carelessness and negligence on (Cunnane's) part proximately contributed to the happenings of the incident and to the injuries, loss and damages," they claim.
When she read the legal response, Cunnane, 30, said she was floored.
"It felt like I got punched in the stomach, and I stood up and thought about how young I was when I was 12 to 13 years old at the school," said Cunnane, whose suit was filed in September. "For them to use words like 'negligent' and 'responsible' just broke my heart."
The school district's attorney said Thursday that the language used as part of its legal stance was appropriate and necessary at the start of such a civil case with significant financial ramifications. The response did not specify how Cunnane was "negligent" or "responsible" for the abuse.
Louis Leone said "every potential defense" must be raised in such legal filings, "since failure to do so results in a waiver of the defense."
bayarea  schools  rape.culture  children  sexual_assault  abuse 
november 2012 by Quercki
School district apologizes to former student for sexual abuse... |
MORAGA, Calif. — A woman suing the Moraga School District on charges of failing to act on her complaints of sexual abuse by teachers in 1996 Wednesday accepted an apology from the district for suggesting she may have been partly to blame for what happened, her lawyer said.
The school district's governing board at its meeting in Moraga Wednesday morning issued a formal apology to Kristen Cunnane for charging in its answer to her suit that she may have been "careless and negligent" prior to the alleged abuse.
"The Governing Board and its attorneys, Stubbs and Leone, apologize to Ms. Cunnane for any anxiety or distress caused by the inclusion of this defense in its response to her pleading," the district stated.
The district board will "withdraw the defense of comparative fault and any assertion of carelessness or negligence on the part of Ms. Cunnane" from its defense pleadings, according to the statement.
rape.culture  apology  children  abuse  sexual_assault  schools  bayarea 
november 2012 by Quercki
Lafayette School District says 14-year-old child abuse victim may bear some responsibility - San Jose Mercury News
"Think about how today's families will feel if this is how they think school officials are going to respond were one of their children abused by school employees," he said.
Moraga School District trustees met in a closed session special meeting called Friday morning to discuss the Kristen Cunnane case, less than 24 hours after this newspaper's latest story about her case from the 1990s appeared online. Moraga Superintendent Bruce Burns, who said no action was taken at that meeting, released a statement late Friday afternoon.
"We certainly empathize with Ms. Cunnane and did not intend to cause her further distress," according to the statement. "However, this is a significant case that could have serious consequences for our school district. She is demanding several million dollars in damages."
Burns said the district raised nine possible arguments that might be used in court, and that the media have seized on only one, and "overexaggerated its importance."
No dollar amount is listed in Cunnane's lawsuit, which seeks unspecified damages.
"I haven't demanded any amount of money since filing the lawsuit," said Cunnane, now 30 and an assistant coach with Cal women's swim team. "I think it's for a jury to decide.
"It's really hard to hear that they think I'm seizing and overexaggerating the importance. They don't know how hard it is to be me and how hard I cried when I originally read it."
children  abuse  sexual_assault  schools  rape.culture  law  bayarea 
november 2012 by Quercki
Moraga school trustees, attorneys apologize to sex abuse victim -
By Matthias Gafni Contra Costa Times
Posted:   11/07/2012 12:51:29 PM PST
Updated:   11/08/2012 10:56:51 AM PST

Click photo to enlarge

File: Kristen Cunnane, an assistant coach on the California swim team at Haas Pavilion in...
Petition calling for Moraga school district to apologize for blaming sex abuse victim gains ground
Moraga School District's legal response to sex abuse victim's lawsuit
Moraga School District: Child sex abuse victim was 'careless and negligent'
Women file $30 million claims against Moraga school district over sex abuse scandal
Document: Jane Doe No. 2 claim against Moraga School District
Document: Jane Doe No. 1 claim against Moraga School District
MORAGA -- School district trustees on Wednesday apologized to a former student for saying in legal papers that she may have borne some responsibility for the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of former teachers.
School board members, stung by public outcry that the legal language was part of those filings, also directed their attorneys to withdraw the offending language from those papers.
The papers were filed in response to a lawsuit brought by Kristen Cunnane, a Cal women's swim assistant head coach and Walnut Creek resident. She sued the district and three former administrators for negligence, fraudulent concealment and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Cunnane, 30, claims her abuse by two Moraga intermediate school teachers in the 1990s was caused by administrators repeatedly ignoring allegations of abuse.
In the district's Oct. 24 legal response to Cunnane's suit, it stated two "affirmative defenses" to her allegations. In one, the district, said Cunnane "was herself careless and negligent in and about the matters alleged in the complaint, and that said carelessness and negligence on said Plaintiff's part proximately contributed to the happenings of the incident ..."
The other stated, "Defendants allege that (Cunnane) was herself responsible for the acts and damages of which she claims ... "
All of that wording has been removed from the district response, board Vice President Charles MacNulty announced after

the trustees finished a four-hour special closed session meeting Wednesday.
"The governing board and its attorneys, Stubbs and Leone, apologize to Ms. Cunnane for any anxiety or distress caused by the inclusion of this defense in its response to her pleading," he said.
abuse  schools  rape.culture  apology  bayarea  children 
november 2012 by Quercki
Moraga School District: Child sex abuse victim was 'careless and negligent' -
MORAGA -- Kristen Cunnane was "careless and negligent" and contributed to her ongoing sexual abuse at the hands of a middle school teacher, the Moraga School District claimed in its first legal response to the UC Berkeley swim coach's lawsuit against the school district and three former administrators.
The district and three other defendants claim Cunnane "was herself responsible for the acts and damages of which she claims," in the Oct. 24 legal filing.
"Carelessness and negligence on (Cunnane's) part proximately contributed to the happenings of the incident and to the injuries, loss and damages," they claim.
When she read the legal response, Cunnane, 30, said she was floored.
"It felt like I got punched in the stomach, and I stood up and thought about how young I was when I was 12 to 13 years old at the school," said Cunnane, whose suit was filed in September. "For them to use words like 'negligent' and 'responsible' just broke my heart."
The school district's attorney said Thursday that the language used as part of its legal stance was appropriate and necessary at the start of such a civil case with significant financial ramifications. The response did not specify how Cunnane was "negligent" or "responsible" for the abuse.
victim-blaming  abuse  children  rape  schools 
november 2012 by Quercki
Lafayette School District says 14-year-old child abuse victim may bear some … | Caring For Our Children Foundation
The same boilerplate legal language that claimed a child victim of sex abuse may bear some responsibility for her abuse at the hands of a former Moraga middle schoolteacher is part of a Lafayette schools case involving the sexual abuse of a 14-year-old girl.

Louis Leone, the attorney representing the Lafayette School District in that case, claimed “Jane Doe” — who sued the district, Superintendent Fred Brill, Stanley Principal David Schrag and former teacher Michael Merrick earlier this year — “was herself careless and negligent in and about the matters alleged in the complaint, and that said carelessness and negligence on (Jane Doe’s) part proximately contributed to the happenings of the incident and to the injuries, loss and damages.”

Jane Doe’s attorney is livid.

“It is grossly insensitive to impute any degree of responsibility to a child, particularly with respect to matters of sexual abuse and exploitation,” Rick Madsen said Friday.

Leone said the language was needed at the start of a civil case with significant financial ramifications for the school district, and that “all possible affirmative defenses” must be raised or they risk waiving that option.

The Moraga School District superintendent echoed that sentiment Friday, saying in a news release that a lawsuit against his district could cost “millions” and that the defense mentioned in this newspaper’s article was only one of nine potential defense areas and that

the news media “overexaggerated its importance.”

A UC Berkeley tort law expert said while such a defense can be used, to include it in a case involving a child is “implausible” and a tactic that could backfire. Many Lamorinda residents railed against the legal tactic Friday, including some in online comments to local media.
abuse  rape  children  schools  victim-blaming 
november 2012 by Quercki
In reply to a 'pro-life" blogger
In each and every dark pit of desperation, I have never seen a pro-lifer. I ain’t never seen them babysitting, scrubbing floors, bringing over goods, handing mom $50 bucks a month or driving her to the pediatrician. I ain’t never seen them sitting up for hours with an autistic child who screams and rages so his mother can get some sleep while she rests up from working 14-hour days. I don’t see them fixing leaks in rundown houses or playing with a kid while the police prepare to interview her about her sexual abuse. They’re not paying for the funerals of babies and children who died after birth, when they truly do become independent organisms. And the crazy thing is they think they’ve already done their job, because the child was born!
pro-life  choice  poverty  abuse 
october 2012 by Quercki
I don't own my child's body -
"I would like you to hug Grandma, but I won't make you do it," I told her recently.
"I don't have to?" she asked, cuddling up to me at bedtime, confirming the facts to be sure.
No, she doesn't have to. And just to be clear, there is no passive-aggressive, conditional, manipulative nonsense behind my statement. I mean what I say. She doesn't have to hug or kiss anyone just because I say so, not even me. I will not override my own child's currently strong instincts to back off from touching someone who she chooses not to touch.
I figure her body is actually hers, not mine.
sex  abuse  children  hug  boundaries  solutions  rape.culture 
june 2012 by Quercki
Tiger Beatdown › On Blogging, Threats, and Silence
I got my first rape threat as a blogger when I was on Blogspot, so new that I still had the default theme up and hadn’t even added anything to the sidebar. I can’t even remember the pseudonym I was using then, and I probably had about 10 hits on a good day, seven of which were me compulsively loading the page just to make sure it still existed, and the other two of which were probably my friends. I wrote a post about some local political issue or another, expressing my misgivings, and a reader kindly took time out of his day to email me. 

‘You stupid cunt,’ he said, ‘all you need is a good fucking and then you’d be less uptight.’

I stared at it for a couple of minutes, too shocked to move. There it was on my screen, not going away. Someone really had thought it was appropriate not just to write this email to a complete stranger, a totally unknown person, but to send it. I deleted it, and spent another few minutes staring at the blank hole in my inbox where it had been before shaking it off and moving on.

It was harder with the next one, and the next, and the next, but by the time I’d clocked around 20 threats, and was up to around 30 readers, I’d learned the art of triage. The quick skim to find out if there was any actually personal threatening information, like identifying details, or if it was just your garden variety threat with no teeth behind it. I kept them all in a little file in case I needed them later, and forwarded the worst to the police department, not in the belief they would actually do anything, but in the hopes that information would be there, somewhere, in case it was needed someday.
abuse  blogging  harassment  misogyny  trolls  rape 
october 2011 by Quercki
Issendai's Superhero Training Journal - How to keep someone with you forever
you want to keep her even when she doesn't want to stay. How do you pin her to your side, irrevocably, permanently, and perfectly legally?

You create a sick system.

A sick system has four basic rules:

Rule 1: Keep them too busy to think. Thinking is dangerous. If people can stop and think about their situation logically, they might realize how crazy things are.

Rule 2: Keep them tired. Exhaustion is the perfect defense against any good thinking that might slip through. Fixing the system requires change, and change requires effort, and effort requires energy that just isn't there. No energy, and your lover's dangerous epiphany is converted into nothing but a couple of boring fights.

This is also a corollary to keeping them too busy to think. Of course you can't turn off anyone's thought processes completely—but you can keep them too tired to do any original thinking. The decision center in the brain tires out just like a muscle, and when it's exhausted, people start making certain predictable types of logic mistakes. Found a system based on those mistakes, and you're golden.

Rule 3: Keep them emotionally involved. Make them love you if you can, or if you're a company, foster a company culture of extreme loyalty. Otherwise, tie their success to yours, so if you do well, they do well, and if you fail, they fail. If you're working in an industry where failure isn't a possibility (the government, utilities), establish a status system where workers do better or worse based on seniority. (This also works in bad relationships if you're polyamorous.)

Also note that if you set up a system in which personal loyalty and devotion are proof of your lover's worthiness as a person, you can make people love you. Or at least think they love you. In fact, any combination of intermittent rewards plus too much exhaustion to consider other alternatives will induce people to think they love you, even if they hate you as well.

Rule 4: Reward intermittently. Intermittent gratification is the most addictive kind there is. If you know the lever will always produce a pellet, you'll push it only as often as you need a pellet. If you know it never produces a pellet, you'll stop pushing. But if the lever sometimes produces a pellet and sometimes doesn't, you'll keep pushing forever, even if you have more than enough pellets (because what if there's a dry run and you have no pellets at all?). It's the motivation behind gambling, collectible cards, most video games, the Internet itself, and relationships with crazy people.

How do you do all this? It's incredibly easy:

Keep the crises rolling. Incompetence is a great way to do this: If the office system routinely works badly or the controlling partner routinely makes major mistakes, you're guaranteed ongoing crises. Poor money management works well, too. So does being in an industry where the clients are guaranteed to be volatile and flaky, or preferring friends who are themselves in perpetual crisis. You can also institutionalize regular crises: Workers in the Sea Org, the elite wing of Scientology, must exceed the previous week's production every single week or face serious penalties. Because this is impossible, it guarantees regular crises as the deadline approaches.

Regular crises perform two functions: They keep people too busy to think, and they provide intermittent reinforcement. After all, sometimes you win—and when you've mostly lost, a taste of success is addictive.
abuse  co-dependent  Shadow  management  psychology 
june 2011 by Quercki
Non-survivor privilege and silence | What Privilege?
I saw on a forum the other day some people discrediting a study about rape statistics. “If this study is true,” one poster said, “then about a fourth of the women I know must have been raped at some point, and that’s just not true.” How can anyone think that because a fourth of the women he knows haven’t told him, “Oh, by the way, I’ve been raped before” they must not have been? The answer is: they can’t. They’re beating the knowledge to the punch. They’re shouting in every way they can, “You will not drag me kicking and screaming to the realization that life isn’t fair and I’m one lucky shit not to have suffered worse than I have!”

He might as well help round up victims for abusers. He’s perpetuating the unfairness by perpetuating the silence.

The fact that this is a privilege you are granted through the culture which dictates that abuse victims should lie rather than tell Nice People an uncomfortable truth says something odious about the culture. We are a culture of abuse.
abuse  rape  privilege 
september 2010 by Quercki

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