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aries1988 : love   68

europe  love  letter 
november 2018 by aries1988
Romanticism’s Unruly Hero

At a time when we are grappling with doubts and diminishments in so many areas of our social, cultural, and political life, museumgoers may find themselves nonplussed by the bulldozer Romanticism of some of his work. Delacroix’s grandest canvases, along with Hector Berlioz’s operatic and symphonic works and Victor Hugo’s plays, novels, and poems, have a sweep and an insistence that can strike us as not so much authoritative as authoritarian.

During a career that spanned more than forty years, Delacroix explored a phenomenal range of subjects: Old Testament and New Testament stories; scenes from Dante, Shakespeare, and Goethe; several centuries of French history; North African life; the political upheavals of his own moment; portraits, landscapes, seascapes, nudes, and studies of animals and flowers.

Delacroix’s canvas has nothing to do with the softcore fantasies that finicky Orientalist painters served up in the salons. As scholars have pointed out in recent years, he himself made the distinction with his title, which locates these women “in their apartment”—not “in a harem.” While Jean-Léon Gérôme painted scenes in which women were often quite literally being groomed for sex, Delacroix’s women, with their easy languorous authority,

Shakespeare, who discovered the wonderfully organic shape of his plays amid the competing personalities and destinies of his heroes and heroines, may have emboldened Delacroix as he broke with the rigid structures celebrated by French Classicism.

it is fortunate that of all Delacroix’s efforts to go head to head with the masters of the Renaissance and the Baroque, the greatest remains the most accessible. Anyone can walk into the Church of Saint-Sulpice on the Left Bank and linger over his Jacob Wrestling with the Angel.
painting  art  artist  love  letter  leader  français 
november 2018 by aries1988
Paul Bloom on Cruelty – Econlib
I think that's one of the biggest mistakes we make about morality. I think that the reality is that fully appreciating someone's humanity opens up so many positive things--you can't be human without it; you can't have a decent relationship. It's the foundation of love, and friendship. But, it carries with it so many terrible risks. Really loving somebody, really knowing somebody opens up the possibility for love; but it also opens up the possibility for hatred.

we need to respect the fact that often we had no bad intentions and we will be right; and yet we can appreciate that our own small acts when accumulated makes people's lives miserable. And so we should stop these small acts.

The first point is that the robots are probably sentient. I mean, it's impossible to know. It's the standard, you know, undergraduate dormitory argument at 2 in the morning, how can I know you're conscious? How can you know that I'm conscious? But, these robots are of such sophistication, complexity, it beggars belief that they don't have feelings.
utilitarianism  human  cruel  thinking  movie  culture  debate  mind  other  love  family  morality  anger  incel  mob  robot 
october 2018 by aries1988
Soju, Beer Pong, and the Romance of Cultural Exchange (or the Cultural Exchange of Romance) – BLARB
As Garam introduced me to Korean food gradually during that first semester, I acquired a taste for the fundamentals. The first meal, and the one we would share most often thereafter at the circular table in her kitchen, centered around dwenjang jigae (된장 찌개), a heartier version of the miso soup you would find in a Japanese restaurant. She served it with rice, a stack of business-card-sized seaweed papers, soy sauce, and a small mound of kimchi. When I saw her meal laid out on the table in eight small dishes for two people, I became ashamed and defensive about my first attempt to cook for her: a deluxe frozen DiGiorno’s pizza. (But it was deluxe!)

Garam was impressed with my chopstick skills, which she claimed were better than hers. I held the chopsticks so they formed a V shape, whereas she held them so they formed an X. She also explained that, while Japanese use cylindrical chopsticks and Chinese use square chopsticks, Koreans use flat ones.
korea  food  usa  love  story  tradition  drinking  home 
october 2018 by aries1988
Letter of Recommendation Phyllis Rose’s ‘Parallel Lives’
A book on Victorian marriage doubles as a case for the transformative power of gossip.
book  love  couple 
september 2018 by aries1988
What Can We Learn from Utopians of the Past?
Adam Gopnik writes about four nineteenth-century authors who offered blueprints for a better world—but their progressive visions had a dark side.

The sensible lesson one might draw from this is that the human condition is one in which the distribution of bad and good is forever in flux, and so any blueprint of perfection is doomed to failure.

Robertson assumes that if we can just add to the utopian visions of 1918 the progressive pieties of 2018—if we reform their gender essentialism and their implicit hierarchism and several other nasty isms—then we will at last arrive at the right utopia. This gives his book something of the exhausted cheerfulness of a father on a nine-hour car trip. “We’re almost there!” he keeps saying, as the kids in the back seat fret, and peer at license plates.

Liberalism is a perpetual program of reform, intended to alleviate the cruelty we see around us. The result will be not a utopia but merely another society, with its own unanticipated defects to correct, though with some of the worst injustices—tearing the limbs from people or keeping them as perpetual chattel or depriving half the population of the right to speak to their own future—gone, we hope for good. That is as close as liberalism gets to a utopia: a future society that is flawed, like our own, but less cruel as time goes on.

We remake interior lives to make exterior improvements, because the real current of social change lies inside minds and therefore inside people’s actual existence. We always want to get past the room we’re in in order to break out and change the universe. The lesson that life tends to teach is that change begins at home, and that we can’t escape rooms on our way to worlds. The world is made of rooms.
utopia  writer  book  society  politics  sex  marriage  love  philosophy  19C  liberalism 
august 2018 by aries1988

你可以和所爱的人们生活在一起,没有各种传统社会规范的 judge。
from:rss  tv  moi  usa  love  friendship  friends  cult  1990s 
may 2018 by aries1988
A Beijing Bookstore Where George Washington Is on the Shelves
The All Sages Bookstore, run by a onetime Tiananmen Square protester, has survived both the capital’s ferocious property market and the censorship of the Xi Jinping era.
beijing  reportage  bookstore  book  love  politics  story 
march 2018 by aries1988
Love Is Like a Sourdough Starter—It Can Last Forever, or Get Super Smelly and Weird | Bon Appetit
Sourdough bread, made from your own starter and fresh from the oven, tastes so good that it makes you want to launch your own food blog, where you can wax poetic for thousands of words about it. It’s crackly on the outside and soft and hot on the inside; the flavor is punchy and the texture is silky-chewy. Look: I’d love to describe the experience of eating this bread in a way that would make you understand. The best I can do is to say that eating my first slice of self-made sourdough bread felt emotionally exactly like kissing my crush for the first time when I was 16.
break  love  story  blog  cook 
february 2018 by aries1988
“Cat Person”
“It was a terrible kiss, shockingly bad; Margot had trouble believing that a grown man could possibly be so bad at kissing.”
love  sex  perception  story  movie  imagination 
february 2018 by aries1988

一个西裔女人招待他,拿过来一份菜单。他没有翻开,只问她,Nasi Goreng 有没有。女侍点头。他就说,好吧,就来一份Nasi Goreng, 一罐啤酒。

印尼炒饭,三年前他吃了整整两个月。那是个一月份,他上了一个雅加达的项目,印尼的一个客户寻求国际并购的机会。印尼是穆斯林社会,风气保守,晚上十一点,肚子饿,唯一开着的餐饮是路边大排档。大排档都一式一样,Chicken Satay, Gado Gado, Nasi Goreng. 所以他每个夜晚就吃这三样,烤鸡肉串,加多加多色拉, 印尼炒饭,配一瓶啤酒。他坐在大排档的塑料棚下面,雨点打在棚面响声如雷。店主在一口大锅前不停翻炒,脸上不停滴下水,不知是汗还是雨。老板娘收钱、擦桌子,扫地,兜里的钱票子都是湿的。大排档粗陋,盐不是放多就是放少,还要不就是没调开, 一口淡一口咸,镬气倒是十足,火候好。他就坐在那条塑料板凳上,这三样吃了两个月。

现在他老婆短发,他的发迹线有点太高。第一只猫头鹰已经被女儿睡得太脏。他知道第二个孩子降生时,老婆会兴高采烈地给他拿出第二只猫头鹰,那一只也会无可挽回地变脏、掉毛。那家做猫头鹰的玩具厂已经倒闭,这种玩具再也买不到了;因为Bill Murray而走红世界的日本威士忌,很多牌子已经卖脱销,十几年内不会有新货。想起这两件事情,他有点伤感。

除了加班和带孩子,他们剩下的可怜的空闲时间都用来看新房和谈房贷,孩子越来越大,必须搬到好学区住才行。对于婚姻,他常常想起Before Midnight,那么烦躁,零碎,温吞吞,缓慢地死去,“也许就和化疗一样”,他有一次这么想到。他疲惫不堪,他老婆恐怕更累,却无法不去爱这一切:毕竟,他们用Lost in Translation里猫头鹰的名字命名了两个孩子:Louise 和Luis。

story  douban  love  sex  memory  nostalgia  melancholy  life  marriage  family  man  youth  middle-age  indonesia  food  work  california 
december 2017 by aries1988
Letter of Recommendation: iNaturalist - The New York Times

Most of us are oblivious to this winged panoply, even in our own backyards, because our perception is circumscribed by our ecological illiteracy. Learning the names of our many wild neighbors is an exercise in perspective and empathy, transforming the outdoors from a pastoral backdrop into a world of parallel societies inhabited by diverse creatures, each with its own character and career.
nature  love  apps  life  knowledge  howto  tool  opinion  earth  epistemic 
december 2017 by aries1988
Why post-sex cuddles and pillowtalk count for more than orgasm | Aeon Essays
As Martin Portner, a neurologist living in Brazil, wrote in Scientific American Mind in 2008, people need more than arousal to experience an orgasm: ‘It requires a release of inhibitions and control in which the brain’s centre of vigilance shuts down in males; in females, various areas of the brain involved in controlling thoughts and emotions become silent.’
brain  sex  couple  love  research  scientist 
november 2017 by aries1988
Why are we so hard on the cheats between the sheets?
For a sense of the neuralgic hold that cheating still has over us, see the Pew Research Center’s survey of moral attitudes from 2014. The US numbers obey the global pattern. Only 7 per cent of Americans find contraception morally unacceptable. The figure is 22 per cent for divorce, 30 for premarital sex and 84 per cent for infidelity. Of 40 surveyed countries, as varied as Canada and Egypt, only in France did less than half of respondents say infidelity was unacceptable. Most countries scored in the 70s and 80s. Nothing else — gambling, abortion, alcohol — aroused this near-unanimity of opprobrium. It bonds east and west, octogenarian and millennial.
marriage  numbers  mentality  love  fidelity  cheat  future  taboo 
october 2017 by aries1988
In the Tonnara
In these buildings, every scrap of the tuna was used, even the blood and the fat, just as my people butchered their hogs in West Virginia and Pennsylvania. The choice cuts are obvious, and the dried roe (bottarga) is especially prized, but in the tonnara, the fish’s entrails and offal also were salted or preserved in oil for various uses, and difficult portions such as the joints and buzzonaglia were accorded care. Even the lattume, the male Bluefin’s sac of seminal fluid, was kept for the table.

I was drawn again and again to the tonnare. Only now do I realize I was fatigued by the endless palazzi and cathedrals of the rich that one is pointed to in Italy. It was refreshing to encounter a place where typical people—workers—lived and made a living.

For all we romanticize the notion of “work” in America, and as much as the politicians shill for it, the daily life of a laborer is the first thing to slip the collective memory. Instead, our children are taken to visit the mansion, the cathedral, or the art museum where the dirty money was poured. The factories corrode. The roof falls in. The weather comes. I remember bored teenage friends throwing rocks at the high windows of Dalzell-Viking Glass—their people had surely worked there blowing glass, but no one had a sense that it was of any importance. I didn’t either, not at the time. I probably would have thrown a rock had I any athletic ability.
sicily  italia  factory  renovation  city  village  gentrification  local  life  region  essay  love  fish  sea 
october 2017 by aries1988
I'm Finally Ready To Talk About How My Parents Died
Icky’s death was real. From his passing, I learned that death involves recognition of the life that has passed. It brings people together. It follows a logical process. My parents’ deaths did not follow these rules. Rather, it was unexpected, chaotic, and horrifying. It was an explosion that tore through my life and left a film of dusty, smoky particulate in its wake. Immediately after, you are choking and sputtering and gasping for lack of clean air. Eventually, time lets you breathe easier. You think you may have escaped unscathed, but the poison you inhaled settles in any chasm it can find. Let it simmer a good 10 years and it may just become a cancer. Eating you alive all the while without you even knowing it.
killing  crime  murder  death  children  growup  story  memory  parents  loss  love  couple 
october 2017 by aries1988
The race to build the world’s first sex robot
something as lifelike as possible – it’s his brand’s USP (unique selling point).

Matt McMullen says he’s helping the socially isolated, but once it becomes possible for a man to own a companion whose sole reason for existing is to give him pleasure, without the inconvenience of its own ambitions and needs, menstrual cycles and jealous passions, bathroom habits and in-laws, he may turn away from human relationships altogether.
reportage  robot  manufacturing  captor  industry  emotion  human  love  sex  money 
may 2017 by aries1988
Vinegar Valentines: Delivered with Hate
They were not actually cards that open but usually a single sheet of paper or a postcard, sometimes colorful, sometimes plain. The artwork and verse typically mocked some characteristic of the recipient. Gluttons, drinkers, hen-pecked husbands, braggarts, windbags, spinsters, sharp-tongued wives, unfaithful lovers, cowards, lazy colleagues, uncaring bosses, ugly people, fat and thin people, vain people, and stupid people - they were all fair game to folks who posted vinegar valentines. They could be delivered to enemies, or people who had treated you badly, or someone you thought needed to be brought down a notch or two. The tone of verse ranged from gentle to downright vicious and abusive.
fun  love  hate  valentine  postcard 
february 2017 by aries1988
That’s the drawback but also the glory of creatures that were never domesticated. Nothing feels better than being singled out by something that at best should fear you, and at worst would like to eat you.
story  love  animal  debate  instapaper_favs 
december 2016 by aries1988
What Tolstoy’s ‘War and Peace’ can teach us

The uncanny physical immediacy of War and Peace is the result of Tolstoy bringing together personal memory, family history and dense archival research into the making of his narrative.

Stylistically, it was also unlike anything anyone else had written before: raw, richly inelegant, sometimes directionless, bursting through the confines of good literary form yet stained on every page with the juice of life.

Tolstoy has us hear the overture to calamity through Rostov’s drowsy senses, as an obscure, distant hum and roar, the shapeless aaaa and rrrr of life into which we are inexorably pulled and through which we struggle, as best we can, to find a place of safety.
book  literature  reading  russia  story  personal  movie  love 
december 2016 by aries1988
‘Grief bacon’ and other untranslatable words for the highs and lows of love | Aeon Videos
Love might be universal but, as this brief animation shows, it’s not always easily translatable. Made in association with the CBC podcast Love Me, the Canadian director Andrew Norton’s short film explores 13 distinctive words from across the globe that describe the highs, lows and everything-in-betweens of romantic love.
language  love  world 
august 2016 by aries1988
‘I Have No Choice but to Keep Looking’
Five years after the tsunami that killed tens of thousands in Japan, a husband still searches the sea for his wife, joined by a father hoping to find his daughter.

For his first dive, he reached a depth of 16 feet. He had expected silence, but the ocean had a sound. Takamatsu called it chirichiri — the sound of hair burning or a snake hissing. Takahashi instructed him not to touch the bottom with his hands or fins because he might kick up a disorienting cloud of sand. Takamatsu kept his head down and flippers up.

The search for love, the search — his, hers, everyone’s — is not for a needle in a haystack, nor a fish in the sea. It’s for a specific person on earth. The world never looks as big as when someone is lost.
death  disaster  japan  love  search 
august 2016 by aries1988
Dad, the Ant Killer
Call me a bad person if you want. I can’t help it. I’m a father.
parents  children  animal  love 
april 2016 by aries1988
The Reckoning
She played dead as the sound of gunshots reverberated around her, echoing off the red tile roofs and limestone walls. Dozens of students had run home to retrieve their deer rifles, and the echo of return fire rang out as they came back to take aim at the gunman.
killing  university  life  change  story  love  history  victim  trauma  usa  religion  guns  crime  reportage  psychology  texas  instapaper_favs 
april 2016 by aries1988
13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married - The New York Times Help FAQ Contact Us Type Size Edit Profile New! Use your left and right arrow keys to browse…
love  tips  question  marriage 
march 2016 by aries1988
The Ghosts in Our Machines - The New Yorker
The confluence of emotions, when I registered what I was looking at, was unlike anything I had ever experienced—something akin to the simultaneous rush of a million overlapping feelings. There was joy, certainly—“Mom! I found you! Can you believe it?”—but also deep, deep sadness. There was heartbreak and hurt, curiosity and wonder, and everything, seemingly, in between.
story  parents  google  map  love  death  memory  serendipity 
november 2015 by aries1988
The Myth of Quality Time

I know how my 80-year-old father feels about dying, religion and God not because I scheduled a discrete encounter to discuss all of that with him. I know because I happened to be in the passenger seat of his car when such thoughts were on his mind and when, for whatever unforeseeable reason, he felt comfortable articulating them.
family  love  story 
september 2015 by aries1988
How to Pick Your Life Partner - Part 2 - Wait But Why
Marriage isn’t the honeymoon in Thailand—it’s day four of vacation #56 that you take together. Marriage is not celebrating the closing of the deal on the first house—it’s having dinner in that house for the 4,386th time. And it’s certainly not Valentine’s Day. Marriage is Forgettable Wednesday. Together.

This isn’t to say people shouldn’t work on self-improvement, but when it comes to a life partnership, the healthy attitude is, “Every person comes with a set of flaws, these are my partner’s, and they’re part of the package I knowingly chose to spend my life with.”

In a time when humans in most parts of the world can enjoy freedom and carve their own path in life, it usually doesn’t sit that well to suddenly become half of something and compromise on a bunch of things you grew up being selfish about.

According to John Gottman, 69% of a typical couple’s fights are perpetual, based on core differences, and cannot be resolved—and a skilled couple understands this and refrains from engaging in these brawls again and again.
advice  choice  opinion  fun  humor  love  marriage 
august 2015 by aries1988

love  advice  sex  couple  story  life  question 
may 2015 by aries1988
How to Be a Better Spouse
One of his most concrete findings was that happier couples had a ratio of five positive interactions to every negative interaction. “That just leapt off the pages of the data analysis,” he says. It was true in very different types of relationships, including those in which the people were very independent and even distant or argumentative. These positive interactions don’t have to be grand gestures: “A smile, a head nod, even just grunting to show you’re listening to your partner—those are all positive,” Gottman says.

In any interaction, we have the opportunity to connect with our partner or to turn away. If we consistently turn away, then over time the foundation of the marriage can slowly erode, even in the absence of overt conflict.

I want to show him how much he matters, too, and that all the other stupid little stuff doesn’t.
love  couple  howto  advice 
march 2015 by aries1988
Finding Equilibrium in Seesawing Libidos -
For these women and my wife, there had to be the perfect confluence of events for sex to happen. My wife’s requirements were that her job had to be going well, the children didn’t need her attention, the house had to be clean, the temperature had to be between 76 and 84 degrees, and the Democrats had to control at least one branch of government.
story  love  sex  couple 
march 2015 by aries1988
How young women in China become mistresses – James Palmer – Aeon
Shanshan’s $550 shoes came from her lover, but the soles of her feet, as hard as leather, came from her childhood. ‘We used to play barefoot in the village,’…aSome, such as modern China’s first president, Sun Yat-sen, or its first chairman, Mao Tse-tung, did so even as they pressed teenage girls into their beds.

But it has gone after such easy targets as hospitality budgets, official vehicles and foreign trips, while the real muscle has gone into hunting down dissidents, whistle-blowers and journalists who might actually threaten the powerful.
story  success  money  love  female 
october 2014 by aries1988
A Man and His Cat -
Biologists call cats “exploitive captives,” an evocative phrase that might be used to describe a lot of relationships, not all of them interspecies. I made the mistake, early on, of feeding the cat first thing in the morning, forgetting that the cat could control when I woke up — by meowing politely, sitting on my chest and staring at me, nudging me insistently with her face, or placing a single claw on my lip. She refused to drink water from a bowl, coveting what she believed was the superior-quality water I drank from a glass. I attempted to demonstrate to the cat that the water we drank was the very same water by pouring it from my glass into her bowl right in front of her, but she was utterly unmoved, like a birther being shown Obama’s long-form Hawaiian birth certificate. In the end I gave in and began serving her water in a glass tumbler, which she had to stick her whole face into to drink from.

What our mass spending on products to pamper animals who seem happiest while rolling in feces or eating the guts out of rodents — who don’t, in fact, seem significantly less happy if they lose half their limbs — tells us about ourselves as a nation is probably also something we don’t want to know.

WHENEVER I felt embarrassed about factoring a house pet’s desires into major life decisions, some grown-up-sounding part of me told myself, it’s just a cat. It’s generally believed that animals lack what we call consciousness, although we can’t quite agree on what exactly this is, and how we can pretend to any certainty about what goes on in an animal’s head has never been made clear to me. To anyone who has spent time with an animal, the notion that they have no interior lives seems so counterintuitive, such an obdurate denial of the empathetically self-evident, as to be almost psychotic. I suspect that some of those same psychological mechanisms must have allowed people to rationalize owning other people.

We don’t know what goes on inside an animal’s head; we may doubt whether they have anything we’d call consciousness, and we can’t know how much they understand or what their emotions feel like. I will never know what, if anything, the cat thought of me. But I can tell you this: A man who is in a room with a cat — whatever else we might say about that man — is not alone.
pet  animal  people  life  story  best  essay  cat  love 
september 2014 by aries1988
Our Love Affair With Predicting Divorce -
“Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls ‘bids.’ For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, ‘Look at that beautiful bird outside!’ He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.”

Nonetheless, the general idea that we can predict which couples will break up based on a discrete set of behavioral factors retains some appeal.

Then, too, there are the Gottmans’ prescriptions: Turn toward your partner. Say positive things. Celebrate the hard times you’ve been through. Look at the bird.
love  prediction  couple  behavior  howto 
july 2014 by aries1988
We Didn’t Have a Plan, but the Baby Did
From that moment on, Oct. 10 became a date that loomed large. It was like when a hurricane is shown on a weather map getting bigger and bigger. Only in my case, it was my wife’s belly getting bigger and bigger. By the time my wife looked as if she had a basketball under her shirt, the baby was moving a lot. I kept missing it.

I hadn’t thought of these things because early on, my wife decided she did not want me in the delivery room. She was determined to face things on her own. There is a small park on the grounds of the hospital. I decided that the day our child was born, I would sit on a bench in the park and maybe have a snack. At some point I would receive a text that read: “Come meet your baby! :-).” I pictured myself sitting in that park on Oct. 10 many times.

As I awaited their arrival, I saw a group of pregnant women with their husbands taking a tour. They were giddy and chatty, as if on a field trip. I couldn’t help but think, “What a bunch of amateurs.”
life  love  story  parenting 
june 2014 by aries1988
许多人曾试过藉助美国人口普查数据,根据各城市单身人口数量进行排序来求得答案。然而,作为一个在美国和加拿大拥有2.01亿用户的社交媒体,Facebook有着美国人口普查局(Census Bureau)没有的优势,那就是近半数美国人的实时情感状态。Facebook在为期一个月内,根据情感状态从“单身”改为“恋爱中”的用户百分比,对美国大城市进行了排名。

虽然研究人员猜测宗教气氛比较浓的城市恋爱率会比较高,但Facebook的分析发现了例外。据美国圣经协会(American Bible Association)称,北卡罗来纳州的夏洛特和田纳西州的纳什维尔都是美国宗教氛围最浓厚的城市,但在Facebook的榜单上,这两个城市的恋爱率都很低。
usa  life  love  from:rss 
february 2014 by aries1988
科学松鼠会 » 只羡鸳鸯不羡仙?记27期科学一课
video  animal  human  fun  love 
july 2013 by aries1988
december 2012 by aries1988
moi  love  story 
september 2012 by aries1988
吴念真:思念 「读书马上」
essay  children  love 
august 2012 by aries1988
human  psychology  love 
august 2012 by aries1988

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