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briansholis : parenting   18

Karen Russell, "On Motherhood and Money," Wealthsimple
"I know so many parents filled with these same warring urgencies: a powerful love for their children, a wish to be present with them, an imperative to provide monetarily for them, and a hunger to make art — lunging forces that are rarely in alignment."

"Who gets to live a spacious hour? Who gets to spend time with their children, and time doing work that fulfills them? Raising children, writing books: risk is built into both undertakings. But I can’t help thinking that they shouldn’t feel quite this risky — that the low ceiling of dread so many of my friends and colleagues and students live under would begin to lift if health and child care were universally available. Everyone deserves this kind of radically free time — time underwritten by the security that comes from knowing your young children are safe, that a totaled car or medical emergency won’t send you hurtling towards the abyss. It shouldn’t take a windfall to make this possible."
KarenRussell  Wealthsimple  2020  2020-02  parenting  finances  writing  economics 
2 days ago by briansholis
Mark O'Connell, "Splendid isolation," The Guardian
"My relationship with time had always been characterised by a certain baleful anxiety, but as I approached the start of the decade in which I would have no choice but to think of myself as middle-aged, this anxiety intensified. I was always in the middle of some calculation or quantification with respect to time, and such thoughts were always predicated on an understanding of it as a precious and limited resource. What time was it right now? How much time was left for me to do the thing I was doing, and when would I have to stop doing it to do the next thing?

This resource being as limited as it was, should I not be doing something better with it, something more urgent or interesting or authentic? At some point in my late 30s, I recognised the paradoxical source of this anxiety: that every single thing in life took much longer than I expected it to, except for life itself, which went much faster, and would be over before I knew where I was.

Much of this had to do with being a parent. Having two young children had radically altered my relationship with the days and hours of my life. Almost every moment was accounted for in a way that it had never been before. But it was also the sheer velocity of change, the state of growth and flux in which my children existed, and the constant small adjustments that were necessary to accommodate these changes."

"And with this new phase of parenthood, I began to think how strange it was, given how precious those early years now seemed to me, that I spent so little time thinking about my own childhood, the lost civilisation on which my adult self now stood."

"A word he used a lot in talking about his work, and in describing the experience and value of the nature solo, was 're-enchantment.'"

"When you’re actually in it, the reality of the solo is, at least at first, one of total boredom. I cannot stress enough how little there is to do when you have confined yourself to the inside of a small circle of stones and sticks in a forest. But it is an instructive kind of boredom, insofar as boredom is the raw and unmediated experience of time."

"Then it occurred to me that there was something about the not knowing that was somehow right. Not having a human name to give the tree, a category in which to put it, made the tree more real and present to me than it otherwise would have, or so I allowed myself to believe."

"In these moments, I find myself thinking of the place itself as somehow conscious of my presence. To be alone in a forest, and to be thinking of the forest as somehow aware of you: I will acknowledge that this sounds like the very substance of nightmare, but, in fact, it is a strangely beautiful and quietly moving experience, and I think it must be what people mean when they talk about intuiting the presence of God."

"And I thought with a pang of how I was always hurrying him – to get dressed, to get out the door for school, to finish his dinner, to get ready for bed – and of how heedlessly I was inflicting upon him my own anxious awareness of time as an oppressive force."
MarkOConnell  TheGuardian  isolation  time  nature  NatureWriting  solitude  parenting  2020  2020-01  2020Faves 
5 weeks ago by briansholis
J. Kenji Lopez-Alt, "How I Got My Toddler Interested in Food and Cooking," Serious Eats
"Kids aren't picky because they really care about particular foods; they’re picky because it offers one of the few opportunities in their heavily guided and chaperoned lives to express opinions and exercise control."

"The trick is to resist the urge to tell them to stop, or to suggest in any way that what they’re doing may be considered gross by the restrictive societal and aesthetic norms to which you’ve become accustomed as an adult. If you want your kids to have fun learning about food, you need to let them explore it in their own way."

"Kids who are bribed to eat certain foods will end up liking those foods less, decreasing their overall consumption of them over time.*"

"Instead, our basic philosophy of nutrition is to make sure that she's always presented with a healthy array of foods. So long as she's getting a decent variety of things in her diet in a given three- to four-day period, we don't worry if she wants nothing but plain pasta for dinner one night."
KenjiLopezAlt  SeriousEats  parenting  food  eating  advice  2019  2019-09 
5 weeks ago by briansholis
Keith Gessen, "Love and Anger," The New Yorker
"I was ashamed and bewildered, but those weren’t even the low points. The low points were the times I got so mad at Raffi that I would yell and hector and explain. I would put him in his room for a time-out, and then I would come in and lecture him. I loved Raffi so much, and yet he simply refused to do anything I told him to. I could see him almost getting used to the yelling and lecturing. I could see that it wasn’t working. But I couldn’t stop."

"Raffi did not want to kill me and marry Emily. It was more complicated and more difficult than that. What he wanted was all of her attention, even as he also wanted to be his own person. He wanted to re-create the relationship they’d once had, when he was smaller, but in a way that it could no longer be re-created. He wanted the impossible and he knew it and it drove him crazy."
KeithGessen  EmilyGould  parenting  NewYorker 
11 weeks ago by briansholis
Jedediah Britton-Purdy, "Becoming a Parent in the Age of Climate Crisis," The Atlantic
"What does it mean to teach a child to live in a time of perennial crisis, always in the shadow of loss? I think about trying to teach him love and wonder first, before he inevitably learns fear. I would like him to be fascinated by a Manhattan red oak, a red-tailed hawk perched in its limbs, or a morel mushroom at its roots, before he thinks, This forest is going to die, with everything in it. When the thought of climate doom arrives, I hope it will arrive in a mind already prepared by curiosity and pleasure to know why this world is worth fighting to preserve."

"Some of the wonder of the world is what is already gone from it. Nothing he learns to love will be undamaged. Love for half-broken things and places is what he will have to practice, like all of us."
JedediahBrittonPurdy  TheAtlantic  environment  parenting  2020  2020-01 
11 weeks ago by briansholis
Adam Sternbergh, "Achieving Transcendence on the Millionth ‘Frozen’ Viewing," New York
The ability to repeatedly engage with a work of art to the point where you not only experience the initial emotional impact but start to comprehend the framework of craftsmanship beneath it is the essence of cultural appreciation. And, frankly, it’s a thrilling experience, no matter what work of art you’re engaging with.
NewYorkMag  AdamSternberg  Frozen  Disney  Parenting  2019  2019-11 
november 2019 by briansholis
The Great Fortune of Ordinary Sadness - The New York Times
To be a parent in America now is to carry both the mundane, expected grief of letting children go and the fear of far more tragic loss.
PersonalEssay  NYT  MaryLauraPhilpott  parenting  aging  loss  2019  2019-08 
september 2019 by briansholis
"Interview: Kate Zambreno Talks 'Screen Tests' And Pregnancy," NYLON
"For me, having a child and falling in love with a child made me reckon with mortality in a way that I hadn't before, and I think that really changed me. I think that sense of acquiescence is there in the new work and also the recognition of how small my work is. I think that's why it's gotten smaller, because it's not more important to me than life—it may have been before, but now life is more important to me and writing happens in the margins. There's a beauty to that."
KateZambreno  Nylon  interview  motherhood  parenting  writing  creativity  2019  2019-07 
july 2019 by briansholis
Michelle Fisher, "Parenting and Labor in the Art World: A Call to Arms," Hyperallergic
To argue for basic human rights seems to be only acceptable when spoken of by artists in museum galleries, but not by the art workers whose labor underpins such projects.
MichelleFisher  2019  2019-05  Hyperallergic  parenting  museums  ArtWorld 
may 2019 by briansholis
Sarah Rich, "Imagining a Better Boyhood"
"As boys grow up, the process of becoming men encourages them to shed the sort of intimate connections and emotional intelligence that add meaning to life."
parenting  gender  masculinity  TheAtlantic  SarahRich  2018Faves  2018  2018-06 
february 2019 by briansholis
Austin Kleon, "John Holt, How Children Learn Children..."
JH: "All I am saying in this book can be summed up in two words—Trust Children. Nothing could be more simple—or more difficult. Difficult, because to trust children we must trust ourselves—and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted. And so we go on treating children as we ourselves were treated, calling this 'reality,' or saying bitterly, 'If I could put up with it, they can too.'"
JohnHolt  parenting  education  AustinKleion  2016  2016-07 
january 2019 by briansholis
Woman Problems | Online Only | n+1
"My son didn’t sleep. So I didn’t sleep. I spent the first month, then two months, three, four, hoping that his sleep would coalesce, that things would start to group into lumps: an expected nap, an expected first night sleep, an expected waking. But this didn’t happen. He was wakeful, and I was awake. There was nothing wrong with him—he was big and growing fast, happy and beautiful—he just didn’t sleep. I have always been an anxious person. Even that word—anxiety—sounds like the mental equivalent of a vagina."
ClaireJarvis  n+1  parenting  PersonalEssay  gender  anxiety  MentalHealth  2017  2017-02  2017Faves 
january 2019 by briansholis
Rufi Thorpe, "Mother, Writer, Monster, Maid," Vela
"I get annoyed when women’s magazines try to edit my motherhood out of my work. I get depressed when they won’t run a piece unless I take out any mention of my having children. I firmly believe that having children has made me smarter and better and more interesting, and fuck you to any women’s mag that doesn’t think so too.

And yet, I am profoundly unfree."
RufiThorpe  VelaMag  parenting  motherhood  writing  2016  2016-06 
january 2019 by briansholis
Austin Kleion, "The Pram in the Hall"
"For those of us who have or are thinking about having kids, it’s so very important to find solid role models we can look to — people who have managed to raise children and make their art. I’m not the greatest dad, but any success I’ve had in the past four years as a parent is due to the good examples I found before I became one."
AustinKleion  parenting  writing  labor  creativity  2016  2016-10 
january 2019 by briansholis
Heather Turgeon, "Which Is Better, Rewards or Punishments? Neither," New York Times
Rewards and punishments are conditional, but our love and positive regard for our kids should be unconditional. Here’s how to change the conversation and the behavior.
HeatherTurgeon  parenting  NYT  2018  2018-08 
january 2019 by briansholis
Lydia Kiesling, "Becoming a Woman Who Yells at Her Children," The Cut
"I do not yell often. Or rather, the yelling happens in clusters, like earthquakes, so that one yell portends another yell. I am ashamed when I yell. I am ashamed when I hear my 3-year-old at play with her baby sister cry “Oh my god we’re so late,” in just exactly my panicked voice. I would like to somehow become a woman who does not yell, but the “somehow” is all wrong there. I know it will take work to become that woman."
LydiaKiesling  parenting  TheCut  PersonalEssay  2018Faves  2018  2018-09 
january 2019 by briansholis
Melinda Wenner Moyer, "Ending Sexual Violence by Raising Better Boys," Slate
How to teach even the youngest sons to respect girls and understand boundaries—and themselves.
MelindaWenerMoyer  parenting  gender  violence  respect  2018  2018-10 
january 2019 by briansholis

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