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jerryking : breakups   5

Why People Ghost — and How to Get Over It - The New York Times
By Adam Popescu
Jan. 22, 2019

Ghosting — when someone cuts off all communication without explanation....happens across all social circumstances and it’s tied to the way we view the world......The pace of modern life makes it hard enough to maintain real life friendships; it’s impossible to actually be friends with everyone you’re supposedly simpatico with online......Growing apart can be a friendship’s natural evolution; ditto for lovers.....when you get ghosted, there’s no closure, so you question yourself and choices which sabotages self-worth and self-esteem.....ghosting a form of the silent treatment akin to emotional cruelty (the pain it causes can be treated with Tylenol, according to multiple studies). So, how do you avoid it in the first place?......be particularly choosy about who you tend to interact with,”....get a sense early on of what kind of individual you’re dealing with.”......watch how people treat others is a good indicator.......Ghosting has a lot to do with someone’s comfort level and how they deal with their emotions,” she added. “A lot of people anticipate that talking about how they feel is going to be a confrontation. That mental expectation makes people want to avoid things that make them uncomfortable.”.....the flip side [of ghosting] is a subset of the population looking for real connection. “People are craving authenticity,”...“Being vulnerable is the number one thing that creates intimacy between people and if you worry about being hurt all the time, you’re not able to be vulnerable and it affects the quality of connection.”....ghosting has a lot to do with how we feel about our future — or whether we think our mate is the “one,” which is a question of belief versus destiny. Either someone believes the relationship is capable of growing or they’re seeking an archetypal partner (what’s typically called a soul mate). “Individuals who have stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost,”....remember if someone ghosts you that behavior says more about them than you,” Dr. Vilhauer said. “It’s about their discomfort. You have to keep trying.”.....modify how we reject people.....Don’t apologize, she said, but be honest about boundaries, whether it’s going to a movie with someone or spending the rest of your life together. Just be real. “The good middle ground is explicitly rejecting someone and telling them ‘no,’ not ‘I’m sorry,’”....Taking a risk to tell someone how you really feel — even if it’s not what they want to hear — has benefits. Self-esteem, stress, blood pressure, spending more time with people you care about. And getting that time back opens up self-discovery.
authenticity  avoidance  belief_systems  blindsided  breakups  clarity  Communicating_&_Connecting  dating  discomforts  exits  friendships  ghosting  intimacy  personal_connections  relationships  say_"no"  self-discovery  self-esteem  self-worth 
february 2019 by jerryking
Dumping a Bad App? Tips for a Painless Breakup - The New York Times
By BRIAN X. CHEN JAN. 25, 2017.

When to Call It Quits

No app is perfect, but you have to draw the line somewhere. The problem is, you may be in such a rut that you can’t recognize the warning signs.

(1) An obvious one is when an app stops working reliably in a way that affects your life.
(2) dump an app when it has stopped improving.
(3) when you have nobody to talk to... . If an app’s audience is a ghost town — like Yahoo’s photo-sharing app, Flickr, which sank in popularity after mobile photo-sharing services like Instagram emerged — then it’s probably time to leave.

Getting Out

The hardest part of breaking up with an app is moving your data. So as a rule of thumb, save a backup copy of your data so that you can export it into a new app. Then carefully search for a better app to suit your needs.

As a safety measure before changing apps, you should always keep extra copies of your data somewhere, whether it be in the cloud with a service like Dropbox or on a physical hard drive. When companies don’t provide convenient tools to export your data, look elsewhere by doing a quick web search for solutions. There are plenty of people in the same boat as you, and chances are they have written scripts, or lightweight programs, to automatically pull out your data for you.

If there is no convenient way to export your data, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to just take out what is most important to you. Perhaps you don’t need five-year-old notes from Evernote anymore, so you could just manually paste your latest memos and get a fresh start with a different app.

Finding a New App

On the bright side, you can learn a lot from a tough breakup with an app — which can be especially useful when looking for a replacement.

The biggest lessons: Pick a tool that supports a wide array of formats instead of proprietary ones. And before you commit to a new app, make sure it is as easy to get out as it is to get in.

Fantastical 2 for iPhone

The fast and friendly calendar and reminders app, packed full of features to make you even more productive.
mobile_applications  exits  howto  productivity  warning_signs  breakups 
february 2017 by jerryking
For Britain’s ‘Brexit’ Bunch, the Party Just Ended - The New York Times
By PETER S. GOODMANOCT. 7, 2016For those blithely inclined toward the view that Britain would somehow find a way to sever its relationship with the European Union free of drama or financial consequences — like canceling a car rental reservation, with a tad more paperwork — Friday was a sobering day of reckoning.

As the British pound plunged some 6 percent against the American dollar in the span of two minutes in early trading in Asia, the markets offered a reminder that divorce tends to be messy, expensive and laced with uncertainties. It rarely ends happily.
Theresa_May  United_Kingdom  Brexit  EU  financial_markets  breakups  messiness  uncertainty 
october 2016 by jerryking
Atul Gawande on Peter Gabriel’s ‘Solsbury Hill’ - WSJ
Aug. 23, 2016

Peter Gabriel’s “Solsbury Hill” over and over on my turntable.

I’d only just discovered the song, though it had come out six years earlier in the U.S. Gabriel wrote the song, at least partly, about a breakup of his own—leaving Genesis as the band’s lead singer. But the song isn’t some mopey ballad. It’s about enduring pain for the sake of something better.
Atul_Gawande  music  bouncing_back  romantic_love  '80s  breakups 
august 2016 by jerryking

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