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The Inner Bezos | WIRED
"At a certain point I was sort of a professional dater," he explains about his years in New York. His systematic approach to the quest for a permanent relationship was to develop what he labeled "women flow," a play on the "deal flow" Wall Streeters try to generate to locate worthwhile investments. In managing their deal flow, bankers will set limits like "I won't look at anything under a $10 million equity investment." The limitation Bezos set for friends producing candidates for his "women flow" was more esoteric. "The number-one criterion was that I wanted a woman who could get me out of a Third World prison," he says.

"What I really wanted was someone resourceful. But nobody knows what you mean when you say, 'I'm looking for a resourceful woman.' If I tell somebody I'm looking for a woman who can get me out of a Third World prison, they start thinking Ross Perot - Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! - they have something they can hang their hat on! Life's too short to hang out with people who aren't resourceful." [ Reminiscent of "Lawyers, Guns and Money" is a song by Warren Zevon, the closing track on his 1978 album Excitable Boy.]
dating  esoteric  Jeff_Bezos  origin_story  profile  resourcefulness  systematic_approaches  women 
february 2019 by jerryking
Why People Ghost — and How to Get Over It - The New York Times
By Adam Popescu
Jan. 22, 2019

Ghosting — when someone cuts off all communication without explanation....happens across all social circumstances and it’s tied to the way we view the world......The pace of modern life makes it hard enough to maintain real life friendships; it’s impossible to actually be friends with everyone you’re supposedly simpatico with online......Growing apart can be a friendship’s natural evolution; ditto for lovers.....when you get ghosted, there’s no closure, so you question yourself and choices which sabotages self-worth and self-esteem.....ghosting a form of the silent treatment akin to emotional cruelty (the pain it causes can be treated with Tylenol, according to multiple studies). So, how do you avoid it in the first place?......be particularly choosy about who you tend to interact with,”....get a sense early on of what kind of individual you’re dealing with.”......watch how people treat others is a good indicator.......Ghosting has a lot to do with someone’s comfort level and how they deal with their emotions,” she added. “A lot of people anticipate that talking about how they feel is going to be a confrontation. That mental expectation makes people want to avoid things that make them uncomfortable.”.....the flip side [of ghosting] is a subset of the population looking for real connection. “People are craving authenticity,”...“Being vulnerable is the number one thing that creates intimacy between people and if you worry about being hurt all the time, you’re not able to be vulnerable and it affects the quality of connection.”....ghosting has a lot to do with how we feel about our future — or whether we think our mate is the “one,” which is a question of belief versus destiny. Either someone believes the relationship is capable of growing or they’re seeking an archetypal partner (what’s typically called a soul mate). “Individuals who have stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost,”....remember if someone ghosts you that behavior says more about them than you,” Dr. Vilhauer said. “It’s about their discomfort. You have to keep trying.”.....modify how we reject people.....Don’t apologize, she said, but be honest about boundaries, whether it’s going to a movie with someone or spending the rest of your life together. Just be real. “The good middle ground is explicitly rejecting someone and telling them ‘no,’ not ‘I’m sorry,’”....Taking a risk to tell someone how you really feel — even if it’s not what they want to hear — has benefits. Self-esteem, stress, blood pressure, spending more time with people you care about. And getting that time back opens up self-discovery.
authenticity  avoidance  belief_systems  blindsided  breakups  clarity  Communicating_&_Connecting  dating  discomforts  exits  friendships  ghosting  intimacy  personal_connections  relationships  say_"no"  self-discovery  self-esteem  self-worth 
february 2019 by jerryking
Aziz Ansari Is Guilty. Of Not Being a Mind Reader.
JAN. 15, 2018 | The New York Times | By BARI WEISS.

All of this put me in mind of another article published this weekend, this one by the novelist and feminist icon Margaret Atwood. “My fundamental position is that women are human beings,” she writes. “Nor do I believe that women are children, incapable of agency or of making moral decisions. If they were, we’re back to the 19th century, and women should not own property, have credit cards, have access to higher education, control their own reproduction or vote.
consent  feminism  dating  relationships  funnies  autonomy  beyond_one's_control 
january 2018 by jerryking
9 Things You Need To Know Before Dating An Outgoing Introvert | HuffPost
05/16/2017 10:25 am ET | Updated 3 days ago

SVETIKD VIA GETTY IMAGES

This post was brought to you by Thought Catalog and Quote Catalog.

By Victoria Joslin
introverts  dating  relationships 
may 2017 by jerryking
Dating While Black · thewalrus.ca
BY HADIYA RODERIQUE
PHOTOGRAPHY BY CHRISTOPHER WAHL
FEB. 15, 2017
online_dating  dating  race 
march 2017 by jerryking
Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe on millennial matchmaking | Evernote Web
18 March / 19 March 2017 | FT| by Alice Fishburn.

. . . Half a year in tech-app time, it’s like a normal-world five years.” What’s the solution? “You just have to run faster than it does.’’
Wolfe has surfed an extraordinary sea-change in how we approach relationships. Our phones now allow us to identify potential life companions through location, ethnic origin or hatred of the same thing and reject them just as quickly. Such opportunities come with a healthy serving of ethical and personal dilemmas.....Bumble’s USP — “truly not a gimmick”, Wolfe stresses, and timely for a feminist age — is that the woman has all the power (while both sexes swipe to show interest, only she can start a conversation). Wolfe may be firmly on-brand but she laughs wickedly at the ambitions of many tech evangelists. “So many entrepreneurs approach me and say, ‘I want to start the next big thing’, and I say, ‘Well, what are you solving?’ And oftentimes they say, ‘Oh, I’m not sure. I want to start something big.’ ” Sigh. “You can never start something big without solving something small, right? And for me, that was not being allowed to text guys first.”.....What has all this time with the data taught her about humans? “You understand when people are the happiest, the most busy, the most detached, most involved.” Sunday nights and Mondays are the busiest times on the site: “I think that’s probably really telling because that’s usually people’s downtime, when they are relaxing or when they’re feeling bummed out . . . a little bit lonely.”
Our view on the idea of technology running our love lives unsurprisingly depends on our culture. One transatlantic dater tells me that, in the US, Bumble is strongly associated with empowered women. In the UK, some moan that it just caters to lazy men.
women  entrepreneur  Tinder  Austin  dating  mobile_applications  relationships  feminism  millennials  match-making  sexism  Silicon_Valley  accelerated_lifecycles  algorithms  gestures  online_dating  downtime 
march 2017 by jerryking
Fuck Yes or No
July 8, 20138 minute readby Mark Manson
dating  relationships 
january 2017 by jerryking
Lessons in listening | Evernote Web
February 6, 2016 | Financial Times | Simon Kuper

(1) Ask people about themselves. Actually listen.
(2) Banish the idea that the person you're listening to is boring and predictable.
(3) Shut up!!!!!
(4) Make an encouraging remark or ask for elucidation.
(5) Allow silences to exist/occur.
(6) Ask questions
(7) A consultant who, instead of telling clients what he has to offer, usually asks them, "what's top of mind?"....[they respond]...[you counter with] "it so happens that we've for just the product for that".
(8) If folks are truly boring, get them to talk about their lives.
(9). Seduce. Ask people, "so what do you think we should change around here?"
Simon_Kuper  listening  howto  dating  questions  management_consulting  prospecting 
february 2016 by jerryking
Startup blends algorithms and old-fashioned matchmaking - The Globe and Mail
EILENE ZIMMERMAN
The New York Times News Service
Published Thursday, Apr. 23 2015
dating  match-making 
april 2015 by jerryking
Taking Risks in Love - NYTimes.com
FEB. 13, 2015 | NYT | Arthur Brooks.

If we want more love, we must conquer fear. We must take personal risks for big potential romantic rewards. Forget test-driving a relationship for 10 years, or searching for someone so perfectly matched as to resemble a sibling.

Love is supposed to be a little scary because it is uncertain. I remember moments when my own romantic venture seemed doomed and foolish. Courage means feeling the fear of rejection and loss but pursuing love anyway....The second thing love requires is mindfulness — pure focus, and total engagement in the current activity. “While washing the dishes,” the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh teaches, “one should only be washing the dishes.”

But mindfulness goes beyond the mundane; it is also the key to victory in the most audacious ventures. Emerging research shows that practicing mindfulness changes the structure of the brain in beneficial ways that make people more effective in business. Successful entrepreneurs have the uncanny ability to reside in the present moment even while working toward their goal. Lovers need the same mindful focus.
relationships  dating  marriage  courage  focus  personal_risk  romance  romantic_love  valentine  fear  mindfulness  seminal_moments 
february 2015 by jerryking
The man who mends careers and hearts - FT.com
December 11, 2014 12:23 pm
The man who mends careers and hearts
By Emma Jacobs
dating  relationships  management_consulting 
december 2014 by jerryking
9 Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data
Sept. 9, 2014 | TIME | Jack Linshi @jacklinshi

Christian Rudder, author of Dataclysm and a founder of OkCupid, dives into the numbers and surfaces with some revelations on love, sex, race and culture
lessons_learned  massive_data_sets  dating  OkCupid 
september 2014 by jerryking
The Awesome Temporary Power Of Young Attractive Women
March 19th, 2014
The Awesome Temporary Power Of Young Attractive Women

By Sam.G
dating 
march 2014 by jerryking
In Indonesia, Consultants Give Nation of Shy Men a Love Makeover - WSJ.com
September 10, 2013 | WSJ | by SHIBANI MAHTANI.

In Indonesia, Consultants Give Nation of Shy Men a Love Makeover
Young Men Sign Up for Lessons on Modern Courtship
courtship  relationships  funnies  Indonesia  dating  howto 
september 2013 by jerryking
Where the Singles Are: A Dating Guide by ZIP Code - NYTimes.com
February 11, 2013, 7:40 pm2 Comments
Where the Singles Are: A Dating Guide by ZIP Code
By STEVE LOHR
dating  real_estate  Steve_Lohr  relationships  data  data_driven  neighbourhoods 
february 2013 by jerryking
When Going Solo Is Not the Goal - NYTimes.com
By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM
Published: December 26, 2012
solo  travel  dating  things_to_do 
december 2012 by jerryking
The Dating Game Gets Partisan, With Politics a Deal Breaker - WSJ.com
October 28, 2012 | WSJ | By ELIZABETH WILLIAMSON.
The Dating Game Gets Partisan, With Politics a Deal Breaker
Opposites Aren't So Attractive; Voting Record Trumps Religion, Looks and Schooling
dating  relationships  Campaign_2012 
october 2012 by jerryking
Reflections on Relationship
November 1999 | Essence | Susan L Taylor.

no one can take your peace or power unless you surrender it. No one's bad behavior makes you miserable for long unless you allow it to. It's not our lover’s bad behavior that makes us crazy, but how we internalize and respond to it....The naive misunderstanding is that our partners must behave as we want them to for us to be happy, when our happiness is a measure of our own inner state.
relationships  dating  affirmations  Susan_Taylor  emotional_mastery  misunderstandings  happiness  intrinsically_motivated  inner-directed 
september 2012 by jerryking
Why romantic love is overrated - The Globe and Mail
Margaret Wente | Columnist profile | E-mail
From Saturday's Globe and Mail
Published Saturday, Feb. 11, 2012
valentine  dating  relationships  marriage  Margaret_Wente  romantic_love  overrated 
february 2012 by jerryking
Taking a Step Forward - Modern Love - NYTimes.com
By DEBORAH DERRICKSON KOSSMANN
Published: December 15, 2011
relationships  marriage  dating  dancing 
december 2011 by jerryking
In sickness and in health
September 20, 2005 | Globe & Mail Page A20 |By CATHY SOSNOWSKY
marriage  relationships  dating  illness  injuries  temperament 
november 2011 by jerryking
NOW Magazine // News // Rap schoolin’
February 17-24, 2005 | NOW VOL 24 NO 25 | By Tim Perlich
music  Toronto  hip_hop  dating  interracial  stereotypes  rappers 
november 2011 by jerryking
Why feminists have better sex - The Globe and Mail
zosia bielski
From Friday's Globe and Mail
Published Thursday, Sep. 29, 2011 5:43PM EDT
Last updated Friday, Sep. 30, 2011
relationships  dating  feminism  sexual_relations  authors 
september 2011 by jerryking
An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage - WSJ.com
AUGUST 6, 2011 | WSJ | By RALPH RICHARD BANKS. Black women
could find more partners across the race line—and it might just spur
more black couples to wed
interracial  relationships  marriage  dating  African-Americans  women 
august 2011 by jerryking
Cheating, Incorporated - BusinessWeek
February 10, 2011, 5:00PM EST text size: TT
Cheating, Incorporated
At Ashley Madison's website for "dating," the infidelity economy is alive, well, and profitable

By Sheelah Kolhatkar
dating  online_dating  infidelity  relationships  Ashley_Madison  Sheelah_Kolhatkar 
february 2011 by jerryking
The game : penetrating the secret society of pickup artists
The game : penetrating the secret society of pickup artists 1st ed.
by Strauss, Neil.
Year/Format: 2005, Book, 452 p.
306.82 STR
relationships  books  dating 
january 2011 by jerryking
globeandmail.com: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
February 19, 2009 iinterview of comedian Steve Harvey by the Globe and Mail's ZOSIA BIELSKI
relationships  gender_relations  dating  interviews  book_reviews  Steve_Harvey 
february 2009 by jerryking
Looking for Mr. Good Enough
06-05-2008 The Globe and Mail column by Hampson, Sarah.

Forget passion. According to the latest thinking in the dating world,
romantic love is a fantasy. Single women are being urged to be
strategic, and even draw on the time-tested principles of arranged
marriage.
relationships  romantic_love  dating  Sarah_Hampson  marriage  good_enough  soul_mates 
january 2009 by jerryking

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