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jerryking : divorce   24

Who Is MacKenzie Bezos? - The New York Times
By Jonah Engel Bromwich and Alexandra Alter
Jan. 12, 2019
divorce  relationships 
january 2019 by jerryking
Can Eye-Rolling Ruin a Marriage? Researchers Study Divorce Risk - WSJ
Updated Aug. 6, 2002

University of Washington psychology professor John Gottman, a leading divorce-prediction researcher (www.gottman.com), has videotaped thousands of couples and codes positive and negative facial expressions, body language and comments.

Dr. Gottman and his colleagues have calculated that strong marriages have at least a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions. When the ratio starts to drop, the marriage is at high risk for divorce.

In real life, no couple can keep a running tally of positive and negative displays. But therapists say it's important to ramp up the positives after a single negative occurs so the ratio doesn't slip to a dangerous level. Four negative qualities are the strongest predictors for divorce: contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling. Couples also need to be aware of subtle negatives such as facial expressions.

"There are thousands of them that happen in a week's time in a marriage," says Cheryl Rampage, senior therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill.

While half of all divorces occur in the first seven years of marriage, a study published this spring in Family Process claimed that another risky time for divorce is in midlife. The study followed 79 Bloomington, Ind., couples that had been married an average of five years. Four years after the research commenced, 9% had divorced. By the end of the 14-year study, 22 couples, or 28%, had divorced.

The couples that divorced early were volatile and negative. But the marriages that ended later were on the opposite end of the spectrum, marked by suppressed emotions -- described as the type of couple that sits together in a restaurant but doesn't talk. Often those couples aren't aware they are in a high-risk marriage because the early years are so tolerable.
body_language  divorce  marriage  relationships  predictors  facial_expressions  TARA_PARKER-POPE  negativity_bias 
november 2017 by jerryking
Clay Christensen On What Your Business Can Learn From Divorce
April 12, 2013 | Fast Company | Business + Innovation | DRAKE BAER

Drake Baer was a contributing writer at Fast Company, where he covered work culture.

Bottom Line: In business, as in love, you must understand what the other person's needs are—whether they say it or not.
Clayton_Christensen  marriage  relationships  divorce  work_life_balance  motivations  takeaways 
february 2015 by jerryking
Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage | love story from the male perspective
1. Never stop courting
Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it.

This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.


2. Protect your own heart
Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife.

Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again
You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday.

SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her
Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love.

Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her
Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability...
...For your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.



7. Never blame your wife if you...
get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed.

You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be
When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean.

The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET.

Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly…
don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday…
learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present
Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.



12. Be willing to take her sexually...
To carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot
And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space
The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing.

(Okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable…
You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent
relationships  divorce  tips  marriage  romantic_love  living_in_the_moment  emotional_mastery 
august 2013 by jerryking
A Spy-Gear Arms Race Transforms the Modern Divorce - WSJ.com
October 6, 2012

A Spy-Gear Arms Race Transforms Modern Divorce

By STEVE EDER and JENNIFER VALENTINO-DEVRIES
relationships  divorce 
march 2013 by jerryking
Laura Doyle: Women: Five Reasons Your Divorce Is Your Fault
Laura Doyle

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Women: Five Reasons Your Divorce Is Your Fault
Posted: 01/02/2013
relationships  divorce 
january 2013 by jerryking
Divorcing Well - WSJ.com
February 13, 2008 | WSJ |By Jonathan Clements
My Valentine's Gift to You: How to Divorce the Right Way
personal_finance  relationships  Jonathan_Clements  divorce 
december 2012 by jerryking
The Five Lessons Divorced People Learn About Marriage - WSJ.com
July 24, 2012 | WSJ | By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN.
Divorcé's Guide to Marriage
Study Reveals Five Common Themes Underlie Most Divorces
divorce  relationships  marriage  Elizabeth_Bernstein  lessons_learned 
july 2012 by jerryking
First Mate
July 10, 2012 | G&M |
Biting critique of Avivah Wittenberg-Cox's essay, "Most of my girlfriends jumped ship after decades of marriage" by Anya Hageman, of Kingston, Ont.
letters_to_the_editor  divorce  relationships  marriage  selfishness  soul_mates 
july 2012 by jerryking
Nagging in Marriage Is More Common Than Adultery But Can Also Lead to Divorce - WSJ.com
JANUARY 25, 2012 | WSJ | Elizabeth Bernstein.

Meet the Marriage Killer. It's More Common Than Adultery and Potentially As Toxic, So Why Is It So Hard to Stop Nagging?

By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
relationships  marriage  Elizabeth_Bernstein  toxic_behaviors  divorce 
january 2012 by jerryking
Untying The Knot - NYTimes.com
By Melanie Thernstrom
Published: August 24, 2003
marriage  divorce  relationships 
november 2011 by jerryking
Divorcing Tiger? You go, girl
Dec. 18, 2009 | The Globe & Mail | by Judith Timson
Tiger_Woods  relationships  divorce 
january 2010 by jerryking
Separate Peace
June 6, 2008 WSJ article by Stephanie Coontz on why collaborative divorce is best for kids--and parents.
relationships  collaboration  parenting  divorce 
january 2009 by jerryking

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