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jerryking : etiquette   64

David Tang, Fashion Retailer and Raconteur, Dies at 63
AUG. 30, 2017 | The New York Times | By KEITH BRADSHER and ELIZABETH PATON.

HK businessman, socialite and the FT's Agony Uncle.
obituaries  retailers  entrepreneur  Hong_Kong  etiquette  David_Tang 
august 2017 by jerryking
The Agony of the Digital Tease
JULY 8, 2016 | The New York Times | By JESSICA BENNETT.

For anyone who’s ever dated, or maintained any kind of relationship, in the digital age, you have probably known a breadcrumber. They communicate via sporadic noncommittal, but repeated messages — or breadcrumbs — that are just enough to keep you wondering but not enough to seal the deal (whatever that deal may be).

Breadcrumbers check in consistently with a romantic prospect, but never set up a date. They pique your interest, of that prospective job, perhaps, by reminding you repeatedly that it exists, but never set up the interview.

Continue reading the main story

Breadcrumbers are one step shy of ghosters, who disappear without a trace, but are in more frequent contact than a person giving you the fade. On the hierarchy of digital communication, the breadcrumber is the lowest form.
millennials  Communicating_&_Connecting  relationships  breadcrumbing  etiquette 
july 2016 by jerryking
31 Fantastic Pieces Of Advice For Surviving Your First Year On Wall Street
FINANCE More: Wall Street Features Advice

Don't forget your manners when networking... even on LinkedIn.

“Networking is not calling someone when you need help. I never accept Li...
LinkedIn  networking  etiquette  Wall_Street  advice 
september 2014 by jerryking
The importance of being courteous: Why she is touting it to young women
Jul. 17 2014 | The Globe and Mail | LEAH MCLAREN.

Institutional achievement and politeness should not be mutually exclusive, but both are essential for young people to find fulfilling work and relationships later in life. ...Raising well-behaved children well should be a significant civic duty.

Manners, which an increasing number of parents dismiss as old-fashioned, actually matter more than ever before. As Reardon pointed out in her speech, this is not about “using the right spoon for soup or eating asparagus with your left hand” but the importance of “being polite and respectful and making the people you interact with feel valued.”

Such deep internal values must be impressed upon children from the outside in. When it comes to character we must fake it in childhood to make it as adults. Am I implying that teaching a child to simply say, “Excuse me,” before interrupting can lead to a successful career and a happy marriage later in life? Yes, absolutely.

In the digital era, when kids are communicating through a coded vortex of social media and smartphone screens rather than face to face, it’s especially important for parents to invest time and energy to impart social rules for how to communicate properly with other humans in the flesh....The thing about manners is that they are actually much more time-consuming to instill in your children than, say, teaching them to play the cello or speak fluent Mandarin. That’s because most parents will naturally outsource the latter two skills (unless they happen to be Chinese cellists) whereas good manners require tireless, everyday, hands-on effort. Take “please” and “thank you” – by far the most superficial of all our accepted behavioural etiquette constructs. To teach a child to say these things consistently and without prompting, the average parent must correct that child several dozen times a day from the time they are initially verbal until about 5 or 6. On average, that’s more than 100,000 verbal cues until a child actually gets it. Your pet goldfish learns tricks faster than that. And that’s not even counting the thousands of mandatory apologies, forced thank-you-notes and supervised household chores. Raising a well-mannered kid is a slog, and no babysitter, tutor or fancy private school is going to do it for you
parenting  etiquette  civics  commencement  high_schools  Leah_McLaren  courtesies  civility  students  women  girls  youth  verbal_cues 
july 2014 by jerryking
Lizzie Post on How to Be the Perfect Houseguest - WSJ
July 16, 2014 | WSJ | By CHERYL LU-LIEN TAN & Ben Sarle for The Wall Street Journal

Five Tricks
Keep the visit short.

Leave no trail behind. Tidy up after yourself.

Don't bring a ton of stuff with you. Pack the essentials.

Discuss with your hosts how much time they'd like to spend with you during the visit.

Always leave a thank-you note.

In addition to a gift such as wine, offer to cook dinner or to take your hosts out.
travel  etiquette  hospitality 
july 2014 by jerryking
Here’s my list of the most obnoxious Torontonians - The Globe and Mail
The Globe and Mail
Published Friday, Jun. 13 2014

Amy Alkon, the American author of a new book with the cute title Good Manners for Nice People who Sometimes Say F*ck, says it is inevitable in a busy urban environment.

"We can behave badly when we are around strangers, and we're around strangers almost all the time," "This allows people to do stuff they would never do to a neighbour. The guy that's flipping you the bird in traffic is counting on the fact that he's never going to see you again."

Rude people in cities somehow persuade themselves that all those other people around them simply don't exist – or, at least, don't merit bothering about.

These rude people are self-declared islands in the urban sea, pursuing their self-interest and supremely indifferent to the effects on the rest of us.The road hog cyclist was like that, but there are many others like him.........Most people follow the simple rules of urban etiquette that keep the modern metropolis functioning, even when there is no one around to enforce them.

Most dog owners pick up after their pets with plastic bags, a relatively new practice, simply because it is expected. Most city dwellers who aren't the mayor still experience shame......Amy Alkon is off base. Most of us don't feel we can behave badly around strangers. When that guy rammed me with his bike, everyone getting off the streetcar and passing by on the street knew he was in the wrong. Even as he bombed off through the intersection, I'm sure he felt it. It is that collective judgment that we fear and, by and large, respect.
Marcus_Gee  Toronto  civics  courtesies  etiquette  civility  humility  public_decorum  anonymity 
june 2014 by jerryking
Should I Accept that LinkedIn Invitation? - Alexandra Samuel -
June 25, 2013 | Harvard Business Review | by Alexandra Samuel.

the answer to the who-should-I-connect-to-on-LinkedIn question is to use a "favor test." The favor test is simple: Would you do a favor for this person, or ask a favor of them? If so, make the connection. If not, take a pass. VERSUS

an attitude that "It's not about a rule. It's much more about your feeling and beeing. I can accept that Ln invitation just because of a relevant profile; just because of chasing curiosity at moment of reading; just because of why not, he/she has low connections; just because he/she could open gates never expected; just because this is life: sliding doors."
etiquette  LinkedIn  HBR  social_networking  networking 
june 2013 by jerryking
What to Do About Friends Who Are Always Late -
June 23, 2013, 12:44 a.m. ET

When Friends Always Show Up Late

etiquette  punctuality  selfishness  tardiness  tips 
june 2013 by jerryking
Jeffrey Simpson: Would it hurt our PMs to respect each other? - The Globe and Mail
May. 04 2013 | Globe & Mail | JEFFREY SIMPSON

Those with a taste for Canadian history should read Sir Wilfrid Laurier’s eulogy to Sir John A. Macdonald. Their parties had fought ferociously over big issues, and the partisanship of their day was ubiquitous. But great men seek public occasions to display respect to each other and, in so doing, invite their fellow citizens to respect the institutions of democracy.
Canadian  history  eulogies  Jeffrey_Simpson  civility  partisan_warfare  etiquette  post-partisanship  Jean_Chrétien  Brian_Mulroney  Pierre_Trudeau  courtesies  Sir_John_A._Macdonald  Sir_Wilfred_Laurier  leaders  politicians  nation_builders  Confederation 
may 2013 by jerryking
What to Say to a Friend Who's Ill -
April 12, 2013 | WSJ | By LETTY COTTIN POGREBIN.
The following are 10 Commandments for Conversing With a Sick Friend.

1. Rejoice at their good news. Don't minimize their bad news. A guy tells you that the doctors got it all, say "Hallelujah!" A man with advanced bladder cancer says that he's taking his kids to Disneyland next summer, don't bite your lip and mutter, "We'll see." Tell him it's a great idea. (What harm can it do?)..."Tell me what I can do to make things easier for you—I really want to help."

2. Treat your sick friends as you always did—but never forget their changed circumstance. Speak to them as you always did (tease them, kid around with them, get mad at them) but indulge their occasional blue moods or hissy-fits. Most important, start conversations about other things (sports, politics, food, movies) as soon as possible and you'll help speed their journey from the morass of illness to the miracle of the ordinary.

3. Avoid self-referential comments. A friend with a hacking cough doesn't need to hear, "You think that's bad? I had double pneumonia."...The truest thing you can say to a sick or suffering friend is, "I can only try to imagine what you're going through."

4. Don't assume, verify. Repeat after me: "Assume nothing."

5. Get the facts straight before you open your mouth.Did your friend have a heart or liver transplant? Chemo or radiation? Don't just ask, "How are you?" Ask questions specific to your friend's health. "How's your rotator cuff these days?" "Did the blood test show Lyme disease?" "Are your new meds working?" If you need help remembering who has shingles and who has lupus, or the date of a friend's operation, enter a health note under the person's name in your contacts list or stick a Post-it by the phone and update the information as needed.

6. Help your sick friend feel useful. Zero in on one of their skills and lead to it. Assuming they're up to the task, ask a cybersmart patient to set up a Web page for you; ask a bridge or chess maven to give you pointers on the game; ask a retired teacher to guide your teenager through the college application process. In most cases, your request won't be seen as an imposition but a vote of confidence in your friend's talent and worth.

7. Don't infantilize the patient. Never speak to a grown-up the way you'd talk to a child. Objectionable sentences include, "How are we today, dearie?" "That's a good boy." "I bet you could swallow this teeny-tiny pill if you really tried." And the most wince-worthy, "Are we ready to go wee-wee?" Protect your friend's dignity at all costs.

8. Think twice before giving advice.Don't forward medical alerts, newspaper clippings or your Aunt Sadie's cure for gout. Your idea of a health bulletin that's useful or revelatory may mislead, upset, confuse or agitate your friend. Sick people have doctors to tell them what to do. Your job is simply to be their friend.

9. Let patients who are terminally ill set the conversational agenda.If they're unaware that they're dying, don't be the one to tell them. If they know they're at the end of life and want to talk about it, don't contradict or interrupt them; let them vent or weep or curse the Fates. Hand them a tissue and cry with them. If they want to confide their last wish, or trust you with a long-kept secret, thank them for the honor and listen hard. Someday you'll want to remember every word they say.

10. Don't pressure them to practice 'positive thinking.' The implication is that they caused their illness in the first place by negative thinking—by feeling discouraged, depressed or not having the "right attitude." Positive thinking can't cure Huntington's disease, ALS or inoperable brain cancer....As one hospice patient put it, "All I want from my friends right now is the freedom to sulk and say goodbye."
bad_news  conversations  Communicating_&_Connecting  difficult_conversations  dignity  etiquette  hospice  ice-breakers  illness  positive_thinking  stressful  tension 
april 2013 by jerryking
Henninger: The Age of Indiscretion -
April 25, 2012, 6:48 p.m. ET

The Age of Indiscretion
GSA partiers in Vegas and Secret Service revelers in Cartagena make it clear that discretion is dead.

Daniel_Henninger  scandals  discretion  humility  etiquette  public_decorum  popular_culture  personal_responsibility 
april 2012 by jerryking
Can I switch to another doctor in the same clinic? - The Globe and Mail
LISA PRIEST | Columnist profile
From Monday's Globe and Mail
Published Sunday, Apr. 22, 2012
etiquette  mens'_health 
april 2012 by jerryking
The Art of Conversation
November 19, 2005
Get outside yourself and focus on others. Know how to LISTEN!!!
To become a good conversationalist.
(1) Become invested in the conversation and actively work to help the other person feel comfortable. To this end, ice-breakers might include some of the challenges of your profession? your favourite thing to do on a rainy day? How mobile apps are affecting your life?.

A great opening question should elicit a response that is truly interesting. Ask,"what did you do today? "Start at the beginning and tell me exactly what happened from the time you work up?"
Leah_McLaren  conversations  Communicating_&_Connecting  ice-breakers  etiquette  listening 
march 2012 by jerryking
Presenting Your Best Self

When Ms. Brown wants to meet someone who is already involved in a conversation, she generally hovers nearby, waiting for the person to notice she is waiting and invite her to join in. "If they're heavily into the talk and the conversation is pretty intense, then walk away and find another moment," she says. "I think it's rude to interrupt people when they're speaking—or just join in the conversation."

When you're meeting people, "a firm handshake is important," she says. "The last thing you need when you shake someone's hand is to feel them barely pressing your hand," she says, which conveys "a weak character." Too often, people forget basic manners, she says: It is important to look people in the eye and smile, and if you have someone with you, be sure to introduce that person.

As the conversation progresses, Ms. Brown employs "emotional intelligence" by asking questions, rather than talking about herself.
Communicating_&_Connecting  conversations  ice-breakers  etiquette 
february 2012 by jerryking
The secret to polite conversation - The Globe and Mail
SARAH HAMPSON | Columnist profile | E-mail
From Monday's Globe and Mail
Published Sunday, Dec. 11, 2011

That’s the thing about pleasant conversation. It’s a dance of fancy footwork, a minefield of social explosive devices to be avoided, the exact opposite of what the popular culture of confession and narcissistic Facebook commentary suggests is important. A good conversationalist has a feel for nuance; an understanding of grace; an ability to make careful entrees and gentle exits. He is not obsessed with his own status updates. And he’s adept at skilled deflections.

To make for happy party dynamics, you must demure at times, remain silent when necessary, nod, listen, dare to be conventional and find refuse in a discussion about the weather.

Rarely do you need to say exactly how you feel,
conversations  ice-breakers  Communicating_&_Connecting  etiquette  politeness  people_skills  grace  generosity  serving_others  nuanced  socially_graceful 
december 2011 by jerryking
Great Gifts for Groomsmen -

Groomsmen Gifts: What Gives?
JFK gave his guys monogrammed Brooks Brothers umbrellas: modest but
memorable. As wedding season heats up, a look at some new-classic
gift_ideas  etiquette 
august 2011 by jerryking
Grace under firing
August 13, 2011 | | by AARON SCHAT. As
Tiger Woods' former caddy discovered, losing your job can be a real test
of character. How not to make a bad situation worse:

How you handle difficult life circumstances - such as being fired -
reveals your character. This does not mean that you should blithely
accept being mistreated. Indeed, anger is an appropriate reaction to
experiencing or witnessing mistreatment. Nor does this mean that you
should avoid criticizing people or processes that are unfair. But this
can be done with venom or grace, malice or dignity. You are responsible
for how you respond.
(1) Never bad mouth an ex-employer.
(2) Reflect and learn
(3) Find fresh motivation
(4) Make the best of the crisis.
bouncing_back  character_traits  emotional_mastery  etiquette  firings  golf  grace  Managing_Your_Career  mistreatment  resilience  silver_linings  Tiger_Woods  values 
august 2011 by jerryking
How to Express Sympathy to a Friend Grieving the Death of a Loved One -
* JANUARY 25, 2011

When a Friend Grieves, How to Get Sympathy Right
etiquette  relationships  Elizabeth_Bernstein  sympathy 
january 2011 by jerryking
Thanks And No Thanks
Oct 9, 2010 | Financial Times Magazine pg. 53 | Anonymous .
gratitude  etiquette  ProQuest 
october 2010 by jerryking
The Wedding Gift Etiquette Guide
June 12, 2008 | | by Lisa Scherzer (Author Archive)
etiquette  weddings  gift_ideas 
august 2010 by jerryking
Respond to All (Relevant) E-mail Yourself
April 13, 2010 | BusinessWeek | By Chris Guillebeau. In a
personality-driven business, the best way to connect with customers is
to answer their e-mails yourself, counsels Chris Guillebeau.
e-mail  etiquette  advice  customer_focus  Communicating_&_Connecting 
august 2010 by jerryking
LinkedIn Etiquette: The Right Way to Request New Connections
June 3, 2010 | CIO | By Kristin Burnham. 1. Do Your Homework,
Browse their profile to understand who they are. Where are they working?
Previous jobs? LinkedIn groups they belong to? Their interests? Do they
blog? 2. Find Common Ground. Find at least 2 or 3 things in common e.g.
an alma mater, LinkedIn group, other connections. 3. Craft A Personal
Note. Instead of the impersonal, standard msg. combine the info. above
to generate a memorable introduction before telling them why you want to
connect. E.g: Hi Megan, I noticed that we were both in the (fill in the
blank) group on Linked In, that Jeff Smith and John Rodgers were mutual
friends and that we grew up in the same city. I've heard great things
about (fill in the blank) and thought it would be great to reach out and
connect to learn more about it from you. Would you be open to a quick
call this Tues. at noon or Thurs. at 3pm to discuss it? Let me know if
e-mail works best for you instead, and I look forward to hearing from
LinkedIn  etiquette  tips  networking  impersonal 
july 2010 by jerryking
How to Work A Room
Apr 26, 2010 | Financial 12 | by Rhymer Rigby.
ProQuest  etiquette  networking  howto 
may 2010 by jerryking
How To Lunch
May 3, 2010 | Financial Times pg. 12 | by Rhymer Rigby. How do
you make sure your working lunch works?
What is the point of a business lunch? Unlike a meeting, sitting down
and breaking bread with someone gives them a chance to open up, relax
and make a real connection." "Lunch is more discursive and an
opportunity to talk more broadly," "A business lunch turns a
transactional relationship into something deeper."tell people why you're
inviting them to lunch," says Ms Ellis. "Is it to discuss strategy or
to thank them for putting business your way? If you don't tell them, it
can be awkward."
ProQuest  etiquette  networking  howto  restaurants  lunchtime  personal_connections  Communicating_&_Connecting  transactional_relationships  candour  transparency 
may 2010 by jerryking
Surviving the Age of Humiliation -
MAY 5, 2010 | Wall Street Journal | By JEFFREY ZASLOW.


* Expect the worst. If you run a business, assume disgruntled employees will make accusations about you. If you're a teacher, expect to be badmouthed by angry students on If you've endured a hostile divorce, keep your guard up, and be ready to mop up spilled secrets.
* Get up to speed. You may be written about on blogs, Twitter and other social-networking sites. Learn exactly how new media sites work, who uses them and how you can be adept at it, too
* Reframe the discussion. Actor Alec Baldwin wrote that he felt great shame, and even thought of suicide, after an angry voicemail message he left for his 11-year-old daughter went viral. He eventually channeled his feelings into a book about fathers' rights and divorce, which allowed him to explain his outburst and weigh in on the debate over custody issues
* Have thick skin. Ignore efforts to hurt you on obscure blogs or websites, as these often dissipate on their own. As for cyber-bullying of children, parents tend to overreact—calling other parents over minor incidents, making things even harder for their kids at school—or under-react, not responding to serious incidents. It's best to tell kids: "Together we'll find the right way to deal with this—to help you and not make things worse.
* Fight back. Thomas Jefferson believed that the best way to combat critical speech was to speak out yourself. Start your own blog or post your own comments. If it's vital that you defend yourself, do so forcefully, without fear and with self-confidence.
personal_branding  reputation  etiquette  civility  public_decorum  popular_culture  Jeffrey_Zaslow  humility  reframing  humiliation  problem_framing  serious_incidents  Thomas_Jefferson  worst-case  thinking_tragically 
may 2010 by jerryking
Killing Gossip With Kindness -
JANUARY 6, 2010 | Wall Street Journal | By JEFFREY ZASLOW.
Before saying something to or about someone else, ask yourself: "Is it
kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" These three questions have been
around for centuries, attributed to Socrates and Buddhist teachings, and
linked to the tenets of Christianity and the Jewish prohibition on
"lashon hara," or evil language. Replace words that hurt with words
that encourage, engage and enrich."
etiquette  Jeffrey_Zaslow  discretion  scuttlebutt  Socrates  public_decorum  gossip  think_threes  grace 
january 2010 by jerryking
The Art of the Thank-You Note
DECEMBER 24, 2009 |Wall Street Journal | by Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan
etiquette  gratitude 
december 2009 by jerryking
How to Give a Birthday Toast |
How to Give a Birthday Toast
bretton Contributor
By Bretton Rodriguez
etiquette  public_speaking  Communicating_&_Connecting 
december 2009 by jerryking
A Toast to Our Host
Jan 2005 | USA Today. Vol. 133, Iss. 2716; pg. 7, 1 pgs | Anonymous.
etiquette  public_speaking  Communicating_&_Connecting 
december 2009 by jerryking
How to make a great toast
May 2006 | Redbook. Vol. 206, Iss. 5; pg. 102, 1 pgs | by
Charlotte Latvala. The author provides several tips for finding the
rights words and saying them with style when one's making a great toast
whether at a Mother's Day celebration, graduation party, or wedding.
Among other things, one is advised not to write a speech and read it,
either--one will sound stilted. Instead, one should brainstorm a week or
two and then spend a few minutes practicing a day or two before.
howto  Communicating_&_Connecting  public_speaking  etiquette 
december 2009 by jerryking
Style Expert Tim Gunn Makes Small Talk -
OCTOBER 25, 2007 | Wall Street Journal | by ELVA RAMIREZ.
Although Mr. Gunn says that he lets conversations evolve organically, he
avoids controversial subjects. If pressed for a small-talk topic, he'll
ask, "What brings you here tonight?" or the sure-fire "Who are you
wearing?". Sometimes the issue is not empty space but too many words.
The key to politely leaving a conversation, Mr. Gunn says, is to be
forthright. He extends his hand and says, "It's been lovely talking to
you. But I'm needed across the room."
Communicating_&_Connecting  etiquette  tips  mens'_clothing  ice-breakers  small_talk 
november 2009 by jerryking
Contemporary 'Courtier' -
JULY 14, 2007 | Wall Street Journal | By WILLIAM AMELIA.
Comments on Baldissare Castiglione's Renaissance handbook of manners is a
timeless document. The Courtier".
Renaissance  etiquette  book_reviews  William_Amelia  royal_courts 
november 2009 by jerryking
100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 2) - You’re the Boss Blog -
November 5, 2009, 9:00 am
100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 2)
By Bruce Buschel
restaurants  food  etiquette 
november 2009 by jerryking
One Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 1) - You’re the Boss Blog -
October 29, 2009 | New York Times | by Bruce Buschel. A modest
list of do's and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant Buschel
is building.
etiquette  restaurants  advice  lists  customer_service 
november 2009 by jerryking
Op-Ed Columnist - In Search of Dignity
July 6, 2009 | New York Times | By DAVID BROOKS.

From JCK's notes in the late 1990s:
{"Individual expression" and "self esteem"}--can be a lot of B.S.
"feelings" can be a mask for selfishness
We live in a time when leaders and citizens have abdicated character, courage, & conscience.
There is no shame in our culture anymore.
Saving one or two stranded starfish, even if you can't save them all!

there's a difference between being insecure and lacking self-esteem.
public_decorum  etiquette  popular_culture  personal_responsibility  David_Brooks  dignity  insecurity  personal_behaviour  bullshitake  self-esteem  selfishness 
july 2009 by jerryking
The Care and Feeding of Network Contacts -
MAY 14, 2009 | Wall Street Journal | by JENNIFER SARANOW

Online networking isn't something you do only when looking for a job. "Your network is most valuable when you don't need it,".
LinkedIn  social_networking  best_practices  etiquette 
may 2009 by jerryking
Taking a Commission
Oct. 17, 2006 WSJ column, pg. B4, by Kelly Spors on handling referrals among consultants.
etiquette  management_consulting  Kelly_K._Spors  fees_&_commissions 
march 2009 by jerryking

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