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jerryking : forgiveness   8

Drop It - Joel Osteen - YouTube
Drop it, Leave it. Let it go (God's in control). Life's too short to carry around negative baggage. Your destiny is too important, your time too valuable to go through the day weighted down by offence, guilt, disappointment, and hurts. Don't give in to temptation to pick it back up.
churches  forgiveness  grace  Joel_Osteen  mega-churches  pastors  positive_thinking  prosperity_gospel 
april 2018 by jerryking
Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
MAY 28, 2016 | The New York Times | By ALAIN de BOTTON.

We all fear marrying the wrong person...Partly, it’s because we have many latent problems that emerge when we try to get close to others (we seem normal only to those who don’t know us very well. In a wiser, more self-aware society, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: “And how are you crazy?”)....The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities. ...Our partners are no more self-aware although we make a stab at trying to understand them....we seek a (false) sense that we’ve done our homework. We haven’t.....What matters in the marriage of feeling--romantic love--is that two people are drawn to each other by an overwhelming instinct and know in their hearts that it is right.....we believe ourselves to be seeking happiness in marriage, it isn’t that simple. What we really seek is familiarity — which may well complicate any plans we might have had for happiness. ...as grown-ups find ourselves rejecting certain candidates for marriage not because they are wrong but because they are too right — too balanced, mature, understanding and reliable — given that in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign. We marry the wrong people because we don’t associate being loved with feeling happy....We make mistakes, too, because we are so lonely. No one can be in an optimal frame of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable.....Finally, we marry to make a nice feeling permanent. We imagine that marriage will help us to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us....We marry to make joyful sensations permanent but fail to see that there is no solid connection between these feelings and the institution of marriage....The good news is that it doesn’t matter if we find we have married the wrong person. We mustn’t abandon him or her, only the founding "romantic love" idea upon which the Western understanding of marriage has been based the last 250 years: that a perfect being exists who can meet all our needs and satisfy our every yearning....swap the Romantic Love view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. There can be no end to our sense of emptiness and incompleteness. But none of this is unusual or grounds for divorce. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we're willing to sign up for.

This philosophy of pessimism--thinking tragically--offers a solution to a lot of distress and agitation around marriage. It might sound odd, but pessimism relieves the excessive imaginative pressure that our romantic culture places upon marriage. The failure of one particular partner to save us from our grief and melancholy is not an argument against that person and no sign that a union deserves to fail or be upgraded.

The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person.

Romantic Love has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners.
Communicating_&_Connecting  conflict_resolution  disagreements  disappointment  expectations  forgiveness  generosity  grace  humour  imperfections  intimacy  marriage  perspectives  pessimism  relationships  romantic_love  serving_others  thinking_tragically 
may 2016 by jerryking
What women can learn from men - The Globe and Mail
MARGARET WENTE
The Globe and Mail
Published Friday, Jul. 10, 2015

Here are a few things Maggie Wente admires about men:

Men get to the point....Men are direct. They don’t think emotions are all that interesting. Women are overly sensitive to emotions and tend to get all caught up in process.

Men don’t hold grudges.....Men just let it go (jk: forgiveness). They can get furiously angry with each other, and two weeks later they’re the best of friends. Women would be better off if we didn’t take stuff so personally.

Men externalize their failures....When men fail at something, they’re likely to blame it on their subordinates, their boss, market conditions, bad luck or sunspots. They seldom blame themselves (and if they do, they get over it). When women fail at something, they’re likely to conclude that they’re no good, and who were they kidding anyway?

Men are focused and persistent....they can’t multitask the way women do but they don’t get so distracted either.

Men have no problem being assertive....Research has found that most women will only apply for a promotion if they are 100-per-cent qualified for the job, and sometimes not even then. Men, on the other hand, will apply for a promotion just because they’re capable of breathing in and out.

Men are less complicated than women. -They don’t have to be in the mood to enjoy sex.
forgiveness  gender_gap  gender_relations  grudges  Margaret_Wente  men  multitasking  women 
july 2015 by jerryking
The hated, the hater and 9/11 -
Sep. 06, 2011 | The Globe and Mail | SHEEMA KHAN . The road to
recovery, he says, hasn’t been easy. It took almost nine years to heal
physically and emotionally. Without any family or health insurance in
the United States, he relied on the kindness of friends. He remains
partially blind in one eye.

He says he never felt any anger, and forgave his assailant immediately.
He researched the Koran and the life of the Prophet Mohammed, finding
overwhelming exhortations toward compassion. Yes, he had the right to
take justice, but forgiveness is better. He recalled his parents’ advice
to remain humble before God during life’s tests, never to ask: “Why
me?” He made it his mission to combat ignorance with education, hate
with compassion.
Sheema_Khan  forgiveness  gratitude  inspiration  9/11 
september 2011 by jerryking
How to Fix a Broken Friendship - WSJ.com
JULY 26, 2011

Delicate Art of Fixing a Broken Friendship
Forgiving Is Good for You, Researchers Say, But Take It Slow; You May Be Ready to Start Over, But Your Friend May Not

By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
friendships  relationships  howto  repairs  Elizabeth_Bernstein  forgiveness 
july 2011 by jerryking

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