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jerryking : friendships   50

At Howard University, Homecoming Is a Pilgrimage
November 17, 2019 The New York Times | Written by Bianca Ladipo.

At Howard University in Washington, homecoming encompasses more than collegiate nostalgia; it’s a celebration of black culture, a music and arts festival, a history lesson, a community reunion.....The weekend, which usually falls in mid-October, begins with Yardfest, held on the several-acre green at the heart of the 152-year-old historically black university.......Over the last decade, institutions of higher education across the country have struggled with declining enrollment, historically black colleges and universities being among the hardest hit. But recently, enrollment at H.B.C.U.s has begun to rebound as the schools have become increasingly visible in the culture. .... Howard aka“The Mecca.”....the term emerged after the Civil Rights Movement. In the wake of the death of Malcolm X and in the spirit of the Black Power movement, students began to informally refer to the campus as “The Mecca of black education.”... the current political climate is causing young black students to think in new ways about the college experience — what it means to grow intellectually in a predominantly black space. Homecoming pilgrimages at H.B.C.U.s, he added, are unique reflections of such spaces and their histories.....While most of Howard’s students are not affiliated with sororities and fraternities, the presence of Greek life is strong. Trees around the campus yard are painted with the emblems of each organization, marking meeting places for members. Of the nine national Black Greek letter organizations, five of them were founded at Howard. 
African-Americans  alumni  blackness  Black_Power  black_pride  Colleges_&_Universities  education  emotional_connections  fraternities  friendships  hard_times  HBCUs  homecoming  Howard  pilgrimage  Washington_D.C.   
november 2019 by jerryking
Opinion | The Trick to Life Is to Keep Moving - The New York Times
By Devi Lockwood
Ms. Lockwood is a fellow in the Times Opinion section.

Sept. 7, 2019
dying  friendships  howto 
september 2019 by jerryking
Opinion | How to End a Friendship - The New York Times
By Lauren Mechling
Ms. Mechling is the author of the forthcoming novel “How Could She.”

June 14, 2019
friendships 
june 2019 by jerryking
The winner’s wisdom of Silicon Valley Stoics
TheGoat 2 days ago
Having just spent the last four years enjoying a spot of multiple-near-death-by-cancer life jokes from the almighty, here is my advice: enjoy every second to the fullest, life i...
advice  arduous  exercise  food  friendships  letters_to_the_editor  mybestlife  relationships  Stoics 
june 2019 by jerryking
‘I Wish You Bad Luck,’ He Said With Good Intentions
Dec. 28, 2017 | WSJ | By Bob Greene.

In Spring 2017, Chief Justice John Roberts delivered a commencement address to his son's grade 9 graduation ceremony that offered a universal lesson about the value to be found in generosity of spirit. Roberts prepared the advice offered in his speech specifically for the commencement address, as he set out to reflect upon “some of the harsh realities that everyone will face in the course of a full life,” and how to anticipate them and learn from them....His speech was structured in pairs.....He told his audience that commencement speakers will typically “wish you good luck and extend good wishes to you. I will not do that, and I’ll tell you why.

“From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice.

“I hope that you will suffer betrayal, because that will teach you the importance of loyalty.

“Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted.

“I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life, and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either.

“And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then your opponent will gloat over your failure. It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship.

“I hope you’ll be ignored so that you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion.

“Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Also,......“Once a week, you should write a note to someone. Not an email. A note on a piece of paper. It will take you exactly 10 minutes.” Then, Roberts urged, put the note in an envelope and send it off the old way: via the mail.

The handwritten note, he said, might express appreciation for someone who has helped you out or treated you with kindness, and who may not know how grateful you are.........here’s a toast to bad luck, and to its hidden gifts. First, though, the corner mailbox awaits. Gratitude is priceless, but conveying it costs no more than a postage stamp.
advice  betrayals  chance  commencement  failure  friendships  gratitude  handwritten  John_Roberts  judges  justice  life_skills  loyalty  luck  pairs  speeches  sportsmanship  U.S._Supreme_Court  values  compassion  listening  inspiration  teachable_moments  counterintuitive  tough_love  good_intentions 
may 2019 by jerryking
Why You Need a Network of Low-Stakes, Casual Friendships
May 6, 2019 | The New York Times | By Allie Volpe.

The sociologist Mark Granovetter calls these low-stakes relationships “weak ties.” Not only can these connections affect our job prospects, they also can have a positive impact on our well-being by helping us feel more connected to other social groups, according to Dr. Granovetter’s research. Other studies have shown weak ties can offer recommendations (I found my accountant via a weak tie) and empower us to be more empathetic. We’re likely to feel less lonely, too, research shows.

A 2014 study found that the more weak ties a person has (neighbors, a barista at the neighborhood coffee shop or fellow members in a spin class), the happier they feel. Maintaining this network of acquaintances also contributes to one’s sense of belonging to a community, researchers found......maintaining a network of low-stakes connections further enmeshes us in our community, especially after a major move away from family and close friends or the loss of a loved one.
Communicating_&_Connecting  friendships  happiness  low-stakes  networking  personal_connections  personal_relationships  relationships  sense-of-belonging  social_fabric  weak_links 
may 2019 by jerryking
Why People Ghost — and How to Get Over It - The New York Times
By Adam Popescu
Jan. 22, 2019

Ghosting — when someone cuts off all communication without explanation....happens across all social circumstances and it’s tied to the way we view the world......The pace of modern life makes it hard enough to maintain real life friendships; it’s impossible to actually be friends with everyone you’re supposedly simpatico with online......Growing apart can be a friendship’s natural evolution; ditto for lovers.....when you get ghosted, there’s no closure, so you question yourself and choices which sabotages self-worth and self-esteem.....ghosting a form of the silent treatment akin to emotional cruelty (the pain it causes can be treated with Tylenol, according to multiple studies). So, how do you avoid it in the first place?......be particularly choosy about who you tend to interact with,”....get a sense early on of what kind of individual you’re dealing with.”......watch how people treat others is a good indicator.......Ghosting has a lot to do with someone’s comfort level and how they deal with their emotions,” she added. “A lot of people anticipate that talking about how they feel is going to be a confrontation. That mental expectation makes people want to avoid things that make them uncomfortable.”.....the flip side [of ghosting] is a subset of the population looking for real connection. “People are craving authenticity,”...“Being vulnerable is the number one thing that creates intimacy between people and if you worry about being hurt all the time, you’re not able to be vulnerable and it affects the quality of connection.”....ghosting has a lot to do with how we feel about our future — or whether we think our mate is the “one,” which is a question of belief versus destiny. Either someone believes the relationship is capable of growing or they’re seeking an archetypal partner (what’s typically called a soul mate). “Individuals who have stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost,”....remember if someone ghosts you that behavior says more about them than you,” Dr. Vilhauer said. “It’s about their discomfort. You have to keep trying.”.....modify how we reject people.....Don’t apologize, she said, but be honest about boundaries, whether it’s going to a movie with someone or spending the rest of your life together. Just be real. “The good middle ground is explicitly rejecting someone and telling them ‘no,’ not ‘I’m sorry,’”....Taking a risk to tell someone how you really feel — even if it’s not what they want to hear — has benefits. Self-esteem, stress, blood pressure, spending more time with people you care about. And getting that time back opens up self-discovery.
authenticity  avoidance  belief_systems  blindsided  breakups  clarity  Communicating_&_Connecting  dating  discomforts  exits  friendships  ghosting  intimacy  personal_connections  relationships  say_"no"  self-discovery  self-esteem  self-worth 
february 2019 by jerryking
Mulroney, Bush and the last lyrical act of a unique friendship
December 5, 2018 | The Globe and Mail | ANDREW COHEN.

When Brian Mulroney delivered a eulogy to George H.W. Bush at his funeral in Washington Wednesday, it was the last, lyrical act of a unique friendship between a prime minister of Canada and a president of the United States......It was natural, then, for Mr. Mulroney to lionize him as he did at the Washington National Cathedral, declaring no president of the great republic “more courageous, more principled, more honourable.” For Mr. Mulroney, paying this kind of tribute has become an avocation. He spoke at the funeral of Ronald Reagan in 2004 and that of Mr. Reagan’s wife, Nancy, in 2016.....In June, 1999, they met in Montreal to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the agreement. They needed no reason to see each other then; they forgathered every Labour Day weekend at Mr. Bush’s seaside retreat in Kennebunkport, Me.....William Thorsell, who was then editor of The Globe and Mail, asked me to come from Washington to join him and a colleague in conversation with the two former leaders....focus on free trade; William suggested exploring the personal, such as friendship, public service and life after politics.

Today, in Donald Trump’s America, the conversation that day is a hymn to civility, loyalty and humanity. There were differences in temperament. Mr. Bush was detached and modest. Mr. Mulroney was self-conscious, restless and in search of vindication.......In the years since, Mr. Mulroney has become an elder statesman in Canada, an éminence grise who robustly supported the Liberal government in renegotiating NAFTA. It was a display of patriotism that Mr. Bush surely applauded.

Both reflected their political cultures. Mr. Bush was welcomed into the circle of former presidents, which would allow him to call Mr. Clinton “a son.” In Canada, where prime ministers face each other as gladiators in Parliament, there is less of this kindness and gentility. It explains why former prime ministers dislike each other.

But presidents and prime ministers generally do play well, particularly Republicans and Conservatives, Democrats and Liberals. John F. Kennedy and Lester Pearson got along famously, as did Pierre Trudeau and Gerald Ford, as well as Mr. Clinton and Jean Chrétien. Some have no chemistry at all: Mr. Kennedy and John Diefenbaker; Richard Nixon and Mr. Trudeau; Barack Obama and Stephen Harper.

There were prime ministers and presidents who held office longer than Brian and George. But none maintained a friendship longer, out of power, with the depth of affection that Mr. Bush and Mr. Mulroney did.

And so that’s why Brian Mulroney stood in the well of the Washington National Cathedral Wednesday. He was saying farewell, amid laughter and tears, to a friend
Brian_Mulroney  éminence_grise  farewells  friendships  obituaries  tributes  George_H.W._Bush  eulogies  personal_chemistry 
december 2018 by jerryking
Giving Away Your Billion
JUNE 6, 2017 | The New York Times | David Brooks.

Recently Brooks has been reading the Giving Pledge letters. These are the letters that rich people write when they join Warren Buffett’s Giving Pledge campaign. They take the pledge, promising to give away most of their wealth during their lifetime, and then they write letters describing their giving philosophy......Most of the letter writers started poor or middle class. They don’t believe in family dynasties and sometimes argue that they would ruin their kids’ lives if they left them a mountain of money. Schools and universities are the most common recipients of their generosity, followed by medical research and Jewish cultural institutions. A ridiculously disproportionate percentage of the Giving Pledge philanthropists are Jewish.......What would David Brooks do if he had a billion bucks to use for good? He’d start with the premise that the most important task before us is to reweave the social fabric. People in disorganized neighbourhoods need to grow up enmeshed in the loving relationships that will help them rise. The elites need to be reintegrated with their own countrymen. .....Only loving relationships transform lives, and such relationships can be formed only in small groups. Thus, I’d use my imaginary billion to seed 25-person collectives around the country.....The collectives would hit the four pressure points required for personal transformation:

Heart: By nurturing deep friendships, they would give people the secure emotional connections they need to make daring explorations.

Hands: Members would get in the habit of performing small tasks of service and self-control for one another, thus engraving the habits of citizenship and good character.

Head: Each collective would have a curriculum, a set of biographical and reflective readings, to help members come up with their own life philosophies, to help them master the intellectual virtues required for public debate.

Soul: In a busy world, members would discuss fundamental issues of life’s purpose, so that they might possess the spiritual true north that orients a life.
social_fabric  David_Brooks  philanthropy  moguls  high_net_worth  Warren_Buffett  elitism  collectives  personal_transformation  plutocracies  plutocrats  disorganization  daring  relationships  emotional_connections  soul  North_Star  virtues  engaged_citizenry  civics  Jewish  biographies  friendships  self-reflective  giving 
june 2017 by jerryking
How to stay social when you’re single - The Globe and Mail
JENNIFER PATERSON
Special to The Globe and Mail
Published Wednesday, Mar. 15, 2017
relationships  friendships  solo 
march 2017 by jerryking
Harry and Sidney: Soul Brothers - The New York Times
Charles M. Blow FEB. 20, 2017

Belafonte and Poitier demonstrated over a lifetime how celebrities could embody activism as well as the quiet power of dignity and grace.

King once said of Poitier: “He is a man of great depth, a man of great social concern, a man who is dedicated to human rights and freedom. Here is a man who, in the words we so often hear now, is a soul brother.”

In fact, I think that is what Poitier and Belafonte found in each other: a soul brother. Happy birthday, gentlemen.
'60s  actors  African-Americans  Caribbean  celebrities  Charles_Blow  civil_rights  dignity  friendships  iconic  trailblazers 
february 2017 by jerryking
To Get a Job in Your 50s, Maintain Friendships in Your 40s - The New York Times
SEPT. 26, 2015 | NYT | By PHYLLIS KORKKI.

in the job search process, the number of connections we maintain in our professional and personal networks is often critical.

As people age, they also tend to stay in the same job longer, consistent with a pattern of wanting to put down roots. During that time, the skills people have learned and the job search strategies they once used may become outdated — especially as technology evolves ever more quickly.

The cure for these drawbacks is fairly straightforward. Once you hit your early 40s, even if you are not looking for a job, work to learn new skills and stretch yourself, Professor Wanberg said. Also, keep your networks strong by staying in touch with former colleagues and classmates, along with current co-workers and clients whom you don’t see regularly, she said.
job_search  friendships  networking  aging  midlife  howto  co-workers 
september 2015 by jerryking
The power of a mentor - and how having one can make you healthier - The Globe and Mail
SCOTT SCHIEMAN
Special to The Globe and Mail
Published Thursday, Feb. 19 2015

What does mentoring have to do with health? A lot. From my experience, two elements – openness and generosity – enhance our life chances and well-being by informing our experience of adversities and by bolstering our resources. Mentors help us thrive and flourish.

Mentors see something in you, but you need to be open. This requires being comfortable revealing aspects of yourself – especially flaws. If you were perfect, you wouldn’t need a mentor. To grow, you must be willing to think, feel and act differently. Share your limitations and ask: “What would you do?” or “How would you say it?”
mentoring  friendships 
february 2015 by jerryking
The network effect
Shamelessness, schmoozing, brown-nosing, calculating, ruthless, shameless (again)…one gets the impression that Schumpeter’s attempts at networking have not been so successful!

Jan 16th,2015| de...
letters_to_the_editor  friendships  networking  Communicating_&_Connecting  network_effects  shamelessness 
january 2015 by jerryking
There Are Social and Political Benefits to Having Friends - NYTimes.com
SEPT. 18, 2014| NYT | David Brooks.

In the first place, friendship helps people make better judgments.
Second, friends usually bring out better versions of each other.
Finally, people behave better if they know their friends are observing.

People seem to have a harder time building friendships across class lines.
friendships  howto  David_Brooks  social_classes 
september 2014 by jerryking
Forget love: How to use OKCupid to make friends - The Globe and Mail
ZOSIA BIELSKI
The Globe and Mail
Published Thursday, Jul. 17 2014

Possible hack for political big data?? for John Tory and other campaigns
friendships  relationships  OkCupid  hacks 
september 2014 by jerryking
Not friends, but acquaintances - Georgetown, Guyana
AUGUST 29, 2014 | Stabroek News | L Dunsford Dickson.

a friend as “someone who is personally well known by oneself and for whom one holds warm regard.” A friend can be depended upon, trusted and is someone who supports you in your hour of need.
friendships 
september 2014 by jerryking
Ladies, it’s time to age gratefully - The Globe and Mail
HEATHER SANDERS
Contributed to The Globe and Mail
Published Tuesday, Aug. 26 2014,

my message to my girlfriends in their 20s: You are beautiful. You have that glow of youth that is the envy of those decades older. You may look in the mirror and see imaginary “flaws,” but you are perfect, you are young. Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t give it a second thought. Nurture your soul and spirit, and be that beautiful woman from the inside out.

To my older women friends: You’ve come this far, building a life, a home, a family and friends. They don’t give a flying care that you weigh a few extra pounds, that your eyes crinkle when you smile (they find it endearing), that in those old photos you wore a size 6 that barely covered your bum. Those times are done. We don’t need you to be thin and pretty: We need you to be our good friends and mentors on this journey. The real beauty of you right now is the friendship and good times you share with us.

And to my fortysomething self: Suck it up, buttercup. You’re not 20 any more and you’re not 50 yet.

Women need to learn to be happy with themselves at any age. Use the potions and creams if you want, but get exercise and use sunscreen, too. Don’t put such importance on the fleeting physicality of life. As my 73-year-old mother would say, “Enjoy every good day.” Invest your energy in the important things – learning and experiences that keep the mind young. Be thankful you had a chance to be young and pretty.

Remember you are still a work in progress – at the end of the day, at the end of this life, it’s what you did that mattered, not how you looked doing it.
aging  women  gratitude  grace  sense_of_proportion  friendships  exercise  fitness  personal_accomplishments  mybestlife  superficiality  ephemeral  inside_out 
august 2014 by jerryking
Your brain has limited capacity: Here's how to maximize it
Aug. 24 2014 | - The Globe and Mail | WENCY LEUNG.

Daniel Levitin explains in his new book, The Organized Mind: Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload, the evolution of the human brain hasn’t caught up with the demands of today’s world....The brain has a limited capacity to process information and juggle multiple tasks. But Levitin, a professor of psychology and behavioural neuroscience at McGill University, says we can help the brain do its job more efficiently by organizing our lives around how it functions. By using so-called brain extenders, methods that offload some of the brain’s functions, we can help declutter our thoughts and sharpen memories....Lessons learned:
(1) Evaluate the probabilities. To better systematize your approach to decision-making, use Bayesian inferencing which involves updating one’s estimates of probabilities, based on increasingly refining the information available.
(2) Take the time to write it down. Writing stuff down, improves the chances of it getting imprinted on your brain. Writing things down also conserves mental energy that you would otherwise expend fretting about forgetting them. Don’t settle for organizing your thoughts with notebooks and to-do lists. Levitin suggests writing them on index cards--which can be re-sorted.
(3) Your friendships could use a reminder. Actively organizing data about your social world to allow you to have more meaningful interactions. This means taking notes when you meet new people that help you contextualize your link to them, such as who made the introduction and whether you share any hobbies, and using memory “ticklers,” such as setting a reminder on your electronic calendar every few months to check in with friends if you haven’t heard from them in a while.
(4) When in doubt, toss it in a junk drawer. There is an important purpose for the junk drawer. It allows you to cut down on time and mental energy spent making trivial decisions.
cognitive_skills  thinking  information_overload  decision_making  books  friendships  decluttering  contextual  probabilities  journaling  Daniel_Levitin  sorting  pruning  note_taking  Bayesian  memorization  systematic_approaches  organizing_data 
august 2014 by jerryking
Ten habits of the world’s best connection makers - The Globe and Mail
Scott Dinsmore

Young Entrepreneur Council

Published Friday, Jan. 10 2014,

1. Smile.
2. See friends, not strangers.
3. Make friends. This is the foundation. Making genuine connections is nothing more than making friends.
4. Be genuine. If you’re connecting just because you want to get yourself further up the ladder, then you’ve already lost. There is only one type of connection — one you genuinely care about.
5. Contribute. Meeting people is about making their lives better. Whether that’s by giving them a smile, a new job or anything in between — there is a way to help everyone. Give like crazy, embrace generosity and make others more successful.
6. Pay attention. The easiest way to be interesting is to be interested.
7. Make people a priority.
8. Be open to conversation.
9. Know who you are and who you want in your life.
10. Be uniquely YOU.
attention  authenticity  Communicating_&_Connecting  conversations  friendships  habits  networking  pay_attention  people_skills  self-awareness  serving_others 
january 2014 by jerryking
Why Machiavelli Still Matters - NYTimes.com
By JOHN SCOTT and ROBERT ZARETSKY
Published: December 9, 2013

“The Prince” is a manual for those who wish to win and keep power. The Renaissance was awash in such how-to guides, but Machiavelli’s was different. To be sure, he counsels a prince on how to act toward his enemies, using force and fraud in war. But his true novelty resides in how we should think about our friends. It is at the book’s heart, in the chapter devoted to this issue, that Machiavelli proclaims his originality.

Set aside what you would like to imagine about politics, Machiavelli writes, and instead go straight to the truth of how things really work, or what he calls the “effectual truth.” [Effectual truth means not only that the truth will have an effect, a consequence, but also that its effect will show. Those who try to live by a profession of good will fail and be shown to fail. ] You will see that allies in politics, whether at home or abroad, are not friends....Machiavelli teaches that in a world where so many are not good, you must learn to be able to not be good. The virtues taught in our secular and religious schools are incompatible with the virtues one must practice to safeguard those same institutions. The power of the lion and the cleverness of the fox: These are the qualities a leader must harness to preserve the republic.

For such a leader, allies are friends when it is in their interest to be. (We can, with difficulty, accept this lesson when embodied by a Charles de Gaulle; we have even greater difficulty when it is taught by, say, Hamid Karzai.) What’s more, Machiavelli says, leaders must at times inspire fear not only in their foes but even in their allies — and even in their own ministers.
cynicism  Niccolò_Machiavelli  Medici  indispensable  advice  friendships  politics  power  virtues  interests  consigliere  leaders  self-interest  fear  adaptability  political_power  self-preservation  effectiveness  Charles_de_Gaulle  negative_space  primers 
december 2013 by jerryking
Always Go to the Funeral
August 08, 2005 | NPR | by Deirdre Sullivan.
inspiration  radio  friendships  relationships 
november 2013 by jerryking
Bernard Roy was Brian Mulroney's right-hand man - The Globe and Mail
Konrad Yakabuski

The Globe and Mail

Published
Monday, Apr. 15 2013,

“Thank you enormously, but I am going to decline your generous offer,” Mr. Roy wrote. “In accepting your invitation to become the prime minister’s chief of staff, it was to help you and serve Canada. I did my best.”
chief_of_staff  Brian_Mulroney  obituaries  Quebec  lawyers  friendships  Konrad_Yakabuski  politicians 
april 2013 by jerryking
10 Things They Don't Tell You at Graduation - WSJ.com
April 27, 2012 | WSJ | By CHARLES WHEELAN.

10 Things Your Commencement Speaker Won't Tell You

April 27, 2012 | WSJ | By CHARLES WHEELAN.

10 Things Your Commencement Speaker Won't Tell You

1. Your time in fraternity basements was well spent. The same goes for the time you spent playing intramural sports, working on the school newspaper or just hanging with friends. ...One of the most important causal factors associated with happiness and well-being is your meaningful connections with other human beings....think "friendships.

2. Some of your worst days lie ahead. Graduation is a happy day. But my job is to tell you that if you are going to do anything worthwhile, you will face periods of grinding self-doubt and failure. Be prepared to work through them. ... no one can afford to retire.

3. Don't make the world worse. .... don't use your prodigious talents to mess things up.

4. Marry up

5. Help stop the Little League arms race. Kids' sports are becoming ridiculously structured and competitive. What happened to playing baseball because it's fun? We are systematically creating races out of things that ought to be a journey. We know that success isn't about simply running faster than everyone else in some predetermined direction.

6. Read obituaries. They are just like biographies, only shorter. They remind us that interesting, successful people rarely lead orderly, linear lives.

7. Your parents don't want what is best for you. They want what is good for you, which isn't always the same thing. There is a natural instinct to protect our children from risk and discomfort, and therefore to urge safe choices. Theodore Roosevelt—soldier, explorer, president—once remarked, "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed."

8. Don't model your life after a circus animal. Performing animals do tricks because their trainers throw them peanuts or small fish for doing so. You should aspire to do better. You will be a friend, a parent, a coach, an employee—and so on. But only in your job will you be explicitly evaluated and rewarded for your performance. Don't let your life decisions be distorted by the fact that your boss is the only one tossing you peanuts. ...

9. It's all borrowed time. Take nothing for granted, not even tomorrow. ....the "hit by a bus" rule. Would I regret spending my life this way if I were to get hit by a bus next week or next year? And the important corollary: Does this path lead to a life I will be happy with and proud of in 10 or 20 years if I don't get hit by a bus.

10. Don't try to be great. Being great involves luck and other circumstances beyond your control. The less you think about being great, the more likely it is to happen. And if it doesn't, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being solid.
commencement  Colleges_&_Universities  good_enough  public_speaking  speeches  Communicating_&_Connecting  new_graduates  self-doubt  failure  risk-taking  discomforts  marriage  obituaries  Theodore_Roosevelt  happiness  friendships  arms_race  personal_connections  advice  affirmations  beyond_one's_control  luck  mybestlife 
april 2012 by jerryking
The Tribes of Androids and iPhones - WSJ.com
March 30, 2012| WSJ | By RYAN SAGER.
How Big Cities Can Lead to Small Thoughts
urban  cities  iPhone  Android  friendships  virality  groupthink  tribes 
april 2012 by jerryking
How to dump a friend - The Globe and Mail
courtney shea
From Monday's Globe and Mail
Published Sunday, Jan. 08, 2012
friendships  howto  relationships 
january 2012 by jerryking
Jon Corzine and J. Christopher Flowers Friendship Tossed in MF Global Storm - WSJ.com
NOVEMBER 10, 2011 | WSJ | By GINA CHON
Friendship Is Tossed in MF Global Storm
Flowers and Corzine Relationship Dates to Goldman Days
Jon_Corzine  bankruptcies  friendships  Goldman_Sachs 
november 2011 by jerryking
Wealth Matters - The Rules That Madoff’s Investors Ignored - NYTimes.com
January 6, 2009 | | By PAUL SULLIVAN.

THE 10 PERCENT RULE The saddest Madoff stories are the ones about life savings lost. These were people who had, say, $5 million in one of his funds and now have nothing. Honestly, the people themselves need to bear some responsibility for this. The most basic book on investing will tell you never to put more than 5 or 10 percent into any one investment, particularly one meant to preserve wealth…Having a concentrated stock position when you’re working for a company is sometimes unavoidable. If you were a senior executive at Lehman or Bear Stearns, a part of your bonus was paid in shares, and such restricted stock needs to be held for a period of time, generally two to seven years. Having a concentrated position in other circumstances, however, is foolish. Any responsible wealth manager works to reduce or hedge a person’s concentrated stock position. With Mr. Madoff, investors went the other way and added money year after year. Discipline is key: stick to 10 percent or less and remember that any investment can go bust.
CONSISTENCY IS BAD - Consistency at the highest level isn’t bad; it’s impossible. There are too many variables that inhibit being great on a regular basis.
THE GRAND FALLOON Kurt Vonnegut coined this phrase in “Cat’s Cradle,” and never did it have a more devastating application than in the Madoff scheme. In Vonnegut’s world, a grand falloon was a false association mistaken for friendship — two people from the same town, same university, same company meet somewhere and believe that coincidental connection has significant meaning. It doesn’t, no more so than belonging to the Palm Beach Country Club or the Fifth Avenue Synagogue did for those who used their proximity to Mr. Madoff to coax him into taking their money.
This is a crucial point particularly in opaque investments, from hedge funds to private equity partnerships: just because someone is a good golfer does not mean he should be trusted to invest your money. Private bankers are forever telling their clients not to try to get into someone’s hedge fund just because you enjoyed their conversation on the course — or, worse, want to play with them again. Like taking care of your health, picking an investment adviser should be done with the utmost rigor.
‘DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL’ - Ask questions and don’t assume the person who brings an investment to you has vetted it. Nothing in which you are putting millions of dollars is so wonderful that it cannot withstand scrutiny.
PUT MONEY IN BUCKETS - follow the popular wisdom of private bank investment strategists: divide your money into buckets to insure the money you need to live on will always be safe. Most strategists advise putting your riskiest assets into your philanthropy bucket.
Bernard_Madoff  high_net_worth  fraud  mistakes  opacity  friendships  trustworthiness  diversification  biases  personal_finance  financial_planning  grand_falloon  wealth_management  concentrated_stock_positions  high-risk  philanthropy  due_diligence  passions  passion_investing  impact_investing 
october 2011 by jerryking
How to Fix a Broken Friendship - WSJ.com
JULY 26, 2011

Delicate Art of Fixing a Broken Friendship
Forgiving Is Good for You, Researchers Say, But Take It Slow; You May Be Ready to Start Over, But Your Friend May Not

By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
friendships  relationships  howto  repairs  Elizabeth_Bernstein  forgiveness 
july 2011 by jerryking
Joe Queenan on the Evils of Defriending via Facebook | Moving Targets - WSJ.com
* JANUARY 29, 2011

Why I Defriend the Old-Fashioned Way

*
By JOE QUEENAN

Columnist's name
relationships  friendships 
february 2011 by jerryking
Bonds: How to Break Up With a Friend - WSJ.com
MARCH 23, 2010 | Wall street Journal | By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
friendships  relationships  exits 
march 2010 by jerryking
Ya Gotta Have (Real) Friends - WSJ.com
JUNE 12, 2009 | Wall Street Journal | By TONY WOODLIEF
friendships  relationships 
june 2009 by jerryking
Ending A Friendship - Men's Health
April 2009 | Men's Health | by Oliver Broudy
friendships  relationships 
may 2009 by jerryking

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