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jerryking : intimacy   17

A Lady’s Many Scents - The New York Times
By Jen Gunter
Feb. 7, 2019

Pineapple juice, apple cider vinegar, douching: Is your body’s natural odor a “fixable” problem?
bacteria  gynecology  hygiene  intimacy  personal_grooming  personal_care_products  sexuality  smell  women 
february 2019 by jerryking
Why People Ghost — and How to Get Over It - The New York Times
By Adam Popescu
Jan. 22, 2019

Ghosting — when someone cuts off all communication without explanation....happens across all social circumstances and it’s tied to the way we view the world......The pace of modern life makes it hard enough to maintain real life friendships; it’s impossible to actually be friends with everyone you’re supposedly simpatico with online......Growing apart can be a friendship’s natural evolution; ditto for lovers.....when you get ghosted, there’s no closure, so you question yourself and choices which sabotages self-worth and self-esteem.....ghosting a form of the silent treatment akin to emotional cruelty (the pain it causes can be treated with Tylenol, according to multiple studies). So, how do you avoid it in the first place?......be particularly choosy about who you tend to interact with,”....get a sense early on of what kind of individual you’re dealing with.”......watch how people treat others is a good indicator.......Ghosting has a lot to do with someone’s comfort level and how they deal with their emotions,” she added. “A lot of people anticipate that talking about how they feel is going to be a confrontation. That mental expectation makes people want to avoid things that make them uncomfortable.”.....the flip side [of ghosting] is a subset of the population looking for real connection. “People are craving authenticity,”...“Being vulnerable is the number one thing that creates intimacy between people and if you worry about being hurt all the time, you’re not able to be vulnerable and it affects the quality of connection.”....ghosting has a lot to do with how we feel about our future — or whether we think our mate is the “one,” which is a question of belief versus destiny. Either someone believes the relationship is capable of growing or they’re seeking an archetypal partner (what’s typically called a soul mate). “Individuals who have stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost,”....remember if someone ghosts you that behavior says more about them than you,” Dr. Vilhauer said. “It’s about their discomfort. You have to keep trying.”.....modify how we reject people.....Don’t apologize, she said, but be honest about boundaries, whether it’s going to a movie with someone or spending the rest of your life together. Just be real. “The good middle ground is explicitly rejecting someone and telling them ‘no,’ not ‘I’m sorry,’”....Taking a risk to tell someone how you really feel — even if it’s not what they want to hear — has benefits. Self-esteem, stress, blood pressure, spending more time with people you care about. And getting that time back opens up self-discovery.
authenticity  avoidance  belief_systems  blindsided  breakups  clarity  Communicating_&_Connecting  dating  discomforts  exits  friendships  ghosting  intimacy  personal_connections  relationships  say_"no"  self-discovery  self-esteem  self-worth 
february 2019 by jerryking
TED talks without the ego
August 14, 2017| Financial Times | Harriet Fitch Little.

Sincerely X is a new podcast from TED that leaves no space for grandstanding.
Here, speakers are anonymous. They deliver their talks in a studio with only Cohen, the host, as audience....Whatever the mind game at play, it may be time to ditch the adage that hard stories need a "human face" -- an anonymous voce can apparently do the same job, and better.....But ultimately, this podcast is distinguished by a seriousness that sometimes seems to elude speakers on the TED stage, for whom viral fame is so tantalizingly close at hand.....ideas worth spreading.
TED  conferences  anonymity  listening  podcasts  ideas  curators  intimacy  audio  seriousness 
august 2017 by jerryking
Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
MAY 28, 2016 | The New York Times | By ALAIN de BOTTON.

We all fear marrying the wrong person...Partly, it’s because we have many latent problems that emerge when we try to get close to others (we seem normal only to those who don’t know us very well. In a wiser, more self-aware society, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: “And how are you crazy?”)....The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities. ...Our partners are no more self-aware although we make a stab at trying to understand them....we seek a (false) sense that we’ve done our homework. We haven’t.....What matters in the marriage of feeling--romantic love--is that two people are drawn to each other by an overwhelming instinct and know in their hearts that it is right.....we believe ourselves to be seeking happiness in marriage, it isn’t that simple. What we really seek is familiarity — which may well complicate any plans we might have had for happiness. ...as grown-ups find ourselves rejecting certain candidates for marriage not because they are wrong but because they are too right — too balanced, mature, understanding and reliable — given that in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign. We marry the wrong people because we don’t associate being loved with feeling happy....We make mistakes, too, because we are so lonely. No one can be in an optimal frame of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable.....Finally, we marry to make a nice feeling permanent. We imagine that marriage will help us to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us....We marry to make joyful sensations permanent but fail to see that there is no solid connection between these feelings and the institution of marriage....The good news is that it doesn’t matter if we find we have married the wrong person. We mustn’t abandon him or her, only the founding "romantic love" idea upon which the Western understanding of marriage has been based the last 250 years: that a perfect being exists who can meet all our needs and satisfy our every yearning....swap the Romantic Love view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. There can be no end to our sense of emptiness and incompleteness. But none of this is unusual or grounds for divorce. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we're willing to sign up for.

This philosophy of pessimism--thinking tragically--offers a solution to a lot of distress and agitation around marriage. It might sound odd, but pessimism relieves the excessive imaginative pressure that our romantic culture places upon marriage. The failure of one particular partner to save us from our grief and melancholy is not an argument against that person and no sign that a union deserves to fail or be upgraded.

The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person.

Romantic Love has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners.
Communicating_&_Connecting  conflict_resolution  disagreements  disappointment  expectations  forgiveness  generosity  grace  humour  imperfections  intimacy  marriage  perspectives  pessimism  relationships  romantic_love  serving_others  thinking_tragically 
may 2016 by jerryking
Baltimore live streams riots with Periscope app - The Globe and Mail
Apr. 30 2015|G&M| Shane Dingman.

live, unfiltered moments streamed for an audience in the millions. Citizens and journalists have spent the week capturing and sharing moments on Vine, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and a new breed of live-video apps like Periscope and Meerkat.

“For a breaking news event, like a riot scenario, you can provide a raw, unedited and probably more intimate window into what it is like on the ground than a TV network could never provide,” said Mr. Lewis, who is still covering the Baltimore story. “Partly that is because journalists holding smartphones are less conspicuous than those with satellite TV trucks. But I think there is also something about the immediacy and intimacy of a snapped conversation on a smartphone that brings a very different perspective.”...One of the ways to measure Periscope’s impact is whether it was being talked about on Twitter, which owns the service and lets users seamlessly share it. Data from Twitter analytics site Topsy shows that so far the most widely seen Periscopes were by celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres and Mariah Carey, though Baltimore’s unrest was among the most watched news events thus far.
Periscope  livestreaming  Baltimore  riots  bite-sized  mobile_applications  Freddie_Gray  immediacy  intimacy  smartphones  Vine  Instagram  Twitter  Facebook  Meerkat 
may 2015 by jerryking
The Sex Question Readers Want Answered Most - WSJ
By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
Feb. 10, 2014

To rekindle the flame, skip the flowers and chocolate. Ditto the plan to get something going on your birthday or anniversary. "These are clichés,"..."We've been there and done that. The novelty has worn off."...Step One is to have a conversation with your spouse—and choose your words carefully...."The heart of all this sex stuff is emotional intimacy," she says. "If you actually want to make changes in your sex life, that's where you start."
Communicating_&_Connecting  Elizabeth_Bernstein  clichés  relationships  sex  sexuality  men  marriage  intimacy  questions 
february 2015 by jerryking
The Generous Marriage
December 8, 2011 | NYT | By TARA PARKER-POPE.

The role of generosity is becoming better understood...Generosity is defined as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly” — like simply making them coffee in the morning — and researchers quizzed men and women on how often they behaved generously toward their partners. How often did they express affection? How willing were they to forgive? [Brains, Beauty, Breeding + Generosity/ (graciousness = of good cheer/humour, forgiveness, and an ability to maintain a sense of proportion )]
relationships  marriage  Tara_Parker-Pope  intimacy  parenting  Communicating_&_Connecting  grace  serving_others  romantic_love  generosity  sense_of_proportion 
december 2011 by jerryking
'I Love My Parents': How Close Families Balance Intimacy and Independence - WSJ.com
DECEMBER 21, 2006 | WSJ | By JEFFREY ZASLOW

'I Love My Parents': How Close Families Balance Intimacy and Independence
Jeffrey_Zaslow  family  independence  intimacy  advice  parenting 
november 2011 by jerryking
Why conversation is as important to a marriage as sex ProQuest
Nov 26, 2005. Globe & Mail. Judith Timson. Family
therapists have a keen sense of how pivotal everyday low-key
conversation is to a good marriage, they can sense when a husband and
wife still respect and listen to what the other says..."sex is very
important, but that mutual respect for your mate and what they think is
the most important. You don't have to agree on things -- as a matter of
fact, I think good conversation often comes from the disagreement,"
family therapist Diane Moody says...Psychiatrist Cathi Borsook, says
conversation "is perhaps the major way couples find closeness with each
other." If conversation doesn't happen, even on a banal and casual
basis, there's little intimacy on any level...adds therapist Diane
Moody, " good conversation is an adventure and you have to plan it a
little by reading and thinking. In that way, I can see that it can be
compared to sex -- it takes good communication, a wish to please, some
planning and some creativity to keep it alive."
ProQuest  Judith_Timson  conversations  Communicating_&_Connecting  respect  listening  marriage  relationships  intimacy  disagreements  low-key 
june 2011 by jerryking

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