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jerryking : public_decorum   10

Here’s my list of the most obnoxious Torontonians - The Globe and Mail
MARCUS GEE
The Globe and Mail
Published Friday, Jun. 13 2014

Amy Alkon, the American author of a new book with the cute title Good Manners for Nice People who Sometimes Say F*ck, says it is inevitable in a busy urban environment.

"We can behave badly when we are around strangers, and we're around strangers almost all the time," "This allows people to do stuff they would never do to a neighbour. The guy that's flipping you the bird in traffic is counting on the fact that he's never going to see you again."

Rude people in cities somehow persuade themselves that all those other people around them simply don't exist – or, at least, don't merit bothering about.

These rude people are self-declared islands in the urban sea, pursuing their self-interest and supremely indifferent to the effects on the rest of us.The road hog cyclist was like that, but there are many others like him.........Most people follow the simple rules of urban etiquette that keep the modern metropolis functioning, even when there is no one around to enforce them.

Most dog owners pick up after their pets with plastic bags, a relatively new practice, simply because it is expected. Most city dwellers who aren't the mayor still experience shame......Amy Alkon is off base. Most of us don't feel we can behave badly around strangers. When that guy rammed me with his bike, everyone getting off the streetcar and passing by on the street knew he was in the wrong. Even as he bombed off through the intersection, I'm sure he felt it. It is that collective judgment that we fear and, by and large, respect.
Marcus_Gee  Toronto  civics  courtesies  etiquette  civility  humility  public_decorum  anonymity 
june 2014 by jerryking
Henninger: The Age of Indiscretion - WSJ.com
April 25, 2012, 6:48 p.m. ET

The Age of Indiscretion
GSA partiers in Vegas and Secret Service revelers in Cartagena make it clear that discretion is dead.

By DANIEL HENNINGER
Daniel_Henninger  scandals  discretion  humility  etiquette  public_decorum  popular_culture  personal_responsibility 
april 2012 by jerryking
The Captain and the King - WSJ.com
* JANUARY 7, 2011

The Captain and the King
Why Owen Honors had to go, and why a stammering monarch is a movie hero.

*
By PEGGY NOONAN
Peggy_Noonan  leadership  public_decorum 
january 2011 by jerryking
Surviving the Age of Humiliation - WSJ.com
MAY 5, 2010 | Wall Street Journal | By JEFFREY ZASLOW.

THE BEST DEFENSE

* Expect the worst. If you run a business, assume disgruntled employees will make accusations about you. If you're a teacher, expect to be badmouthed by angry students on RateMyProfessors.com. If you've endured a hostile divorce, keep your guard up, and be ready to mop up spilled secrets.
* Get up to speed. You may be written about on blogs, Twitter and other social-networking sites. Learn exactly how new media sites work, who uses them and how you can be adept at it, too
* Reframe the discussion. Actor Alec Baldwin wrote that he felt great shame, and even thought of suicide, after an angry voicemail message he left for his 11-year-old daughter went viral. He eventually channeled his feelings into a book about fathers' rights and divorce, which allowed him to explain his outburst and weigh in on the debate over custody issues
* Have thick skin. Ignore efforts to hurt you on obscure blogs or websites, as these often dissipate on their own. As for cyber-bullying of children, parents tend to overreact—calling other parents over minor incidents, making things even harder for their kids at school—or under-react, not responding to serious incidents. It's best to tell kids: "Together we'll find the right way to deal with this—to help you and not make things worse.
* Fight back. Thomas Jefferson believed that the best way to combat critical speech was to speak out yourself. Start your own blog or post your own comments. If it's vital that you defend yourself, do so forcefully, without fear and with self-confidence.
personal_branding  reputation  etiquette  civility  public_decorum  popular_culture  Jeffrey_Zaslow  humility  reframing  humiliation  problem_framing  serious_incidents  Thomas_Jefferson  worst-case  thinking_tragically 
may 2010 by jerryking
Killing Gossip With Kindness - WSJ.com
JANUARY 6, 2010 | Wall Street Journal | By JEFFREY ZASLOW.
Before saying something to or about someone else, ask yourself: "Is it
kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" These three questions have been
around for centuries, attributed to Socrates and Buddhist teachings, and
linked to the tenets of Christianity and the Jewish prohibition on
"lashon hara," or evil language. Replace words that hurt with words
that encourage, engage and enrich."
etiquette  Jeffrey_Zaslow  discretion  scuttlebutt  Socrates  public_decorum  gossip  think_threes  grace 
january 2010 by jerryking
Op-Ed Columnist - In Search of Dignity
July 6, 2009 | New York Times | By DAVID BROOKS.

From JCK's notes in the late 1990s:
{"Individual expression" and "self esteem"}--can be a lot of B.S.
"feelings" can be a mask for selfishness
We live in a time when leaders and citizens have abdicated character, courage, & conscience.
There is no shame in our culture anymore.
Saving one or two stranded starfish, even if you can't save them all!
==========================================

there's a difference between being insecure and lacking self-esteem.
public_decorum  etiquette  popular_culture  personal_responsibility  David_Brooks  dignity  insecurity  personal_behaviour  bullshitake  self-esteem  selfishness 
july 2009 by jerryking

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