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Opinion | Talk Less. Listen More. Here’s How. -
Jan. 9, 2020 | The New York Times |

* By Kate Murphy, is the author of “You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters.”

Listening can be more valuable than speaking. Wars have been fought, fortunes lost and friendships wrecked for lack of listening. It is only by listening that we engage, understand, empathize, cooperate and develop as human beings. It is fundamental to any successful relationship — personal, professional and political.....The sad truth is that people have more experience being cut off, ignored and misunderstood than heard to their satisfaction.....listening goes beyond simply hearing what people say. It also involves paying attention to how they say it and what they do while they are saying it, in what context, and how what they say resonates within you......It’s not about merely holding your peace while someone else holds forth. Quite the opposite. A lot of listening has to do with how you respond — the degree to which you facilitate the clear expression of another person’s thoughts and, in the process, crystallize your own.......Good listeners ask good questions......anyone can be interesting if you ask the right questions......ask truly curious questions that don’t have the hidden agenda of fixing, saving, advising, convincing or correcting. Curious questions don’t begin with “Wouldn’t you agree…?” or “Don’t you think…?” and they definitely don’t end with “right?” The idea is to explore the other person’s point of view, not sway it..........Avoid leading questions like, “Do you shop late a night because you didn’t get around to it during the day?” or “Do you shop at night because that’s when they restock the shelves?” Instead, she turned her question into an invitation: “Tell me about the last time you went grocery shopping late at night.” 
In social situations, avoid peppering people with judgmental, personal or appraising questions--questions that rank the other party in a social hierarchy.........Instead, ask about people about their interests. Try to find out what excites or aggravates them — their daily pleasures or what keeps them up at night [JCK: passions??] ..... ..........Because our brains can think a lot faster than people can talk, beware of the tendency to take mental side trips when you should be listening. Smart people are particularly apt to get distracted by their own galloping thoughts. They are also more likely to assume they already know what the other person is going to say..........The reward of good listening will almost certainly be more interesting conversations........it’s human nature to return courtesies .......listening to other people makes it more likely other people will listen to you.........Listening is a skill. And as with any skill, it degrades if you don’t do it enough.......each of us can become a better listener with practice. The more people you listen to, the more aspects of humanity you will recognize, and the better your instincts will be. Listening well can help you understand other people’s attitudes and motivations, which is essential in building cooperative and productive relationships, as well as discerning which relationships you’d be better off avoiding.......listening poorly, selectively or not at all limits your understanding of the world and prevents you from becoming the best you can be.
 books  Communicating_&_Connecting  contextual  conversations  courtesies  dining  family  independent_viewpoints  listening  passions  pay_attention  questions  relationships  skills  smart_people  social_hierarchy  tips 
16 days ago by jerryking
20 Brutal Truths About Life No One Wants to Admit
SEP 7, 2016 | Inc.com | By Matthew Jones.

1. You're going to die and you have no idea when.
Stop pretending that you're invincible. Acknowledge the fact of your own mortality, and then start structuring your life in a more meaningful way.

2. Everyone you love is going to die, and you don't know when.
This truth may be saddening at first, but it also gives you permission to make amends with past difficulties and re-establish meaningful relationships with important figures in your life.

3. Your material wealth won't make you a better or happier person.
Even if you're one of the lucky ones who achieves his or her materialistic dreams, money only amplifies that which was already present.

4. Your obsession with finding happiness is what prevents its attainment.
Happiness is always present in your life--it's just a matter of connecting to it and allowing it to flow through you that's challenging.

5. Donating money does less than donating time.
Giving your time is a way to change your perception and create a memory for yourself and others that will last forever.

6. You can't make everyone happy, and if you try, you'll lose yourself.
Stop trying to please, and start respecting your values, principles, and autonomy.

7. You can't be perfect, and holding yourself to unrealistic standards creates suffering.
Many perfectionists have unrelenting inner critics that are full of so much rage and self-hate that it tears them apart inside. Fight back against that negative voice, amplify your intuition, and start challenging your unrealistic standards.

8. Your thoughts are less important than your feelings and your feelings need acknowledgment.
Intellectually thinking through your problems isn't as helpful as expressing the feelings that create your difficulties in the first place.

9. Your actions speak louder than your words, so you need to hold yourself accountable.
Be responsible and take actions that increase positivity and love.

10. Your achievements and successes won't matter on your death bed.
When your time has come to transition from this reality, you won't be thinking about that raise; you'll be thinking about the relationships you've made--so start acting accordingly.

11. Your talent means nothing without consistent effort and practice.
Some of the most talented people in the world never move out from their parent's basement.

12. Now is the only time that matters, so stop wasting it by ruminating on the past or planning the future.
You can't control the past, and you can't predict the future, and trying to do so only removes you from the one thing you can control--the present.

13. Nobody cares how difficult your life is, and you are the author of your life's story.
Stop looking for people to give you sympathy and start creating the life story you want to read.

14. Your words are more important than your thoughts, so start inspiring people.
Words have the power to oppress, hurt, and shame, but they also have the power to liberate and inspire--start using them more wisely.

15. Investing in yourself isn't selfish. It's the most worthwhile thing you can do.
You have to put on your own gas mask to save the person sitting right next to you.

16. It's not what happens, it's how you react that matters.
Train yourself to respond in a way that leads to better outcomes.

17. You need to improve your relationships to have lasting happiness.
Relationships have a greater impact on your wellbeing and happiness than your income or your occupation, so make sure you give your relationship the attention and work it deserves.

18. Pleasure is temporary and fleeting, so stop chasing fireworks and start building a constellation. Don't settle for an ego boost right now when you can delay gratification and experience deeper fulfillment.

19. Your ambition means nothing without execution--it's time to put in the work.
If you want to change the world, then go out there and do it!

20. Time is your most valuable asset--you need to prioritize how you spend it.
accountability  affirmations  autonomy  consistency  delayed_gratification  efforts  emotional_mastery  execution  good_enough  gut_feelings  happiness  hard_truths  invest_in_yourself  living_in_the_moment  mindfulness  mortality  mybestlife  no_sob_stories  practice  principles  priorities  relationships  serving_others  truth-telling  values  volunteering 
8 weeks ago by jerryking
What’s Left After a Family Business Is Sold?
Aug. 9, 2019 | The New York Times | By Paul Sullivan

Having a pile of money after a company is sold, in place of a company, with all of its stress and complications, would seem like a relief. But a company often holds families together by giving members a shared identity and conferring a status in the community established by previous generations.

Without the company, the family’s perception of itself and its purpose can change, and it is often something that members are not prepared for. Their focus was on running the business and then on the sale; little thought went into what comes next......“The key to doing it successfully is how you prepare yourself and how you prepare your family. It’s really a lifestyle choice.”

If families do not do it right, splitting apart is almost inevitable. “A shared business becomes very much a glue,” ....“When the business is sold, what we see in almost every situation is some family member splits away.” .....Most advisers say the sale of a family business should focus on the transition from operating a company to managing a portfolio of money, not on the money itself. Sometimes the magnitude of the sale becomes an issue for a family’s identity, particularly if the acquisition price becomes public......some families focus more on the money than the traits that made the business successful, and fail to grasp the difference between an operating business and financial capital. ....years before the sale, the family had been formulating a plan for its wealth that focused on family values but also held the members accountable. A family scorecard, for example, tracks their progress on 40 items that the family has deemed important, including working hard, investing wisely and the protecting its legacy.
Mr. Deary said the family used the scorecard to objectively answer the question: “Are we constantly trying to get a little bit better every day at what we do?”

As the wealth stretches out and families grow, those values can become a substitute for the company.
.....continuing education about a family’s values, particularly when the company was gone, allowed successive generations to understand where their wealth came from.

Those values often work best when they are broad — honesty, integrity, hard work — and not so specific that family members chafe. “The loose binds bind best,”

Family relationships can suffer when there are no shared values but strong financial connections, like a large trust or partnership that manages the wealth.
accountability  exits  family  family_business  family_office  family_scorecards  family_values  generations  generational_wealth  heirs  liquidity_events  money_management  purpose  relationships  Second_Acts  self-perception  unprepared  values  wealth_management 
august 2019 by jerryking
The Man With the $13 Billion Checkbook
July 12, 2019 | The New York Times | By John Leland [John Leland, a Metro reporter, joined The Times in 2000. His most recent book is “Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Lessons From a Year Among the Oldest Old,” based on a Times series. @johnleland]

In the neglected Harlem of the late 1990s, one dynamic player was the Abyssinian Development Corporation, a nonprofit offshoot of the powerful Abyssinian Baptist Church. Harlem then was littered with abandoned buildings that had been repossessed by the city. The development corporation, led by the Rev. Dr. Calvin O. Butts III, leveraged city and private money to restore these shells, then used the profits to acquire and rehab more buildings. Mr. Walker became the organization’s chief operating officer, working out of a basement office to help bring a Pathmark supermarket to 125th Street, the anchor for what would become a thriving commercial corridor in a neighborhood that had been given up for dead.

“Working for Calvin Butts, you saw the power of the black church, the shrewd political instincts of a power player, and the dynamic at the intersection of race, power, geography and culture,” Mr. Walker said. “It gave me tremendous insight into how power at that intersection plays out, and who benefits and who doesn’t benefit.”

Mr. Walker’s time at Abyssinian also taught him what it was like to rely on foundation grants, begging the mighty patron for favors. When he left to join the Rockefeller Foundation and then Ford — and as Abyssinian boomed and busted in a new Harlem — he vowed to change this relationship.
African-Americans  capitalism  Communicating_&_Connecting  contradictions  cultural_institutions  Darren_Walker  Ford_Foundation  Harlem  inequality  museums  patronage  power_brokers  New_York_City  personal_connections  political_power  relationships  tokenism 
july 2019 by jerryking
The winner’s wisdom of Silicon Valley Stoics
TheGoat 2 days ago
Having just spent the last four years enjoying a spot of multiple-near-death-by-cancer life jokes from the almighty, here is my advice: enjoy every second to the fullest, life i...
advice  arduous  exercise  food  friendships  letters_to_the_editor  mybestlife  relationships  Stoics 
june 2019 by jerryking
Opinion | The Surprising Benefits of Relentlessly Auditing Your Life
May 25, 2019 | The New York Times | By Amy Westervelt, a journalist and podcaster.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" is a famous dictum apparently uttered by Socrates at his trial for impiety and corrupting youth, for which he was subsequently sentenced to death, as described in Plato's Apology (38a5–6).
analytics  data  evidence_based  happiness  housework  marriage  note_taking  patterns  quality_of_life  quantitative  quantified_self  record-keeping  relationships  relentlessness  self-assessment  self-examination  self-improvement  spreadsheets 
may 2019 by jerryking
Don’t Waste Your Time on Networking Events
SEPTEMBER 26, 2016 | HBR | Derek Coburn.

My definition of “networking” is any activity that increases the value of your network or the value you contribute to it. The best way to do this is to avoid traditional networking events almost entirely. There are more efficient and effective ways to spend your time. Here are three of my favorite strategies:

Hosting Your Own Events
Hosting your own get-togethers gives you almost complete control over the attendees, the setting, and the outcome. It’s a great way to add value for existing clients and connections, and can also be an opportunity to meet and develop relationships with prospective clients.

Most professionals struggle to find the right balance when allocating their time between client services and business development. But when done properly, you can accomplish both by hosting a great client appreciation event.

The primary goal when planning an event should be to choose an activity your existing clients will enjoy. If you and your best clients share similar passions, start there. Do any of them play poker, or enjoy attending musicals or sporting events? My favorite events to host are wine tastings.
business_development  Communicating_&_Connecting  HBR  motivations  overrated  relationships  weak_links  networking 
may 2019 by jerryking
Why You Need a Network of Low-Stakes, Casual Friendships
May 6, 2019 | The New York Times | By Allie Volpe.

The sociologist Mark Granovetter calls these low-stakes relationships “weak ties.” Not only can these connections affect our job prospects, they also can have a positive impact on our well-being by helping us feel more connected to other social groups, according to Dr. Granovetter’s research. Other studies have shown weak ties can offer recommendations (I found my accountant via a weak tie) and empower us to be more empathetic. We’re likely to feel less lonely, too, research shows.

A 2014 study found that the more weak ties a person has (neighbors, a barista at the neighborhood coffee shop or fellow members in a spin class), the happier they feel. Maintaining this network of acquaintances also contributes to one’s sense of belonging to a community, researchers found......maintaining a network of low-stakes connections further enmeshes us in our community, especially after a major move away from family and close friends or the loss of a loved one.
Communicating_&_Connecting  friendships  happiness  low-stakes  networking  personal_connections  personal_relationships  relationships  sense-of-belonging  social_fabric  weak_links 
may 2019 by jerryking
What to Do When You’re Bored With Your Routines
March 29, 2019 | The New York Times | By Juli Fraga.

Boredom isn’t a character flaw. It’s a state brought on by a behavioral phenomenon called hedonic adaptation: the tendency for us to get used to things over time. This explains why initially gratifying activities and relationships can sometimes lose their luster. “Humans are remarkably good at growing accustomed to the positive and negative changes in their lives,” Sometimes this is a good thing, like when “it comes to adversities like losing a loved one, divorce or downsizing,” .....“We adjust fairly well, but this same flexibility can be detrimental to how we respond to positive life events.”....Think about the last time you got a raise, bought a new car, moved to a new city or fell in love. At first these experiences bring about an immense sense of joy, but over time they all just become part of the routine. We adjust our expectations and move on, ready for the next thing that will excite us again — this is called the hedonic treadmill. It’s why your favorite songs, TV shows and restaurants can start to feel dull after a while.......hedonic adaptation serves an evolutionary purpose.....“If our emotional reactions didn’t weaken with time, we couldn’t recognize novel changes that may signal rewards or threats,” we’d overlook cues needed to make important, daily decisions about our safety, relationships and careers.....understanding the connection between hedonic adaptation and boredom can help us maneuver around this “stuck” feeling. Psychologists have found that adaptation is more common when interactions with situations, people and events remain unchanged......

(1) Eat lunch with chopsticks (metaphorically speaking, that is):
eating food in unconventional ways can make eating and drinking feel more novel....The takeaway: Approaching tasks in imaginative ways could prevent boredom from sabotaging your (metaphorical) lunch hour.
(2) Work somewhere fresh:
Spending too much time in the same environment, as we all can, can cause a boredom buildup. If you work from home, mix things up by working in a new place, like a coffee shop or a library; if you work from an office, try changing up the layout of your desk or work area.......Changes don’t need to be large to have an impact. Simply accessorizing your desk with fresh flowers or approaching a work project in a novel way can make a difference....
(3) Entertain at home:
Not only is boredom a buzzkill, but it can be toxic to our partnerships. “Boredom is a common relationship issue that can lead to maladaptive coping skills,” .......While apathy can cause marital discontent, it can be tricky to recognize because relationships that are O.K. aren’t necessarily engaging, “Mixing up our social worlds can strengthen friendships and romantic partnerships because evolving relationships keep things interesting.” Try going out on a limb by doing something creative, like organizing a group cooking party, a themed dinner or an old-fashioned tea party.
(4) Pose a question:
Instead of asking well-worn questions like, “How was your day?” or “Did you have a good weekend?” get curious about a co-worker, friend or partner by asking something personal. Two standbys to try: “What are you looking forward to today?” or “Is there anything I can help you with this week?” If you really want to grab someone’s attention, try something quirkier like, “What’s one song that describes your mood today?” Interpersonal curiosity reminds those in our social circles that we’re interested in who they are. Not only that, but discovering new information about friends and co-workers can revitalize conversations and bolster intimacy.
(5) Mix up your commute:
Monotonous tasks like commuting to and from work can end one’s day on a stale note.If you drive, take a different route home or listen to a new podcast. If you walk or use public transportation, greet a stranger or put away your Smartphone and do some old-fashioned people watching.

Whatever you do to quell boredom, keep things interesting by altering your behavior often. Variety can not only interrupt hedonic adaptation; it might just be the spice of happiness.
adaptability  boredom  commuting  co-workers  creative_renewal  curiosity  habits  happiness  howto  psychologists  questions  relationships  routines  signals  variety 
april 2019 by jerryking
Why People Ghost — and How to Get Over It - The New York Times
By Adam Popescu
Jan. 22, 2019

Ghosting — when someone cuts off all communication without explanation....happens across all social circumstances and it’s tied to the way we view the world......The pace of modern life makes it hard enough to maintain real life friendships; it’s impossible to actually be friends with everyone you’re supposedly simpatico with online......Growing apart can be a friendship’s natural evolution; ditto for lovers.....when you get ghosted, there’s no closure, so you question yourself and choices which sabotages self-worth and self-esteem.....ghosting a form of the silent treatment akin to emotional cruelty (the pain it causes can be treated with Tylenol, according to multiple studies). So, how do you avoid it in the first place?......be particularly choosy about who you tend to interact with,”....get a sense early on of what kind of individual you’re dealing with.”......watch how people treat others is a good indicator.......Ghosting has a lot to do with someone’s comfort level and how they deal with their emotions,” she added. “A lot of people anticipate that talking about how they feel is going to be a confrontation. That mental expectation makes people want to avoid things that make them uncomfortable.”.....the flip side [of ghosting] is a subset of the population looking for real connection. “People are craving authenticity,”...“Being vulnerable is the number one thing that creates intimacy between people and if you worry about being hurt all the time, you’re not able to be vulnerable and it affects the quality of connection.”....ghosting has a lot to do with how we feel about our future — or whether we think our mate is the “one,” which is a question of belief versus destiny. Either someone believes the relationship is capable of growing or they’re seeking an archetypal partner (what’s typically called a soul mate). “Individuals who have stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost,”....remember if someone ghosts you that behavior says more about them than you,” Dr. Vilhauer said. “It’s about their discomfort. You have to keep trying.”.....modify how we reject people.....Don’t apologize, she said, but be honest about boundaries, whether it’s going to a movie with someone or spending the rest of your life together. Just be real. “The good middle ground is explicitly rejecting someone and telling them ‘no,’ not ‘I’m sorry,’”....Taking a risk to tell someone how you really feel — even if it’s not what they want to hear — has benefits. Self-esteem, stress, blood pressure, spending more time with people you care about. And getting that time back opens up self-discovery.
authenticity  avoidance  belief_systems  blindsided  breakups  clarity  Communicating_&_Connecting  dating  discomforts  exits  friendships  ghosting  intimacy  personal_connections  relationships  say_"no"  self-discovery  self-esteem  self-worth 
february 2019 by jerryking
Who Is MacKenzie Bezos? - The New York Times
By Jonah Engel Bromwich and Alexandra Alter
Jan. 12, 2019
divorce  relationships 
january 2019 by jerryking
Opinion | How Love Changes - The New York Times
the most important aspect of relationships? People change! One might find the “perfect” soul mate today and a few years later, or even sooner, that person changes, becomes less sharing, turns into a slob, finds a love of gambling or no longer enjoys going to the flea market in Connecticut on Sundays.

Searching for the perfect lifelong mate is a noble goal, but a fool’s errand. During the 60 years that my wife and I have been married, we have both been several different people. Working through those changes is no guarantee of a forever relationship, but thinking that all you need to do is make a good first choice is foolish.
relationships  marriage  romantic_love  letters_to_the_editor  soul_mates 
november 2018 by jerryking
Artificial intelligence and jobs: What’s left for humanity will require uniquely human skills - The Globe and Mail
July 27, 2018 |CONTRIBUTED TO THE GLOBE AND MAIL by STEVE WOODS.

Where should we look for this final archipelago of human employment? The best place to start is deep within ourselves. As much as we pride ourselves on advanced skills such as mathematics and chess, humans are not born innately aware of algebra or checkmate. We are, instead, a social species. We are born innately aware of others, their reactions to us and our relationships with them. Removing a person from a social environment is so harmful that it is deemed to be a form of torture and is banned by the Geneva Convention.

When we attempt to use machines to replace the role of humans in our social lives, the response is immediate and negative......we, as a society and as a species, don’t want AI to replace our social interactions and our relationships. It’s a part of what makes us human and it’s a part that we intend to keep.....areas where we don’t desire AI replacement: relationships, trust, guidance, caring, nurturing and social interaction are traits that these post-AI jobs will share.
artificial_intelligence  automation  relationships  emotions  emotional_intelligence  empathy  EQ  humanity  creative_destruction  Joseph_Schumpeter  character_traits  AlphaGo  IBM_Watson 
july 2018 by jerryking
Goldman eyes expansion of investment banking
March 23, 2018 | FT | Ben McLannahan.

The contrasting fortunes of the rivals for the top spot suggest that Goldman sees no immediate turnround in trading, and in fixed-income trading in particular, where clients such as hedge funds have been reluctant to put on big trades in listless, directionless markets. Mr Blankfein noted on Friday that the entire industry had been hurting, as overall revenues roughly halved from their peak in 2009. But he said Goldman had “under-invested” in simpler products such as cash bonds, “which led to lower penetration with certain large asset managers and banks.”

The future is dealmaking, more relationships; they can’t just deal with the blue-chips and the next rung down

David Hendler, Viola Risk Advisors
The doubling down in investment banking suggests that Goldman is “going where the margins are,” said David Hendler, founder and principal of Viola Risk Advisors. “The future is dealmaking, more relationships; they can’t just deal with the blue-chips and the next rung down.”
directionless  Goldman_Sachs  investment_banking  growth  Lloyd_Blankfein  relationships  expansions  deal-making  blue-chips 
march 2018 by jerryking
Aziz Ansari Is Guilty. Of Not Being a Mind Reader.
JAN. 15, 2018 | The New York Times | By BARI WEISS.

All of this put me in mind of another article published this weekend, this one by the novelist and feminist icon Margaret Atwood. “My fundamental position is that women are human beings,” she writes. “Nor do I believe that women are children, incapable of agency or of making moral decisions. If they were, we’re back to the 19th century, and women should not own property, have credit cards, have access to higher education, control their own reproduction or vote.
consent  feminism  dating  relationships  funnies  autonomy  beyond_one's_control 
january 2018 by jerryking
Long-Married Couples Offer Tips From Domestic Trenches
Aug. 20, 2002 | WSJ | By Tara Parker-Pope Staff Reporter of The Wall Street Journal
relationships  Tara_Parker-Pope  marriage 
november 2017 by jerryking
Can Eye-Rolling Ruin a Marriage? Researchers Study Divorce Risk - WSJ
Updated Aug. 6, 2002

University of Washington psychology professor John Gottman, a leading divorce-prediction researcher (www.gottman.com), has videotaped thousands of couples and codes positive and negative facial expressions, body language and comments.

Dr. Gottman and his colleagues have calculated that strong marriages have at least a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions. When the ratio starts to drop, the marriage is at high risk for divorce.

In real life, no couple can keep a running tally of positive and negative displays. But therapists say it's important to ramp up the positives after a single negative occurs so the ratio doesn't slip to a dangerous level. Four negative qualities are the strongest predictors for divorce: contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling. Couples also need to be aware of subtle negatives such as facial expressions.

"There are thousands of them that happen in a week's time in a marriage," says Cheryl Rampage, senior therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill.

While half of all divorces occur in the first seven years of marriage, a study published this spring in Family Process claimed that another risky time for divorce is in midlife. The study followed 79 Bloomington, Ind., couples that had been married an average of five years. Four years after the research commenced, 9% had divorced. By the end of the 14-year study, 22 couples, or 28%, had divorced.

The couples that divorced early were volatile and negative. But the marriages that ended later were on the opposite end of the spectrum, marked by suppressed emotions -- described as the type of couple that sits together in a restaurant but doesn't talk. Often those couples aren't aware they are in a high-risk marriage because the early years are so tolerable.
body_language  divorce  marriage  relationships  predictors  facial_expressions  TARA_PARKER-POPE  negativity_bias 
november 2017 by jerryking
Unintended Consequences of Sexual Harassment Scandals
OCT. 9, 2017 | The New York Times | Claire Cain Miller @clairecm.

In Silicon Valley, some male investors have declined one-on-one meetings with women, or rescheduled them from restaurants to conference rooms. On Wall Street, certain senior men have tried to avoid closed-door meetings with junior women. And in TV news, some male executives have scrupulously minded their words in conversations with female talent.

An unintended consequence of a season of sex scandals, men describe a heightened caution because of recent sexual harassment cases, and they worry that one accusation, or misunderstood comment, could end their careers. But their actions affect women’s careers, too — potentially depriving them of the kind of relationships that lead to promotions or investments. This is because building genuine relationships with senior people is perhaps the most important contributor to career advancement. In some offices it’s known as having a rabbi; researchers call it sponsorship. Unlike mentors, who give advice and are often formally assigned, sponsors know and respect people enough that they are willing to find opportunities for them, and advocate and fight for them.....sponsors “have to spend some capital and take a risk on the up-and-coming person, and you simply don’t do that unless you know them and trust them.” But these relationships are crucial, she said, for “getting from the middle to the top.”
#MeToo  sponsorships  Claire_Cain_Miller  entertainment_industry  venture_capital  Silicon_Valley  Fox_News  mentoring  sexual_harassment  reputational_risk  workplaces  unintended_consequences  political_capital  gender_gap  personal_risk  relationships  women  deprivations 
october 2017 by jerryking
The young person's guide to extreme success: What I wish I had known when I was 20 - YouTube
Your life is nothing more than a series of choices....you are the compilation of your choices!!
Rule #1: Think carefully about relationships and children.
Rule #2: Learn how to start a business, just in case.
Rule #3: Always think like an investor in every part of your life (investing--Sun Tzu "The battle is won before it begins"; invest your time like its money, learn how to ignore the world when necessary, 1, 3, 5, 10 yr. goals--figure out what you need to do that day, schedule how you will use your time each day)
Rule #4: Educated geeks are now running the world (educational mediocrity is unacceptable); (listen to everybody, stop talking so damn much).
Ruel #5: Protect your mental and physical health [(exercise, keep losers away from the things you value (i.e. mind, body, spirit, family, time, business)] Be miserly with my time.
Rule #6: Stop being normal!!
advice  preparation  life_skills  relationships  parenting  conflict_resolution  Sun_Tzu  owners  self-education  exercise  positive_thinking  affirmations  time-management  Pablo_Picasso  geeks  delayed_gratification  Boyce_Watkins  choices 
september 2017 by jerryking
Good News for Young Strivers: Networking Is Overrated - The New York Times
AUG. 24, 2017 | New York Times | Adam Grant.

it’s remarkably hard to engage [important people] unless you’ve already put something valuable out into the world. That’s what piques the curiosity of advisers and sponsors. Achievements show you have something to give, not just something to take........The best way to attract a mentor is to create something worthy of the mentor’s attention. Do something interesting, and instead of having to push your way in, you’ll get pulled in. The network comes to you.

Sociologists call this the Matthew effect, from the Bible: “For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance.” If you establish a track record of achievement, advantages tend to accumulate. Who you’ll know tomorrow depends on what you contributed yesterday......Accomplishments can build your network only if other people are aware of them. You have to put your work out there. It shouldn’t be about promoting yourself, but about promoting your ideas. ...People find self-promotion so distasteful that they like you more when you’re praised by someone else — even if they know you’ve hired an agent to promote you.

So stop fretting about networking. Take a page out of the George Lucas and Sara Blakely playbooks: Make an intriguing film, build a useful product.....In life, it certainly helps to know the right people. But how hard they go to bat for you, how far they stick their necks out for you, depends on what you have to offer. Building a powerful network doesn’t require you to be an expert at networking. It just requires you to be an expert at something.

If you make great connections, they might advance your career. If you do great work, those connections will be easier to make. Let your insights and your outputs — not your business cards — do the talking.
Adam_Grant  Communicating_&_Connecting  creating_valuable_content  hard_work  idea_generation  inbound_marketing  insights  Matthew_effect  performance  mentoring  networking  overrated  playbooks  personal_accomplishments  relationships  scriptures  show_your_work  strivers  the_right_people 
august 2017 by jerryking
The Memo: Five Rules for Your Economic Liberation: John Hope Bryant: 9781523084562: Amazon.com: Books
True power in this world comes from economic independence, but too many people have too much month left at the end of their money. John Hope Bryant, founder and CEO of Operation HOPE, illuminates the path toward liberation that is hiding in plain sight. His message is simple: the supermajority of people who live in poverty, whom Bryant calls the invisible class, as well as millions in the struggling middle class, haven't gotten “the memo”—until now.

Building on his personal experience of rising up from economically disadvantaged circumstances and his work with Operation HOPE, Bryant teaches readers five rules that lay the foundation for achieving financial freedom. He emphasizes the inseparable connection between “inner capital” (mindset, relationships, knowledge, and spirit) and “outer capital” (financial wealth and property). “If you have inner capital,” Bryant writes, “you can never be truly poor. If you lack inner capital, all the money in the world cannot set you free.”

Bryant gives readers tools for empowerment by covering everything from achieving basic financial literacy to investing in positive relationships and approaching wealth with a completely new attitude. He makes this bold and controversial claim: “Once you have satisfied your basic sustenance needs—food, water, health, and a roof over your head—poverty has more to do with your head than your wallet.”

Bryant wants to restore readers' “silver rights,” giving them the ability to succeed and prosper no matter what very real roadblocks society puts in their way. We have more power than we realize, if only we can recognize and claim it. “We are our first capital,” Bryant writes. “We are the CEOs of our own lives.
African-Americans  books  economically_disadvantaged  economic_empowerment  individual_agency  individual_autonomy  It's_up_to_me  James_Baldwin  knowledge  mindsets  personal_economy  poverty  relationships 
august 2017 by jerryking
Leah McLaren: Considering marriage? Mind the Expectations Gap - The Globe and Mail
LEAH MCLAREN
Special to The Globe and Mail
Published Thursday, May 26, 2016

the Expectations Gap. This is the idea that the sort of women who tend to marry are often the sort of women who tend to have – shall we say – untenable expectations of the benefits their union is going to provide. I’m not just talking about deluded contestants on The Bachelor who think some guy putting a big sparkly ring on it is going to lead to a life of eternal, soft-focus bliss. I’m talking about myself.....[marrying anyone man with whom you share few-to-zero important life goals will not make you feel safe and centred].....offer the following piece of advice to any young person thinking of getting married: Be realistic in your expectations and understand that marriage, for most of us, is not the panacea our culture promises it to be. Respect yourself. Respect your partner. And if you really want to be safe, just don’t get married at all.
marriage  relationships  Leah_McLaren  expectations  self-respect 
july 2017 by jerryking
Giving Away Your Billion
JUNE 6, 2017 | The New York Times | David Brooks.

Recently Brooks has been reading the Giving Pledge letters. These are the letters that rich people write when they join Warren Buffett’s Giving Pledge campaign. They take the pledge, promising to give away most of their wealth during their lifetime, and then they write letters describing their giving philosophy......Most of the letter writers started poor or middle class. They don’t believe in family dynasties and sometimes argue that they would ruin their kids’ lives if they left them a mountain of money. Schools and universities are the most common recipients of their generosity, followed by medical research and Jewish cultural institutions. A ridiculously disproportionate percentage of the Giving Pledge philanthropists are Jewish.......What would David Brooks do if he had a billion bucks to use for good? He’d start with the premise that the most important task before us is to reweave the social fabric. People in disorganized neighbourhoods need to grow up enmeshed in the loving relationships that will help them rise. The elites need to be reintegrated with their own countrymen. .....Only loving relationships transform lives, and such relationships can be formed only in small groups. Thus, I’d use my imaginary billion to seed 25-person collectives around the country.....The collectives would hit the four pressure points required for personal transformation:

Heart: By nurturing deep friendships, they would give people the secure emotional connections they need to make daring explorations.

Hands: Members would get in the habit of performing small tasks of service and self-control for one another, thus engraving the habits of citizenship and good character.

Head: Each collective would have a curriculum, a set of biographical and reflective readings, to help members come up with their own life philosophies, to help them master the intellectual virtues required for public debate.

Soul: In a busy world, members would discuss fundamental issues of life’s purpose, so that they might possess the spiritual true north that orients a life.
social_fabric  David_Brooks  philanthropy  moguls  high_net_worth  Warren_Buffett  elitism  collectives  personal_transformation  plutocracies  plutocrats  disorganization  daring  relationships  emotional_connections  soul  North_Star  virtues  engaged_citizenry  civics  Jewish  biographies  friendships  self-reflective  giving 
june 2017 by jerryking
9 Things You Need To Know Before Dating An Outgoing Introvert | HuffPost
05/16/2017 10:25 am ET | Updated 3 days ago

SVETIKD VIA GETTY IMAGES

This post was brought to you by Thought Catalog and Quote Catalog.

By Victoria Joslin
introverts  dating  relationships 
may 2017 by jerryking
Naive entrepreneurs at risk of losing out to venture capitalists
Jan. 20, 2016 | The Financial Times News: p6. | Murad Ahmed

Tech start-up financing is often structured to protect venture capitalists, not founders, says Murad Ahmed

Nicolas Brusson and Philip...
entrepreneur  founders  vc  venture_capital  France  BlaBlaCar  trustworthiness  relationships  funding  asymmetrical  investors  naivete  connected_cars 
april 2017 by jerryking
'That was then': Mulroney on his role helping Trudeau, despite rivalry with dad - The Globe and Mail
ALEXANDER PANETTA
WASHINGTON — The Canadian Press
Published Wednesday, Apr. 05, 2017

“The name that kept coming up again and again was Prime Minister Mulroney’s,” said one person involved in the Nov. 9 talks.

“Almost everybody we called with even a tangential relationship with Trump said Mulroney was the guy to talk to.”

Mulroney has since had several phone chats with the prime minister, that source said. He’s also volunteered in three ways: establishing connections, offering advice, and conveying one country’s perspective to the other.

For example, the source said, if the Americans were upset about trade deficits, Mulroney might point out to Ross how the deficit with Canada was a non-issue — largely attributable to swings in oil prices beyond any government’s control.

Mulroney wasn’t the only bridge-builder: Chrystia Freeland set up the initial meetings in New York between the Trudeau and Trump teams.

He credits everyone for making the most of these new connections.

“I can tell you I’ve heard from two leaders of the American administration... telling me the Canadians... were the best and the nicest people the Americans were able to deal with anyone around the world,” he said....
Mulroney is equally laudatory of the opposition’s behaviour: he says Rona Ambrose and the Conservatives have lowered the partisan temperature on a critical issue of national interest, and sent a letter offering help wherever possible.

“This is a national challenge,” Mulroney said.

“If we were ever to lose NAFTA you’d see grave challenges in Canadian society. So in something like this there’s not a Conservative, or a Liberal way to look at this. There’s only a Canadian way.”

He said that example of Canadians sticking together got noticed in Washington. In comparison, U.S. politics has been riven by partisanship even on touchy international matters, like the handling of Russian meddling in the last U.S. election.

This spurt of bipartisanship also contrasts with another important national moment, which Mulroney recalls with sadness: the effort to reach permanent constitutional peace with Quebec.
relationships  crossborder  politicians  Brian_Mulroney  political_capital  nonpartisan  Justin_Trudeau  NAFTA  advice  bridge-builders  Communicating_&_Connecting  national_unity  Conservative_Party 
april 2017 by jerryking
Measuring value of university contingency - Western Alumni
Spring 2013
Measuring value of university contingency

by Paul Wells, BA'89

Tutoring my favourite nine-year-old, I was surprised at how much trouble he was having with fractions. This is a smart kid with a good number sense, but he was flummoxed as he tried to grasp the applications of halves, quarters and eighths. I went through the stages of tutor grief — denial, anger, bargaining — before I began to realize what the problem was. Fractions represent a huge advance over everything a child has learned up to then, because they represent a relation, not an absolute. No wonder it’s a big moment

[JCK: Dec. 21 2010 | Forbes | Rich Karlgaard. Success is often a
matter of getting the ratios right. Business and investing success is
hardly possible without understanding ratios. Knowing the numbers is
important. But knowing the numbers in relation to other numbers will
make you a millionaire. You will see anomalies that others miss.]

...... the notion of fraction's adaptability is what makes it so powerful. Fractions lead you by a short road to algebra and to a Pandora’s box of tools for finding the value of unknown quantities....A few years ago I spent a month at Perimeter Institute in Waterloo, trying to understand the work of the physicists there. Most of it went right over my head, but once in a while I’d see some genius write symbols above and below a division line, cross it with symbols in a neighbouring fraction, simplify and solve, and I would realize that I was watching another application of tools that became available to that genius,.....At some point in almost every field you move, not without struggle, from the absolute to the contingent. In the first books you read — I’m talking little kids here — a bird is just a bird. Eventually you graduate to metaphor, and now a bird can be a stand-in for hope or freedom or death. In law you move past different readings of a statute to competing notions of the good or just. In music, harmonies become richer, relations among notes more open to interpretation, until the very notion of harmony becomes something a composer can retain or reject according to taste and need. And then you listen to Bach’s St. Matthew Passion and you wonder whether any of this change can be said to represent progress.

If there’s a place in modern society where the notions of relation, proportion and contingency are most frequently encountered and applied, it’s the university.....

Few places are easier to mock for their pretentiousness. (Why are campus politics so vicious? Because, Henry Kissinger said, the stakes are so low.) But at universities people are at least a little likelier, on average, to question their assumptions, to be prepared to defend or discard them, than in the rest of the world. That’s the hope, anyway.

So it’s disappointing, while unsurprising, that these bastions of relativism..have spent so much time marketing themselves as purveyors of sure value.
campus_politics  Colleges_&_Universities  contingency  mathematics  messiness  Paul_Wells  Perimeter_Institute  proportionality  ratios  relationships  tools 
april 2017 by jerryking
Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe on millennial matchmaking | Evernote Web
18 March / 19 March 2017 | FT| by Alice Fishburn.

. . . Half a year in tech-app time, it’s like a normal-world five years.” What’s the solution? “You just have to run faster than it does.’’
Wolfe has surfed an extraordinary sea-change in how we approach relationships. Our phones now allow us to identify potential life companions through location, ethnic origin or hatred of the same thing and reject them just as quickly. Such opportunities come with a healthy serving of ethical and personal dilemmas.....Bumble’s USP — “truly not a gimmick”, Wolfe stresses, and timely for a feminist age — is that the woman has all the power (while both sexes swipe to show interest, only she can start a conversation). Wolfe may be firmly on-brand but she laughs wickedly at the ambitions of many tech evangelists. “So many entrepreneurs approach me and say, ‘I want to start the next big thing’, and I say, ‘Well, what are you solving?’ And oftentimes they say, ‘Oh, I’m not sure. I want to start something big.’ ” Sigh. “You can never start something big without solving something small, right? And for me, that was not being allowed to text guys first.”.....What has all this time with the data taught her about humans? “You understand when people are the happiest, the most busy, the most detached, most involved.” Sunday nights and Mondays are the busiest times on the site: “I think that’s probably really telling because that’s usually people’s downtime, when they are relaxing or when they’re feeling bummed out . . . a little bit lonely.”
Our view on the idea of technology running our love lives unsurprisingly depends on our culture. One transatlantic dater tells me that, in the US, Bumble is strongly associated with empowered women. In the UK, some moan that it just caters to lazy men.
women  entrepreneur  Tinder  Austin  dating  mobile_applications  relationships  feminism  millennials  match-making  sexism  Silicon_Valley  accelerated_lifecycles  algorithms  gestures  online_dating  downtime 
march 2017 by jerryking
How to stay social when you’re single - The Globe and Mail
JENNIFER PATERSON
Special to The Globe and Mail
Published Wednesday, Mar. 15, 2017
relationships  friendships  solo 
march 2017 by jerryking
What Romantic Regime Are You In?
MARCH 7, 2017 | The New York Times | David Brooks.

In Russia, people tend to regard love as a sort of divine madness that descends from the heavens. Love is regarded... as “a destiny, a moral act and a value; it is irresistible, it requires sacrifice and implies suffering and pain....In America people tend to ask: Does a partner fulfill your needs? Do you feel comfortable asserting your rights in the relationship? Does your partner check the right boxes?

While Russians pursue a "Regime of Fate", Americans seek a "Regime of Choice".....The most important requirement for choice is not the availability of multiple options...but the existence of a savvy, sovereign chooser who is well aware of his needs and who acts on the basis of self-interest. Brooks sees those who have mastered the notion of lifelong commitment to belong to a third regime, one he calls the Regime of Covenants in which a covenant is not a choice, but a life-altering promise and all the binding the promise entails.....In the Regime of Covenants, making the right one-time selection is less important than the ongoing action to serve the relationship.

The Covenant people tend to have a “we” consciousness. The good of the relationship itself comes first and the needs of the partner are second and the individual needs are third. The covenant only works if each partner, as best as possible, puts the other’s needs above his or her own, with the understanding that the other will reciprocate....Covenant Regimes require a framework in which exit is not an easy option, in which you’re assured the other person’s love is not going away, and in which the only way to survive the crises is to go deeper into the relationship itself.

The final feature of a covenant is that the relationship is not just about itself; it serves some larger purpose. The obvious one in many cases is raising children. But the deeper one is transformation. People in such a covenant try to love the other in a way that brings out their loveliness. They hope that through this service they’ll become a slightly less selfish version of themselves.
romantic_love  David_Brooks  reciprocity  self-interest  serving_others  covenants  Russia  lifelong  marriage  relationships  commitments  sacrifice  transformational  parenting 
march 2017 by jerryking
Fuck Yes or No
July 8, 20138 minute readby Mark Manson
dating  relationships 
january 2017 by jerryking
Civility at Work Helps Everyone Get Ahead - WSJ
By CHRISTINE PORATH
Updated Nov. 23, 2016

Trust is key in any relationship. In the workplace today, we spend over 8 hours per day with our fellow co-workers. Trust builds relationships, and enables true collaboration and teamwork. Without trust, nothing works well.
civility  co-workers  incivility  relationships  trustworthiness  workplaces 
november 2016 by jerryking
Matthew 5:28
Matthew 5:28New International Version (NIV)

28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart
quotes  biblical  relationships  lust  adultery  infidelity 
october 2016 by jerryking
Is loyalty to an art gallery outdated? — FT.com
SEPTEMBER 23, 2016 by: Harriet Fitch Little.

Dealer-client relationships have been founded on what he terms “proper social conversations”: dinners out, trips taken and “[the collector’s] ability to share with the gallery the enthusiasm, the sheer admiration and wonder at an artist’s work”.

But art fairs, auctions and the internet have rendered conversations with dealers a choice rather than a necessity for buyers. In Selling Contemporary Art (2015), [North York Central Library, Book Lang & Lit 5th Fl Nonfiction In Library 706.88 WIN] which charts how the market has transformed since 2008, author Edward Winkleman uses a phrase he acquired from the Los Angeles-based collector Stefan Simchowitz to describe the shift: “cultural Lutheranism”. Collectors now have the tools to evaluate and purchase art without the hand holding of a gallerist — perhaps without ever even visiting an exhibition....the fickleness of the contemporary art market, where artists are “on the top ten hits parade for a while and then you never hear of them again” makes the dealer whose taste one trusts an indispensable guide....art lovers stick with particular dealers if they demonstrate a commitment to art that goes beyond the financial....for a gallerist, “Where you have a choice is the artists you choose to work with, the clients you choose to work with,” -- “The key for the whole thing is trust.”
trustworthiness  David_Bowie  mentoring  collectors  collectibles  art  dealerships  galleries  loyalty  taste-makers  books  contemporary_art  relationships  high-touch  art_market  customer_loyalty 
september 2016 by jerryking
China’s Cheating Husbands Fuel an Industry of ‘Mistress Dispellers’ - The New York Times
By EMILY FENG and CHARLOTTE YANG JULY 29, 2016

Typically hired by a scorned wife, they coach women on how to save their marriages, while inducing the mistress to disappear. For a fee that can start in the tens of thousands of dollars, they will subtly infiltrate the mistress’s life, winning her friendship and trust in an attempt to break up the affair. The services have emerged as China’s economy has opened up in recent decades, and as extramarital affairs grew more common.....Mistress dispelling typically begins with research on the targeted woman, said Shu Xin, Weiqing’s director. An investigation team — often including a psychotherapist and, to keep on the safe side, a lawyer — analyzes her family, friends, education and job before sending in an employee whom Weiqing calls a counselor.

“Once we figure out what type of mistress she is — in it for money, love or sex — we draw up a plan,” Mr. Shu said.

The counselor might move into the mistress’s apartment building or start working out at her gym, getting to know her, becoming her confidante and eventually turning her feelings against her partner. Sometimes, the counselor finds her a new lover, a job opening in another city or otherwise persuades her to leave the married man. Weiqing and other agencies said their counselors were prohibited from becoming intimately involved with the mistresses or from using or threatening violence.
China  relationships  marriage  marital_strife  marital_breakdowns  infidelity  pre-emption  humint  spycraft  countermeasures  infiltration 
august 2016 by jerryking
The Agony of the Digital Tease
JULY 8, 2016 | The New York Times | By JESSICA BENNETT.

For anyone who’s ever dated, or maintained any kind of relationship, in the digital age, you have probably known a breadcrumber. They communicate via sporadic noncommittal, but repeated messages — or breadcrumbs — that are just enough to keep you wondering but not enough to seal the deal (whatever that deal may be).

Breadcrumbers check in consistently with a romantic prospect, but never set up a date. They pique your interest, of that prospective job, perhaps, by reminding you repeatedly that it exists, but never set up the interview.

Continue reading the main story

Breadcrumbers are one step shy of ghosters, who disappear without a trace, but are in more frequent contact than a person giving you the fade. On the hierarchy of digital communication, the breadcrumber is the lowest form.
millennials  Communicating_&_Connecting  relationships  breadcrumbing  etiquette 
july 2016 by jerryking
Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person
MAY 28, 2016 | The New York Times | By ALAIN de BOTTON.

We all fear marrying the wrong person...Partly, it’s because we have many latent problems that emerge when we try to get close to others (we seem normal only to those who don’t know us very well. In a wiser, more self-aware society, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: “And how are you crazy?”)....The problem is that before marriage, we rarely delve into our complexities. ...Our partners are no more self-aware although we make a stab at trying to understand them....we seek a (false) sense that we’ve done our homework. We haven’t.....What matters in the marriage of feeling--romantic love--is that two people are drawn to each other by an overwhelming instinct and know in their hearts that it is right.....we believe ourselves to be seeking happiness in marriage, it isn’t that simple. What we really seek is familiarity — which may well complicate any plans we might have had for happiness. ...as grown-ups find ourselves rejecting certain candidates for marriage not because they are wrong but because they are too right — too balanced, mature, understanding and reliable — given that in our hearts, such rightness feels foreign. We marry the wrong people because we don’t associate being loved with feeling happy....We make mistakes, too, because we are so lonely. No one can be in an optimal frame of mind to choose a partner when remaining single feels unbearable.....Finally, we marry to make a nice feeling permanent. We imagine that marriage will help us to bottle the joy we felt when the thought of proposing first came to us....We marry to make joyful sensations permanent but fail to see that there is no solid connection between these feelings and the institution of marriage....The good news is that it doesn’t matter if we find we have married the wrong person. We mustn’t abandon him or her, only the founding "romantic love" idea upon which the Western understanding of marriage has been based the last 250 years: that a perfect being exists who can meet all our needs and satisfy our every yearning....swap the Romantic Love view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. There can be no end to our sense of emptiness and incompleteness. But none of this is unusual or grounds for divorce. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we're willing to sign up for.

This philosophy of pessimism--thinking tragically--offers a solution to a lot of distress and agitation around marriage. It might sound odd, but pessimism relieves the excessive imaginative pressure that our romantic culture places upon marriage. The failure of one particular partner to save us from our grief and melancholy is not an argument against that person and no sign that a union deserves to fail or be upgraded.

The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person.

Romantic Love has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners.
Communicating_&_Connecting  conflict_resolution  disagreements  disappointment  expectations  forgiveness  generosity  grace  humour  imperfections  intimacy  marriage  perspectives  pessimism  relationships  romantic_love  serving_others  thinking_tragically 
may 2016 by jerryking
Review: Beyoncé Makes ‘Lemonade’ Out of Marital Strife - The New York Times
By JON PARELESAPRIL 24, 2016
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Beyoncé  music  marriage  relationships  marital_strife  marital_breakdowns  infidelity 
april 2016 by jerryking
Dear MPs not picked for cabinet: Get over it - The Globe and Mail
Nov. 04, 2015 | The Globe and Mail | BARRY CAMPBELL.

The political arena is not for the meek. There is much to learn and some of that is hard: how to create distance between brain and mouth so you are not the subject of an unfortunate headline and a nasty call from the Prime Minister’s Office; how to make everyone still like you even when you couldn’t do much to help; and how to be patient knowing that you can’t fix everything. Victories may be few and small, but still worth it.

You will learn from your caucus colleagues (each of whom thinks he or she is as smart and deserving as you) and learn how to give credit when it is due and when to keep your own counsel. Learn how to live to fight another day, how to speak at caucus meetings and be noticed (humour helps) and how to be a partisan loyalist and a relentless self-promoter without losing your soul and the still be the person who came to Ottawa to serve their country.

My advice is this: Your power will come through how well you develop and manage relationships – with the cabinet, your colleagues, Hill staff, civil servants and even the opposition. Your lack of an official portfolio means that you can be more objective and provide cabinet ministers with an unvarnished perspective they’ll appreciate (mostly).

Pick both your battles and causes carefully. Most important, pick an issue and be its voice. Make it yours. (or...use your political_capital wisely)
advice  appointments  Justin_Trudeau  politics  politicians  serving_others  political_capital  wisdom  humility  self-promotion  self-starters  House_of_Commons  influence  PMO  relationships  speaking_up  the_Cabinet 
november 2015 by jerryking
Can John Thornton save Barrick Gold? - The Globe and Mail
RACHELLE YOUNGLAI
Can John Thornton save Barrick Gold?
SUBSCRIBERS ONLY
The Globe and Mail
Published Friday, May. 29 2015
Barrick  gold  mining  John_Thornton  CEOs  relationships  legacies  Goldman_Sachs  boards_&_directors_&_governance  Bay_Street  Nevada  free_cash_flow 
may 2015 by jerryking
Taking Risks in Love - NYTimes.com
FEB. 13, 2015 | NYT | Arthur Brooks.

If we want more love, we must conquer fear. We must take personal risks for big potential romantic rewards. Forget test-driving a relationship for 10 years, or searching for someone so perfectly matched as to resemble a sibling.

Love is supposed to be a little scary because it is uncertain. I remember moments when my own romantic venture seemed doomed and foolish. Courage means feeling the fear of rejection and loss but pursuing love anyway....The second thing love requires is mindfulness — pure focus, and total engagement in the current activity. “While washing the dishes,” the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh teaches, “one should only be washing the dishes.”

But mindfulness goes beyond the mundane; it is also the key to victory in the most audacious ventures. Emerging research shows that practicing mindfulness changes the structure of the brain in beneficial ways that make people more effective in business. Successful entrepreneurs have the uncanny ability to reside in the present moment even while working toward their goal. Lovers need the same mindful focus.
relationships  dating  marriage  courage  focus  personal_risk  romance  romantic_love  valentine  fear  mindfulness  seminal_moments 
february 2015 by jerryking
Clay Christensen On What Your Business Can Learn From Divorce
April 12, 2013 | Fast Company | Business + Innovation | DRAKE BAER

Drake Baer was a contributing writer at Fast Company, where he covered work culture.

Bottom Line: In business, as in love, you must understand what the other person's needs are—whether they say it or not.
Clayton_Christensen  marriage  relationships  divorce  work_life_balance  motivations  takeaways 
february 2015 by jerryking
The Sex Question Readers Want Answered Most - WSJ
By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
Feb. 10, 2014

To rekindle the flame, skip the flowers and chocolate. Ditto the plan to get something going on your birthday or anniversary. "These are clichés,"..."We've been there and done that. The novelty has worn off."...Step One is to have a conversation with your spouse—and choose your words carefully...."The heart of all this sex stuff is emotional intimacy," she says. "If you actually want to make changes in your sex life, that's where you start."
Communicating_&_Connecting  Elizabeth_Bernstein  clichés  relationships  sex  sexuality  men  marriage  intimacy  questions 
february 2015 by jerryking
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