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jerryking : self-improvement   25

Is There A Catfish In Your Tank?
Sep 13, 2017 | Center for Performance Improvement | by Jeff Crume

One of life’s most important lessons on how to handle those who oppose you.........After studying the cod fish someone discovered that their natural enemy was the catfish. This time when the cod fish were put in the tanks, they placed a few catfish in with them. Those catfish chased the cod fish all the way across the country to the west coast.
This time when the cod fish were prepared, they were flaky and had the same flavor as they did when they were caught fresh and prepared on the east coast. You see, the catfish kept the cod from becoming stale......our opponent, our catfish, is there for one purpose only: to make us better, stronger, and wiser. .......Don’t Wish For Easy
Don’t wish things were easier, wish you were better, and if it’s hard then go do it hard. And remember, if you wake up today to discover a catfish in your tank, don’t panic; just keep doing what you do best. It’s there on an assignment to keep you from becoming stale.
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The most dangerous person will be "the eel." The authors insist that "in every deal, and at every prospect's table, there is always an eel – a person who is against the deal. Always. Eels have a tendency to hang out in the shadows. They are hard to get to, and they usually talk you down when you're not around."

Usually eels are driven by fear that they don't want to acknowledge, so instead they insist they are against the deal on principle. They are dangerous, and must be identified early. Then you can try to co-opt them, taking the eel's ideas and baking them into your proposal.
adversity  eels  hard_times  inspiration  life_lessons  obstacles  resistance  self-improvement 
9 weeks ago by jerryking
NYT Programs – Be a Better Reader in 7 Days
August 7, 2019 | NYT | by Tina Jordan.

(1) Choosing The Right Book
start by asking yourself some questions:
* Do you want to read for enjoyment or for knowledge?
* Do you want to stretch yourself in some way?
* Are you looking for escapism? (There’s nothing wrong with that!)
* Do you want to be part of the cultural conversation around the current “it” book?
* Are you curious about a book that has been atop the best-seller list for months?
However you answer these questions, find a book to focus on this week. You don’t need to buy one: Pluck a book from your shelves at home, borrow from a friend, download a book to your phone from participating libraries or simply swing by a Little Free Library on your way home to see what the reading fates have in store for you.

(2) Make a Reading Plan
A good reading plan is a commitment to keep reading a part of your life. How you go about that will depend a lot on your personality, of course. (what are my greatest challenges: Finding time? Turning off the TV?)

A reading plan doesn’t have to include a schedule — although that’s helpful — but it should include a goal or promise to yourself that will keep you motivated. The more specific and detailed your reading goal is, the better your chances are of reaching it: Goal-setting has been linked to higher achievement.

Neuroscience shows that it helps to put your plan in writing. “People who very vividly describe or picture their goals are anywhere from 1.2 to 1.4 times more likely to successfully accomplish their goal.”

So how are you going to finish that book you picked yesterday? As you make your reading plan, consider these factors:

* Set aside the time. Decide how much time you would like to devote to reading every day — a half-hour? an hour? — and where you could carve out that time: on your commute, during your lunch break, in lieu of watching TV. If you think you simply don’t have the time to read, try reading instead of using social media this week. If you keep a calendar — digital or paper — schedule your reading time like you would anything else.
* Allow yourself to quit a book. Nothing will derail you faster than books that don’t hold your interest. You could commit to reading 50 pages of a book before you make a decision. Or you could simply trust your gut: If you realize in a book’s opening pages that it is absolutely not right for you, then put it down and pick up another one, no guilt included.
* Find a reading buddy. Some people find it easier to commit to a reading challenge when they have a friend doing the same thing. Others incorporate book-reading challenges into family time. Feel free to forward this challenge to a friend and have your friend read the same book alongside you.
* Commit to your plan for this book in writing. And then stick to it.

Make a Life-Changing Goal
A reading plan can be for more than just one book; it can be for the rest of your life. Here are some worthy goals to consider:

Read a certain number of books — per week, per month or per year. You can do it on your own, or you can sign up for a reading challenge at Goodreads, Bookish, BookRiot, Popsugar or Reddit. (The nice thing about the Goodreads challenge is that it’s not tied to a Jan. 1 start date; it’s designed to begin at any point during the year.) Don’t be too ambitious: Start small, with manageable goals, and increase them slowly as you go along.
Commit to variety. You want to look forward to your reading time every day, so don’t make every book you pick up an intellectual challenge. Pick lighter titles some of the time, and mix fiction, nonfiction and poetry.
A Little Motivation
Create a (semi) perfect reading environment. One important step on your road to reading better is to find or create an ideal reading environment. A great chair and good lighting come first, of course, but after that, you have to consider the mood-killers of reading. You know what your biggest distractions are, so be ruthlessly honest with yourself about what you need to do to set yourself up for success. If the lure of your phone will tempt you, stash it where you can’t see it (and mute your notifications so that you can’t hear it, either). If you need to tune out chatter on your morning train or the drone of your roommate’s TV, consider noise-blocking headphones.

Related Reading
Quartz: In the time you spend on social media each year, you could read 200 books
That decision to start reading was one of the most important decisions in my life.

The Atlantic: The Adults Who Treat Reading Like Homework
More and more people are making reading goals that most of them will not meet. Here's why.

(3) Read More Deeply
To read more deeply--at a level that stimulates your imagination, the single most important thing to do is take your time. You can’t read deeply if you’re skimming. Set aside at least 15 minutes today to read your book and try this exercise:

Notice if you start to skim or skip sections. Then, backtrack. It can help to use your finger on the page to underline text as you go.
Keep a dictionary nearby. If you’re uncertain about the definition of any words, stop and look them up.
Actively reread. If something is confusing you, reread it. If it’s an especially knotty passage, try to read it aloud or express it in your own words. And if all else fails, mark the troublesome text in some way, whether you highlight it or affix a sticky note. It’s likely that you'll find clarification later in the book, and this way you will be able to come back to it.
Use a highlighter (or sticky notes). Mark the passages of your book that resonate with you. Perhaps the ideas fascinate you, or perhaps you’re struck by the author’s language. When you finish the book, return to those pages to see if you still feel the same way.
Summarize. At the end of your reading session, sum up, in your own words, what you’ve just read. (There’s a reason your teacher asked you questions after every chapter in high school!)

(4) Read More Critically
When you are reading deeply and critically, you should be thinking more often about the book being read; sharpening your deductive reasoning; teasing out connections between different books, and discovering parallels between books and current events.
* Stop and ask yourself questions. Here are a few to try: “What is the author trying to say?” “What is the point of this chapter?” “Could the author have used better examples to buttress her argument here?” “What techniques is the author using to build so much suspense?
* Consider whether you agree with the book or disagree with it. Try to separate your personal beliefs and biases from the book. What questions do you have about what you’re reading? What issues is the book making you rethink or reconsider?
* Think about what makes good writing. It doesn’t matter what kind of book you’re reading — historical nonfiction, a classic, popular fiction.
* Take it Further: does note-taking point to related reading? A a biography of the novelist whose book I'm reading? a nonfiction book about the time period in which the novel takes place? Get ideas by examining the author’s sources in the bibliography and notes (also check out this https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-joy-of-hate-reading.html).

(5) Explore Different Formats
Variety is the spice of reading, right? There’s a great deal of debate over the “best” way to read a book, but there’s no conclusive scientific evidence about any of it. So mix things up. Perhaps start by trying to read out loud, or by asking someone to read a chapter to you. Or turn from print to audio or digital versions of the same story.

Being open to different formats expands your reading possibilities. Having options means you’ll always have a book at your fingertips. Take a break from your current book format to try one of these options:

* Use your cell phone for good. Get a reading app — like Kindle or Overdrive — and download your book digitally. Now, when you’re stuck with time on your hands, spend that time reading instead of skimming through social media.
* Try an audiobook. The audio version of a book can be just as good as print, unless you’re multitasking.
* Mix & match formats. Sync your devices: Listen to a book for a few chapters, then read it digitally for a while, or vice versa.

(6) Read More Socially
Reading may be a solitary endeavor, but once we’re done with a book, most of us want to do the same thing: talk to other people about what we loved, what we hated, what we didn’t understand. No matter where you are in the book you are currently reading, today’s the day to find a place to talk about it.

There are many ways to do that:

* Join an online book club. Unless you’re reading a currently popular book, it’s unlikely you’ll find a local in-person book club to discuss it. But that shouldn’t deter you. You’ll find literally thousands of book clubs on Goodreads, Facebook and other social media sites.
( Find your author on social media. Stephen King, for example, often talks about what he’s reading and what he recommends on Twitter, and so do many other authors; many of them invite lively discussion of books. If you can, try to find the author of your book on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook and see what type of conversation he or she is leading.
* Join a local book club or discussion group about your book. If you don’t know of one, call your local library — they will know about the book groups in your area. Hearing what other people think about a book helps expand your own ideas about it.

(7) Enhance Your Post-Book Experience

Here are some simple steps you can take to stay engaged with books, authors and the subjects you’re learning about.

Start a reading journal or reading log. Seeing a list of what you have read will help you branch out. Some people keep a reading log for years.
Create a future book journal. When you hear about a book that interests you, jot down the title. … [more]
advice  connecting_the_dots  critical_thinking  cultural_conversations  deep_learning  goal-setting  howto  questions  reading  self-betterment  self-improvement 
august 2019 by jerryking
Opinion | The Surprising Benefits of Relentlessly Auditing Your Life
May 25, 2019 | The New York Times | By Amy Westervelt, a journalist and podcaster.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" is a famous dictum apparently uttered by Socrates at his trial for impiety and corrupting youth, for which he was subsequently sentenced to death, as described in Plato's Apology (38a5–6).
analytics  data  evidence_based  happiness  housework  marriage  note_taking  patterns  quality_of_life  quantitative  quantified_self  record-keeping  relationships  relentlessness  self-assessment  self-examination  self-improvement  spreadsheets 
may 2019 by jerryking
Indulge your gym lover with this last-minute gift guide - The Globe and Mail
One of the best memoirs I’ve read, Muscle: Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder tells the story of Sam Fussell, bookish Oxford graduate turned steroid-abusing powerhouse. Whether recalling the halcyon days of the 1980s California lifting scene or analyzing the insecurities that fuelled his torturous workouts, Fussell’s impressive literary chops make this a must-read.

Part instructional guide, part historical encyclopedia, The Purposeful Primitive is a contemporary classic of weightlifting literature. Marty Gallagher, powerlifting coach extraordinaire, digs deep into the history of physical culture, delivering biographical portraits of iron giants such as Bill Pearl, Dorian Yates and Ed Coan while dissecting the training methods that made these men legends.

Regular readers of my column know that consistency is the key to achieving your fitness goals. In Atomic Habits, author and self-improvement guru James Clear outlines a practical framework for improving just about every aspect of your life through the power of habit. Needless to say, the strategies put forth in this instant bestseller have implications that reach far beyond the gym.
books  consistency  fitness  footwear  gift_ideas  gyms  habits  self-improvement  shoes  strength_training 
december 2018 by jerryking
Book review: Truthful Living: The First Writings of Napoleon Hill by Jeffrey Gitomer
NOVEMBER 30, 2018 | | Financial Times | by Isabel Berwick.

Truthful Living: The First Writings of Napoleon Hill, with foreword, actions and annotations by Jeffrey Gitomer, Amazon Publishing, RRP$19.95.

[See also The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, the grandfather of the prosperity gospel. ]

Napoleon Hill was one of the founders of the American self-improvement movement. Born poor in Virginia in 1883, by the time of the first world war he had developed a set of principles for success in advertising and sales......Hill — who died in 1970 — was a staggeringly effective cheerleader for himself and his philosophy and that is exactly what one would expect from a self-help guru.

The book that made him famous, Think and Grow Rich, distilled Hill’s thinking and analysed the strategies of hundreds of the US’s most famous and successful businessmen. Published in 1937, it has sold in the tens of millions, making it one of the best-selling books of the 20th century. It offered optimism and the idea of the American dream to those suffering in a post-crash economy. The appetite for Hill’s particular brand of self-belief remains strong......Hill's message endures: Hard work, imagination, honesty and service....Hill's insight is that getting oneself into the right frame of mind to become rich and successful — emphasizes having a positive attitude and self-confidence......Jeffrey Gitomer, a US sales trainer and motivational speaker, adds notes and annotations. Gitomer writes in the foreword (ambitiously titled “The First Thoughts of the Father of American Achievement and Wealth”) that he was first exposed to Hill’s writing in 1971, as a sales trainee: “I read Think and Grow Rich 10 times that year — studied and implemented both the principles and the directives. The result for me has been an unbreakable positive attitude and steadfast march toward success over the past 45 years.”

* Don't neglect to cultivate your ‘AMBITION’.
* “Take a plain sheet of paper, ordinary letter size, and write on it in large letters — the largest it will carry — I AM GOING TO BE A GREAT PERSON!”
* the magic key turns out to be “CONCENTRATION”.
* a timeless tip: “The great mass of people are demanding at least the necessities of life at a lower cost than they are now paying. If you can help solve this problem, even on one commodity, you can write your own salary price tag.”

While Christian Science and other outcrops of the New Thought movement have fallen from favour, Hill’s work endures, perhaps because he stresses the importance of happiness, self-confidence and other qualities now fashionable in the self-improvement sphere. Above all, the enduring popularity of Hill’s writing demonstrates that most in-vogue of all the modern mantras: resilience.
affirmations  book_reviews  books  perseverance  self-help  self-improvement  Jeffrey_Gitomer  resilience  the_American_dream  self-confidence  personal_enrichment  hard_work  honesty  imagination  positive_thinking 
december 2018 by jerryking
How a Former Canadian Spy Helps Wall Street Mavens Think Smarter
Nov. 11, 2018 | The New York Times | By Landon Thomas Jr.

* “Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones,” by James Clear. “
* “The Laws of Human Nature,” an examination of human behavior that draws on examples of historical figures by Robert Greene.
* “Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Bets When you Don’t Have All the Cards” by Annie Duke,
* “On Grand Strategy,” an assessment of the decisions of notable historical leaders by the Pulitzer Prize-winning biographer John Lewis Gaddis

Shane Parrish has become an unlikely guru for Wall Street. His self-improvement strategies appeal to his overachieving audience in elite finance, Silicon Valley and professional sports.....Shane Parrish is a former cybersecurity expert at Canada’s top intelligence agency and an occasional blogger when he noticed something curious about his modest readership six years ago: 80 percent of his followers worked on Wall Street......The blog was meant to be a method of self-improvement, however, his lonely riffs — on how learning deeply, thinking widely and reading books strategically could improve decision-making skills — had found an eager audience among hedge fund titans and mutual fund executives, many of whom were still licking their wounds after the financial crisis.

His website, Farnam Street, urges visitors to “Upgrade Yourself.” In saying as much, Mr. Parrish is promoting strategies of rigorous self-betterment as opposed to classic self-help fare — which appeals to his overachieving audience in elite finance, Silicon Valley and professional sports. ....Today, Mr. Parrish’s community of striving financiers is clamoring for more of him. That means calling on him to present his thoughts and book ideas to employees and clients; attending his regular reading and think weeks in Hawaii, Paris and the Bahamas; and in some cases hiring him to be their personal decision-making coach......“We are trying to get people to ask themselves better questions and reflect. If you can do that, you will be better able to handle the speed and variety of changing environments.”....Parrish advises investors, to disconnect from the noise and to read deeply......Few Wall Street obsessions surpass the pursuit of an investment edge. In an earlier era, before computers and the internet, this advantage was largely brain power. Today, information is just another commodity. And the edge belongs to algorithms, data sets and funds that track indexes and countless other investment themes.......“It is all about habits,” “Setting goals is easy — but without good habits you are not getting there.”......“Every world-class investor is questioning right now how they can improve,” he said. “So, in a machine-driven age where everything is driven by speed, perhaps the edge is judgment, time and perspective.”
books  brainpower  Charlie_Munger  coaching  commoditization_of_information  CSE  cyber_security  decision_making  deep_learning  disconnecting  financiers  gurus  habits  investors  judgment  life_long_learning  overachievers  personal_coaching  perspectives  Pulitzer_Prize  questions  reading  reflections  self-betterment  self-improvement  slight_edge  smart_people  Wall_Street  Warren_Buffett 
november 2018 by jerryking
Engaging with the world’s ills beats hiding in a bunker
OCTOBER 18, 2018 | Financial Times | Stephen Foley.

those with real ambition are not planning for a life underground down under. They are building philanthropic ventures to tackle the world’s ills, or striving to effect change through the political process, or starting new mission-driven businesses.

The bunker mentality is the polar opposite of the optimism displayed by the likes of Jeff Bezos, who set out his philanthropic credo in September alongside his plan to build a network of Montessori-inspired preschools across the US. He talked of his “belief in the potential for hard work from anyone to serve others”, from “business innovators who invent products that empower, authors who write books that inspire, government officials who serve their communities, teachers, doctors, carpenters, entertainers who make us laugh and cry, parents who raise children who go on to live lives of courage and compassion”.

“It fills me with gratitude and optimism,” he said, “to be part of a species so bent on self-improvement.”

Bezos has decided to focus his charity on children, as many of his peers have done. From Mark Zuckerberg promising to fund a technological revolution in the way kids are taught, to the slew of east coast hedge fund managers promoting charter schools as a way to shake-up public education, philanthropists know instinctively that childhood is their point of maximum leverage.....engagement trumps disengagement. Public service matters, even if one is only stealing apocalyptic proclamations from a presidential desk. It beats burying one’s head in the New Zealand soil.

Many of the world’s richest individuals are working to avert the war, pestilence or revolution that would make a withdrawal from society seem attractive in the first place. Philanthropists who are funding human rights campaigns, or drug research, or novel approaches to tackling inequality — these are the real survivalists.
apocalypses  bolt-holes  catastrophes  charities  childhood  children  disasters  disaster_preparedness  engaged_citizenry  hard_work  high_net_worth  Jeff_Bezos  mission-driven  moguls  Montessori  New_Zealand  novel  off-grid  optimism  Peter_Thiel  self-improvement  philanthropy  public_service  survivalists 
october 2018 by jerryking
John Stuart Mill Showed Democracy as a Way of Life - The New York Times
David Brooks JAN. 15, 2018

John Stuart Mill demonstrated that democratic citizenship is a way of life, a moral stance and a humanistic adventure.....Mill is famous for his celebration of individual liberty. But he was not an “anything goes” nihilist. He was not a mellow “You do you and I’ll be me” relativist.

In the first place, he demanded constant arduous self-improvement. In his outstanding biography, Richard Reeves points out that in “On Liberty,” Mill used the words “energy,” “active” and “vital” nearly as many times as he used the word “freedom.” Freedom for him was a means, not an end. The end is moral excellence. Mill believed that all of us “are under a moral obligation to seek the improvement of our moral character.”

“At the heart of his liberalism,” Reeves writes, “was a clearly and repeatedly articulated vision of a flourishing human life — self-improving, passionate, truth-seeking, engaged and colorful.”.... staged a lifelong gentle revolt against his father’s shallow intellectual utilitarianism.

Having been raised in this way and, as an adult, living in Victorian England, what he hated most was narrowness, conformity, the crushing of individuals under the weight of peer pressure, government power or public opinion.....Mill cures us from the weakness of our age — the belief that we can achieve democracy on the cheap; the belief that all we have to do to fulfill our democratic duties is be nice, vote occasionally and have opinions. Mill showed that real citizenship is a life-transforming vocation. It involves, at base, cultivating the ability to discern good from evil, developing the intellectual virtues required to separate the rigorous from the sloppy, living an adventurous life so that you are rooting yourself among and serving those who are completely unlike yourself.

The demands of democracy are clear — the elevation and transformation of your very self. If you are not transformed, you’re just skating by.
arduous  moral_codes  David_Brooks  democracy  Victorian  values  critical_thinking  tough-mindedness  rigour  discomforts  struggles  history  op-ed  profile  philosophy  utilitarianism  liberal  political_theory  John_Stuart_Mill  self-improvement  19th_century  liberalism  indivualized  self-actualization  individual_choice  autonomy  engaged_citizenry  intellectually_rigorous 
january 2018 by jerryking
Leadership Means Learning to Look Behind the Mask - The New York Times
JAN. 30, 2016 | NYT | By BARBARA MISTICK.

Don't wait until it's too late to solicit feedback. Ms. Mistick was named president and director of Andrew Carnegie’s public library system in Pittsburgh, becoming only the second nonlibrarian to lead the system in over 110 years. She went in knowing that she was considered an outsider and that she would need to call on all her interpersonal and communication skills to navigate her new position. The problem is, the higher your position in an organization, the harder it is to receive honest assessments from the people who work for you, because the balance of authority shifts. ...The search for genuine feedback is increasingly your own responsibility.... In a culture of scarce resources, people had become guarded with their opinions. ....Mistick felt that everyone except her knew what was expected to succeed in “library land.” New jobs always present the challenge of how to read the norms, standards and expectations that aren’t explicitly told to new hires....When seeking input on specific skills, the 360-degree management assessment tool is a great starting place. When you want insights on the most important priorities for personal change, it takes honest conversation with those who know you best at work....We each have more control of our future than we recognize. One of the most powerful ways we can take charge of developing new skills is to ask for feedback.
leadership  women  CEOs  Communicating_&_Connecting  sense-making  performance_reviews  people_skills  Pittsburgh  libraries  anonymity  feedback  first90days  self-improvement  outsiders  tacit_knowledge  insights 
january 2016 by jerryking
Susan Taylor Reflects on the Black Lives Matter Movement
January 06, 2015 | | Essence.com |Essay by Susan Taylor.

ask ourselves the hard questions: Are we doing what's needed to demonstrate that Black life matters? Are we caring well for the gift of our own children? Are we holding accountable our own national, community, fraternal, sororal and faith leaders, requiring that they set aside egos and work in operational unity to develop and deliver a Marshall Plan for our recovery from centuries of brutality and legislated disregard? What is our plan for creating Black-owned businesses in our neighborhoods, top-tier education, and quality housing and health care?
protests  protest_movements  self-help  self-improvement  African-Americans  introspection  self-reliance  self-determination  black-owned  digital_advocacy  hard_questions  Black_Lives_Matter  top-tier 
may 2015 by jerryking
Seven habits that are sabotaging your productivity - The Globe and Mail
JOHN MEYER
Entrepreneur.com
Published Saturday, Jan. 31 2015

Here are seven habits you might want to skip:

1. Touching e-mails more than once.

2. Meeting just to meet. How many meetings do you attend in a week? Many companies will have staffers meet to meet because that's the way they have always gone about things. It's habitual and part of the weekly routine. Meetings are meant to solve problems.

3. Meeting without an agenda. Avoid meetings without a goal. Meetings are meant to solve problems and instigate action. When you're ready to meet, think about the ultimate goal you're hoping to achieve. With planning, direction and an established game plan, you'll be able to have a focused and productive meeting.

4. Repeating mistakes. You will at some point make a mistake. So get it out of your head that you can avoid errors. Making mistakes is part of being an entrepreneur. The bad habit is making the same mistake twice.

5. Using a phone as an alarm. Stop this habit now.

6. Allowing app notifications. Can you imagine what you could achieve in 60 minutes of uninterrupted time?

7. Being a chameleon. You're willing to be everything to everyone and adapt to please.

There's always room for improvement. Don't stop innovating and improving. It's the journey, not the destination. Stay hungry and always want to improve.
e-mail  habits  meetings  mistakes  productivity  self-improvement  self-sabotage 
february 2015 by jerryking
Your Worst Enemy in a Negotiation? Look in the Mirror. - At Work - WSJ
Jan 23, 2015 | WSJ | By LAUREN WEBER.

"our most stubborn and challenging opponent is ourselves."

the most difficult person we have to deal with is the person we look at in the mirror in the morning. It’s our innate tendency to react, which is to act without thinking, out of anger or fear, that we later come to regret. [The writer] Ambrose Bierce said, “When you’re angry, you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”

WSJ: Why are we so easily knocked off kilter?

Ury: Human beings are designed evolutionarily to be reaction machines. That’s built in from the time we had to react quickly if there was a big cat in the neighborhood, and that was very appropriate then. But it’s not very appropriate when you're in a Manhattan office building. I also think we’re under a lot more stress than we ever were before, and when you're more stressed, you're more reactive.

WSJ: How do you end self-sabotage?

Ury: These are things we already know, but maybe we don't practice them. For example, I talk about ‘going to the balcony,’ which I use as a metaphor for taking a timeout (jk: power of the pause).

You have to imagine that you’re negotiating on a stage and part of your mind goes to a balcony, where you look down on yourself. It gives you perspective, self-control, calm. The problem is, when the stakes are high, you're worried and you get distracted from negotiating your best..... to be more effective in stressful situations, quiet our minds and focus on what our intentions are.
WSJ: The term BATNA is crucial to your method. What is a BATNA?

Ury: Your ‘Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.’ It’s your best course of action if you can’t reach agreement with the other side. So if you’re negotiating with a boss, if you don't like this job, can you get another one? If you have a serious dispute with a customer or supplier, can you take this up with a mediator or arbitrator or go to court? Every negotiation takes place within the shadow of that alternative. It’s probably the major determinant of leverage or power.

And yet what I find is we just focus on getting the agreement and we become so dependent on it that we’re give up anything to get it. So a BATNA gives you a sense of freedom, knowing you can walk away.

For this book, the focus is on getting to the inner BATNA, a commitment to ourselves and our basic needs. If you can do that, you can negotiate from a place of inner strength, inner confidence.
BATNA  Communicating_&_Connecting  decision_making  emotional_mastery  inner_strengths  negotiations  power_of_the_pause  self-improvement  self-sabotage  stressful  timeouts  walking_away 
january 2015 by jerryking
The three personal development goals successful people pursue habitually - The Globe and Mail
DIXIE GILLASPIE
Entrepreneur.com
Published Saturday, Jan. 24 2015
(1) They spend time getting to know themselves. They know their energy patterns, so they know how much sleep is optimal. They know when they get their best rest they are at their best when they are awake. They know what fuel their body needs, and what kind of exercise it takes to feel the way they want to feel. They know what environments they need to be creative and productive, and they know the difference between those two states.

They know their priorities, too, and they know that all of their decisions must start with the highest level of their vision, mission or purpose.
(2)They spend time improving themselves. Successful people know that to increase their net worth they must increase their personal worth. They’ve mastered the personal SWOTT analysis and they consistently invest in themselves....Successful people read-story books, how-to books, news, industry articles. They read to improve their knowledge, their mind-set, even their mood. Moreover, successful people study--trends in their industry and outside of their industry, things that interest them and, most of all, they study people.
(3) They spend time sharing themselves. Many super successful people are generous with their money and time.
overachievers  self-analysis  self-assessment  personal_energy  self-awareness  generosity  mindsets  self-improvement  habits  think_threes  volunteering  serving_others  high-achieving 
january 2015 by jerryking
Relax
1. Develop your own personal operating system. Carve out and define your own reality, philosophy, values, and interests rather than automatically accepting those of your family, peers, religion, or culture.

2. Begin to let go of the need for validation. Don’t be motivated by the opinions or others or the desire for recognition. Be driven by what is important to you and what you value.

3. Trust your instincts and allow for experimentation. Get to know yourself and discover what you enjoy and find exciting, even if you have to fail a few times.
4. Accept others as they are. Begin letting go of judgments and criticism of others. Focus on people’s strengths rather than their faults. Learn to deal with difficult people without diminishing yourself.

5. Really hear people. Go beyond just listening and understanding. Let people know that you really get them.

6. Take care of unresolved matters in your life. Restore your integrity. Forgive and ask for forgiveness where necessary. Reclaim the energy you have given to these matters.

7. Embrace a healthy lifestyle. Get some form of exercise daily. Eat healthy foods that support your body, not your emotions. Do this because you respect yourself, not to impress others.

8. Cause things to happen. Don’t wait for them. Be a creator, an instigator, a collaborator. Share your enthusiasm.

9. Show people you care. Don’t just talk about it. Show them in ways that are meaningful to them, not you.

10. Require the best of people. See them not only for who they are, but who they can be. Lovingly reflect that vision to them.

11. Ensure your own needs are met. Discern your primary needs, and communicate fully what is important and valuable to you in your relationships. Don’t compromise these to keep peace or hang on.

12. Speak constructively. Use your words to uplift, inspire, motivate, and encourage. Don’t offer “constructive criticism” or subtle digs.

13. Laugh easily. Have a lightness about you. Take life less seriously and choose to find and create fun and joy.

14. Cease gossip. Choose not to talk about others in ways that are openly or subtlety critical. Don’t share information for the feeling of power or intrigue.

15. Make requests, not complaints. If you need something from someone, ask for it directly. Don’t whine or complain to them or others.

16. Handle situations fully. Kindly but clearly deal with negative issues as soon as possible. Don’t tolerate anything if it causes resentments.

17. Be done with arguments. Smile and walk away until healthy communication is possible.

18. Offer help only when asked. Don’t assume that others want you to fix them or that you know best for them. Be available and give help only when asked.

19. Care deeply, but remain detached. Let others know you care deeply about them when they have problems, but don’t get caught up in their problems.

20. See with your heart, not your eyes. Look beyond superficiality when seeing someone. Financial status, appearance, notoriety, all mean nothing. Look for the authentic person inside.

21. Don’t say yes when you mean no. If you mean no, your yes will be harnessed with resentment. Say yes only when your yes is given freely.

22. Let others know you are grateful. Tell them and show them that you feel blessed to have them in your life.

23. Never play the guilt card. Don’t try to manipulate or hurt someone by trying to make them feel bad about their choices, decisions, or actions.

24. Give more than is expected. Don’t over-commit, but freely give more than you promise.

25. Be inter-developmental in your relationships. Don’t be controlling, dependent or co-dependent. Create relationships that are mutually uplifting, reward, and satisfying.

26. Be a big person. Don’t try to take credit, diminish others, or hold back on praise. Offer acknowledgment and power when it is needed and deserved.

27. Be confident enough to be humble. Be able to laugh at yourself, acknowledge your flaws and failures, and accept that they don’t define you.

28. Be open to learning. Don’t flaunt your intelligence or superior knowledge. Recognize that there is always something to learn, even from those who appear “less than.”

29. Be more engaged than engaging. Show your sincere interest in others. Use the word “you” more than “I.” Listen intently and reflect back to others who they are.

30. Give gifts that others want. Not just gifts to impress or that are important to you.

31. Challenge yourself constantly. Don’t settle for mediocre. Don’t languish in past accomplishments. Keep moving forward and exude enthusiasm about possibilities and the actions to make them happen.

32. Detach from adrenaline. Simplify your life enough so you are not rushed, stressed, cluttered, or distracted. Allow yourself time and room to focus.

33. Embrace the incredible power of now. Nothing is more valuable than this moment. Make it the best moment you possibly can right now.

34. Don’t fight the flow. Don’t struggle against people or situations you can’t control. Move effortlessly in a different direction.

35. Keep evolving. Stay on a path of self-improvement and stay alert for opportunities for shifts and growth.
motivations  inspiration  strengths  affirmations  personal_growth  self-improvement  immediacy  simplicity  focus  movingonup  gift_ideas  listening  continuous_learning  humility  praise  relationships  overdeliver  gratitude  sincerity  authenticity  self-awareness  constructive_criticism  foregiveness  values  self-starters  healthy_lifestyles  gossip  self-analysis  self-assessment  self-satisfaction  complacency  personal_energy  span_of_control  disconnecting  rainmaking  individual_initiative  beyond_one's_control  next_play  walking_away 
august 2014 by jerryking
Ten ways to better your business (and yourself) in 2013 - The Globe and Mail
Noah Fleming

Special to The Globe and Mail

Published Friday, Dec. 21 2012
JCK  self-improvement 
december 2012 by jerryking
China Rises, and Checkmates - NYTimes.com
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF
Published: January 8, 2011
"China has also done an extraordinarily good job of investing in its
people and in spreading opportunity across the country. Moreover,
perhaps as a legacy of Confucianism, its citizens have shown a passion
for education and self-improvement — along with remarkable capacity for
discipline and hard work, what the Chinese call “chi ku,” or “eating
bitterness.” "[jk: I equate eating bitterness to accepting adversity]
adversity  China  China_rising  chess  Confucian  education  hard_work  Nicholas_Kristof  self-discipline  self-improvement  women 
january 2011 by jerryking
Next year, be ahead of the competition
Dec. 27, 2010 | Financial Post | Rick Spence

Look for ways to add more value. In tough times, most marketers look for
ways to claw back some of the value they offer their customers, as a
way to preserve margins; you can stand out by offering more. Henry Ford
said it best: "The man who will use his skill and constructive
imagination to see how much he can give for a dollar, instead of how
little he can give for a dollar, is bound to succeed."
Rick_Spence  advice  self-improvement  opportunities  opportunistic  value_creation  perks  hard_times 
december 2010 by jerryking
Six Keys to Being Excellent at Anything - Tony Schwartz - The Conversation
August 24, 2010 | Harvard Business Review | by Tony Schwartz.
Here are 6 keys to achieving excellence: 1. Pursue what you love.
Passion is an incredible motivator. 2. Do the hardest work first.
3. Practice intensely, without interruption for short periods of no
longer than 90 minutes and then take a break.
4. Seek expert feedback, in intermittent doses. The simpler and more
precise the feedback, the more equipped you are to make adjustments. Too
much feedback, too continuously, however, can create cognitive
overload, increase anxiety, and interfere with learning.
5. Take regular renewal breaks. Relaxing after intense effort not
only provides an opportunity to rejuvenate, but also to metabolize and
embed learning. It's also during rest that the right hemisphere becomes
more dominant, which can lead to creative breakthroughs. 6. Ritualize
practice
hbr  tips  self-improvement  JCK  intensity  focus  feedback  Tony_Schwartz  passions  metabolism  excellence  practice  rituals  intermittency  creative_renewal  breakthroughs  disconnecting 
september 2010 by jerryking
You're a Success, Now Get Down to Work - WSJ.com
AUGUST 20, 2009 | Wall Street Journal | by ALEXANDRA LEVIT.
Examining where you might have shortcomings can make or break a career.
Becoming as successful as you can be -- after you've already climbed
part of the ladder -- means you need two things. For starters, you need
outstanding people skills: Listen carefully, think before you speak,
reciprocate favors and manage conflicts diplomatically. Second, you
must regularly take a hard look at yourself and address your weak
points. For example, if you have a communication issue with one person
or a group of people, step away from the blame game and ask yourself,
"How can I be better?" Make sure people are honest with you by
requesting feedback anonymously and confidentially.

Remember: "Strong leaders don't coast."
Achilles’_heel  Alexandra_Levit  blaming_fingerpointing  emotional_intelligence  EQ  high-achieving  life_skills  Managing_Your_Career  movingonup  overachievers  people_skills  self-analysis  self-awareness  self-improvement  self-reflective  shortcomings  success  up-and-comers  weaknesses 
august 2009 by jerryking
Never Mind Machiavelli - WSJ.com
JUNE 30, 2008 WSJ book review by ARAM BAKSHIAN JR. of George Washington on Leadership
written by Richard Brookhiser. Inspired by the Roman philosopher, Seneca.

Acknowledge the full range of George Washington's achievement: "He ran two start-ups, the army and the presidency, and chaired the most important committee meeting in history, the Constitutional Convention. His agribusiness and real estate portfolio made him America's richest man. . . . Men followed him into battle; women longed to dance with him; famous men, almost as great as he was, some of them smarter, did what he told them to do. He was the Founding CEO."

The key, as Mr. Brookhiser sees it, is the ability to learn from failure and disappointment – requiring at least enough modesty to acknowledge the need for self-improvement instead of merely blaming others. Washington suffered losses in the battlefield (in the Revolutionary War, most famously, at the Battle of Long Island in 1776), the betrayal of subordinates (Benedict Arnold comes to mind) and even doomed early love (Sally Fairfax, alas, was already married). Such experiences, Mr. Brookhiser says, added up to "a long learning curve that began in his teens and stretched well into middle age.
book_reviews  Founding_Fathers  George_Washington  history  leadership  Niccolò_Machiavelli  Romans  self-improvement  Stoics 
february 2009 by jerryking

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