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I Made the Pizza Cinnamon Rolls from Mario Batali’s Sexual Misconduct Apology Letter |
Good baking, I’ve been told, comes from love, and treacly as that sounds, I find some truth in it. Good baking means being able to roll with setbacks and mistakes and ovens that for some reason run twenty degrees hot but only on Sundays, a metaphor so aligned with loving someone that it feels almost too obvious. Good baking requires an attention to detail and care that is hard to muster when you just don’t give a shit or you are distracted by your own rage.
I know that in the court of the internet, any output that is less than perfect will be blamed on me, and not on a hastily-written, untested recipe. I’ve made flaky pie crusts in the kitchens of Air BnBs using warped cutting boards and a bottle of wine as a rolling pin, but this won’t matter. I’ve fucked up the recipe.
baking  feminism  fightingtheman 
january 2018 by kme
Hillary Clinton Ignited a Feminist Movement. By Losing. - The New York Times |
After Mr. Trump’s victory, the concerns that women would be reluctant to come forward with accusations of sexual assault and harassment spread, given that millions of Americans and a majority of white female voters seemed unfazed by an audio recording of Mr. Trump bragging about violating women.

“To watch him win was to make women feel like ‘I just exposed myself for absolutely nothing,’ ” said Joan Walsh, a writer for The Nation and a CNN political analyst.

Conservative critics argue that a second Clinton administration would have allowed Mr. Weinstein to maintain his status as Hollywood kingmaker and powerful Democratic donor. “The predators, most of them media and Hollywood liberals, would still be in power,” Michael Goodwin wrote in a column in The New York Post that Mr. Trump recommended to his 46.6 million Twitter followers.

Liberals say, policy advancements aside, Mrs. Clinton’s victory would probably have led to a brief period of euphoria and a return to complacency — or worse, a backlash against ambitious women.

Linda Sarsour, a co-founder of the Women’s March who supported Mr. Sanders in the primary, credited Mr. Trump’s victory — not Mrs. Clinton’s defeat — with the current reckoning among women. “People were so aghast and felt betrayed that so many of our fellow Americans voted for a misogynist, accused sexual predator,” she said.


From the comments:
During that time, I wrote about how we would look back at the Obama years as a time of peace.

Well, that's certainly true thus far, with Hawaiians running for their lives yesterday morning while 45 golfed. And that we are all relieved that he WAS golfing when that alert went out to the people in our 50th state.

Quote by Oveta Culp Hobby, head of the Women’s Army Corps in WW II, inscribed on the WW II Memorial in Washington: “Women who stepped up were measured as citizens of the nation, not as women. This was a people’s war, and everyone was in it.” She served in Ike’s cabinet and it’s said he tried to convince her to run for president. But she went home, ran the Houston Post, and served on numerous boards. I don’t remember people thinking of her as “that woman,” though one member of Ike’s cabinet is said to have called her “the best man in the cabinet.”
hrc  politics  feminism  activism  presidenttrump 
january 2018 by kme
The Iconic Hillary Clinton - The Atlantic
As a presidential candidate, Clinton was vanquished. But as a feminist symbol, she’s certain to live on. Her supporters have already begun to use her as a convenient shorthand to represent the challenges of their own lives, seeing their struggles in hers. To them, she’s the women who withstand the painful misogyny of American society. She’s telling your daughter to raise her hand in class, even if the boys make fun of her. She’s pantsuits and she’s the more than 3 million members of the Facebook group Pantsuit Nation. She’s every qualified woman who had an unqualified man beat her out for a job. She’s the “I Voted” stickers on Susan B. Anthony’s grave. She’s the cracks in the glass ceiling that didn’t break. She’s what could’ve been. She’s the promise of what someday will be.
feminism  hillary  elections2016 
november 2016 by kme
Coeducation at university was – and is – no triumph of feminism | Aeon Ideas
Particularly in the US, elite institutions embarked on coeducation to shore up their applicant pools at a time when male students were making it plain that they wanted to go to school with women. Presidents such as Kingman Brewster Jr of Yale (1963-77) and Robert F Goheen of Princeton (1957-72) were forthright about their overriding interest: to enrol women students in order to recapture their hold on ‘the best boys’.
highered  feminism  gender  equality 
november 2016 by kme
Sex on Campus - She Can Play That Game, Too -
In interviews, “Some of them actually said things like, ‘A relationship is like taking a four-credit class,’ or ‘I could get in a relationship, or I could finish my film,’ ” Dr. Armstrong said.

Increasingly, she said, many privileged young people see college as a unique life stage in which they don’t — and shouldn’t — have obligations other than their own self-development.

In November of Haley’s freshman year, a couple of months after her first tentative “Difmos,” or dance-floor makeouts, she went to a party with a boy from her floor. She had too much to drink, and she remembered telling him that she wanted to go home.

Instead, she said, he took her to his room and had sex with her while she drifted in and out of consciousness. She woke up with her head spinning. The next day, not sure what to think about what had happened, she described the night to her friends as though it were a funny story: I was so drunk, I fell asleep while I was having sex! She played up the moment in the middle of the night when the guy’s roommate poked his head in the room and asked, “Yo, did you score?”

Only later did Haley begin to think of what had happened as rape — a disturbingly common part of many women’s college experience. In a 2007 survey funded by the Justice Department of 6,800 undergraduates at two big public universities, nearly 14 percent of women said they had been victims of at least one completed sexual assault at college; more than half of the victims said they were incapacitated from drugs or alcohol at the time.

The close relationship between hooking up and drinking leads to confusion and disagreement about the line between a “bad hookup” and assault. In 2009, 2010 and 2011, 10 to 16 forcible sex offenses were reported annually to campus security as taking place on Penn’s campus or in the immediate neighborhood.

When she went to Penn, she was surprised to see her elite classmates drinking, but even more surprised by the casual making out. She would go along with her friends to fraternity parties, but she refused to dance with strangers or to kiss anyone.

“Sharing that side of myself with a stranger just seems very strange to me,” she said in September. “I mean, if you break it down, it’s a very strange thing to do.”

Her unease was common among students from relatively modest backgrounds, said Dr. Armstrong, the University of Michigan sociologist. In one study, conducted with Laura Hamilton, now a professor at the University of California, Merced, Dr. Armstrong followed roughly 50 women from their freshman year at Indiana University in 2004 until the end of their college careers. They found that the women from wealthier backgrounds were much more likely to hook up, more interested in postponing adult responsibilities and warier of serious romantic commitment than their less-affluent classmates.

The women from less-privileged backgrounds looked at their classmates who got drunk and hooked up as immature.

At Penn, Mercedes said: “Everyone else seemed to live life, not really care about what they were doing. Like, ‘You’re only young once,’ they had that sort of mentality. And I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be, like, free-spirited, and not really care about the consequences of my actions.”

She added, “Nothing is stopping me from rebelling. I just didn’t rebel.”

Catherine, a Penn senior, had found hooking up in college to be a continual source of heartbreak. She had repeatedly made the mistake of thinking that because she was sleeping with someone, they were in a relationship, only to be disabused when the guy broke things off abruptly. The only glimmer of light had been a friendship with a guy she had met while studying abroad in Ireland, which blossomed into a romance just before she had to leave. Although, because of the distance, they ended up not pursuing a relationship, the experience had given her hope for the future.

In Catherine’s view, her classmates tried very hard to separate sex from emotion, because they believed that getting too attached to someone would interfere with their work. They saw a woman’s marrying young as either proof of a lack of ambition or a tragic mistake that would stunt her career.

But Catherine noted that a handful of young women are starting to question that idea. In an article on Slate titled “Marry Young,” the writer Julia Shaw, who married at 23, said her generation was missing out on the support that young couples could provide each other as they faced the challenges of early adulthood.

“Marriage wasn’t something we did after we’d grown up, it was how we have grown up and grown together,” she wrote of herself and her husband.

From the comments:
Susan Patton - “They have gotten such strong, vitriolic messages from the extreme feminists saying, ‘Go it alone — you don’t need a man,’

I'm not sure it's the feminists. I think the 'go it alone' message comes from Mom and Dad. It allows the parents to retain control over the child. Throw in a little spending money from Pops along with the paid-for college tuition and the control is complete. No need to upset the apple cart with a son-in-law in waiting. The hook-ups simply aren't discussed on the paid-for visits home. Good luck, girls.

What I hear in this piece that is not addressed is the use of alcohol to facilitate sex. It is my experience in life that we use substances when the better alternative-- close relationships that are actually intimate, meaning involve talking, sharing of self and emotion, are not reliable and to me this is not feminism at all but loneliness. Let's not return to the repression of my day, but on the other hand, using others as toys does not create happiness either. There is a middle ground and alcohol has nothing to do with that.
hookupculture  dating  drinking  partying  thedeathofmen  feminism  rapeculture  forthecomments 
october 2016 by kme
The F-Word - Man Repeller
In my mind, the only thing that matters when defining feminism is a dedication to equality. That’s it. That’s all. Whether a person’s traits are more traditionally female or male are irrelevant. This is why it’s so upsetting when the ideology is vilified, or used to justify the adoption of (frankly, insulting) stereotypical ‘male’ traits. Being a feminist does not mean acting like a man, or hating men, or looking down on the wide breadth of definitions of feminism – and femininity – as transcribed throughout history. Put simply, it means that you believe in equality. Now show me a person who doesn’t get that.
october 2016 by kme
gender - Should I write that a student is a feminist in my recommendation letter? - Academia Stack Exchange
Is this advancement one of the activities that students in the program will be participating in? Or, beyond interest, does the candidate have a record of activities and/or accomplishments in advancing women and other minorities in the STEM field? If the answer to either question is yes, I would suggest that you fill in further details accordingly: this is part of your argument that she is great fit for the program. If not, then: are students selected for the honors program because of their progressive views -- or, much more cynically put, because of the alignment of their political and social views with those of the administrators of the program? Probably not, right? In particular, because "She is fantastic and I assume that she will get admitted," then I don't think you need to help her out in this particular way. There is some risk that even a feminist could read "she is very interested in advancing women and other minorities in the STEM field" as a bit of a consolation prize. Again, write the strongest letter you can.

Answer to the question in the title:

"yes" if and only if feminism is a matter of the person's research activity.

("No" if it's not.)

Reason: you wish to say that this person is an excellent scientist. Period. The person reading your letter doesn't even need to be informed of the candidate's gender, let alone whether they hold feminist viewpoints.

You can know someone is a feminist without knowing whether they are a woman. – Patricia Shanahan
lettersofrecommendation  academics  feminism  triggerwords  forthecomments 
september 2016 by kme
Guest Blogger Starling: Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced | Shapely Prose
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

From the comments:
When we talk about rape as something that happens to 1 in 6 women, it is something that happens to women. Oh no, women! You have a problem! A women’s problem! That has to do with women! What are women going to do to solve this problem?

Perhaps if we rephrased that as “one in sixty (or however many) men will commit rape in his lifetime,” the problem might start to look a little different to certain people.

Statistic-wise, I did some research, which I’m good at and some math, which I’m not great at.

RAAIN published the 1/6 women is a victim of rape or sexual assault statistic.
The census estimates the female population of the US in 2008 was 154 million.
Which mean 25.5 million women will be raped or assaulted.
The male population is almost 150 million.
If we assume, for simplicity, that every sexual assault is reported and, for worst-case-scenario numbers, that every rapist will only rape 1 woman and then stop, then one out of every 5.83 men is a rapist.

Anyway, Dr. Lisak conducted research aimed at characterizing the undetected rapist. Briefly, he used a survey that just described behaviors without labeling them. About 120 men self-reported behaviors that would classify as rape. Of these, nearly 2/3rds were serial rapists (76/120), and accounted for an average of 14 victims apiece. So Starling, your guess was right in the damn ball-park.
feminism  creeps  advice  rapeculture  forthecomments 
september 2016 by kme
Local Chicago Man Would Like Women to Smile, Accept His Advances
A greater effort needs to be made to inform men that the world is not concerned with pleasing you. Random women on the street are not concerned with pleasing you. Women owe you nothing. I understand that having grown up in a patriarchal society, this is difficult news to process, but you are irrelevant to the vast majority of women you come in contact with and the sooner your realize that, the better.

From the comments (wherein commenters unload on a trans-woman defending the behavior of "harmless dorks" trying to get the attention of women):
I agree that we basically talking about the fear of being raped/assaulted by boners we don't like. But there's more to it than that. Every time a woman is shouted at in the street, she gets a little jab of fear about assault. This could happen many times a day. It's completely fucking disruptive to her happiness, her feelings of safety, her confidence.

So it's not just about preventing rape. A women may never be raped, but she will be afraid for much of her life. Women are getting pissed off that they feel this way. They are pushing back against these men who are creating an environment where women get harassed on a daily basis. Women are trying to get society to say, "this behavior is unacceptable".

Guys don't need the benefit of the doubt. They get it every fucking day. We don't want to hold their hand and be easy on them until they get it. That's not my fucking problem.

We're just yapping our idiot heads off and pissing you off because we love you too much. If I didn't have a dog I'd be downright more angry and stuck up about how women are, but because I see the relationship I have with my dog and how my dog sometimes annoys me, I can understand that we men must be infuriatingly annoying to women when we want so much attention and for people to care about our feelings and needs. Women treat the romantic attentions of males the same way humans treat all the attentions of dogs— there are just more important things in life and they don't have or patience for it much of the time.

We REALLY want to be left alone. Men are predators to us. TRY to imagine living a life where any one of you could be the death of us. Just try.

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

You missed the best part! Self-awareness is such a rare quality.
harassment  forthecomments  feminism 
september 2016 by kme
When it comes to feminism, neither Bollywood nor India Inc.'s advertisements have got it right — Quartz
When female celebrities deny the feminist label, they’re immediately criticised for misunderstanding what the term stands for. But actually, their responses reveal some interesting truths about the complexities of being a woman in India, notably one with a very public platform, which suggest that they understand all too well the real implications of feminism.

“…Women actors walk the knife’s edge. They must be careful that their male colleagues do not see them as too judgemental, or unavailable to act out certain images and roles. They don’t want to alienate their ‘fans’ either,” feminist writer Annie Zaidi said in an email.

That’s because the popular presentation of feminism, in India and around the world, often excludes men from the equation, making it seem like the concept is inherently anti-male. Unsurprisingly then, it’s in these celebrities’ best interests to play it safe, avoiding a term that is misinterpreted and misunderstood by an important segment of movie-goers.

“When you want to go out of your way to say you are not a feminist, even though your actions seem to be feminist, you’re also saying that you do not wish to upset the status quo,” Paromita Vohra, a feminist filmmaker and founder of the online sex education project Agents of Ishq, said. “That means you recognize that power really is patriarchal and you don’t want to be in opposition to that power.”
feminism  marketing  bollywood  india 
september 2016 by kme
The idea that gender is a spectrum is a new gender prison | Aeon Essays
Many people justifiably assume that the word ‘transgender’ is synonymous with ‘transsexual’, and means something like: having dysphoria and distress about your sexed body, and having a desire to alter that body to make it more closely resemble the body of the opposite sex. But according to the current terminology of gender identity politics, being transgender has nothing to do with a desire to change your sexed body. What it means to be transgender is that your innate gender identity does not match the gender you were assigned at birth. This might be the case even if you are perfectly happy and content in the body you possess. You are transgender simply if you identify as one gender, but socially have been perceived as another.
gender  queer  feminism  society  genderidentiy  genderexpression 
july 2016 by kme
Red/Yellow Card project |
Reaction from
Here's a news flash for you: except for the polymaths in the group, hackers are generally kind of socially inept. If someone of any gender does something that violates my boundaries, I assume it was a misunderstanding. I calmly and specifically explain what bothered me and how to avoid crossing that boundary, making it a point to let the person know that I am not upset with them, I just want to make sure they're aware so it doesn't happen again. This is what adults do, and it works. Adults don't look for ways to take offense, silently hand out "creeper cards" or expect anyone to read their minds. I'm not a child, I'm an adult, and I act like one.
sexim  conferences  feminism  womenintech  redcarding 
october 2015 by kme
Interview with a Wadhwa | The Verge
The equivalent this time were those DMs to Ellis. In the initial TLDR episode, Haggerty said DMs were "the hand on the knee of social media communication." In the follow-up episode, she stood by the phrase. Probably because it's 2015! Women are starting to build a vocabulary to talk about the gray-area interactions they face online. Managing the expectations of a "mentions pest," for example, is incredibly energy-zapping, but I never had a word for it until Lily Benson's etiquette guide list this month. Wadhwa blames the "hand on knee" comment for allegations of sexual harassment and being called a sexual predator, but Wadhwa is the one who keeps bringing it up.
feminism  tech  womenintech  twitter  socialmedia  etiquette 
february 2015 by kme
Rebecca Solnit: Feminism, Now with Men - Guernica / A Magazine of Art & Politics -
Someone then tweeted at Kluwe, “Go fuck yourself you stupid cunt. Gamergate is not hating on women.” To which I’d like to append a variation on Lewis’s Law (“all comments on feminism justify feminism”): the plethora of men attacking women and anyone who stands up for women in order to prove that women are not under attack and feminism has no basis in reality are apparently unaware that they’re handily proving the opposite.
february 2015 by kme
Don't Be an Idiot at the Strip Club: A Stripper's Guide 
From the comments:
They are living, breathing capital letters, walking around with Comic Sans souls and a visible weave.

"seasoned clothing-optional gyration specialist." Nicely done Anna. I have a few ideas

Defrocked Physical Excitement Engineer

Uncovered Momentum Based Researcher

Dr. of Prance Sans Pants

Suggestive Motionologist

Wiggleistic Seduciary Development

Naturopathic Flexological Therapy.
feminism  anthro  lookingprohibitions 
january 2015 by kme
call (669) 221-6251 feminist phone intervention []
because we’re raised to know it’s safer to give a fake phone number than to directly reject an aggressive guy.
because we’re raised to know that evasion or rejection can be met with violence.
because women are still threatened and punished for rejecting advances.
because (669) UGH-ASIF, WTF-DUDE, and MAJR-SHADE were taken.
because why give any old fake number, when you can have bell hooks screen your calls?
so next time, just give out this number: (669) 221-6251
tech to protect.
dating  activism  feminism  techtoprotect 
june 2014 by kme
A Feminist Weighs In On Debate Over Beyoncé | Here & Now
Definitions belong to the definers.
YOUNG: Well, take it out of the realm of Bill O'Reilly. This conversation was sparked in our office when the Time magazine came in, and there she was gorgeous on the cover. But it was a very young, very hip co-worker of ours who was the one who said what I am supposed to make of this? She promotes women's empowerment, but she looks like a sex object.

You know, there are women who even want very much to embrace her, and they're not quite sure what to make of it.

YOUNG: Yeah, well, she seemed to be - some people speculated that she was responding to some of this with the remix on her latest album, in which she samples the words of Nigerian novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Let's listen.


UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. And marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage, and we don't teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men.
feminism  interview  beyonce 
june 2014 by kme
Julie Ann Horvath Describes Sexism And Intimidation Behind Her GitHub Exit | TechCrunch
My least favorite connotation of the word "partner":
Horvath later learned that the founder had a similar talk with her partner and demanded that he resign. Her partner is still at the company.
feminism  sexism  github  womenintech 
march 2014 by kme
How I Got 50% Women Speakers at My Tech Conference | Geek Feminism Blog
So! Getting women to submit content: easy? Um. When I’d talk to men about the conference and ask if they felt like they had an idea to submit for a talk, they’d *always* start brainstorming on the spot. I’m not generalizing — every guy I talked to about speaking was able to come up with an idea, or multiple ideas, right away…and yet, overwhelmingly the women I talked to with the same pitch deferred with a, “well, but I’m not an expert on anything,” or “I wouldn’t know what to submit,” or “yes but I’m not a *lead* [title], so you should talk to my boss and see if he’d want to present.”

from the comments:
For me, this is the primary key. I’d submit if I had any reasonable assurance that merit would trump gender when it came to selection. When that assurance isn’t there, I don’t submit. And that’s because I suspect there’s a pile for men and a pile for “girls”, and only one gets in, as a token. I don’t want to be a token, and for the men who may be reading this and don’t understand why, here’s why: In every tech gathering that’s predominantly men, there’s always some percentage of misogynists. And non-misogynist guys don’t often confront the misogynist ones. So what happens is the dicks treat you like shit, the other guys tacitly sanction it by not rocking the boat, and the effect is that you, as the lone female, have won the great honor of being the conference’s whipping girl. No human volunteers for abuse. This is why women don’t submit.
gender  diversity  conference  notjustwhitedudes  womenintech  feminism  ws  forthecomments  mentoring 
february 2014 by kme
Topless Jihad: Why Femen Is Right - Jeffrey Tayler - The Atlantic
"A truly free woman," lmao. And gee, I wonder who will take upon themselves the heavy burden of deciding Who is Truly Free and Who is Not, and Whose Political Feminism is Sincere and Authentic Enough.

Oh, shock! A bunch of spoiled, obnoxious, over-caffeinated, loudmouthed, pushy white broads have declared themselves to be such cultural arbiters. How surprising."
forthecomments  feminism 
may 2013 by kme

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