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Susan Orlean on the Strange Serendipities That Shape Our Lives – Brain Pickings
Had Yoanna not made out with the boy, had the train been delayed by four minutes, had my mother gotten pulled over for running a red light, had any of the innumerable elements in this Rube Goldberg machine of chance-choices been different, I would be living in a different part of the world, reading and writing and thinking in a different language, dreaming different dreams, loving different people. There would be no Brain Pickings.
life  serendipity 
march 2017 by kme
Every successful relationship is successful for the same exact reasons — Quartz
You’re even going to wake up some morning and think, “Ugh, you’re still here….” That’s normal! And more importantly, sticking it out is totally worth it, because that, too, will change. In a day, or a week, or maybe even longer, you’ll look at that person and a giant wave of love will inundate you, and you’ll love them so much you think your heart can’t possibly hold it all and is going to burst. Because a love that’s alive is also constantly evolving. It expands and contracts and mellows and deepens. It’s not going to be the way it used to be, or the way it will be, and it shouldn’t be. I think if more couples understood that, they’d be less inclined to panic and rush to break up or divorce.
I receive hundreds of emails from readers each week asking for life advice. A large percentage of these emails involve their struggling romantic relationships.

(These emails, too, are surprisingly repetitive.)

A couple years ago, I discovered that I was answering the vast majority of these relationship emails with the exact same response.

“Take this email you just sent to me, print it out, and show it to your partner. Then come back and ask again.”

This response became so common that I actually put it on my contact form on the site because I was so tired of copying and pasting it.
7. You and your partner will grow and change in unexpected ways; embrace it

Over the course of 20 years we both have changed tremendously. We have changed faiths, political parties, numerous hair colors and styles, but we love each other and possibly even more. Our grown kids constantly tell their friends what hopeless romantics we are. And the biggest thing that keeps us strong is not giving a fuck about what anyone else says about our relationship.

– Dotti
You can work through anything as long as you are not destroying yourself or each other. That means emotionally, physically, financially, or spiritually. Make nothing off limits to discuss. Never shame or mock each other for the things you do that make you happy. Write down why you fell in love and read it every year on your anniversary (or more often). Write love letters to each other often. Make each other first. When kids arrive, it will be easy to fall into a frenzy of making them the only focus of your life…do not forget the love that produced them. You must keep that love alive and strong to feed them love. Spouse comes first. Each of you will continue to grow. Bring the other one with you. Be the one that welcomes that growth. Don’t think that the other one will hold the relationship together. Both of you should assume it’s up to you so that you are both working on it. Be passionate about cleaning house, preparing meals, and taking care of your home. This is required of everyone daily, make it fun and happy and do it together. Do not complain about your partner to anyone. Love them for who they are. Make love even when you are not in the mood. Trust each other. Give each other the benefit of the doubt always. Be transparent. Have nothing to hide. Be proud of each other. Have a life outside of each other, but share it through conversation. Pamper and adore each other. Go to counseling now before you need it so that you are both open to working on the relationship together. Disagree with respect to each other’s feelings. Be open to change and accepting of differences. Print this and refer to it daily.
relationships  advice  life  perspective 
january 2017 by kme
Andrew Sullivan: My Distraction Sickness — and Yours
I haven’t given up, even as, each day, at various moments, I find myself giving in. There are books to be read; landscapes to be walked; friends to be with; life to be fully lived. And I realize that this is, in some ways, just another tale in the vast book of human frailty. But this new epidemic of distraction is our civilization’s specific weakness. And its threat is not so much to our minds, even as they shape-shift under the pressure. The threat is to our souls. At this rate, if the noise does not relent, we might even forget we have any.
technology  culture  internet  distraction  socialmedia  life  addiction  quiet 
september 2016 by kme
[UPDATE]My [26 F] with my husband [29 M] 1 year, he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, how to make it count? : relationships
He wrote a letter addressed to my "next spouse" with all the not so easy to discover things about me that were wonderful and necessary, in his words.

In the comments of my original post, a lot of you wrote that you cried and told your SO you loved them or gave them a random hug much to their surprise. I'll admit that those comments made me happier than anything else. That our story could inspire some bond somewhere to get stronger was the greatest compliment.
life  dying  relationships  advice 
august 2016 by kme
How did I end up growing old? – Heather Havrilesky – Aeon
But that morning, I sat at the intersection in my idling car and watched that woman bouncing around, and even though I was in a bad mood, she made me smile. She had swagger. She didn’t give a shit that she looked a little unwieldy out there, jumping up and down, boobs jiggling. She didn’t care that her sign sucked. And the drivers in the cars next to me were smiling and waving at her, and some of them were men, too. They weren’t giving her a cheap, ‘Hey there, little hottie!’ wave, they were giving her an appreciative, you-made-my-morning wave. They liked the cut of her jib. And so did I.
life  aging  perspective 
march 2015 by kme
[UPDATE] I was requested to compile all of the real-life cheats into an easy to read list. : AskReddit
If you back up the toilet at work or someones house with no plunger available, look for liquid hand soap. Dump some in the toilet and wait about five minutes and flush again. The soap lubricates the nasties so they'll flush away. If its still clogged, find a way to dump hot water in the toilet, as it can have the same effect. Use the trash can or something. If its still clogged, kick the door open and run like hell. Find a new job or new friends. You just left their toilet full of hot soapy shit soup, you asshole.
cheatcodes  life 
march 2015 by kme
What are important but uncomfortable truths that many people learn when transitioning into adults? - Quora
16. Sometimes you will be someone's teachable moment, whether you like it or not. Handle it as gracefully as you can.
february 2015 by kme
How do you know if you have become an adult? - Quora
When you fall asleep on the couch and then wake up on the couch.

People who don't understand the distinction between kids and adults and, no matter how old they are, never feel as if they have crossed some kind of line into adulthood. This has nothing to do with being immature in the traditional sense. Many of these people pay their bills, have successful relationships, have children, etc. They just feel a complete continuity with their childhood. They tend to be able to remember what it was like to be a kid, as if that was yesterday. And they don't think of themselves in that period as "the kid me." Just as a 32-year-old wouldn't think of himself last year as the 31-year-old me. They just think of themselves, at all ages, as "me."
life  adulthood  humor 
march 2014 by kme
20s (age): What are the most difficult things people have to learn in their twenties? - Quora
'As the great Baz Luhrmann song that was released the year I graduated from high school says: "Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't."' --see also:,0,5909206,full.column
advice  synchronicity  life 
november 2013 by kme Page 2 : Time for some mail bonding
I was out with the guys the other day at a strip club, and we started talking about when a person's life has jumped the shark. We decided that if you're over the age of 40, and at a strip club by yourself, you've officially jumped the shark. You've seen them before, the collar's undone, no undershirt, and no shortage of one dollar bills to get those strippers to give some personal attention. We say, at this point, it's time to pull a George Costanza, wear sweatpants full time, shower twice a week, and just plain give up. Any other ideas for signs? -- Jeff Long, Columbia, Missouri
jumpingtheshark  life 
october 2013 by kme
Bill Hicks - It's Just A Ride - YouTube
The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they've begun to question, 'Is this real, or is this just a ride?', and other people have remembered, and they've come back to us and they say 'Hey, don't worry. Don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.' and we KILL THOSE PEOPLE.

"Shut him up! We have alot invested in this ride! SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account, and my family. This just has to be real."

It's just a ride.

But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that. You ever noticed that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because ... It's just a ride.

And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear wants you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world right now, to a better ride:

Take all that money we spent on weapons and defense each year and instead spend it feeding, clothing, and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and WE CAN EXPLORE SPACE, TOGETHER, BOTH INNER AND OUTER, forever ... in peace.

-- Bill Hicks (1961 - 1994)
video  life  perspective 
january 2013 by kme
Sunset | Code Sorcery Workshop
@Pinboard A followup blog post, prompted by your noticing:
pinboard  indiedeveloper  apps  life 
september 2012 by kme

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