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lwhlihu : marriage   11

54% in US say marriage is important to a fulfilling life, not essential | Pew Research Center
While Valentine’s Day is widely celebrated as a time for peak romance – and even marriage proposals – marriage isn’t the only way to achieve happiness and contentment for many Americans. Fewer than one-in-five U.S. adults say being married is essential for a man or a woman to live a fulfilling life, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in summer 2019.

Similar shares of adults say that marriage is essential for women (17%) and men (16%) to live fulfilling lives. A much larger share of Americans (54%) say being married is important but not essential for men and women to live fulfilling lives. And about three-in-ten say marriage is not important in this respect.

The public places somewhat more importance on being in a committed romantic relationship than being married. About one-in-four adults (26%) say being in such a relationship is essential for men to lead fulfilling lives, and 30% say the same about women. Again, though, much larger shares see this as important but not essential for men (59%) and women (57%). Fewer people see this as not important.
6 weeks ago by lwhlihu
EMAIL - Motherf*ckin’ Monday: When Things Aren’t As They Seem
2. Divorce Rate hits 40-year low - Well, thank god, there's finally something millennials do right: they marry well. According to new data, the divorce rate in the US hit a 40-year low last year, meaning that someone getting married today has roughly a 1-in-3 chance of getting divorced. Not bad!

The reason? Well, unlike their parents, millennials are waiting until their late 20s and early 30s to get married—until their careers and identities are established and they’ve matured through a few breakups. Why millennials are waiting longer to marry is up for debate. Some blame their debt and economic prospects. Others blame the high cost of living. Me? I blame my parents, of course! Boomers were peak divorcers. They were the generation that approached the notorious "50% divorce rate" stat in the 1980s. Millennials were the first generation where growing up in a broken home was par for the course. So yeah, that's like, emotionally scarring and shit.
divorce  marriage  millenials  dating  dating-millenial 
november 2019 by lwhlihu
The Key to Bliss for a Dual-Career Couple? A Contract - WSJ
At each of these transition points, couples who are accustomed to doing the work of talking about what they want, what they need, and who they are, fare much better than those who just try to work out a solution to the challenge of the day.
relationships-romantic  marriage 
october 2019 by lwhlihu
Opinion | The Surprising Benefits of Relentlessly Auditing Your Life - The New York Times
In the case of Toyota, the goal was higher quality and increased profits. When we translated the idea to our home life, the goal was a little simpler but also a lot more complicated — happiness. We weren’t sure what drove it, so we decided to collect data on everything: how many hours we were sleeping a night, how long we spent on housework or child care, the amount of alone time, social time, commuting time, you name it. We assigned a score from one to 10 to each day, and then gave a primary reason for each score: not enough sleep, work sucked and, sometimes, “relationship bad feeling.”

Soon enough, we began to spot patterns: It turns out that the minimum number of hours I can sleep without wanting to run away from my family is five and a half. Less than an hour a week of personal time also sent me to a dark place. My husband found that his happiness rose and fell with hours spent hanging out with friends or sitting in traffic.

And so we started trying to improve our scores. We started small. I tried to shift around my workload to include more time to read and think. My husband began commuting by train so that he could bike from the station to work, incorporating exercise into his day and eliminating time spent in traffic altogether.

The project led to a major life change. Our spreadsheets hammered home that what contributed most to our happiness was time spent together or with friends — while, crucially, not working — and there was no way to get more of that if we continued to live in the Bay Area, one of the most expensive parts of the country. So I proposed an idea that would have seemed radical were there not so much data backing it: “I think you should quit your job, we should sell our house, and we should move somewhere cheaper,” I told my husband matter-of-factly one day. So we did.
marriage  relationships-romantic 
june 2019 by lwhlihu
Most men in the top 1% of US earners have a spouse who stays home — Quartz at Work
How do many men who hold seriously demanding jobs—the kind that require working long hours, staying available to the team or to customers on weekends, and constant travel—not only survive, but have a life?

According to a paper that’s under review at a sociology journal, the odds are these men have a partner at home who has sacrificed their own career to accommodate the power-earner’s schedule. To be exact, it finds that 7 in 10 men who have enough income to put their households in the top 1% of earners have stay-at-home spouses.

“What we’re seeing at the very top are very traditional gender roles in which men are the primary breadwinners and women’s careers are often taking a back seat,” says Jill Yavorsky, assistant professor of sociology and organizational science at University of North Carolina Charlotte and lead author of the study. The women in these couples, who, like their spouses, tend to be highly educated, are “doing a lot of the unpaid labor, or the managing of unpaid labor at home, to support men’s careers.”
marriage  relationships-romantic 
may 2019 by lwhlihu
I asked, you answered: 7 provocative money opinions - - Gmail
So many people are waiting around for some magical day to live a Rich Life, when in reality, you can live it today. Maybe you can’t stay at the penthouse in Paris, but you can travel there. Maybe you can’t fund a $250,000 scholarship, but you can donate $500. And one day, you’ll be able to do even more than you can imagine. Christina will go far in life.


But I focus on what I can control. When I was born, it was clear I would never be in the NBA — fine. On the other hand, it was clear I would dominate the shit out of my classmates in spelling bees. Also fine.

Then there were the gray areas, like starting a business, becoming more fit, and learning to be better in dating. I had to learn those skills and work really, really hard.

This is where mindset comes in. So many people expect this to be easy. They complain about politicians and sociological problems without looking around at their own behavior. They give up at the first sign of failure. They let their Invisible Scripts control them instead of the other way around. If you want to be a passenger in life, fine — go with the flow. I’ve found it’s a lot more fun to be the captain of my own ship, even if I go off course sometimes


I doubt poverty is in Lori’s DNA — but I’m willing to bet her family has a series of unconscious behaviors and Invisible Scripts that explain her lack of financial success. (Just as successful people have secret habits that make them successful.) Once you identify them, you can change your behaviors and attitudes.


People spend more time reviewing their dinner plans on Yelp than being conscious about who they want to marry. And when people are conscious about their dating search (e.g., by making a list of key values that matter to them), they get mocked — “Too picky!” Totally absurd. My fiancee and I sat down with a goddamn Google Calendar invitation and Google Doc agenda to discuss number of kids, finances, etc. Take this seriously.
money  wealth  ramit-sethi  success  marriage  life-advice 
june 2018 by lwhlihu
LeBron James: My kids a 'deciding factor' about when I retire
“I don’t know until you make that decision. The game will let you know when it’s over with,” James said. “Retirement for me is like getting engaged. I didn’t know if I was ready or not. I just felt it was the time. Timing was right. The vibe was right. Did I know I was ready for marriage? I don’t know. I never had nobody in my family get married before. I never experienced it.
marriage  life-advice 
january 2018 by lwhlihu
50 Cent Is My Life Coach | GQ
50 Cent says: Make a vision board. Do it tonight, when you get home. Open your laptop. Create a new folder. Think about the things you want for your future. "I want you to Google pictures and put everything you want in this folder," 50 Cent says. "Everything. All right?"

All right, I reply.

50 Cent thinks for a minute. Actually, he says, my girlfriend—the one I just mentioned, the one I’d just moved in with? 50 Cent would like her to make a vision board, too. Then we’re going to compare. "Take things out of your folder and things out of her folder to create a folder that has everything," he says. "Now the vision board is no longer your personal vision board for yourself: It’s a joint board." That joint board will represent what we have in common. It will be a monument to our love.

But there will be some leftover unmatched photos, too, in each of our folders. And that’s what the joint board is really for—what it’s designed to reveal. "The things that end up on your vision board that aren’t in hers are the things that she has to accept," 50 Cent says. "And the things that she has that you don’t are the things that you have to make a compromise with." In a healthy relationship, he explains, your differences are really what need talking about. This is how you go about making that conversation happen.

"She’s your best friend?"
"I think friendship is the strongest form of relationship," 50 Cent says. "Don’t ever forget to be friends. And you be conscious. Because there’s a point that your friendship would develop that it has so much value that it would become priceless. And at that point, you should consider marriage."
marriage  relationships-romantic  love 
may 2017 by lwhlihu
Every successful relationship is successful for the same exact reasons — Quartz
3. The most important factor in a relationship is not communication, but respect

What I can tell you is the #1 thing, most important above all else is respect. It’s not sexual attraction, looks, shared goals, religion or lack of, nor is it love. There are times when you won’t feel love for your partner. That is the truth. But you never want to lose respect for your partner. Once you lose respect you will never get it back.
– Laurie

As we scanned through the hundreds of responses we received, my assistant and I began to notice an interesting trend.
People who had been through divorces and/or had only been with their partners for 10-15 years almost always talked about communication being the most important part of making things work. Talk frequently. Talk openly. Talk about everything, even if it hurts.

And there is some merit to that (which I’ll get to later).
But we noticed that the thing people with marriages going on 20, 30, or even 40 years talked about most was respect.
marriage  relationships-romantic  love 
april 2017 by lwhlihu
EMAIL: Ramit’s views on parenting
TRY? A few years ago, on my parents’ anniversary, I called them and asked how they got to 31 years of marriage. My mom said something super interesting:
“You just don’t give yourself any choices,” she said. “You’re in it forever and you know that going in.”
january 2017 by lwhlihu

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