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ramitsethi : parenting   455

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AITA for letting my stubborn daughter go to bed hungry? : AmItheAsshole
Invisible script: "Being adventurous with food is bad"

Well, she hated it. She took one bite and fake gagged. I told her I warned her. She asked if she could have mine but then I'm stuck with the Greek sausage. I told her no deal. She himmed and hawed for 15 minutes before asking me to make her something else. I'm not a restaurant: you eat what I make, plus she picked it herself. She either ate it or nothing else for the rest of the night. She ended up eating half of one and legitimately had sweats from forcing herself before I relented and let her leave the table.

I'm a single father so it's not like I can check in with a wife or spouse to see if I was wrong. This is how I was raised, and this would teach her to play it safe with food. If she wants to get adventurous, that's on her.
invisible-scripts  food  parenting 
22 days ago by ramitsethi
(2) Taras Grescoe on Twitter: ""We move children to suburbs to control them, not to respond to something children want. I think the biggest fake ever perpetrated is that children like, and need, big yards. What children like are other children." —Kennet
"We move children to suburbs to control them,
not to respond to something children want. I think the biggest fake ever perpetrated is that children like, and need, big yards. What children like are other children."

—Kenneth T. Jackson, quoted in #Straphanger
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10:24 AM · Mar 3, 2020·Twitter Web App
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parenting  urban-planning 
27 days ago by ramitsethi
Your Kids Don’t Have to Inherit Your Body-Image Issues - NYT Parenting
They found that 76 percent of the parents denigrated their own bodies in front of their children and 51.5 percent talked more generally about the dangers of obesity, but that 43.6 percent talked about their children’s bodies, taking note of weight gain or commenting on “flabby arms,” for example. And this last group was the most likely to have kids who engaged in binge eating, secretive eating or other disordered behaviors


Avoid statements like, “You’re so lucky you can eat cake, when I’m stuck with these carrot sticks!” It may feel as if you’re giving your kids permission to enjoy their treat, but you’re also reinforcing the message that treats need to be earned, or that eating carrots is a punishment.
parenting  food 
5 weeks ago by ramitsethi
Baby talk different for different languages? : TrueAskReddit
https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120131516

“A new study of over a thousand recorded cries from 30 French newborns and 30 German newborns found differences in the cries' melody patterns. French cries tended to have a rising melody, while the German cries tended to have a falling melody.”
parenting  interesting  language 
5 weeks ago by ramitsethi
(4) Neil Strauss on Twitter: "When people try to relate to children, they either ask them questions about the past ("what did you do in school today") or the future ("what do you want to be when you grow up"). If you want to relate to a child, and not poi
When people try to relate to children, they either ask them questions about the past ("what did you do in school today") or the future ("what do you want to be when you grow up"). If you want to relate to a child, and not poison their mind, speak to them more often of the present
parenting 
8 weeks ago by ramitsethi
Nearly half of Americans didn’t go outside to recreate in 2018. That has the outdoor industry worried. – The Colorado Sun
Nearly half of Americans didn’t go outside to recreate in 2018. That has the outdoor industry worried.
Sobering statistics in the Outdoor Participation Report show even kids are staying inside. “We should really be concerned as a nation that we are becoming an indoor nation,” Outdoor Foundation boss Lise Aangeenbrug says.
culture  health  parenting  weight 
8 weeks ago by ramitsethi
AITA for asking my husband to stop being a picky eater in front of our son? : AmItheAsshole
OMFG

Picky eaters

"That's a normal meal for him. He will either microwave those personal pizzas or those burgers or chicken nuggets.

When we go out to eat, he will order... pizza, burgers, chicken nuggets. When we are at a fancier restaurant, he will ask for a kids menu so he can order.... the exact same thing."
food  parenting 
8 weeks ago by ramitsethi
How were you able to make having a newborn easier? : fatFIRE
I’m about to have my second kid in a few months and I’m trying to brainstorm ways to make life a bit easier and I wanted to ask this group if there was anything that was particularly worth investing in.

So far, I’ve come up with meal prep services, grocery delivery, and additional cleaning service. I have tried to talk my wife into a nanny, au pair, or even just a night nurse but she has so far balked at those ideas.
parenting 
10 weeks ago by ramitsethi
Wealthy mothers and fathers are outsourcing basic parenting, spending thousands on everything from playroom consultants to bike-riding tutorials
Parents with means are increasingly forgoing hands-on parenting, relying on experts to help with everything from snack time to playing games of tag with their kids.
Parents who are too busy to toss a ball with their kids or teach them to ride a bike hire sports coaches for $65 an hour.
There is a whole business of "parenting coaches" and "kid concierges" dedicated to making sure the elite's children are being perfectly tended to, and it's on the rise thanks in part to social media, where millennial parents aim to look picture perfect to peers.
parenting  millennials  coaching  entrepreneurship 
10 weeks ago by ramitsethi
Culture and Crying: Prevalences and Gender Differences - Dianne A. van Hemert, Fons J. R. van de Vijver, Ad J. J. M. Vingerhoets, 2011
Results of a cross-cultural study of adult crying across 37 countries are presented. Analyses focused on country differences in recency of last crying episode and crying proneness and relationships with country characteristics. Three hypotheses on the nature of country differences in crying were evaluated: (a) distress due to exposure to taxing conditions, (b) norms regarding emotional expressiveness, and (c) personality (at country level). Individuals living in more affluent, democratic, extraverted, and individualistic countries tend to report to cry more often. These indicators relate to freedom of expression rather than to suffering; therefore, our data provide support for a model that views country differences in crying as being connected with country differences in expressiveness and personality rather than in distress. Gender differences in crying proneness were larger in wealthier, more democratic, and feminine countries. Differences in the meaning of crying at individual level (usually viewed as a sign of distress) and country level (as a sign of expressiveness and personality) are discussed.
parenting 
11 weeks ago by ramitsethi
How does a Geek Dad raise a son determined to be a Jock? : AskMen
How do I, a nonathletic lifetime nerd, properly encourage the interests and activities of my son, who is more athletically inclined than I have ever been? He has already played little league soccer, flag football, and is arguably better at baseball than I am, and now he's excelling at basketball. I can't keep up with him - literally. He's fast, and has a natural talent that apparently skipped my generation. The closest I have come to playing sports was halftime on the football field in marching band. I barely know the rules to these games, and I could honestly find anything better to do than watch the college or professional versions with him.
parenting 
november 2019 by ramitsethi
Arnold Schwarzenegger on Why Jealousy Is a Good Thing - WSJ
The best way to encourage a child in sports is to: not talk so much about discipline and order and stuff. When you go skiing, time them, let them race against each other. Make it fun and creative and then they’ll get better and better.
parenting  teaching 
november 2019 by ramitsethi
Kids Who Get Driven Everywhere Don't Know Where They're Going - CityLab
Children who were driven everywhere weren’t able to accurately draw how the streets in their community connected

It turns out vehicular traffic does something else, too, more subtle but equally pernicious: It changes the way children see and experience the world by diminishing their connection to community and neighbors.

Newell Avenue, the main road in front of the school, is a tree-lined street and yet few of the trees were drawn; instead, red (danger, cars) and orange (dislike) dominated. Participants from the Light [traffic exposure] neighborhood, on the other hand, showed a much richer sense of their environment, drawing more of the streets, houses, trees, and other objects, and including fewer signs of danger, or dislike and fewer cars. The children also drew many more places in the street where they liked to play and areas that they just simply liked: they noted playing in 43 percent more locations in their streets relative to the children in the heavy-traffic-exposure neighborhood.
parenting  urban-planning  interesting 
november 2019 by ramitsethi
How to deal with an SO who is a picky eater? : EatCheapAndHealthy
Even though these foods aren't what I had growing up, there's still a story and connection there of how I came to love these foods. So I told him the stories of how I came to make these. Like after serving him my specialty lasagna I am super proud of, I told him how in jr. High, I read a scene in The Client where the super hungry kid was fed lasagna by mama whatever who took him in. It was like a 5 cheese lasagna and the way they described it made my mouth water and crave it, even though I had never had lasagna. That scene was seared in my memory forever and after that, I was on a mission to make a lasagna that would rival the one I read about in a random John Grisham book years ago and this is it! I found that telling the stories made him much more eager to try it out.
parenting  food 
october 2019 by ramitsethi
People who think picky eaters choose to be picky, what's your reasoning behind this thought? : AskReddit
That their parents failed them.

Having worked in a restaurant, I see it all the time. The behavior starts at an extremely early age.

"The only thing he'll eat are the chicken tenders and fries!" they'll cry. Well of course, give little Johnny the choice between a pork chop and tendies, and he's gonna go for tendies every time.

Even more so when you, instead of telling said child that they can eat what's in front of them or go to bed hungry, you relent and order the chicken tenders and fries, "so at least he's eating something." This validates the behavior and shows that if the child puts up resistance to something new long enough, eventually they'll get their way, which then carries on into adulthood because they've never had their tastes challenged.
parenting  food 
october 2019 by ramitsethi
hear_roo_roar comments on My brother’s new baby got taken away and is being placed with my Friday. I’m terrified.
In terms of soothing, swaddles are life, although not all babies love to be swaddled. Invest in a sleep sack style swaddle that you don't have to wrap yourself (check out Halo) When he cries, things to do/try:

check to see if diaper is dirty
check when you last fed him (always good to keep track of times in your phone or a notebook at first)
offer a binki
change the way you're holding baby
walk around the room
walk around outside if you have a stroller and are able to
go for a drive, if you have a car and are able to
snuggle to sleep (babies cry when they're tired too...)
try swaddling him
sing to him or play a lullaby
rock him back and forth in your arms
parenting 
september 2019 by ramitsethi
Prehistoric Babies Drank Animal Milk From Bottles : The Salt : NPR
So suggests a new study released Wednesday by the journal Nature. The researchers report finding nonhuman milk residue inside a type of ancient spouted clay bowl that sometimes featured animal feet and heads. The earliest examples of this kind of vessel — which the researchers are calling prehistoric baby bottles — date back more than 7,000 years.

The researchers say the milk molecules they identified, via chemical and isotopic analysis, came from the ruminant family, which includes sheep, goats and cows. "This is the first time that we've been able to identify the types of foods fed to prehistoric babies," says Dunne.
parenting  interesting  history 
september 2019 by ramitsethi
AITA for telling my spouse to stop saving our 'date night' allowance for our child's future/savings? : AmItheAsshole
When our child was born, we opened up a savings account that we will be using to later help him with whatever major thing comes up in his life after he turns 18. This could be college (we don't live in the US so it wont cost hundreds of thousands), down payment for a house or whatever. The condition being that its for something important and not 'just for fun' money.

Anyway, we try to deposit the equivalent of about $100 in the account each month even though money is tight.

My spouse works in a field that sometimes gets tips. The tips are very low, amounting to about $40-100 every 3 months. He keeps this money in a jar in his closet. We called it our "date night" allowance. Its been 9 months since our baby was born and I was looking forward to the first date night in over a year. So I asked him if we can go to a nice dinner and movie while our baby stays at my mom's this Saturday. He says we can't, there's no money for it. So I asked what happened to date night money. He showed me extra bank deposits to our baby's account, apparently he decided to also put his tip money into our baby's fund. I told him that I love how much he loves our child but we also need to think about 'us', our marriage and how to keep the spark going, that is what date night is for. I mean, we were romantic partners before we were parents.

He understood and apologized for not consulting me first. All was well.

So I went to work and was telling my close colleagues about this. 2 of them immediately looked at me like I was the worst mom in the world. And said that it was selfish/assholish of me to take money for my child for basically 'goofing around'. And that I should be tremendously happy that my spouse is all about the baby.

Am I really being selfish here? Because I always thought having a happy marriage is beneficial for children
parenting  finance 
september 2019 by ramitsethi
Should my husband and I take a trip without our baby? | Mom Answers | BabyCenter
Bravo Jodi! Well said. It's not about you anymore. A romantic five-day vacation without an infant who's too young to be separated from Mommy is not essential to your marriage. If that's true, your marriage is in trouble or you need to grow up a little and make some sacrifices. Your husband never should have bid on such a thing. You should put off the trip until your baby is old enough to understand or sell it to someone else.

I WOULD NOT GO!!! Why have children if alone time is so improtant. When one chooses to create a family by definition the alone factor is gone. Remember it's not about you anymore. If you are not able to take your family don't go. The only night I have spent away from my oldest is the night I spent in the hospital having my youngest. My husband and I chose to have children. This meant a lifestyle change, one we were willing to accept. Our marriage is stronger than ever without having to abandon our children to re-connect.
parenting  stupid 
september 2019 by ramitsethi
Common Myna defending its chick from a pair of House Crows : natureismetal
I don't have my own children, but my brother told me about his first brush with this, at a pediatrician. The doctor gave his kid some shots and the baby started crying, and he told me he had an overwhelming urge to "Do something" to the doctor because he made the child cry in pain. Freaked him out a bit, but he did nothing in the moment, just that "urge".

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[–]Edard_Flanders 10 points 7 hours ago 
OMG! I went through the same thing with my two kids at the pediatrician. My son was about 2 and a half and my daughter was about 6 months old. She was getting shots, and my son freaked out and started yelling and hissing at the nurse. I don’t know if he had picked up the hissing from our cats or if that was instinctual.
instinct  parenting 
september 2019 by ramitsethi
5 Cheap(ish) Things Wirecutter’s Editor in Chief Can’t Live Without - The New York Times
Our salvation? A toddler alarm clock. Wirecutter recommends the OK to Wake Alarm Clock, though we use this mildly unnerving dog version from Big Red Rooster.

It’s simple: At bedtime, we turn on the alarm’s red night light. It turns green at 7 a.m. Our daughter knows she’s not allowed to come out of her room when the red light is on (except to go potty), and she honors the stoplight color coding by staying in bed till she gets the green light.
parenting 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
What Happened After My 13-Year-Old Son Joined the Alt-Right
“Did you hate me when I was hostage to the cult?” he asked. I’d never heard him use that phrase before.

“I didn’t hate you,” I said after a minute. I sensed this was a test, and if I passed, something important was waiting for me. “I was just baffled.”

“I hated myself,” he admitted. “I felt trapped. And now I feel so stupid.” He started sobbing, raggedly, struggling to catch his breath. “Why would adults want to do that? Why would they want to fool kids? How could I fall for it?”

--

“I liked them because they were adults and they thought I was an adult. I was one of them,” he said. “I was participating in a conversation. They took me seriously. No one ever took me seriously—not you, not my teachers, no one. If I expressed an opinion, you thought I was just a dumbass kid trying to find my voice. I already had my voice.”
cults  parenting  politics 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
How Men’s Bodies Change When they Become Fathers
Take testosterone, the stereotypically “male” hormone that plays important roles in male fetal development and puberty. Testosterone is largely responsible for motivating men to find partners and, studies suggest, men with higher levels of testosterone tend to be more attractive to potential mates. But being a successful human father means focusing inward on the family and resisting the drive to seek out another partner. So, experts believe, men have evolved for some of that testosterone to go.
parenting  gender  interesting 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
therealjohkur comments on Father's of Reddit, what trivial stuff do you regret not doing for or with your kids when they were young?
Awesome, POSITIVE comment on how to raise a kid

"I am probably not the guy you want to hear from because I have no regrets. My kids are 12 (girl) and 9 (boy) and I have a hundred great memories of their younger years. Here is a list of things you should try and do because I know I got a lot out of them:"
parenting 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
Searchlights comments on I want those sweeties!
You never, ever let them get what they want for acting like this. Never. Not once.

It also helps to remember they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time. They're overcome by emotions.

You pick him up and throw him over your shoulder like a screaming sack and you walk right the fuck out of the store. After they've calmed down a little you name the emotion, "You're feeling angry and disappointed because you didn't get what you want. But that isn't how you get things."

Fundamentally what you're after is two things: Teaching them that this behavior never results in success, and trying to teach them how to recognize and handle powerful emotions.

My kids only tried store tantrums a handful of times. They found out dad's not in to that shit and it doesn't work. Kids test you. Give them clear test results.

It's insanely frustrating and I completely understand the impulse to punish or hit your kids. I lose my shit and yell at them sometimes. But that's not how you solve problems. Everything you do is teaching kids how to be an adult. Do you want to teach them that the way bigger people get what they want from smaller people is to hurt or scare them?

The most important thing is to remember never ever let this behavior deliver a reward. Anyone who's studied psychology will remember that an intermittent reward schedule creates operant behavior that is by far the hardest to extinguish.
parenting 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
The Anti-Helicopter Parent’s Plea: Let Kids Play! - The New York Times
A Silicon Valley dad decided to test his theories about parenting by turning his yard into a playground where children can take physical risks without supervision. Not all of his neighbors were thrilled.
parenting 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
Opinion | We Have Ruined Childhood - The New York Times
The work of raising children, once seen as socially necessary labor benefiting the common good, is an isolated endeavor for all but the most well-off parents.

No longer able to rely on communal structures for child care or allow children time alone, parents who need to work are forced to warehouse their youngsters for long stretches of time.

Tali Raviv, the associate director of the Center for Childhood Resilience, says many children today are suffering a social-skills deficit. She told me kids today “have fewer opportunities to practice social-emotional skills, whether it’s because they live in a violent community where they can’t go outside, or whether it’s because there’s overprotection of kids and they don’t get the independence to walk down to the corner store.”

But it’s important to acknowledge that simply taking away or limiting screens is not enough. Children turn to screens because opportunities for real-life human interaction have vanished;
parenting  education 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
Rich parent tips/tricks/secrets/advice? : fatFIRE
This lack of access to experience is especially concerning as a parent, we want to make sure we make the best moves for our kids.

The people on this sub seem to have a lot more experience so we thought we'd ask a few questions:

-professional daycare vs family care vs home daycare: yall have any preferences?

-early childhood education: did yall do Montessori or anything? Worth it?

-grade chool: public vs private debate. We are big on public school having come through it. Are we missing something that makes private school a better choice?

-Summer jobs: worth it always? Better summer activities?

Any other pieces of advice?
parenting  wealthy 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
lafrisbee comments on Guys who are with a woman who comes from a wealthier background, how has it impacted your relationship?
So this man is way cooler than most. He has three step kids and three of his own. Some are needy, some aren't. He graduated from Duquesne University with his Doctorate in the '60's in Finance. So that is part of his mentality.
When it comes to getting money from him all you have to do is ask. But when you pick up the check he gives you a repayment schedule and all the current information on why he gave you a "loan" at the rate he did.

But he tells you straight up, "You don't have to pay any of it back. We are still going to treat you like you never borrowed money. However after I die when the will is being figured out this loan and its accrued interest will be put against your amount and be redistributed to your brothers and sisters. So keep that in mind.
He won't do it for small purchases, or at least I don't think he would. I've never asked.
It is WAY COOL. I've never had to worry about qualifying for a loan. I bought my home through him.
wealthy  parenting 
august 2019 by ramitsethi
soph on Twitter: "during middle school, my stepdad used to leave me a note on my door each day to inspire me. well, I kept those notes & It’s been 6 years since then. today I gave him those notes back🥰 #HappyFathersDay… https://t.co/9aanc99zSl"
during middle school, my stepdad used to leave me a note on my door each day to inspire me. well, I kept those notes & It’s been 6 years since then. today I gave him those notes back #HappyFathersDay
parenting  inspirational 
june 2019 by ramitsethi
How to parent more predictably (2018) | Hacker News
One thing I think my parents did right was never telling me in the heat of the moment how I would be punished. I knew how I was supposed to behave, and they let me know when I was not living up to the standard, but if they decided to punish me, I wouldn't find out right away what my punishment would be. The only exception was trivial punishments like being sent to my room or having something taken away for a few hours, or if the behavior problem was ongoing and they had time away from me to talk between themselves and decide what would be appropriate to threaten me with.
This accomplished two things. First, they never had to back down on a punishment, because they were careful to only threaten me with things they could stand behind. That meant I never felt any urge to misbehave to call their bluff. Proving parents wrong is irresistible to kids, so if you threaten a punishment you can't follow through on, you've just given them a reason to do the thing you're told them not to. Even if you punish them in another way, it's worth it just to prove you wouldn't do what you said.

Second, it forced me to actively imagine what an appropriate punishment would be. To get into their heads and imagine how they would punish me, I had to think about why my behavior was wrong from their point of view. Kids spend a lot of time arguing against their parents, in their heads as well as out loud, and I think many kids don't have enough occasion to go through the opposite process of thinking with their parents to try to predict their behavior.
parenting 
june 2019 by ramitsethi
Opinion | On Motherhood and ‘This One Thing That People Don’t Share’ - The New York Times
It felt slightly illicit to listen in the control room, alongside an editor and a producer, as Joni exposed her private shame, fear and disappointment. Yet it was also revelatory to hear how this woman’s anxieties had warped her assumptions about how the world sees her. I remember the identity crisis of new parenthood, and how easy it is to imagine that others are evaluating you as harshly as you’re evaluating yourself. But even in novels, I’m not sure I’ve ever had such a distinct sense of what that experience feels like inside someone else’s head.

Later, Sacks pointed out to me that I’d just seen, in miniature, the psychological dynamic behind the so-called mommy wars, merciless, no-win public competitions over the best way to raise a child. “Everyone’s always insecure they’re doing something wrong, and the stakes are so high — you don’t want to mess up your kids — so you’re constantly projecting your insecurities onto other people,” she said. The result is the widespread feeling of aggrieved defensiveness that dominates many cultural conversations about parenthood.
gender  parenting  secret  interesting  podcasts 
june 2019 by ramitsethi
Opinion | What ‘Good’ Dads Get Away With - The New York Times
What ‘Good’ Dads Get Away With
Division of labor in the home is one of the most important equity issues of our time. Yet at this rate it will be another 75 years before men do half the work.
parenting 
may 2019 by ramitsethi
Norland nanny - Google Search
Sep 4, 2018 - For over a century, Norland nannies have been the childcarers of choice for the rich and famous, including Prince George and Princess ...
luxury  parenting  nannies 
may 2019 by ramitsethi
How Inuit Parents Raise Kids Without Yelling — And Teach Them To Control Anger : Goats and Soda : NPR
Even just showing a smidgen of frustration or irritation was considered weak and childlike, Briggs observed.

For instance, one time someone knocked a boiling pot of tea across the igloo, damaging the ice floor. No one changed their expression. "Too bad," the offender said calmly and went to refill the teapot.

In another instance, a fishing line — which had taken days to braid — immediately broke on the first use. No one flinched in anger. "Sew it together," someone said quietly.

https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/b0so4h/comment/eihcuf8/
parenting  emotion 
march 2019 by ramitsethi
Parenting in America
today fully four-in-ten births occur to women who are single or living with a non-marital partner.

The share of children living in a two-parent household is at the lowest point in more than half a century: 69% are in this type of family arrangement today, compared with 73% in 2000 and 87% in 1960.

Now, about two-thirds (67%) of people younger than 50 who had ever married are still in their first marriage. In comparison, that share was 83% in 1960.

46%—are living with two parents who are both in their first marriage. This share is down from 61% in 19808 and 73% in 1960.
parenting  culture  interesting 
march 2019 by ramitsethi
Opinion | Let Children Get Bored Again - The New York Times
But boredom is something to experience rather than hastily swipe away. And not as some kind of cruel Victorian conditioning, recommended because it’s awful and toughens you up. Despite the lesson most adults learned growing up — boredom is for boring people — boredom is useful. It’s good for you.

If kids don’t figure this out early on, they’re in for a nasty surprise. School, let’s face it, can be dull, and it isn’t actually the teacher’s job to entertain as well as educate. Life isn’t meant to be an endless parade of amusements. “That’s right,” a mother says to her daughter in Maria Semple’s 2012 novel, “Where’d You Go, Bernadette.” “You are bored. And I’m going to let you in on a little secret about life. You think it’s boring now? Well, it only gets more boring. The sooner you learn it’s on you to make life interesting, the better off you’ll be.”
parenting 
february 2019 by ramitsethi
What is the most effective psychological “trick” you use? : AskReddit
My youngest (4) got into the "why" phase a little while back. Read an article that said the best way to get them to stop was to ask them "I'm not sure, what do you think?" It is a godsend. They answer their own question, you provide some feedback "Sounds good to me." and they immediately move on. Fucking awesome.
parenting 
january 2019 by ramitsethi
Researchers say if parents want to successfully cut back on their child’s screen-time, they must first cut back on screen-time themselves - Thriveworks
A new study “Mothers’ and fathers’ media parenting practices associated with young children’s screen-time” from University of Guelph and published in BMC Obesity says that children’s screen-time is directly related to their parents’ screen-time. And any efforts intended to reduce children’s screen-time should start at the root, with the parents’ screen-viewing habits.
funny  interesting  parenting 
january 2019 by ramitsethi
I TRAVEL WITHOUT MY KID - Harness Magazine
In the theme of regaining my power back, I decided that instead of drowning again I would become the kind of woman that my son needed. 
parenting 
january 2019 by ramitsethi
Raising Kids Isn’t Easy. Parenting Advice Often Makes It Harder. - The New York Times
As the parent of two children and the author of previous books about obsessive-compulsive disorder and hypochondria, Traig wanted to examine how “developed-world, middle-class Westerners” learned to follow a script that is so culturally specific. She ended her research feeling not just informed but relieved: “People have done crazy, crazy things to their children throughout history, and the species continued all the same.”
parenting 
january 2019 by ramitsethi
To Raise Resilient Kids, Be a Resilient Parent - The New York Times
When that happens, Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and editor of the site AhaParenting.com, said: “We ridicule kids, we blame them, we tell them it’s their own fault; we isolate them by sending them to their rooms.”

The nature of the parent’s response may vary, Dr. Markham said, but the message is the same — that anger, sadness or frustration are unacceptable.

This, Dr. Markham noted, is the opposite of resilience; instead, it’s a fragile rigidity that leaves both parent and child fearful that outsized emotions could shatter them.
parenting 
january 2019 by ramitsethi
Tying Allowance to Chores Could Kill Kids’ Motivation to Help Out - The Atlantic
he has observed a development of responsibilities in less well-off societies that looks little like the American way.

After about 18 months on the Earth, Lancy explained to me, children almost universally become eager to help their parents, and in many cultures, they’re brought in to the processes of doing housework. They may be incompetent little things, but they can learn quickly by watching. “Praise is rare,” Lancy says, “as the principal reward is to be welcomed and included in the flow of family activity.” Gradually, their responsibilities get ratcheted up according to their abilities and strength; they may start by carrying messages or small objects, and work their way up to food preparation or caring for siblings. “In effect, they ‘own’ a suite of chores which they carry out routinely without being told,” Lancy says. And they don’t assume they’ll be paid an allowance.

In an email, he made clear how this contrasts with American norms: “In our society—and I’d extend this to most modern, post-industrial nations—we actually deny our children’s bids to help. We distract them with other activities, we do our chores (meal prep) when they’re napping, we convey that their ‘helping’ is burdensome and, not surprisingly, the helping instinct is extinguished. Hence, at 6 or 7 when we think they’re ready to start doing chores or at least taking care of themselves and their ‘stuff,’ they’ve lost all desire to help out.”
parenting 
december 2018 by ramitsethi
The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting - The New York Times
The time parents spend in the presence of their children has not changed much, but parents today spend more of it doing hands-on child care. Time spent on activities like reading to children; doing crafts; taking them to lessons; attending recitals and games; and helping with homework has increased the most. Today, mothers spend nearly five hours a week on that, compared with 1 hour 45 minutes hours in 1975 — and they worry it’s not enough. Parents’ leisure time, like exercising or socializing, is much more likely to be spent with their children than it used to be. While fathers have recently increased their time spent with children, mothers still spend significantly more.
parenting 
december 2018 by ramitsethi
How and When to Talk to Your Children About Money - The New York Times
Being explicit with the lessons works well. Stephanie Eras, an engineer in New Mexico, said she used the benefits package offered by her daughter’s part-time job at Panera Bread as an opportunity to discuss savings.

As an inducement for her daughter to save the maximum amount allowed in the company’s 401(k) plan, Ms. Eras matched her daughter’s contribution. She also shared stories about her father and mother, who lived frugally.

“My mom didn’t tell us, ‘You must go to college and get a good job.’ She said, ‘You need to get a job with benefits,’” Ms. Eras said. “Those lessons taught me to live within my means.”

When her daughter announced that money wouldn’t buy them happiness, Ms. Eras pointed out that although that was true, money bought the things that they needed and wanted. “I listed them,” she said.
finance  parenting 
november 2018 by ramitsethi
A Dark Consensus About Screens and Kids Begins to Emerge in Silicon Valley - The New York Times
“Other parents are like, ‘Aren’t you worried you don’t know where your kids are when you can’t find them?’” Ms. Chavarria said. “And I’m like, ‘No, I do not need to know where my kids are every second of the day.’”
parenting 
october 2018 by ramitsethi
The Age That Women Have Babies: How a Gap Divides America - The New York Times
Becoming a mother used to be seen as a unifying milestone for women in the United States. But a new analysis of four decades of births shows that the age that women become mothers varies significantly by geography and education. The result is that children are born into very different family lives, heading for diverging economic futures.
gender  interesting  culture  parenting  relationships 
october 2018 by ramitsethi
Adjusting to Danish early education – a challenging experience says an American Mom | Your Danish Life
An American mom sends her two little sons off to school in Denmark and discovers that there are plenty of lessons to be learned from Scandinavia’s early childhood education, involving also field trips, fires, knives, and of course riding their bicycles to school.
parenting 
september 2018 by ramitsethi
The Old Money Book: Living Better While Spending Less - Secret's of America's Upper Class (English Edition) eBook: Byron Tully: Amazon.de: Kindle-Shop
(1) Old Money is defined as three or more generations of wealth.

(2) Personal reality matters far more than public perception.

(3) The main purpose of money is freedom, not consumption. Live below your means in order to save, invest, and preserve capital. Don’t be seduced by advertising or wanting to ‘keep up’ with the consumption of others. Teach your kids to manage money and don’t spoil them. Purchases should emphasize things which will be used frequently rather than infrequently. The general idea is to preserve money so that it will securely be there throughout your life, and possibly future generations.

(4) In terms of values, emphasize enjoyment of life, personal growth, learning about the world, work, social contribution, and family, rather than material possessions or social status. The priority is ‘quality of life’, including self-development, rather than ‘standard of living’.

(5) Health is vital, so eat properly and exercise regularly.

(6) Lifelong education, including a quality university, is essential. Turn off the TV and video games and read quality materials, and read to your kids when they’re young. ‘Education’ also includes extracurricular activities such as sports, music, theater, debate, etc.

(7) Do work which you feel passionate about, work hard at it, and strive to excel. Laziness and wasting time are unacceptable, and don’t complain about doing the tedious aspects which come with all work. When working, be disciplined, avoid distractions, and be in the moment.

(8) Be discrete, modest, and polite toward others. Never talk about how much money you or others have. Maintain your privacy and respect the privacy of others. Be articulate, but not pompous or loud.
parenting  finance 
august 2018 by ramitsethi
The Age That Women Have Babies: How a Gap Divides America - The New York Times
Becoming a mother used to be seen as a unifying milestone for women in the United States. But a new analysis of four decades of births shows that the age that women become mothers varies significantly by geography and education. The result is that children are born into very different family lives, heading for diverging economic futures.
parenting  culture  demographics  politics  economics 
august 2018 by ramitsethi
From Tokyo to Paris, Parents Tell Americans to Chill - The New York Times
I have three kids. I’ve left them home alone since the age of 7 to drop off dry cleaning, grab a coffee or pick up milk at the local store. My only requests were no cooking, fighting or using the iron. Read, play or clean your room. Never a problem. And if one goes missing I still have two left.
parenting 
august 2018 by ramitsethi
Opinion | Motherhood in the Age of Fear - The New York Times
We now live in a country where it is seen as abnormal, or even criminal, to allow children to be away from direct adult supervision, even for a second.

We read, in the news or on social media, about children who have been kidnapped, raped and killed, about children forgotten for hours in broiling cars. We do not think about the statistical probabilities or compare the likelihood of such events with far more present dangers, like increasing rates of childhood diabetes or depression. Statistically speaking, according to the writer Warwick Cairns, you would have to leave a child alone in a public place for 750,000 years before he would be snatched by a stranger. Statistically speaking, a child is far more likely to be killed in a car on the way to a store than waiting in one that is parked. But we have decided such reasoning is beside the point. We have decided to do whatever we have to do to feel safe from such horrors, no matter how rare they might be.

And so now children do not walk to school or play in a park on their own. They do not wait in cars. They do not take long walks through the woods or ride bikes along paths or build secret forts while we are inside working or cooking or leading our lives.
culture  parenting 
august 2018 by ramitsethi
KT NELSON on Twitter: "donald and ivana trying to use don jr as divorce leverage until they both realized that neither of them wanted him is such a solid own on don jr. 10/10 child emotional annihilation… https://t.co/H4tCvMoqOW"
donald and ivana trying to use don jr as divorce leverage until they both realized that neither of them wanted him is such a solid own on don jr. 10/10 child emotional annihilation
funny  sad  parenting 
july 2018 by ramitsethi
Where the Shake Shack Founder Loves to Travel - The New York Times
The memory that first comes to mind was a family vacation to France, when I was seven years old. My brother, sister and I each kept a diary, a parental trip requirement, so those first tastes of quiche Lorraine, fraises des bois and crème frâiche have been forever cemented
parenting 
july 2018 by ramitsethi
In comparison to how your parents raised you, what would you do differently if you were to have kids? : AskReddit
My kids are 14 and 13 now. One thing I really wanted was to have a house that the kids aren't afraid to invite their friends over to hang out at.

I grew up in a small house with a big family. My dad was also an abusive alcoholic. We were very poor and none of us ever invited friends over to our house. We were too embarrassed. Our parents had no clue what we were up to most of the time and it's a miracle none of us got into any serious trouble.

I wanted different for my kids and we have somehow managed to achieve that. I'm still not entirely sure how. My wife and I are in our 50s and are about as far from cool as you can possibly get. We have rules and don't condone any behavior that would get the kids in any sort of trouble. We have a nice enough house but it isn't the biggest among their friends. We still usually have somewhere between 5 and 15 kids here everyday unless we have something else going on. My kids friends say it's because we don't freak out over the small things that other parents do. The noise doesn't bother us. We provide dinner and snacks for my son and his high energy and athletic bottomless pit teenage friends. We don't worry about where everyone is going to sleep. We have enough comfortable sleeping surfaces (beds, couches, beanbags, futons, etc.) but if they prefer to sleep on the floor in the game room or they want to camp in the backyard in a tent or sleep on the trampoline, I don't care.

The other night my son had friends sleepover and I felt a Nerf bullet hit my head as I was watching a show. They apologized before declaring that the loser of the battle would have to jump into the pool at midnight in full clothing and I watched him tread water through the house afterwards. They cleaned it up. Not perfectly but it was cleaned. The following morning they asked me to drop them off at a 5k and an additional two kids joined us when I went to pick them up. They rode bikes around town most day and came back to swim when they got hot and to eat when they were hungry.
parenting 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
From a Pediatrician, Lessons for Dads-to-Be - The New York Times
These steps and others can get fathers more engaged and comfortable with their newborns, Dr. Garfield has found, and they may also be crucial to their long-term development. Studies suggest that children who grow up with more involved fathers acquire better language skills. They have higher self-esteem and better grades in school, and they suffer less depression and anxiety. They have lower rates of truancy and are less likely to become teenage parents.
parenting  gender 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
American toddlers are eating more sugar than the amount recommended for adults — Quartz
The study found that toddlers 12 to 18 months consumed 5.5 teaspoons per day, and that toddlers 19 to 23 months consumed 7.1 teaspoons. This is close to, or more than, the amount of sugar recommended by AHA for adult women (six teaspoons) and men (nine teaspoons). Parents of more than 80% of kids aged six to 23 months reported their children consumed at least some added sugar on a given day.
parenting  health  food  culture 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
John Rosemond on Twitter: "In order to establish that they are in charge, parents must slowly but surely dismantle a toddler’s fantasy - arrived at honestly - that he or she is the center of the universe. Screams and protests are inevitable."
In order to establish that they are in charge, parents must slowly but surely dismantle a toddler’s fantasy - arrived at honestly - that he or she is the center of the universe. Screams and protests are inevitable.
parenting 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
The Secrets of Happy Families
Bruce Feiler's book — The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More — explores the hidden secrets of improving your family life.

Despite all of the recent research about individual happiness, a lot of life happiness comes from spending time with people you care about. In fact, it is the number one predictor of life satisfaction.
parenting  relationships 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
John Rosemond on Twitter: "By getting upset at the small things children do, parents set the stage for repeat performances. Once the stage is set, children play the parts assigned them."
By getting upset at the small things children do, parents set the stage for repeat performances. Once the stage is set, children play the parts assigned them.
parenting 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
Japanese politicians are pushing to end the stigma against crying babies — Quartz
Perhaps because the sound of babies crying is less common in Japan, a lot of credence has been given to the idea that crying babies are an entirely avoidable phenomenon. Japanese babies are among the world’s least-likely to cry, along with Danish and German babies, and even Japanese candy companies market their products to moms with videos designed to make their babies stop crying.
parenting 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
The Overprotected American Child | Hacker News
"I never want to raise my kids like this (overprotected)."

"You can always tell when someone grew up like this. They are always afraid of doing anything that might even remotely be considered outside the box. They lack that ability and drive to find things out for themselves, and instead rely on others for help and guidance to a fault. Professional occupations are full of these people who were coddled from birth, through college, and straight into a high paying job with zero understanding of how life actually works. It makes relating to someone like that almost impossible."

"Maybe if they all become lawyers/docs, they did something right" -- "The fact that they tracked into a high paying job despite their risk-aversion and limited ability to think abstractly seems to vindicate their parent's method of raising children."
parenting  interesting  culture 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
FIRE vs. Raising children in a competitive, type-A HCOL culture : financialindependence
/r/financialindependence: Lots actually want to raise kids in type-A/HCOL culture. They point out benefits
interesting  parenting  finance 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
Why Children Aren't Behaving, And What You Can Do About It : NPR Ed : NPR
Two or three decades ago, children were roaming neighborhoods in mixed-age groups, playing pretty unsupervised or lightly supervised. They were able to resolve disputes, which they had a strong motivation to because they wanted to keep playing. They also planned their time and managed their games. They had a lot of autonomy, which also feeds self-esteem and mental health.

Nowadays, kids, including my own, are in child care pretty much from morning until they fall into bed — or they're under the supervision of their parents. So they aren't taking small risks. They aren't managing their time. They aren't making decisions and resolving disputes with their playmates the way that kids were 20 or 30 years ago.

He knows how to put on his shoes. So if you walk out the door, he will put on his shoes and follow you. It may not feel like it, but eventually he will. And if you spend five or 10 minutes outside that door waiting for him — not threatening or nagging — he'll be more likely to do it quickly. It's one of these things that takes a leap of faith, but it really works.
parenting 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
Jonathan Haidt on Twitter: "When the NYT and WSJ both feature essays noting that kids need challenge, adversity, and (non-chronic) stress in order to become strong and independent, it is a good day. Here's psychiatrist @raf_ideas in the NYT: https://t.co/
When the NYT and WSJ both feature essays noting that kids need challenge, adversity, and (non-chronic) stress in order to become strong and independent, it is a good day. Here's psychiatrist @raf_ideas in the NYT:
parenting  stress 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
Men of AskMen: does anyone [incorrectly] think you're gay because you have no luck with women +other reasons? : AskMen
Tons of guys who are anxious around women realize their parents teased them for liking girls when they were younger

Look at the shock in the comments
gender  culture  parenting  interesting  dating 
june 2018 by ramitsethi
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