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robertogreco : overparenting   9

The Teachers Guild - How might we redesign parent-teacher conferences? - How might we create or modify a new system that fights overparenting?
"In her book How to Raise an Adult (see a great NYT review here), Julie Lythcott-Haims builds a convincing case that “helicopter” parenting can be severely damaging to kids, despite best intentions. As Lythcott-Haims argues, parent stress, including their own need to fit in with other parents and their desire to see their kids find success in the traditional sense (i.e., the “best” colleges), often trickles down to kids. When considering parent-teacher relationships and the parent-teacher night, it is thus critical that schools develop systems to guard against such “helicopter” effects. To mitigate parents becoming overinvolved with their kids’ school lives, Lythcott-Haims suggests that they need to step back and give kids more space to grow.

With this in mind, it is important that the systems we design to communicate with parents do not reinforce overparenting tendencies in any way. If we look to the end goal for what we want for our children (both teachers and students), many would say that they want children to be happy, healthy and safe. A starting point may be a values exercise that showcases what parents value for their children, what students value for themselves and what teachers value for their students. Performing such an exercise as part of a back-to-school initiative would offer up a common language for all three parties to draw upon as we discuss learning and all of processes and products that accompany it. Likewise, this exercise would also offer an opportunity for students, teachers and parents to see where their values overlap and where they diverge and what this means in terms of learning, school culture and the discussions that surround these topics."
jillbergeron  2016  helicopterparenting  parenting  teaching  schools  learning  overparenting  julielythcott-haims  sfsh  values  culture  howweteach  communication  education  helicopterparents 
june 2016 by robertogreco
Welcome to the Age of Overparenting - Boston Magazine - bostonmagazine.com
"…pushing kids can be just as bad for them as attending to their every desire…children of upper-class, highly educated parents…are increasingly anxious & depressed. Children with “high perfectionist strivings” were likely to see achievement failures as personal failures…being constantly shuttled between activities…ends up leaving suburban adolescents feeling more isolated from parents.

…while today’s middle- & upper-middle-class children have an unprecedented array of opportunities, their experiences are often manufactured by us…Nearly everything they do is orchestrated, if not by their parents, then by some other adult…But their experiences aren’t very rich in the messier way — in those moments of unfettered abandon when part of the thrill is the risk of harm, hurt feelings, or struggle. In our attempt to manage & support every moment of our children’s lives, they become something that belongs to us, not them.

[ http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/the_age_of_overparenting/ ]
parenting  children  stress  anxiety  anxiousparenting  helicopterparenting  helicopterparents  2011  caroldweck  petergray  suniyaluthar  behavior  messiness  play  unstructuredtime  learning  life  overparenting  unschooling  deschooling  freedom  independence  education 
december 2011 by robertogreco
The end of zero risk in childhood? | Tim Gill | Comment is free | The Guardian
"In 1980s & 90s we collectively fell prey to what I call the zero-risk childhood. Children were seen as irredeemably stupid, as fragile as china plates, & utterly unable to learn from their mistakes. Hence the role of adults was to protect them from all risk, no matter what the cost.

In the past years we have begun to realise the flaws in this zero-risk logic. The constant stream of jaw-dropping anecdotes – children arrested for building a tree house, teachers having to complete reams of paperwork to take classes to the local church, schools banning chase games – has brought home an insight that should have been obvious from our childhoods: children need challenge…adventure…uncertainty…risk.

Children learn a great deal from their own efforts, & from their mistakes. If we try too hard to keep them safe, we starve them of the very experiences that they need if they are to learn how to deal w/ the everyday ups & downs of life. What is more, children themselves recognise this."
resilience  timgill  parenting  teaching  tcsnmy  lcproject  overparenting  helicopterparents  helicopterparenting  experience  learning  unschooling  deschooling  risk  riskaversion  2011  uk  danger  safety  policy  fear  uncertainty  adventure  adversity  challenge 
july 2011 by robertogreco
How to Land Your Kid in Therapy - Magazine - The Atlantic
"Why the obsession with our kids’ happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother reports."

"Here I was, seeing the flesh-and-blood results of the kind of parenting that my peers and I were trying to practice with our own kids, precisely so that they wouldn’t end up on a therapist’s couch one day. We were running ourselves ragged in a herculean effort to do right by our kids—yet what seemed like grown-up versions of them were sitting in our offices, saying they felt empty, confused, and anxious. Back in graduate school, the clinical focus had always been on how the lack of parental attunement affects the child. It never occurred to any of us to ask, what if the parents are too attuned? What happens to those kids?"
education  culture  children  psychology  life  parenting  tcsnmy  adversity  helicopterparents  helicopterparenting  overparenting  overprotectiveparenting  2011  handsoff  lcproject  teaching  learning  experience  experientiallearning  therapy 
june 2011 by robertogreco
Can These Parents Be Saved: The Growing Backlash Against Over-Parenting - TIME
"certain amount of hovering is understandable when it comes to young children, but...concerned when it persists through middle & high school..."Stealth Fighter Parents," who no longer hover constantly but can be counted on for a surgical strike...Among the most powerful weapons in war against helicopter brigade is explosion of websites where parents can confide, confess & affirm their sense that lowering expectations is not same as letting your children down..."People feel there's somehow a secret formula for parenting & if we just read enough books & spend enough money & drive ourselves hard enough, we'll find it & all will be O.K. Can you think of anything more sinister, since every child is so different, every family is different? Parents need to block out sound & fury from media & other parents, find formula that fits family best."...Finally, there is the gift of humility...We can fuss & fret & shuttle & shelter, but in the end, what we do may not matter as much as we think."
parenting  education  learning  children  highschool  middleschool  teaching  helicopterparenting  overparenting  simplicity  carlhonoré  unschooling  deschooling  tcsnmy  lcproject  helicopterparents 
november 2009 by robertogreco
Can These Parents Be Saved: The Growing Backlash Against Over-Parenting - TIME
"Helicopter parents can be found across all income levels, races & ethnicities...even...grandparents...Why do grownups have to take over everything?...What boredom does is take away the noise...leave them w/ space to think deeply, invent their own game, create their own distraction...useful trampoline for children to learn how to get by...Other studies reinforce importance of play as essential protein in child's emotional diet...persisted across species & millenniums, perhaps as way to practice for adulthood, build leadership, sociability, flexibility, resilience...managers at JPL noticed younger engineers lacked problem-solving skills, though had top grades & test scores. Realizing older engineers had more play experience as kids...JPL eventually incorporated questions about job applicants' play backgrounds into interviews. "what produces learning & memory & well-being, play is as fundamental as any other aspect.''..."hurried lifestyle is source of stress & anxiety...depression.""
children  parenting  stress  anxiety  helicopterparents  play  neuroscience  problemsolving  criticalthinking  overparenting  childhood  families  unschooling  deschooling  boredom  tcsnmy  lcproject  helicopterparenting 
november 2009 by robertogreco
Can These Parents Be Saved: The Growing Backlash Against Over-Parenting - TIME
"too many parents, says Skenazy, have the math all wrong. Refusing to vaccinate children, as millions now threaten to do in case of the swine flu, is statistically reckless; on other hand, there are no reports of a child ever being poisoned by a stranger handing out tainted Halloween candy & odds of being kidnapped & killed by a stranger are about 1 in 1.5 million. When parents confront you with "How can you let him go to the store alone?," she suggests countering with "How can you let him visit your relatives?" (Some 80% of kids who are molested are victims of friends/relatives.) Or ride in the car with you? (> 430,000 kids were injured in motor vehicles last year.) "I'm not saying that there is no danger in the world or that we shouldn't be prepared. But there is good & bad luck & fate & things beyond our ability to change. The way kids learn to be resourceful is by having to use their resources." Besides..."a 100%-safe world is not only impossible. It's nowhere you'd want to be."
lenoreskenazy  freerangeparents  fear  parenting  learning  life  slow  simplicity  statistics  unschooling  deschooling  helicopterparents  vaccinations  accidents  overparenting  lcproject  tcsnmy  helicopterparenting 
november 2009 by robertogreco
Can These Parents Be Saved: The Growing Backlash Against Over-Parenting - TIME
"All great rebellions are born of private acts of civil disobedience that inspire rebel bands to plot together. And so there is now a new revolution under way, one aimed at rolling back the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads. The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they'll fly higher. We're often the ones who hold them down.

A backlash against overparenting had been building for years, but now it reflects a new reality. Since the onset of the Great Recession, according to a CBS News poll, a third of parents have cut their kids' extracurricular activities. They downsized, downshifted and simplified because they had to — and often found, much to their surprise, that they liked it."

[via: http://www.joannejacobs.com/2009/11/overparenting-is-so-over/ AND http://blog.coreknowledge.org/2009/11/20/infantilizing-our-kids-into-incompetence/ ]
education  society  culture  parenting  paranoia  us  recession  helicopterparents  learning  freerangekids  slow  simplicity  carlhonoré  tcsnmy  unschooling  deschooling  overparenting  lcproject  helicopterparenting 
november 2009 by robertogreco
The Child Trap: Books: The New Yorker
"This used to be known as “spoiling.” Now it is called “overparenting”—or “helicopter parenting” or “hothouse parenting” or “death-grip parenting.” The term has changed because the pattern has changed. It still includes spoiling—no rules, many toys—but two other, complicating factors have been added. One is anxiety. Will the child be permanently affected by the fate of the hamster? Did he touch the corpse, and get a germ? The other new element—at odds, it seems, with such solicitude—is achievement pressure. The heck with the child’s feelings. He has a nursery-school interview tomorrow. Will he be accepted? If not, how will he ever get into a good college? Overparenting is the subject of a number of recent books, and they all deplore it in the strongest possible terms." ... "final question that one has to ask is whether overparenting trend is truly emergency...the commentators tend to forget that they are talking, for the most part, about a minority."
parenting  books  helicopterparents  society  culture  children  psychology  education  learning  trends  overparenting  hothouseparenting  death-gripparenting  sociology  helicopterparenting 
november 2008 by robertogreco

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