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thegrandnarrative : adultery   5

Study: The Warning Signs for Relationship Infidelity
The researchers began by following 113 newlywed, heterosexual couples over three and a half years, testing for two psychological responses: disengagement, or the instinct to look away from an attractive person; and devaluation, which is the impulse to downgrade the perceived attractiveness of romantic alternatives. They found that the faster the participant looked away and the more negatively they viewed any romantic alternatives, the more likely they were to avoid infidelity and have a successful marriage. Not letting yourself want what you can’t have, it turns out, is a pretty effective strategy.

While disengagement and devaluation seem like intrinsic, knee-jerk reactions, that’s not exactly the case — and claiming that it’s out of your control is exactly the cop-out it sounds like. “Whether we’re talking about infidelity or other areas of conflict, people don’t realize that instead of reacting, they can take a moment to choose the response,” says Tara Fields, psychotherapist and author of The Love Fix. “People do have control over their reactions and their reactivity.”

In fact, it’s just like any other bad habit, according to Fields: To control it, you have to consider why, exactly, you’re prone to it in the first place. Oftentimes these impulses are environmental; for instance, the participant picked it up from a family member, or saw friends doing it. “Once you look at the behavior and deem it negative, you can then look at the payoff,” explains Fields. “How does it serve you? How does it make you feel?” Even just identifying it helps. After all, the perennial first step to anything is awareness.

Next, the researchers tracked 120 different newlywed couples over the course of three and a half years, and found additional — and equally important — factors that predict infidelity within a relationship. These include being younger, a history of short-term sexual partners, and, weirdly, a satisfying sex life. This last point seems counterintuitive, but the researchers surmised that if a person has a more positive attitude about sex in general, they may be more likely to seek it out with people besides their own partner.

In this case, it does seem like there’s only so much you can do about these predictors — and that’s very little. After all, it’s not possible to go back and change the number of sexual partners you’ve had. And even if a good sex life is a predictor of infidelity, how (and, really, why) would you try to change that?

But according to Fields, avoiding infidelity is primarily a matter of both being aware and keeping your partner in the loop. For example, “if you’re younger, you may be more ambivalent about making a commitment in a monogamous relationship,” she says. “It’s fine as long as you tell your partner.” (This doesn’t fly as an excuse after the fact, she warns. You can’t confess that you’ve cheated and then explain that you felt vulnerable.)

In other words, the predictors identified in this study are far from set-in-stone prophecies, and a policy of total transparency is a sound way to sidestep them. It’s also an indication that I should probably take my boyfriend’s confession as a good sign, especially when the alternative feels a lot like gaslighting: “You’re convincing your partner who’s catching onto things that they’re crazy,” explains Fields. Once that unravels — which it likely will — it’s difficult to recover that trust. Consider it this way: It’s much easier to preserve trust in a relationship than re-create it from scratch.
infidelity  sexual-relationships  adultery  couples  male-gaze 
april 2018 by thegrandnarrative
Adultery No Longer A Crime (In Korea)! | KLAWGURU.COM
Today, the law criminalizing adultery (i.e., Article 241 of the Criminal Act) was found “unconstitutional” by the Constitutional Court of Korea. As a result of this momentous ruling, Article 241 is repealed and adultery is no longer a crime in Korea. As of right now! Note: In Korea, “Adultery” referred to: 1) having (straight) sex with someone other than your spouse (i.e., 간통), or 2) knowingly having (straight) sex with someone who is married to another person (i.e., 상간). FYI, I keep saying “straight” sex because “oral” sex was never considered “Adultery.” Extramarital oral sex was/is a cause for divorce, but it’s never been a crime here in Korea. (Well, not unless it was paid for.) Former U.S. President Bill Clinton once famously said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky…” If he was going by the definition of “Adultery” under Korean law, he could have had a point. But I digress. Below is Article 241 that was repealed today. Article 241 (Adultery) (1) A
korean  adultery  korean  law  korean  marriage  korean  sexuality 
february 2015 by thegrandnarrative
Four out of 10 married men were unfaithful: survey
The survey was conducted in June last year on 2,000 men and women by the Korean Women's Development Institute (WDI) that operates under the Prime Minister's Office. Among male respondents, 36.9 percent said they had a sexual affair with someone else while being married. Among females, 6.5 percent answered the same. In the survey, 20 percent of the men said they had an affair with a married partner while they were single. For women, the same answer came from 11.4 percent. KWDI said that under the existing law on adultery, 32.2 percent of the men and 14.4 percent of the women would have been punished, a result it said goes to show that extramarital affairs are not an uncommon phenomenon in the country. Under the law, people who have been unfaithful to their spouses can be jailed up to two years. Social critics demand that the law be repealed, questioning its effect on preventing adultery and that such law is rare in advanced countries. But the survey found that 60.4 percent of the
korean  marriage  korean  adultery  korean  adultery  law 
february 2015 by thegrandnarrative
Divorce Law in Korea | K-law Guru
IV. Child Custody (친권, 양육권) The courts normally take into account the child’s sex and age, the intent of the spouses to exercise custody, each spouses’ economic/financial situations, how close each spouse is to the child, and the opinion of the child him/herself too. If the child is at least 15, it’s mandatory the court listen to his/her opinion. In reality, it’s also important who’s actually been taking care of the child thus far (and during trial). Just because the child is a daughter does not necessarily guarantee Mrs. Yoon will be entitled to child custody. However, if she has been taking care of the daughter thus far, the result could be very much favorable to Mrs. Yoon. V. Child Support (양육비) The two most important factors in determining child support are: 1) The combined income of the spouses, and 2) The age of the child. Below is a chart/guideline from the Seoul Family Court. It applies to divorce between “city dwellers.” The amount (in KRW) is per month for one child. In p
korean  divorce  korean  law  korean  child  custody  korean  marriage  korean  adultery 
november 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Should adultery be a crime?
Sixty years since it was enacted, the country’s law banning adultery is facing yet another constitutional challenge. For the sixth time since 1990, the Constitutional Court will next month begin deliberating whether the criminalization of adultery constitutes an unacceptable interference by the state into the private lives of citizens or a justifiable bulwark against family breakdown. Following the conviction of a 48-year-old woman for affairs with two married men in 2011, Uijeongbu District Court referred the law for constitutional review, arguing that it infringed “on an individual’s privacy and freedom of sexual life.” The law defines sex with someone other than your spouse as a crime punishable by up to two years in prison. Any unmarried person who knowingly has sexual relations with someone who is married is also liable for prosecution. The law is not just for show either, with a small number of people imprisoned for the offense every year. But enforcement has waned in recen...
koreanmarriage  adultery  adulterylaw  koreansexuality  marriage  sexualrelationships 
august 2013 by thegrandnarrative

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