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Friends, then benefits - Psychology
BEAUTY opens many doors. Study after study has concluded that the comely earn more, are better liked, are treated more indulgently and are even given more lenient sentences in court than their plainer counterparts. The door it opens widest, though, is the romantic one. As both common sense and evolutionary theory suggest should happen, beautiful people attract beautiful partners. But not always. Occasionally, handsome men choose plain women, and vice versa.

Why this should be vexes psychologists and biologists alike. A study by Lucy Hunt of the University of Texas at Austin, and her colleagues, soon to be published in Psychological Science, suggests an answer. It depends on whether the couples in questions were friends before they were lovers.

Ms Hunt asked 167 couples how they had come to know one another. Individuals were questioned alone, and their responses compared with those of their other halves. Those responses were mixed: 40% of couples said they were friends before they were lovers, while 41% said they were not. (The remaining 19% could not agree, with one member of the couple saying they had been friends beforehand and the other denying it.)

To measure participants’ attractiveness, Ms Hunt showed videos of them to a group of undergraduates who had not been told the experiment’s goal. The students were asked to rate the attractiveness of the people in the videos on a seven-point scale. Generally, the scores assigned to a participant by different students agreed with one another, which allowed Ms Hunt to calculate, with a fair degree of confidence, just how well-correlated in the beauty stakes a pair of lovers were.

She and her colleagues found that the attractiveness of couples who became romantic partners soon after their first meeting had an average correlation of 0.46 (out of a maximum possible of 1.0). In other words, if a man in such a couple was rated as “very attractive”, there was a fair chance that his female counterpart would be rated as “very attractive” too. In contrast, those who were friends first had an average correlation of just 0.18. Tellingly, the researchers found that the longer the members of a couple had known each other before becoming lovers, the lower was the strength of the correlation.

So a period of pre-romantic friendship can indeed erode beauty’s pulling power. But why? One explanation Ms Hunt proposes is that friendship gives potential mates time to assess subtler attributes, such as intelligence and dependability, as well as the more obvious signal of outward beauty. Given the huge commitment, by both sexes, involved in raising children, such a strategy of long-term assessment is likely to have evolution on its side.

That does, though, raise questions. One is, why does love at first sight persist? Another is, if beauty is, in an evolutionary sense, tradable for good parenting skills, what does that have to say about the parenting skills of beautiful couples?
Human-mating  dating  sexual-attraction  sexual-relationships  friend-zone 
january 2018 by thegrandnarrative
The Stigma Around Older Woman-Younger Man Relationships
Why are older woman-younger man relationships on the increase, and why are people reluctant to accept them?

According to Coles and his colleague Marco Francesconi, the trend can be attributed to more women getting high-earning jobs. “On average, a woman is about 45% more likely to be in a toyboy relationship if, relative to her partner, she is more educated and in a better occupation class,” they write. Why would these factors determine who women date? According to Coles and Francesconi’s model, people choose partners based on fitness (sexual attractiveness and other factors) and “success in the labor market” (having a good job). Because most women have historically had fewer job opportunities, they have chosen partners based on their wealth. But now that women can support themselves, they are using attractiveness as their main criterion.

Women’s financial independence may be the key to understanding why such relationships are so controversial: They challenge traditional gender roles. A female breadwinner subverts the stereotype that men are supposed to support women. But this isn’t the only reason for the stigma. A double standard around aging also plays a role, the sociologists Hernan Vera, Donna H. Berado, and Felix M. Berado argue. Women’s sexual desirability is traditionally correlated with youth. Older women are not usually viewed as sexual beings, but instead as sexless, maternal figures. Older woman-younger man relationships show that older women aren’t that different from older men: They both desire young, attractive partners.
dating  age-gap  cougars 
may 2017 by thegrandnarrative
Why parents should embrace date nights
Adults going out on their own together is good for their relationship – and allows children to see that mum and dad have a life beyond the family

Welcome to child-centric family life where time alone has all but vanished. Adult recreation – supper, a glass of wine and Newsnight – now merges amorphously with last-minute maths revision, packing sports kits and urging children to get ready for bed – a ritual they are true masters at protracting.

Couples therapists would say parents like us should work harder to balance our priorities in order to preserve the family unit. It's even on the political agenda in some countries; well, Scandinavia anyway. Last October, the government in Oslo issued a plea to parents in Norway to embrace "date nights" more frequently in response to rising divorce rates – now 40%, with those aged 40 to 44 most vulnerable to separation.

It has always struck me as a fatal flaw in Darwinian logic that the institution most essential to a child's wellbeing – the couple unit – is the very one they are most likely to, unwittingly, sabotage and undermine. Marital therapists will tell you that one of the times a relationship is most at threat is during the first year after the first child is born
dating  parenting  marriage  married-life 
february 2017 by thegrandnarrative
Korean Men to Run Short of Brides Soon
Korea is forecast to experience an acute shortage of women who are willing to marry its men a decade or so from now.

Statistics Korea analyzed census data to forecast that men between 28 and 35 will have severe trouble finding any brides between 26 and 33 by the year 2028.

The reason is that there will be 120 to 123 men for every 100 women in prime marrying age due to rampant abortions of female fetuses and a preference for male heirs until quite recently. That means one in six Korean men will not be able to find a bride at home.
Korean  sex  ratio  misogyny  marriage  dating 
january 2017 by thegrandnarrative
Why We Lose Interest In People Who Show Too Much Interest In Us
That exact behavior is the same reason we lose interest in people who show too much interest in us. It's a dynamic we're not used to. We've come to associate courting with a chase. We secretly enjoy the thrills and lows that come with love you have to fight to earn. It makes us feel like we're getting something worth our efforts. We need to know that there is value in something before we can invest in it. And when a person is in high demand or hard to reach, we see value in them. Once we see those emotional dollar signs, we feel more confident opening up to the person, and our efforts become validated.

For many biological reasons, we are attracted to people whom we see as "better" than us. The evolutionary point of coupling that results in reproduction is to produce better offspring. So on a primal level, we're going to be more attracted to people who look like they are healthy, strong, and confident, while having the emotional sensitivity to be protective, loyal, and nurturing. So naturally, whether we're thinking about it or whether we even want to reproduce, we are conditioned by evolution to want someone whose genes might best combine with our own to "better" our breed. But what does that look like? And why are we so turned off when our partners seek the same in us?
dating  romance  interest  mysterious  stranger 
november 2016 by thegrandnarrative
How Rom-Coms Undermine Women
Here is one of the good things to come out of Donald Trump’s recent hot-mic revelations: The scandal, in its assorted horrors, furthered a much-needed national conversation about the shadowed contours of sexual violence. In response to Trump surrogates’ attempts to dismiss the candidate’s misogynistic comments as “locker-room talk,” media outlets and individual Facebook-opiners alike came forward to insist that, on the contrary, what Trump was describing in Access Hollywood’s recording was in fact a form of assault. Trump’s words, in spite of themselves, ended up bringing a bit of ironic clarity to a culture that is living in the aftermath of patriarchy—during a time in which feminism and Puritanism and sex positivity and sex-shaming and progress and its absence have mingled to make everything, to borrow Facebook’s pleasant euphemism, Complicated.

There’s one more thing, though, that has contributed to all the confusion: the romantic comedy. The common knock against rom-coms—besides their being too often glibly hetero-normative and horrendously lacking in diversity and ironically ambivalent about the women who generally watch them—is that they are fantasies, in the worst way as well as the best. (“I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi,” Mindy Kaling, both a lover and a creator of the genre, has said.) The other complaint you can make about them, though, and one that seems especially apt at the current moment, is that rom-coms, on top of everything else, have a troubling tendency to blur the line between romantic exertion and sexual violence. Many assume a fundamental passivity on the part of women, and, relatedly, a fundamental assertiveness on the part of men. For any romantic coupling at all to take place, they argue implicitly—and, indeed, for the human species to have any hope of propagating itself—men must exert themselves, and women must gratefully accept them. Before Mars and Venus can fall in love, many rom-coms assume, Mars must first make Venus do the falling.
rom-coms  romantic  comedies  romance  dating  couples  korean  dramas 
november 2016 by thegrandnarrative
China’s marriage rate is plummeting – and it’s because of gender inequality
After a whole decade of increases in the national marriage rate, China witnessed its second year of decline in the number of newly registered unions in 2015, with a 6.3% drop from 2014 and 9.1% from 2013. This was accompanied by a rise in the age of marriage, which has increased by about a year and a half in the first ten years of this century.

The decline and delay of marriage in China is part of a global trend. The United States, most OECD nations, and Japan, have all undergone a similar process in recent years, as have other major Chinese societies. Hong Kong and Taiwan, for instance, both have much higher ages of first marriage than mainland China.

But in a culture that puts great value on family, parents are alarmed by even the tiniest likelihood that their offspring will remain unmarried and childless. They fear the breaking of family lineage, or that there will be no one to look after their unmarried children when they’re gone.
Causing worry

While the traditional practice of arranged marriage has been illegal in China since the 1950s, parents remain heavily involved in their children’s marital decisions. Many Chinese parents relentlessly try to persuade their children to enter wedlock through much-dreaded interrogations during festive family gatherings.
chinese  marriage  chinese  dating  chinese  families  chnese  parents 
october 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Young Koreans Still Dependent on their Parents
The numbers were 59.3 percent (20s) and 43.8 percent (30s), respectively.

According to Job Korea, the percentage of dependent youth was a significant increase from last year’s figure of 37.5 percent.

Women tended to be more dependent on their parents, with 59 percent of female respondents regarding themselves as such, compared to only 48.3 percent of men.

As to reasons for their dependence, tops was “still receiving financial assistance from parents” (62 percent), followed by “not yet dependent financially and psychologically” (19.7 percent), and “feel safer getting help from parents on important decisions” (14.1 percent).

Among those depending on their parents, 79.3 percent were “unable” to separate themselves rather than not willing to, while 51.9 percent of this subset were incapable of paying for housing and 20.1 percent were trying to save money for the future.

Housing expenses were also the most burdensome even for those not choosing independence, at 35 percent, followed by “not feeling the need to separate” (29.3 percent) and “to save on living costs”.

Among all participants, 34.9 percent believed that “up until marriage” was the most suitable point in life to stop living with their parents.

For respondents in their 20s, answers were “up until marriage” (35.3 percent) and “until employed” (34.7 percent), whereas those in their 30s said “marriage” (33.2 percent), “college graduation” (21.8 percent), and “employment” (20 percent).
Korean  youth  Korean  20-somethings  Korean  singles  Korean  marriage  Korean  single  households  Korean  dating 
october 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Sanae yŏnae 사내 연애: Workplace romance in South Korea
Sanae yŏnae (사내 연애) is the Korean term for workplace romance.

Although not at all a traditional way of meeting, sanae yŏnae is not an uncommon way for couples to get involved in these latter days—I’ve known several couples who met that way, both Korean and, like us, “multicultural” (다문화 tamunhwa, the Korean term for couples/families that include a Korean person and a person from a different background).

Actually, it’s hard to imagine there haven’t always been couples whose connection arose from being thrown together in some kind of work. The word itself, though, seems to be about 20 years old—at least, the first reference in KINDS’s searchable newspaper database (to 사내연애 or 사내 연애; spacing is somewhat flexible in Korean writing) is from the mid-1990s (강원도민일보 1995).

The word comes from the Chinese characters 社內 戀愛, which, together, literally mean romance inside the company: sa (社, 사, company) nae (內, 내, inside) yŏn ae (戀愛, 연애, romance).
How common is workplace romance in Korea?

Workplace romance in Korea is quite common—in fact, a 2011 survey found that 42.3 percent of the 1200 workers questioned had been involved in sanae yŏnae. This was especially true of workers at companies employing more than 300 workers, where 47.2 percent had been involved with a coworker (엔브레인트렌드모니터 2011).
Korean  relationships  Korean  dating  Korean  workplaces  Korean  office  relationships 
october 2016 by thegrandnarrative
People Ask Me When I Will Get Married
People marry for many reasons. Some choose it for the experience of giving birth and raising children, others for financial stability. Moreover, a lot more women than one may think choose to marry because they want to become independent or escape from their family. In Korea, one’s unmarried [未婚/mi-hon, “not yet married”] status marks one as immature, and perhaps marriage can be a promising form of insurance for women even though it may not provide 100% coverage.

I know how much harder it is to convince and change one’s family than to do so with anyone else. I have also suffered from feelings of helplessness, alienation and guilt in relationships with my family. Sometimes the attempt to run away from direct oppression and violence—including tangible and intangible discrimination against women—just so we can survive in a day-to-day existence leads them to make choices that are unrelated to their volition or ideals. I believe such choices also ought to be respected.
Korean  marriage  Korean  relationships  Korean  dating  Korean  women 
august 2016 by thegrandnarrative
What it’s really like to be a 30-year-old virgin
While the plight of the ignorant, sheltered, older male virgin has been forever immortalized by Steve Carell in The Forty-Year-Old Virgin, straight female virgins with knowledge, but little experience, have enjoyed little popular attention.

So perhaps it’s no surprise that, three years ago, when a Reddit user revealed why she was still a virgin at 26 years old, the conversation stuck a chord. In a post titled “Not all virgins are waiting for something other than just a decent man,” the user, who called herself throwawayvirginmary, detailed in frank terms what it’s like to be a woman who hasn’t lost her virginity by her early twenties for reasons other than religion, lack of sexual comfort, or trauma.

“I am not bothered by the fact that I waited, and I don’t ascribe any magical aspect to the first sexual encounter (though I am very happy with my memories of that whole time),” she wrote, “but I AM bothered by the fact that people like me are not shown to exist.”
virginity  virgins  relationships  dating  sexual  relationships 
august 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Young Koreans Embrace Dating Apps
Users are drawn by the discreet nature of the enterprise. One 24-year-old university student said, "I'd like to meet a graduate from a top university and I feel awkward asking my friends to set me up with someone like that. Some blind-dating apps display the academic information of other applicants, so I can just pick one."

The low cost of the apps also makes them preferable to expensive matchmakers for those looking for serious relationships. Most dating apps are free to sign up and charge only a small amount per match.

Some are free for all, others discriminate. Sky People is free for women, but men can only sign up if they went to prestigious universities or are lawyers, doctors or work for major conglomerates, which has to be certified.

Amanda, meanwhile, practices a dubious form of mob justice by requiring photos to be rated by other users before an applicant can join.

There are also concerns that users are vulnerable to criminals of one kind or another due to the weak ID veri
Korean  dating  Korean  sexual  relationships  Korean  apps 
august 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Teen dating in South Korea: earlier, more open and more digital
For teenagers, dating is no longer something that a handful of slackers do or a secret they‘re afraid might get out. Instead, it is a point of pride and a badge of honor.

In a study of sexual trends among adolescents conducted by the city of Seoul in 2013, 41.5% of elementary school students, 37.8% of middle school students and 46.3% of high school students said they had been in a romantic relationship.

Because of the pressure of taking tests, the age at which teenagers start dating has gotten even earlier than during the days of “Reply 1988.”

“The most dating is going on at middle schools and co-ed schools. Nowadays even elementary school students are having a lot of relationships,” said a 19-year-old woman surnamed Kim, who is in the third year of high school.

Ye-sol, Ga-yeong and Jo-eun all started their relationships after being asked out on Facebook Messenger. An older boy that Ye-sol had only seen around school found her on Facebook and shared his feelings over the messaging application.

“During the 13 relationships that I’ve had from elementary school until now, not one has started with a face-to-face conversation. All 13 have begun over Messenger. Three times, I asked the boy out myself,” Ye-sol said.

Facebook Messenger is ideal for contacting someone when you don’t know their phone number. If the other person agrees to go out, the relationship begins with both people adjusting their Facebook personal settings to say “in a relationship.”

Breaking up also takes place via messages on Facebook Messenger or KakaoTalk, another mobile phone chatting application.

Ye-sol’s longest relationship lasted for 186 days; her shortest, just 3 days.

“The ex I was with for 186 days texted me on Kakao that he didn’t think we were right for each other. I felt a little bad, but I ended it without getting upset,” she said.

“My first relationship ended after two weeks,” Ga-yeong said. Considering how common it is for relationships to end so quickly, couples that have stayed together for more than a year are jokingly c
Korean  teenagers  Korean  dating  Korean  schools 
july 2016 by thegrandnarrative
The CJ E&M Research Center and the UnivTomorrow Research Laboratory for the Twenties revealed Tuesday a report that takes a close look at dating trends among Korean men and women in their twenties. The report, titled ‘Dating White Paper for Korea’s Youths in their 20s, was compiled after surveying 816 individuals in their 20s from April 27 to May 3.

According to the survey, 84 percent of respondents replied that they “don’t mind ‘skinship’ (term used to refer to physical intimacy) within a month of dating a person”.

“The majority of respondents didn’t place much significance on how fast they become more intimate physically,” said the UnivTomorrow Research Lab. “In fact, choosing the right partner, and the partner’s personality and their ‘skinship’ styles played a bigger role.”

“Motels have become a universal place for dating among young couples nowadays. Mobile applications that introduce motels located nearby are a must. Motels even give out coupons offering customers a free stay when stamped a certain number of times,” the lab added.

When asked, “What is the preferred way to meet somebody?” 8 percent of the respondents chose social networking services and dating apps.

“A large number of men and women in their 20s prefer SNS or dating apps to meet people of the opposite sex. SNS are the perfect search platform because they often provide a variety of information like pictures, personal character, and hobbies,” said the lab. “These dating apps are popular due to easy access and convenience, and most importantly, users can personally choose someone they prefer.”

Meanwhile, the respondents also chose the TV series ‘I Need a Romance 2’ and ‘Discovery of Love’, and romantic comedy film ‘Very Ordinary Couple’ as “film and TV series that best depict the reality of couples and dating”.

“A love story of youths is a popular theme for films, dramas, performances, and music,” said the CJ E&M Research Center. “And understanding the dating trends of the younger generation is the first step in creating content tha
korean  dating  korean  love  motels  korean  love  hotels  korean  relationships  korean  sexuality  skinship 
june 2016 by thegrandnarrative
China’s gender imbalance is shifting long-standing trends in marriage and relationships.
The change in attitudes among Chinese women toward dating, marriage, and divorce have come as a result of the severe gender imbalance in the country, where census data placed the ratio in 2010 at 118 males to 100 females. By 2020, an estimated 24 million Chinese men will be “leftover” – a derogatory term, usually reserved for Chinese women who have failed to marry by the age of 30 despite higher income and educational background. With the increase of “leftover” men in China, the tides seem to have turned, empowering Chinese women who seek marriage partners.

However, this sense of empowerment is only reserved for those with greater socioeconomic status, and even then only to a certain extent. Eventually, Chinese women are expected to make compromises and accept the destiny of a married life.

“It is now okay to marry someone divorced or widowed. Attitudes are changing,” said Yong Cai, a sociologist and population expert at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. Cai also said that it has become acceptable to marry someone whose earnings are less than your own. “These are the kinds of compromises women are making. Pressure is still on women to marry, but expectations of quality are lowering,” he added.

Alice Wong, a 32-year-old housewife and mother from Hunan province, thinks that it is not difficult at all for women to get married these days given the gender imbalance. “To find a husband is easy, but to find a husband you really love is not,” said Wong. “I see that many girls marry not because they love their men, but simply because they are expected and required by family to be married.”

The same is true with Chinese men who have been labeled as “bare branches” to emphasize their single status. Ben Han, a 30-year-old freelance journalist who writes about conservation biology and environmental impact assessment, jokes that he has more chances to see wildlife than single women. As a single man looking for a partner online, Han admits that “women may have higher expectations for men’s economic incomes and
chinese  dating  chinese  marriage  chinese  divorce  chinese  relationships  chinese  women  chinese  sex  ratio 
june 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Study explains why it’s so hard to escape the ‘friend zone’
But for anyone reading this story who is out of high school—well, the findings resemble how adults end up the friend zone, too. After all, adults find ourselves in fishbowls, too—in college, grad school, work, or even social groups—and we, too, fear rejection. Which helps explain why many people would rather log onto Tinder and get turned down by 50 strangers than ask our one opposite-sex friend if he or she is into them.

Indeed, this uncertainty of reciprocation plays a major role in the friend zone dilemma. Studies have shown that both genders consider “confusion over the relationship status” as a downside to having opposite-sex friendships. And this makes sense, considering both men and women are really bad at judging when a friend is actually into them romantically. Consider the fact that study after study has shown that men often overestimate how much their female friends are attracted to them, whereas women underestimate this attraction, assuming that if they’re not interested in pursing a relationship, their guy friend isn’t either.

Making matters worse, men and women often enter opposite-sex friendships for different reasons. A study conducted by April Bleske and David Buss, published in Personality and Social Psychology, found that while men and women do form friendships based on companionship, good times, conversation, and laughter, men are more likely than women to initiate an opposite-sex friendship with the intention of having sex at some point down the line.

“Both single men and mated men judged sexual attraction as a more important reason than did women for initiating their most important opposite-sex friendship,” wrote the authors.

In a different study, Bleske and Buss also found that men are more likely to view attraction to an opposite sex friend as a “benefit” to the friendship—and are more likely to report having sex with an opposite sex friend than women (22% compared to 11%). Men are also more likely to dissolve a friendship because sex didn’t pan out. It’s not to say a guy’s only motiva
friend  zone  dating  friends 
june 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Yep, you’re probably racist: The sad truth about swiping right on friendship
Similarly, forcing heterogeneity into a social group, even in a legitimately woke attempt to break up institutional group dynamics by diversifying, isn’t always the most successful course of action. As Flashman and Ceglowski both assured me, overcoming our homogenous networks isn’t easy. Neighborhoods, education, jobs, housing, even recreational interests all contribute to whom we associate with and why. Forcing diversity into those categories by sheer power of will isn’t necessarily enough to overcome our ingrained preferences.

Does that mean we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t? Not quite. Flashman’s current research focuses on opportunity versus preference as it applies to friend-making. “There’s always a causality issue here, but it’s suggested that the opportunities make a big difference,” she tells me. “People who have greater access to a wider range of potential friends across race and ethnicity, academic profiles, socioeconomic status and have a broader array of options are more likely to end up with a heterogenous set of friends.” It may be hard to overcome your pre-existing networks, but a continued commitment to seeking out opportunities that provide for broader interactions are what eventually break up homogeneity. You can’t talk the talk unless you walk the walk.

Data from Rudder’s OKCupid research backs this up as well. As The Daily Dot reported in 2013, sociologist Kevin Lewis and other researchers from the University of California at San Diego discovered via sifting through OKCupid’s troves of open-source data an interesting phenomenon that ran counter to the “everybody’s racist” takeaways Rudder had gleaned. While Lewis’s findings did mimic much of Rudder’s, he also noticed one statistically significant aberration: Once a person had one interracial communiqué, their interactions with people of that race increased by an average of 115%, and in many cases, far higher.

Which is all to say that, yes, we’re all a little bit racist. But if you’re looking to legitimately diversify your friend
friendships  dating  social  media  racism 
june 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Searching for Love with No Time to Lose
According to Shanghai Civil Affairs Bureau, in Shanghai, the average age of first marriage was 30 for men; and 28 for women in 2014. The national average for China is 25 years old. However, the comparatively older age in Shanghai isn’t necessarily because of an interest of in staying single — rather, it is a product outside factors such as more years spent in school and soaring housing prices. In China, many young couples wait to get married until they can afford to buy a house.

Many Chinese parents maintain a strong presence in the dating lives of their adult children. There is a lot of pressure for the younger generation to get married and carry on the family line through children of their own. Marriage in China is more than a declaration of love. It is a way to show filial piety toward your parents.

The mentalities in Shanghai of those who speed date are complicated. By attending these events, the daters are establishing a sense of control over themselves, instead of passively accepting the potential partners arranged by their parents. Although annoyed by the constant nagging of their parents, adult children still feel a sense of duty to them. Speed dating allows them a modicum of freedom in their choice of partners.

In one of the sessions I attended, a man told me that he had added several women from previous speed dating events on WeChat, but that he had never asked them out. Instead, he just kept coming to the White Collar sessions. I wondered if the people who came to these events just kept endlessly holding out, appeasing their parents by outwardly looking for love, waiting for their perfect match. It seemed to me an exhausting way to live.

I guess the happiest members at the speed dating events are the cafe owner and the organizer. The industry is becoming increasingly profitable, and this is especially noticeable in a metropolis overflowing with singles longing for love, who are willing to devote money, heart, and soul to finding their elusive soulmates.
chinese  dating  chinese  sexuality  chinese  marriage  chinese  speed  dating 
may 2016 by thegrandnarrative
Has Online Dating Resulted in More Successful Marriages? | JSTOR Daily
With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, you might be thinking it’s time to give online dating a try. If so, you’re not alone—according to data from the Pew Research Center, 22 percent of Americans aged 25-34 and 17 percent of those aged 35-44 have used an online dating site or mobile app. But how do all those online daters fare out in the real world, in the long term? Do those much-hyped “dating algorithms” actually produce better matches than the traditional ways people have met? A paper published in 2013 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America by John T. Cacioppo et al. sought to answer that very question. The authors conducted a survey of 19,131 Americans who got married between 2005 and 2012—and over a third of those relationships began online, which in itself is a dramatic finding. And those unions, according to the analysis, actually do differ from the unions of people who meet offline. Specifically, couples who meet online are
dating  marriage  online  dating 
february 2016 by thegrandnarrative
One Is the Loneliest Number: China’s Single Population Nears 200 Million - China Real Time Report - WSJ
China is quickly becoming a nation of singles. There are nearly 200 million single adults in the world’s most populous country, accounting for 14.6% of the total population, according to local media reports, which cite data from China’s Ministry of Civil Affairs. The percentage has skyrocketed from 6% in 1990, reports say. China’s solo jump comes amid a rising divorce rate and a growing trend of delaying or opting out of marriage entirely, demographers say. Those that have postponed marriage have lived on their own or with family, developing happy, single lifestyles that they don’t want to give up. The percentage of singles is far behind some other countries. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported last year that 50.2% of the population is single. The unwed population in England and Wales reached 51% in 2011, according to U.K. Census reports. One reason it’s lower is that Chinese children are under intense pressure to marry. Older generations, which tend to be traditional and
chinese  singles  chinese  demographics  chinese  dating  chinese  sex  ratio  chinese  leftover  women 
december 2015 by thegrandnarrative
I was a 23-year-old guy at a 4,000-person Chinese singles party - Quartz
One matchmaker guaranteed she would never charge me a penny, even if I found a date with her agency. She said the ordinary charge for a woman ranged from several hundred to several thousand yuan, and the agency wouldn’t take care of her for longer than six months. But as a man I was a “precious resource,” she said. She told me her agency had a staggering gender ratio: one male to four females. A father from Shanghai posts his 27-year-old daughter’s information.(Quartz) This may seem odd. After all, by 2020, China is expected to have 24 million more men than women aged 20 to 45. An economics professor recently proposed women be allowed to marry more than one man to curb the imbalance. But in China’s biggest cities, and particularly among its college educated youth, the opposite seems true—there seems to be a huge surplus of young women who want to get married. I think that’s because most Chinese people want to have a marriage that is evenly matched in terms of property, education, or
chinese  dating  chinese  sexuality  chinese  marriage  chinese  sex  ratio  chinese  singles 
november 2015 by thegrandnarrative
I don’t | The Economist
The guide, put together last year by the Seoul metropolitan government and the Unni Network, a women’s organisation, and distributed in 600 offices and public places, offers tips for staying safe, good reads on living solo and information on dining clubs for young singles. The proportion of single people in Seoul more than doubled between 1990 and 2010, and they now account for 16% of households. Four in ten South Korean adults are unmarried, the highest share among the 34 OECD countries. In Seoul over a third of women with degrees are single. Social expectations have yet to catch up. The Unni Network wants to popularise the neutral term bihon (single) over mihon (not yet married). It has held public bihonshik, ceremonies for women who choose not to wed and vow to live happily as singles. Some studios are offering “single weddings”: photo shoots for unmarried women in bridal gowns. Park Hong-joon, who owns a photo agency in Seoul, has heard wedding guests say they wanted their special
korean  singles  korean  dating  korean  marriage  korean  demographics  korean  sex  ratio  sex  ratio 
july 2015 by thegrandnarrative
Dating abuse rampant yet hushed in Korea
Lee said introducing heavier penalties for stalking, which often leads to more serious forms of abuse, can be one of the ways to improve the situation. In Korea, the heaviest penalty a stalking offender can face is a fine of 100,000 won ($90). Since 2012, two bills have been proposed to introduce heavier punishment for stalking, but are still pending at the National Assembly for approval. “Statistics show that 70 percent of all stalking offenders are the victims’ romantic partners,” said Rep. Nam In-soon from the main opposition New Politics Alliance for Democracy in a statement. “We need more discussion on how to define stalking and how to protect and support the victims.” Meanwhile, Lee from the Korean Women’s Development Institute said it is necessary to educate the public. “More people should be aware that violence is not acceptable in any kind of relationship and that there is a difference between showing affection and obsession,” she said. “For example, one should not mista
korean  dating  korean  date  rape  korean  dating  abuse  korean  sexual  abuse  korean  stalking  korean  rape 
july 2015 by thegrandnarrative
Anonymous asked: Could you tell us a bit more of cheating in Korean?! Is it really that prominent?

From my personal experience, cheating in Korea seems to be quite prevalent, but I want to reiterate that my experiences as a foreign woman are quite limiting. Most of the men that I dated were quite dishonest and were pretty terrible at loyalty even when they claimed to be looking for something serious. Between me and my friends, we’ve found many guys other friends were supposed to be dating on dating apps or fucking around at clubs.

Like I mentioned before, I dated three guys who ended up having a girlfriend or who were still actively seeing an “ex-girlfriend.” I’ve heard similar stories from other girls as well. From what I’ve heard from my Korean friends, cheating is common here and one guy on a dating app once told me that everyone cheats on each other…boys and girls because they don’t consider the relationships serious (as in, it’s not like I’m going to marry this person). So maybe it has to do with how relationships are are quite impermanent for people in their twenties here.

I’m sure other people who have lived in Korea for longer can provide more insight. Or even maybe some of my Korean followers? When I talked to Sun about this he seems to feel like this is not necessarily true. I’ve thought about the kind of guys that usually go for foreign girls or the intentions those guys may have and maybe we’re just meeting the super crazy and terrible part of the male population. That is entirely possible.

Also, one of the guys that was dating my friend for three years (they had just gotten engaged! their wedding is now less than 100 days away, woohoo) who I found on Tinder is a white guy. Sooooooooo this might a “men are generally kinda shitty” scenario.
Korean  cheating  Korean  affairs  Korean  dating  Korean  relationships  Korean  couples 
july 2015 by thegrandnarrative
A Single Question Can Boost Your Chance of Getting a Date
Previously, I discussed the benefits (and increased success) to be found by asking someone you like out for a date directly (see here and here). For those who remained shy or anxious, I also explained how to ask someone out in a more indirect way (here). Further, I explained how such requests could be crafted with a bit of persuasion for added effect too (here). Continuing on this topic, research suggests that making a small request first may lead a person to be more likely to agree to a date. This phenomenon is known as the "Foot-in-the-Door" (FITD) effect. Essentially, when someone agrees to a small, initial request, they then feel more agreeable, positive, and comfortable with a larger, related second request. This works in all kinds of persuasive situations, from sales, to donations, to altruistic endeavors—and dating, too. Results of the experiment indicated that women were significantly more likely to agree to a date after first providing directions or a light for the man's cig
dates  dating  psychology  Foot  in  the  Door  effect 
march 2015 by thegrandnarrative
BBC News - Japan: Speed-dating plan to boost dwindling birth rate
Japan's government wants to encourage matchmaking events in order to boost the country's low birth rate, it's reported. Local authorities will get government support if they organise speed-dating or other forms of matchmaking, according to a draft policy outlining measures to increase the number of people having children, the Kyodo news agency reports. The plan is expected to be approved by Japan's cabinet before the end of March, the agency says. It warns that between now and 2020, the country faces a "critical situation" because there aren't enough children being born, with possible negative repercussions for both society and the economy. The government wants to do more than just encourage those early days of romance, though. The draft includes plans to improve access to free nursery care, and for counselling centres to be set up across the country for people undergoing fertility treatment. There's also a target to boost the number of fathers taking paternity leave immediately afte
japanese  demographics  japanese  dating  japanese  birth  rate  japanese  matchmaking 
march 2015 by thegrandnarrative
Why Do Men Always Think You Like Them?
Bendixen says this means that the social roles theory is kinda bullshit; that these results basically prove that this behavior of men over-perceiving female sexual interest is a "universal evolutionary adaptation." "Despite America and Norway's cultural differences, the findings suggest that men and women make systematic errors in their attempt to read each other's minds in dating and mating contexts," he told Lyons. "These errors follow the predictions of error-management theory." His work was published in Evolutionary Psychology. Here's another idea: Even in places that are considered the most egalitarian places to have ever existed on earth, this equality is still a relative thing, and it's still a new thing. Norway may rank in the top five countries on the UN Gender Equality Index, but that doesn't mean there's no sexism. Because there is no place on Earth where sexism has not left a serious mark on history. Moreover, a study that operates from the premise that greater equality
dating  mating  strategies  human  reproduction  norway  female  mating  strategies  male  mating  strategies 
february 2015 by thegrandnarrative
The Best Way To Recover From A Break-Up — According To Science
In summary, here are 14 practical tips to help you recover from a break-up: Understand and acknowledge the fact that you're going to experience a wide range of emotions — and it doesn't matter if you were the one dumped or if it was you who instigated the break-up Take care of yourself: be sure to get plenty of good quality sleep, eat well, and exercise Avoid binge drinking, abusing drugs, and having revenge sex Don't stalk or threaten your ex-partner Socialize with others who can provide positive support Don't be afraid to seek professional help to assist you in working through the break-up; as Dr. Xiaomeng says, "there's no need to isolate yourself and go it alone." It's normal to not feel like yourself. A loss of self-concept is a natural part of the healing process To rebuild your self-identity, rediscover what makes you happy and what defines you as an individual without your ex-partner; think of it as an opportunity for re-growth Focus on the
breaking-up  break-ups  dating  marriage  relationships  depression 
february 2015 by thegrandnarrative
The plight of the bitter nerd: Why so many awkward, shy guys end up hating feminism -
But I will say something that, as a guy who’s Been There, seems obvious to me and necessary to say. None of the pain Scott talks about came from things that happened to him. They came from things that happened inside his head. He speaks in generalities about “sexual assault prevention workshops,” or of feeling targeted by feminist literature — himself saying that he was perversely drawn to the most radical and aggressive rhetoric he could find, eschewing more moderate writers for the firebreathing of Dworkin and MacKinnon. He doesn’t talk about anyone targeting or harassing him personally — indeed, how could he be targeted by books written by second-wave feminists when he was a toddler? — but of feeling targeted, of having an accusatory voice inside his mind tormenting him with a pervasive sense of inadequacy, uncleanness, wrongness. It doesn’t seem like anyone in his life was particularly giving him a hard time, but that he was giving himself a hard time and picking up on any critic
feminism  nerds  dating  geeks  nice  guys  friend  zone 
february 2015 by thegrandnarrative
mbc video
his idea that a statement should and must be evaluated by who is saying it, and that who is saying it must be categorized in terms of race and sex, is a troubling one. If a white Westerner lampoons sexism and racism in Korea, it’s in poor taste; if a Korean does it, it’s a brilliant send up of a society’s problems? That overlooks a lot… and partakes of the very same crap that most expats in Korea find frustrating, namely, being told that they cannot have a valid opinion about something because they are not Korean. To see expats engaged in that kind of lame silliness–well-known expat bloggers, people whose blogs have gotten them international attention and whose posts have even gotten them into the international media–didn’t surprise me, but it did disturb me. It speaks to the amateurism of the expat blogosphere, the lack of nuance and of critical reasoning out there. And I say that not because I’m miffed–in the end, I was half-amused by the clown show–but surely we can do better than t
mbc  mbc  video  korean  sexism  korean  racism  interracial  dating  gord  sellar 
february 2015 by thegrandnarrative
Why Does Japan Need Marriage Hunting? - Japan Real Time - WSJ
Chuo University sociology professor Masahiro Yamada has a knack for coining terms that capture the zeitgeist. He gets the credit for the term parasite singles, or youth who live at home with parents so they have money to spend on themselves, and konkatsu, or marriage hunting. Mr. Yamada coined konkatsu in 2007, and the word soon became a national obsession in a country where marriage rates have been falling. Now singles can participate in konkatsu events almost anywhere – at bars, on farms, on even trains. Currently doing research in Hong Kong, Mr. Yamada spoke to JRT on the phone about why Japan has konkatsu while other countries don’t and whether or not he thinks konkatsu apartments are a good idea. What has changed since you coined the word konkatsu in 2007? People aren’t embarrassed anymore to look for a marriage partner or tell people that he or she are looking for a marriage partner. One more thing is that people have become aware that we are not in an age where a partner just
parasite  singles  japanese  dating  japanese  marriage  konkatsu  labels 
february 2015 by thegrandnarrative
It's Not Christmas In Japan Without KFC | Fast Company | Business Innovation
Christmas isn't a national holiday in Japan— less than one percent of the population is Christian. But, because of what is possibly one of the most successful marketing campaigns of all time, for the last 40 years the Japanese have celebrated Jesus's big day with a big bucket of KFC. Legend has it that the strange pairing started in the winter of 1974 after a non-Japanese customer complained that she couldn't get turkey for the holiday. "I just have no choice but celebrating Christmas with KFC chicken," she said, according to KFC. Having only opened in Japan about four years earlier, KFC was looking for ways to get the Japanese to embrace fried chicken, which is considered more of a luxury product in the country. Christmas might not be a religious celebration in Japan, but the holiday has turned into a commercial affair, with lots of money spent on decorations, gifts, and celebrations. Marrying a special-occasion food with a special occasion made perfect sense, and that year, KFC hel
japanese  couples  japanese  dating  japanese  christmas  kfc  japanese  kfc  branding  branded  holidays  peppero 
december 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Dating for Dummies | KOREA EXPOSÉ
A couple, obviously bored out of their minds, stare intently at their smartphones in a Seoul coffee shop. The small talk, if there is any, is painful to eavesdrop on. Despite their matching clothes, ubiquitous couple rings, and obligatory selfies together, they seem to have little in common. So why the frequency of such awkward pairings in the coffee shops of Seoul? “You don’t have a girlfriend? Why not?” is probably the most common question single men get asked in South Korea. Dating is a fairly straightforward endeavour and there is no reason not to do it, as my South Korean housemate constantly reminds me. Dating à la coréenne has been reduced to checking items off a list, following a textbook of do’s and don’ts. I give you the lowdown: The Introduction ☑ The easiest way to meet women is through your friend: he will introduce you to someone he knows and set up a sogaeting — a pre-arranged date. Alternatively, you can use a sogaeting app. Once both you and your potential girlfrien
korean  dating  korean  couples  korean  blind  dates 
october 2014 by thegrandnarrative
The ugly truth of goukon, Japan’s group blind dates | RocketNews24
Japanese goukon (organized group dates) are a mixed bag – sometimes they’re a whole lot of fun, and other times they’re a downright uncomfortable experience. For Japanese women wanting to reduce their risk of having a terrible time, one magazine has put together a list of the top companies to avoid when it comes to lecherous guys at their drinking parties. What is ‘goukon’? Goukon are drinking parties where men and women can meet, get drunk, and get to know each other. The name comes from the Japanese words ‘goudo‘ for ‘mixed’ or ‘combination’ and ‘konpa‘ which means an informal group meeting. It’s kind of like a group blind date as the aim is generally to find a potential partner, either just for the night or for the long haul. This kind of activity is a fixture in Japanese society starting with university, where clubs (sometimes called ‘circles’) will go on goukon together so that guys and girls can mingle. The practice continues in the working world where, with Japan’s rigorous w
japanese  dating  japanese  blind  dating  japanese  dating  systems  japanese  group  dates 
september 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Can Dating Apps Solve Japan's Sex Crisis? | Fast Company | Business + Innovation
Onuki was 15 when he had his first experience with online dating, getting together with a girl who he’d met on a gaming site. He was shy. She, it turned out, was not. "She actually messaged me first," says the software engineer, who’s now 23 and working at a web startup in Tokyo [names of daters in this piece have been changed to protect their privacy]. "We met at a coffee shop, and right away she started talking about sex. But I wasn't really attracted to her in person, so I said no." Onuki is a rarity in Japan: Somebody who will openly discuss meeting romantic partners online. On a recent trip there, I often asked people if they or their friends were involved with web dating, and time and again they shook their heads. Widening their eyes, they blushed, as if I'd said something dirty and controversial. It’s a bit of a mystery: Japanese dating sites--known as deaikei--are numerous and thriving, with apps like Pairs, MatchAlarm, NikuKai, and Yahoo Omiai attracting growing numbers of fa
japan  japanese  sexuality  japanese  singles  japanese  internet  japanese  sex  lives  japanese  dating  japanese  online  dating  japanese  dating  sites 
september 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Are K-pop idols more open about dating now?
Why is it that the girl usually takes the burden of blame in a relationship? Back when SHINee’s Jonghyun and actress Shin Se Kyung revealed that they were, indeed, a couple, Se Khyung was forced to shut down her homepage due to the massive amounts of hateful comments from SHINee fans. Another similar incident occurred when a scandalous picture of IU and Super Junior’s Eunhyuk was accidentally posted on IU’s Twitter. IU was stripped from her title as “National Little Sister” almost instantly, despite the fact that the relationship was denied. Besides leaving hateful comments on SNS, some fans take it a step further by physically harming the idols’ girlfriends. In late 2013, INFINITE’s L and Kim Do Yeon belatedly confessed to be a couple after their breakup. Several of L’s fan pages decided to take a break with the release of his dating rumors. Do Yeon revealed that fans would throw rocks at her, scratch up her car, and even attempted to disrupt the sales of her shopping mall by bulk
korean  boy  bands  korean  girl  groups  korean  celebrities  korean  management  companies  korean  dating  korean  idols 
june 2014 by thegrandnarrative
A good man is hard to find: China's 'leftover women' look for love abroad | South China Morning Post
Well-educated, Chinese singletons in their late-20s or older - branded 'leftover women' by a chauvinistic society - are looking further afield for husbands who aren't turned off by their age or earning power, writes Isobel Yeung Loretta Xu Liang unzips her pink Juicy Couture jumper and sinks into her sofa. "Chinese men are terrified of me, both emotionally and financially," she sighs. It's 10pm and Xu has just returned from work to her immaculate apartment in a central district of Shanghai. She's one of 12 urban, middle-class women I am interviewing for a documentary on "leftover women" (or " shengnu"), and I'm starting to notice a trend. At 31, Xu is confident and attractive, and earns about 35,000 yuan (HK$43,500) a month, more than eight times the national average. On the face of it, she represents the essence of a modern Chinese woman; better educated and more accomplished than ever before. But like most single women her age, she's under intense pressure to tie the knot, both f
chinese  women  leftover  women  one  child  policy  chinese  feminism  chinese  demographics  chinese  education  chinese  dating  chinese  marriage 
june 2014 by thegrandnarrative
[GUEST COLUMN] The Great Matching Game | K-law Guru
Like a firm hiring an army of accountants, Koreans actually rely on services to do the fact checks and “appraise” the desirability. They are the wedding intelligence services (결혼정보업체) which are essentially the old fashioned matchmaking services with a modern twist. The services now employ sophisticated databases and statistics to really meet the needs of the demanding Korean clients. There are reportedly about 1,000 such matchmaking service companies in Korea. One company promises “full money back guarantee” and up to 200,000 Korean Won damage insurance. The company supposedly employ the cutting edge neural science- they scan your brain waves and note the differing responses to a particular visual, auditory and other sensory stimuli and use the data to match your perfect soulmate. (SOURCE) It is too good to be true but it is one of the examples what it take to be competitive among the wedding intelligence services. If you think it is a good idea, think twice before you sign up because
korean  weddings  korean  matchmaking  korean  matchmaking  services  specs  korean  dating 
june 2014 by thegrandnarrative
IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Auditioned for the 'Fat Girl' Episode of 'Louie," and Here's Why I'm So Glad I Didn't Get the Part | xoJane
Or so I thought. I picked up my script and began looking at the sides. The first scene was in the Comedy Cellar, when Louie first meets Vanessa, the waitress, and she basically hits on him. Well, hells yes. This is right up my alley using the pretty and the funny to get some! But then reading on, Louie is physically uncomfortable with the exchange; he is squirming, trying not to make eye contact and crossing his arms in a defensive, protective manner… which made me feel oddly uncomfortable. I was confused. WTF? Why is he so uncomfortable? Why is schlubby, super non-supermodel Louie uncomfortable being hit on by a fat girl? Is it because he is attracted to the fat girl? Is it because he is confused by his attraction to the fat girl? No, that definitely wasn't it. Because it was painfully obvious in this scene that he was not attracted to the fat girl, or that he felt it was wrong to be attracted to the fat girl. I felt like a caveman trying to figure out the wheel. Me sexy, pretty l
fatness  obesity  fat  women  fat-shaming  dating  body  image 
may 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Gusts Of Popular Feeling: Writing about 'prejudice against intermarriage'... in 1988 and 1998 His description of such attitudes being due to "unproductive relationships between U.N. soldiers and Korean women" in the 1950s gets close to truth, but it was, in fact, such relationships which had occurred constantly ever since that time which tended to raise the ire of Koreans. As Bruce Cumings described it in this book, "the social construction [by American men] of every Korean female as a potential object of pleasure for Americans" as "the most important aspect of the whole relationship and the primary memory of Korea for generations of young American men who have served there." For those who were witness to that aspect of the relationship, the memory remained as well. This New York Times article from 1998 describes attitudes as being quite similar: Interracial relationships are a sensitive issue in many countries, but particularly so in South Korea. Such romances offer a
marriage  korean  marriage  interracial  marriage  interracial  relationships  interracial  dating 
april 2014 by thegrandnarrative
2NE1 worries about being behind on dating ~ Netizen Buzz Article: 2NE1 "We're behind on dating... Sandara is really worried" Source: OSEN via Naver 1. [+668, -116] ㅎㅎㅎ I'd be worried as Dara too ㅎㅎㅎ and Soshi has changed to Dating Generation 2. [+491, -48] I would believe the other members not dating but I bet Sandara just hasn't been caught by a journalist yet 3. [+444, -24] Dara's cute and bright so I feel like she'd be popular with men but she puts up a wall around herself so dating might be difficult... 4. [+395, -17] She shouldn't be worried, she's so youthful looking considering her age 5. [+300, -15] I find it more of a problem that girl groups aren't allowed to date at an age where they should be able to, not the fact that they're dating at all. It's not like they're going to date their fans just because they're single. Fans who give up on a group because they're dating are pathetic. 6. [+60, -7] I've seen at least 10 celebrities choose Dara
2ne1  dating  ban  korean  management  companies  k-pop  korean  girl-groups  yg  entertainment  yg 
march 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Dating, Reality, and Suicide – K-pop Decoder
There are so many suicide stories in Korea, a country whose suicide rate is the world’s highest. But this particular one is a real eye-opener, a bizarre, dreadful one, puzzling even the most bored Korean readers who just had too many of similar suicide reports. One female participant of a dating program, Jjak, committed suicide by hanging herself in a bathroom in the middle of a week-long shooting. Everyone is now very busy looking for victims to blame– those poor producers and crews of the show got blamed, some criticized the very existence of the show, saying it is too inhumane and cruel, but a majority seem to conclude that it is just a personal issue, some even finger-pointing the dead for giving traumatic memories to everyone (nearly over 50-ish unrelated people) as her last parting gift. *Update: Just few hours after publishing this post, news came out that SBS has decided to cancel the show. However, no official announcement has been made yet. Jjak* is a really unique dating
korean  dating  korean  media  korean  suicide  korean  tv  shows 
march 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Sorry, I was drunk.: Dating Related Stuff: The Korean Dating World
These are my observations about the dating culture in Korea. I have to preface this entry by admitting I have little experience dating in general, but I have even less experience with dating in Korea. While I've been on dates with several, there's only been one Korean woman who I called my girlfriend. So this entry will be a poor source for an objective assessment of Korean dating habits as I will be merely be portraying my observations from own peculiar lenses. First off, I think the dating world in Korea is generally affected by the relative lack of experience among people around my age, or maybe even older. What I mean by that is most Koreans don't start dating as early as Americans do so in general they have less social skills and experience with the opposite sex compared to Americans the same age. I'm referring to Americans here because I don't want to generalize all westerners and foreigners. From my limited personal perspective, it seems certain European nationals are less soci
korean  dating  korean  relationships  interracial  relationships 
march 2014 by thegrandnarrative
On Online Dating Sites, Hot Men Say 'Women' but Hot Women Say 'Girls' (@theatlantic
Pity the peacock. He wears a bright plumage, and he flaunts a sexy strut. On a good day, he may even find a mate. But alas! He lacks the tools of data-driven analysis that tell him exactly how to strut, how to wear his plumage, or how to find a mate. No, that blessing is reserved for humankind. In a series of charts and graphics, Wired has detailed exactly which words in an OK Cupid or profile read as more attractive. The magazine worked with data scientists at from those two dating sites to gleam the words and phrases in the most attractive profiles—the bits of the lexicon seemingly correlated to generic gorgeousness. Some of its findings are frivolous. People like people who watch Homeland. Mentioning “cats” is good, “my cats” bad. For both men and women, listing “yoga” and “surfing” among your past times comes off as attractive. (Though whether that’s because surfing is an inherently sexy word—sssurrrfffiiinnggg—or because surfers are generally, you know, kind of attract
online  dating  women  girls 
february 2014 by thegrandnarrative
How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love - Wired Science
Chris McKinlay was folded into a cramped fifth-floor cubicle in UCLA’s math sciences building, lit by a single bulb and the glow from his monitor. It was 3 in the morn­ing, the optimal time to squeeze cycles out of the supercomputer in Colorado that he was using for his PhD dissertation. (The subject: large-scale data processing and parallel numerical methods.) While the computer chugged, he clicked open a second window to check his OkCupid inbox. McKinlay, a lanky 35-year-old with tousled hair, was one of about 40 million Americans looking for romance through websites like, J-Date, and e-Harmony, and he’d been searching in vain since his last breakup nine months earlier. He’d sent dozens of cutesy introductory messages to women touted as potential matches by OkCupid’s algorithms. Most were ignored; he’d gone on a total of six first dates. On that early morning in June 2012, his compiler crunching out machine code in one window, his forlorn dating profile sitting idle in th
dating  okcupid  online  dating 
january 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Good education a minus for women seeking partners: study
Education level seems to affect men and women in markedly different fashions when it comes to marriage. Higher education is a big plus for men looking to wed; however, it’s a minus for women seeking Mr. Right, a study said on Wednesday. The Korea Institute for Health and Social Science analyzed several variables that affected marriage between 2001 and 2008, which included educational background, career, work hours and ages. According to the study, men with better educational backgrounds had higher chances of getting married. Women with master’s degrees or above, however, had lower chances of meeting lifetime partners. Those only with high school diplomas showed the highest probability of getting married. In terms of career, a higher income from a stable job and more work hours raised men’s chances of marriage. Females with regular jobs had higher chances as well. However, those working shorter hours had a better chance of tying the knot. By age, men did not show any particular diff
korean  education  korean  women  korean  marriage  korean  demographics  korean  dating 
january 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Dates and Dating: Unexplored Emotional Territory
Dates and Dating: Unexplored Emotional Territory In the English vernacular, the word “to date” means “to go out with someone with whom one is romantically interested.” But the word deiteu (date) in Korean has a slightly different meaning: “two people meeting with the intention of pursuing a romantic relationship.” In other words, “dating” in Korean has more long-term overtones. Dating is the step before a relationship becomes serious, the stage full of tension and curiosity. It is notable that Koreans have opted to stick with this borrowed term to describe romantic relationships rather than finding a Korean equivalent. When the term was first incorporated into the Korean vernacular, the romantic nature of a relationship was emphasized by using deiteu, as opposed to “seeing someone” or “being together.” The foreignness of the word also made the word fashionable and less sexually charged. It became a more sophisticated alternative to traditional taboos concerning courtship.
korean  dates  korean  dating  korean  relationships  korean  literature 
january 2014 by thegrandnarrative
Goo Hara is Allegedly Rude because “MCs Gotta MC”
To put it as humanely as possible, there’s always going to be a raging double standard towards idols, or public figures of any sort really, in terms of how they’re forced to present themselves towards the public. It’s not a completely unfounded expectation either, especially considering how celebrities career’s are basically nurtured by how much fans love them and how the public perceives them. It’s all part of their job, right? Look good for the camera, smile, keep the atmosphere up, don’t create unnecessary drama (unless, of course, Dispatch catches your scandal in the act). In that sense, is anyone actually surprised that Goo Hara of KARA is currently receiving an enormous amount of flack for becoming frustrated to the point of tears on KARA’s latest appearance on Radio Star? The thing is, even with the obvious celebrity double standards in place, t’s still sort of head scratching that Hara is completely burdening all the criticism for what’s happened. In summary, the MCs asked...
datingban  mcs  koreangirlgroups  girlgroups  talkshows  GooHara  koreantalkshows  kpop  dating  KARA 
september 2013 by thegrandnarrative
College Graduates Marry Other College Graduates Most of the Time
Lots of people are pushing marriage on young women. For those with less than a college degree, the National Campaign Against Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and the National Marriage Project are promoting marriage so women won't be poor (mothers).* And for those with elite educations, a Princeton alumna says young women should find a husband before graduation so they won't be bored by a non-Ivy League dimwit for the rest of their lives. (All this marriage promotion shouldn't be confused with marriage rights promotion. Should it?) Marriage markets are very complicated. People can marry (and divorce) anyone they want whenever they want (subject to legal restrictions), or not. People can move to marry, or marry and then move. They can marry up, down, sideways, or internationally. After divorce, they can repeat the process, with variation. With the economy the way it is and sequestration threatening the jobs of government bureaucrats and the social scientists who depend on them, demogra...
dating  degrees  education  marriage  academia 
august 2013 by thegrandnarrative
Mom Wants You Married? So Does the State (On Koreans Not Talking to Strangers)
So far, though, the results of these efforts have been mixed. Korean society is organized around group affiliations — hometown ties and school and corporate friendships — so meeting a potential spouse without formal introductions to merit family approval has proved difficult, even for those enamored with the concept. ... The catch with such unorthodox approaches, said Hahm In-hee, a professor of sociology at Ewha Womans University, is that society has not been prepared for such a radical change. “Approaching or socializing with someone you don’t know at all feels very unfamiliar to Koreans,” she said. “It is very awkward to mingle with someone without knowing who the other person’s parents are, where they are from, etc.” Of all the new approaches now being tried, the flash mob was the most famous failure. About 3,000 young people showed up at sprawling Yoido Plaza, despite frigid temperatures. At 3:24 p.m. their phones rang, signaling that the date hunting could begin, but the...
koreanculture  meetingpeople  strangers  friends  friendships  dating  koreandating  koreansociety 
august 2013 by thegrandnarrative
Requesting a Date After Three Refusals Can Add up to a Legal Offence
On March 22, the government put into effect the Minor Offences Law and the revised Enforcement Rule bill which toughen up measures regarding stalking behavior. According to the regulations, continual pursuit of a relationship after three clear signs of rejection adds up to a minor offence. The National Police Agency clarified the standards of stalking on its official blog ( Requesting a date or a meeting after three refusals is classified as stalking. Also, in situations where there is clear reason for the other person to fear or discomfort, one can also be subject to punishment in addition to further actions of pursuit continued after a filed accusation of stalking, such as following the other person or watching them from a distance. Persons guilty of stalking will face a fine of 80,000 won ($80), pay other penalties or be taken into custody. The police stated that such “an early response is extremely important due to the reason that the damage infl...
koreanstalkers  dating  koreandating  stalkers  stalking  koreanstalking 
august 2013 by thegrandnarrative
Korea ESL Survey - Dating Between ESL Teachers & Koreans | Nabunu
Very unreliable, because sample was self-selecting, but for what it's worth confirms that most long-termers are Western men in relationships with Korean women, and much less the other way round
esl  eslteachers  dating  expats 
january 2013 by thegrandnarrative
miss A: "JYP Discourages Dating Indirectly" | Soompi
During the filming of KM “Music Triangle“s special Christmas episode, “Early Christmas special,” MC Yoon Sang asked miss A if they have any limitations in pursuing romantic relationships as members of a girl group. miss A’s member Min responded, “There are no limitations, per se. But producer Park Jin Young discourages us in an indirect way.”

She added, “Park Jin Young often tells us that he wishes we wouldn’t date anyone until we become as successful as he is right now.” Yoon Sang responded to Min’s telling of Park Jin Young’s dating and relationship advice, “I think he’s a little too harsh on you young ones,” criticizing him and showing support for miss A and their possible dating life.
kpop  dating  missa  jyp 
december 2012 by thegrandnarrative

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