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Robin Craig on Twitter: "I think this contributes to the alienation from oneself gay trans men experience - in order to pass as male prior to medical transition you must enact a straight masculinity, because campness is only read as campness when it is em
I think this contributes to the alienation from oneself gay trans men experience - in order to pass as male prior to medical transition you must enact a straight masculinity, because campness is only read as campness when it is embodied by someone already seen as a man.
trans  masculinity  gender 
the voice that urged orpheus
excellent trans poets you should look into are justice ameer, cam awkward-rich, kay ulanday barrett, kayleb rae candrilli, eli clare, andrea gibson, h. melt, alok vaid menon, c. t. salazar, danez smith, chrysanthemum tran, brad trumpfheller, and miles walser.

other lgb poets who are exceptionally good are eduardo c. corral, natalie diaz, joan larkin, federico garcía lorca, audre lorde, hieu minh nguyen, frank o'hara, mary oliver, sam sax, richard siken, and ocean vuong.
poetry  recommendation  books  gay  trans  lgbt 
Cooking is Terrible
This book isn’t going to teach you how to cook, or turn you into the kind of person who hosts effortless dinner parties, or make you more attractive and popular and interesting. At best, it’s going to make it slightly more likely that you manage to eat something in the ten minutes between walking in the door and falling into the sweet embrace of the internet. I’m not joking—a lot of this can be done, start to finish, in ten to fifteen minutes. I resent thirty-minute meals because it feels like about twenty-eight minutes too long to spend on feeding myself.

If you’re excited to get home from work and spend an hour cooking dinner, this isn’t the book for you. If you really value authenticity, this isn’t the book for you. If you literally only eat three foods and you’re happy like that, this isn’t the book for you. If you, like me, are tired and depressed and just need to get some food into your face once in a while, this is definitely the book for you. You should buy it. Maybe it’ll help.
food  advice  adulting 
The Theory of Visitors - Human Parts
I saw myself with the sharpest focus through the prism of a date, certainly more than I ever did when I was alone, puttering around my apartment or walking to work. On a date, my roughest qualities shifted into relief as I put my best face forward, highlighting only my most appealing features. There, I could be relaxed, dynamic, charismatic, prone to digressions of affectionate self-deprecation that I thought were charming — I hoped they were, at least. Alone, I was anxious. My internal monologue circled a nucleus of self-loathing, recursive and redundant, like a planet orbiting a sun. I never liked myself more than when I was with a guy who liked me.
love  relationships 
3 days ago
Friendships Are Work, and It's Worth It: Loving Your Friends Like You Love Your Dates | Autostraddle
One of my goals in thinking about redefining the way we view relationships is to try to treat the people I date more like I treat my friends — try to be respectful and thoughtful and have boundaries and reasonable expectations — and to try to treat my friends more like my dates — to give them special attention, honor my commitments to them, be consistent, and invest deeply in our futures together. In the queer communities I’m in valuing friendship is a really big deal, often coming out of the fact that lots of us don’t have family support, and build deep supportive structures with other queers. We are interested in resisting the heteronormative family structure in which people are expected to form a dyad, marry, have kids, and get all their needs met within that family structure. A lot of us see that as unhealthy, as a new technology of post-industrial late capitalism that is connected to alienating people from community and training them to think in terms of individuality, to value the smaller unit of the nuclear family rather than the extended family. Thus, questioning how the status and accompanying behavior norms are different for how we treat our friends versus our dates, and try
advice  adulting  lgbt 
3 days ago
Long-term testosterone use: Personal accounts? Photos? : ftm
Dude. I am gonna read into you when I next see you. :P You are going to be FINE.

Ask this at the April meeting. That's when we're going to have the topic that we would've had in February, but for the snow. You will get exactly this question answered. And I'm not sure why you want photos when you can have the real deal in front of you every month, and more often if you wanted. Post to the list and ask this stuff. That's exactly what it's there for. There are a lot of guys on there who've been on T long-term who will be happy to answer your questions, possibly to share pics, and possibly to meet up in person so you can get a much better sense of things than pics will give you. And at every meeting there are multiple guys who have been on T for more than ten years.

My transition diary is here. I still update it, mostly just with my annual lab results now, because nothing exciting is happening. Know why nothing exciting is happening? Because you are going to be fine. :P There are people who've been on T for over 40 years. They're fine. Nobody's body is being "destroyed". Whoever fed you that bullshit did you a serious disservice. Do yourself a favor and stop letting people (including yourself) scare the shit out of you. It's not productive or healthy. You're not helping yourself by over-analyzing everything - and you are seriously over-analyzing. Being analytical is fine, but what you're doing has long since stopped being productive or good for you. All the science and studies and sources in the world are not going to magically make your fear go away. People could quote studies and stats at you forever and you'd still be terrified and you'd still want more reassurance (which I know for you means science and stats). You are going to have to take a step forward. Making decisions based on fear is the absolute best way to ensure that you have regrets later on, and continually not starting T when you know that you want to (and from all our conversations, it is abundantly clear that you want to, you're just terrified) is making a decision. It's not a neutral non-decision.
transition  trans 
4 days ago
When You’re Trans, Living With Your Parents Can Be Complicated
“The space I see people enter is wanting to advocate for themselves but not wanting to lose the support they have,” Goldenberg says. “People are often making that cost-benefit analysis on a daily basis, and that takes a lot of emotional energy.”
11 days ago
Catapult | Catapult | Leaving the Sisterhood of Women Writers | Lio Min
I can’t, and won’t, parry with the voice in my head that insists that I can just be a woman; that to try to live and be otherwise is a joke or a razor’s edge that will cut me when I fail.
trans  transition  asian  asian-american  writing 
17 days ago
How to Do Nothing with Nobody All Alone by Yourself: A Timely Vintage Field Guide to Self-Reliant Play and Joyful Solitude – Brain Pickings
He offers how-to guidance on a wealth of simple yet imaginative playthings — indoor boomerangs, pin pianos, broken umbrella bow-and-arrows, pussy-willow bees, peach pit turtles, clamshell bracelets “for your sister, if you’ve got a sister, or your girl, if you’ve got a girl, or if not, just for the fun of making them,” a quirky prank-ready contraption made out of “a chicken or a turkey wishbone, some chewing gum, a burnt kitchen match and a rubber band.” Today, when even LEGO bricks come as kits of pre-imagined possibilities, these unstructured activities — “There are no kits to build these things,” Smith cautions — come as welcome assurance that there are enormous rewards in what Richard Feynman called “the pleasure of finding things out.”
advice  recommendation 
28 days ago
Anyone Else Physically Aching to Swap Bodies with Donna Tartt After Reading That Esquire Article About Bennington College in the Eighties? Anyone? No? Just Me? – The Niche
My whole life, I wanted to go to college in the 1980s. I wanted to study something like politics or anthropology, like my parents. I wanted to minor in Russian lit, like my dad. I wanted to go to law school. I wanted big blazers and tiny seminars. I wanted to find the place where I would finally stop being too smart too loud too queer too much.

Instead, I went to a massive school filled with brutalist architecture and I lost my mind,. Aside from rampant, out-of-control bipolar disorder, I experienced almost nothing close to being Donna Tartt at Bennington College in 1982.

Now, all that is behind me, and I look at my lovely little life, and I know that I would change nothing if it meant I couldn’t have all this.

…But I would have also like to have been happiest at Bennington.
thoughts  school  literature  books  tsh 
28 days ago
idle, unreliable, and superficially clever
sabrina and i were talking about this earlier but i just want to say. i know that gay unrequited in love with your best friend plots are a) overdone and b) not helpful at all but i do have such a strong emotional response to them every fucking time because i LIVED it and that experience genuinely shaped me as a person, it shaped everything about me and my sexuality and who i love so part of me likes seeing those stories because it makes me feel something, even if its a shitty feeling, and part of me is furious that something that’s such a common and traumatic experience for queer kids is an easy sell
gay  thoughts  lgbt 
29 days ago
comic about homestuck and transitioning that hit me harder than it had any right to
this comic was designed to kill me (a former vriska and dave kid) specifically
comics  trans  art 
4 weeks ago
Katharine Hepburn: Leading Man
katharine hepburn, possibly transmasc
trans  history  lgbt 
4 weeks ago
Transition, "Life is Strange", and memories of queer girlhood : ftm
I know this feeling. I'm not even attracted to girls, but Life is Strange really hit me in a place that hurt. My (female) childhood best friend was my first kiss, and my first real sense of what romantic intimacy could be with another human being. There wasn't really anything sexual between us, but we were both wrestling individually with the burgeoning realization that, at our cores, we differed from the assumed norms of gender and sexuality. I loved her, and at that time I believed the love to be romantic, and it scared me so much.

I don't know how to talk about that to a cis person, or even to some other trans people. I don't want to reframe my experiences dishonestly just for the sake of appeasing a cis audience or for making my life seem more consistent and in line with a digestible trans narrative than it really was. I'm very distant from those experiences now, and I know with no doubt that I'm a man and gay, but the dynamic I had with her was still formative.
trans  lesbian  gay  lgbt 
4 weeks ago
Effeminate FtM Passing Tips – Not Another Aiden
cool article that doesn't repeat the same super old passing tips
4 weeks ago
Intimacies I Would Be Prepared To Entertain With Various Herbal Teas
DANDELION: friend date - your friends not mine - you will remain unsure whether or not I ever have friends - I do, lots.

LAVENDER: interminable, low-stakes friendship, too boring to be worth ending but occasionally productive of startling intense self-revelations, your defenses will be weathered over time like coastal erosion; mine, unbreakable, like the Bank of England.
5 weeks ago
Down With These So-Called “Gender Categories”! (on James Barry)
Categories like “man” and “woman” are meaningless outside the social conditions that reproduce them in each historical setting, so sexuality and gender presentations are always, to at least that extent, situational. If one lived in a time when, for example, a category like “doctor” entailed the defining predicate “male,” could we not reasonably refer to an AFAB person’s desire to be a doctor as, in part, a trans desire? Embarking on a hunt for a pure and saintly trans, entirely free from worldly concerns, is going to prove just as fruitless in 2019 as in the 1810s - we’re talking about a complex arrangement of desire, identification, and politics; how could any transition be entirely devoid of a sense of priorities and practicalities?

There is no reason to think that scholarly or activist attention to historical transness should be, in principle, any more or less facile than attending to historical femaleness, or lesbianism, or queerness, or masculinity. These categories all inhabit the past in strange ways, and each requires some form of historical desire in order to caress them into meaningfulness - even if just the desire to spend one’s time looking for them. But all of these categories nonetheless manifestly existed in some form in the Britain in the nineteenth century, as did transness.
trans  history 
5 weeks ago
Let’s Talcc About Dicc: Interview with Madeleine Holden
My process remained constant regardless of the gender identity of the sender, but it absolutely made a difference to the quality of the shot. And I suppose my subjectivity is unavoidable here: the pictures that delighted me most were vulnerable; they included whole bodies rather than zoomed-in phalluses; they paid careful, clever attention to scene and tone; and they were novel, witty and communicative. Straight men are capable of striking that golden combination but they did so more rarely than everyone else.
sexuality  trans  humor 
5 weeks ago
the other Daniel Mallory Ortberg på Twitter: "“all women feel bad about their bodies therefore this means i have to stay one” is such a weird mental loop to get stuck in because any transition-related desire somehow gets rerouted into further proof o
“all women feel bad about their bodies therefore this means i have to stay one” is such a weird mental loop to get stuck in because any transition-related desire somehow gets rerouted into further proof of your cis womanhood lmao
trans  tweet 
5 weeks ago
"Wondering whether he was to mount the box or enter with his master": Forced-Masc Fantasies In Georgette Heyer
Also, the native pose of the force-masc victim/hero is not hands-on-hips and straddling the world with pride, it’s more like a twist on the debutante slouch to denote eroticized humiliation and also to keep the chest looking flat.
humor  trans 
5 weeks ago
What is “The Dynamic,” Anyway? – The Niche
required reading
It’s not a negative thing, being an Absolute Nightmare. It is a term of endearment. It is reclamation of one’s neuroses, of one’s messy, inconvenient parts. One of the cutest things about Sweaterboys is that they really like Absolute Nightmares. They really, really like them!
gay  media  humor 
6 weeks ago
Don Draper Was A Trans Man: A Niche Interview with Jon Hamm – The Niche
Jon Hamm: Of course. You know, it’s been a few years since I gave an interview about Mad Men, but when my publicist sent your request through… well, I just couldn’t say no.

The Niche: That’s incredibly flattering, Jon. And I suppose that leads me to my first question: was Don Draper a trans man?

Jon Hamm: He absolutely was, Peyton. It was written into the DNA of the show. It informed every acting choice I made. Don Draper was, canonically, a transgender man.
trans  media  humor 
6 weeks ago
Virgil Had A Pussy and I’ll Prove It – The Niche
“a mortifyingly sincere 3,500-word transgender interpretation of the aeneid backed up with scholarly citations”
trans  classics  literature 
6 weeks ago
What would I tell people who want to transition? - YouTube
good video from a detransitioner who doesn't hate trans people
transition  trans 
6 weeks ago
The Limit Point of Capitalist Equality by Chris Chen
"race” gets theorised in divergent cultural or economic terms as evidence of the need to either affirm denigrated group identities or integrate individuals more thoroughly into capitalist markets momentarily distorted by individual prejudice"
7 weeks ago
“Is Shane Actually Butch?,” and Other Unanswered Questions about Butchness and Transmasculinity: A Conversation with Daniel Ortberg, Molly Priddy, and Charlie Zieke.
So, our topic is the narrative that sometimes gets called “butch flight,” but it's an old and slightly tiresome phrase and we might all decide we want to use something better. The narrative, which is as old as ftm transition, is something like: we are losing our butches to testosterone and maleness. Every part of this is fascinating to me, as a fear, or as a piece of reasoning. The “we,” the “losing,” the “our,” and the notion that transition is less queer, and more definitive, than lesbian identity or butch identity. I’m interested in why people feel this way, and what political desires and interests the feeling enables or licenses.
trans  gender  lesbian 
11 weeks ago
What Happened to Prep? – Put This On
In a post-Abercrombie, post-Rugby world, it’s vaguely aspirational, brightly colored, and smiling. It’s in the URL of a million mercilessly un-self-aware blogs that share almost nothing with the yankee values the Handbook documented and poked fun at. As prep is uprooted from its terroir in America’s northeast, it may become more democratic and accessible but also less meaningful. As Bruce Boyer told me, “Since the Ivy look no longer has any authenticity on campus (or anywhere else), why should we expect it to be more than a costume of choice by a few, like any other costume?”
12 weeks ago
Die, Workwear! - Same Clothes, Different References
article about prep and its association w rich people
fashion  class 
12 weeks ago
5. Belles of the Belle Epoque | The Land of Desire
Welcome back to The Land of Desire, a French history podcast dedicated to exploring all the weird adventures, mysteries and surprising backstories behind French cultural icons. This week’s episode continues my new series which I’m really excited about: La Belle Époque, the Golden Age of Paris. Today we’ll explore the lives of the women who feature most prominently in the art, literature, and gossip columns of the age: the demi-mondaines. These “half-world” women lived outside the range of social respectability. Ranging from the lowest prostitutes to the grandes horizontales of the finest houses, the demi-mondaines were a tremendously visible part of society in late 19th century Paris and served as muses and models to the world’s most famous creators. Yet these women are rarely discussed in their own right. We’re going to focus this episode on two women whose lives demonstrate the opportunities and calamities available to…”The Belles of the Belle Époque”.
france  misogyny  history 
12 weeks ago
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